Cash nodded. ‘First prize – a hundred pounds. They presented it and everything. One of those big cheques. Except they aren’t real. They gave us the real one later. We called at OC’s bank on the way home, so he could deposit it.’ Cash said, carefully omitting to mention that £50 of the hundred, his share, was now sitting in his pocket.
‘So what do I get out of it?’
‘Dinner, okay?’
Anna nodded. ‘As long as you include Kitty.’
‘OK! It’s Chinese this Saturday, at the Golden Dragon. It’s already booked and you’re both invited.’
Anna screwed up her face. ‘Where the hell do you get all your money from? I’m always skint.’
Cash smiled. ‘I’m really good at saving,’ he said.
‘So how was your trip, Phil?’ said Mum. Absentmindedly, she turned away from the stove, where she’d been about to start frying, adding: ‘It’s been a lovely day. Would you like fish fingers or beef burgers for tea? We’ve having chips.’
OC frowned. His mother never asked more than one question at a time. Deciding it must be really important, he tried to answer all four questions at once. His mind boggled …*
And stopped dead.
‘Mu-um,’ screamed Kitty, and thumped her brother heavily on the back. ‘Breathe, OC, for God’s sake, breathe!’
Mrs Longbotham rushed over to where her son was sitting, his face as red as the gobble on a turkey. Kneeling down, she began patting his hand, waiting for his cheeks to return to a more normal colour.
‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ she wailed. ‘But you’ve been so much better lately, and you don’t usually have a problem choosing what to eat.’
‘It was adding the day out bit,’ Anna explained patiently. ‘He’s tired after all that fresh air.’
Totally recovered, Philip smiled. ‘What fresh air?’
There was an explosion from the stove and flames roared from the chip pan.
‘Mum! You wally! The chip pan!’ screeched Anna. She dived for the tea towel, ran it under the tap and tossed it over the pan, instantly killing the flames.
Mrs Longbotham burst into tears. While OC comforted her, Anna ran to the fridge leaving Kitty to put the now gently smoking pan outside in the garden.
‘Well, Phil, you don’t need to worry about chips any longer,’ Anna said. ‘It’ll be pasta – okay.’
Mum sniffed and got to her feet. ‘Thanks, girls. Sometimes I really don’t know what I’d do without you. So how was your school trip, Phil?’
‘Great! I played chess and won.’
‘And he saw hundreds of trees, Mum,’ Anna interrupted. ‘You were just telling me about them, weren’t you, Philip?’
OC didn’t remember any trees. He quickly checked his note book. There in front of him was the instruction: when Cash calls me Philip always answer, yes.
He frowned, still rather confused. The note didn’t say anything about Anna calling him Philip. Still, it was probably better to be safe.
‘Yes,’ he said.
The Chinese at the Golden Dragon were as intrigued by Cash and his three friends as the Indians at the Taj Mahal had been, even though they politely refused a request for a bottle of rosé wine, to celebrate Kitty’s birthday.
‘This is yummy.’ Kitty helped herself to some more rice.
‘Does yummy mean tasty,’ said her brother.
Kitty nodded. ‘It’s the same as delicious and scrumptious. Grandmother never says things like delicious. She’s so weird. If the food tastes really special, she says, it gets round your mouth.’
OC thought about it. ‘Grandmother is quite right. Food does get round your mouth.’
Anna groaned. ‘Oh, don’t talk about Grandmother, not when we’re enjoying ourselves.’ She giggled. ‘Can you imagine what she’d say if she heard about this place. Wherever did you find it?’ she turned to Cash. ‘It’s amazing.’ She stared round the restaurant, its walls decorated with ferocious scarlet dragons breathing fire, while the doorway leading out to the kitchen and cloakrooms was hidden behind bead curtains that rattled every time anyone passed through them.
OC beamed. Up till now he hadn’t been able to join in the conversation, because Kitty and Anna had been using words like:
- which was totally confusing because as far as he knew, only fish were gutted.
But he understood the word amazing all right, that was one of the words doctors used to describe his brain.
‘I like Chinese just as much as Indian,’ he said now, ‘especially if you and Anna come with us. I like that best.’
‘I was thinking that I might take a partner,’ Cash nudged Anna to get her attention. ‘I mean you’re already a very good client. How many sick notes have I forged for you this term?’
‘Can’t remember. Go on. I’m interested.’
‘You’re a bit like me in a way.’
‘’Cept I’m four years older.’
Cash scowled. ‘OK! OK! No need to go on about it! That’s why you’re useful ’cos you can still pass for fourteen, and even eighteen at a pinch.’
‘What about Kitty?’ Anna glanced over at her sister who was telling one of the waiters about her visit to China. ‘I don’t like doing stuff without Kitty. And she’s good with Phil.’
‘I’ll give her that,’ Cash said, rather reluctantly. ‘Trouble is, you never know what she’s going to do next. Bit of a loose cannon if you ask me.’*
Anna sniggered. ‘Yeah, she’s got a big mouth. But if you want me …’
‘Oh, all right, I suppose.’
So, after the fortune cookies and before the bill, Cash handed round the leaflet he’d been given by the organisers of the chess tournament. ‘It’s the second round,’ he explained. ‘Winners from all areas meet at the town hall in Birmingham. If Phil can’t go, then the chap he beat in the final takes his place. The prize is
‘No way! Mum will never let Phil go to Birmingham.’
‘I went on a school trip,’ OC interrupted eagerly.
‘Actually, you didn’t, Phil, you played chess instead,’ said Anna.
‘I wondered why I couldn’t remember seeing any trees.’
‘It’s still the same,’ objected Kitty. ‘Nothing happened, did it?’
‘Never does and we go lots of places,’ Cash said. ‘But if you and Kitty come too, you know how to cope with Phil if he has a do.’
‘What’s in it for us?’
‘Kitty!’
The girl rounded on her sister. ‘I’m not doing this for nothing. When is it?’
‘Saturday fortnight.’
‘Okay, then. So what’s in it for us?’
‘Your fare and £20 each.’
‘£30! And we get the chance for some retail therapy while OC plays chess.’
‘£25 – can’t afford more.’
Kitty smiled triumphantly, leaving Cash in no doubt that she would have settled for twenty – and been glad of it.
‘What about Mum? Do we tell her?’
Cash and Kitty exchanged furtive glances, leaving Anna to answer her own question.
‘If we do tell Mum,’ Anna spoke the words slowly working out the exact sequence of events, ‘she’ll either say no straight away or insist on coming with us. Would that matter?’
Cash nodded. ‘There’s something important I have to do.’
‘What’s that?’ Kitty demanded.
Cash looked uncomfortable. He glanced quickly round the restaurant to check the waiters were not within earshot. ‘If I tell you, you’ve got to swear not a word to anyone.’
‘We swear,’ Kitty and Anna chanted in unison. ‘OC?’ Kitty added.
OC smiled. ‘Cash tells me loads of secrets but I never remember what they are. Why don’t I remember, Kitty?’
‘I’ve already told you at least a million times,’ Kitty growled, ‘you only remember things you like.’
‘You mean I remember Chinese food and Indian food because I like it.’
Kitty nodded. ‘Exactly.’
&n
bsp; ‘I’ve been researching this guy, Jim Bowie,’ Cash whispered. ‘The authorities think he’s responsible for all these robberies.’
‘You mean the bank jobs.’ Anna elbowed her sister. ‘Remember Mum telling us about it.’
‘She said Manchester; we’re going to Birmingham,’ Kitty argued.
‘Yeah, but he’s all over.’
‘So, why are you interested?’ Anna asked.
Cash patted the side of his nose with his forefinger. ‘Got my reasons. So no parents.’
‘OK! Cash, can you get famous playing chess?’
Cash nodded. ‘You bet, Kitty. Grandmasters earn mega bucks. Thousands of people go and watch them play.’
‘Right, OC. How about you become famous?’
OC shook his head. ‘I don’t want to be famous. If I had thousands of people watching me, it would make my head seize.’
‘Well, I’m going to be a famous pop-star. Then we can have our own special coach to take us to Birmingham. You know, with comfy seats and a bar.’
‘Come off it, Kitty,’ Anna said. ‘How can you be a pop-star? You can’t sing.’
OC checked his notebook and read out:
Anna laughed. ‘I bet Mum told you to say that.’
Kitty glared. ‘So how do we get to Birmingham?’
‘Bus is cheaper,’ proposed Anna.
‘Train is easier for Cash’s chair.’
‘Have I ever been on a train, Kitty?’
‘Don’t think so, OC. Might have, can’t remember.’
OC beamed. ‘That’s okay. I don’t remember either.’
Cash nodded. ‘Train it is then. It’ll drop us at New Street, right in the centre, I’ve already checked. I’ll book our tickets tomorrow. But you two have to find a good story that lets you disappear for the whole day.’
‘School friend – big party – no probs. Mum won’t suspect a thing. What about Philip. He doesn’t go to parties.’
OC smiled. ‘I always spend Saturday with Cash. That’s our work day.’
‘Tell you what, OC,’ Kitty smiled widely. ‘You’re getting quite clever. I told you your memory would get better.’
Anna said. ‘Well, I’m not chancing it. If this thing’s going to work, there’s two things you simply got to remember, Phil, so write it down. Not to tell Mum, and how to play chess.’
OC checked his notebook. There was a scattering of notes, all beginning: Don’t tell Mum. In small writing so he could fit it in, he wrote:
‘I promise, I’ll remember.’
‘OK!’ Anna paused and took a deep breath. ‘The only problem now is – what to wear?’
After leaving a very large tip, which had the manager bowing all the way to the door, Cash managed to drag Anna to one side leaving Kitty and OC to walk in front.
‘Can you get me a photo p-d-q ’cos I might need you to look eighteen?’
‘For identity?’
Cash nodded. ‘Got a contact through the Internet. Thought I’d give it a go.’
Nothing particular happened in the next week, (homework went on as usual) except for two things. The first was very dull.
A short article, on page 3 of the newspaper, reported a raid on an out-of-way building society in Leicester, the second in a month.
The second thing that happened was exciting for OC but not for anyone else. Cash bought him a Filofax as a present for winning the chess tournament.
It was absolutely brilliant. No way could he fill it. He just added extra pages. OC was thrilled and for the next fortnight had the most fantastic time possible copying all his notes into his Filofax, and cataloguing them from A to Z.
Early on the Saturday morning, and way before Mum got out of bed, two bulging plastic bags rolled from Philip’s window, down the porch roof and into the garden. These contained Anna and Kitty’s clothes for the day. Knowing their mum would have been suspicious, if a day spent rambling through the countryside had begun with them wearing heavy make-up, bouffant hair, high heels and leggings under very short skirts, Anna and Kitty put on old jumpers and trousers.
On reaching Temple Meads station they changed in the ladies loo, while Cash indulged in a little light shoplifting to provide them with magazines for the journey.
Cash had chosen a very particular suit for the occasion. Modelled on Bugsy Malone, it was crafted in a dark blue pin-stripe with wide lapels and a matching waistcoat. His shoes were navy and white and his hat, with its low brim, plain navy with a white band. He looked incredible.
OC, who never much minded what he wore as long as it was clean, put on smart jeans with a dark red sweater, his usual jacket, and very clean trainers.
Although it was still early, Temple Meads was busy with people going away for the weekend. Cash, who had booked their tickets as soon as the trip was fixed, had also remembered to tell Anna that for the train journey, she must look under sixteen as he had used a bogus junior railcard.
For OC the train journey was magnificent. The sensation of speed left him breathless – but excited breathless. His eyes sparkled as he stared at the countryside flashing past.
‘Kitty,’ he said.
Kitty was reading OK magazine, while Anna read Hello. Cash had bought one and pinched one, considering that more than fair.
‘Mmm,’ Kitty murmured, not lifting her head.
‘In my Filofax under trees, I have written about looking at trees. Are these the trees?’
Kitty tossed her eyebrows in the direction of OC’s pointing finger. They were passing a large wooded area of oak, sycamore, ash and chestnut; the chestnut trees glowing orange and red in the sunshine.
‘No different trees.’
‘Can we go and see the other trees, the ones I wrote about,’ he said. ‘I really like trees now – almost as much as …’ OC stopped and thought, ‘tidying.’
Kitty stopped reading and eyed Cash. Her look said: OC is really getting better. I told you he would.
And the glance Cash threw back at her said:
If OC keeps getting better at this rate, I shall be out of a job.
As the train steamed into Birmingham, magazines were forgotten. Heads turned eagerly to inspect the approaches to Britain’s second largest city as a sea of streets and houses appeared on both sides of the train. If that wasn’t enough to inform visitors that Birmingham was a large and very important place, the approaches to the station confirmed it. Dozens of railway tracks crisscrossed each other, with vast signal boxes and lights guarding an array of tunnels into New Street Station. It was mind-blowing.
From the outset, Birmingham made it quite clear that it was not an insignificant city, every one of its buildings older, taller, darker and more imposing than those in Bristol.
‘It says here,’ OC pointed to the map of the centre, ‘there’s a bull ring. Can we go and see the bulls?’
‘Hasn’t got any bulls, no more,’ Kitty said. ‘It probably did once before cars came along. Now, it’s got GAP and Top Shop. Anyway, you’re going to play chess.’
Cash sniffed the air. To him, Birmingham felt like coming home. Like in Manchester, here you could actually smell the crime. Each time they walked past the imposing granite entrance of a bank, extracts from 1930 movies rolled through his head. He imagined gangs of men with scarves over their faces, clutching machine guns and sacks of money, running down the steps firing as they went. His imagination watched them leap into a getaway car, its engine already revving. He could even hear police sirens approaching at a rate of knots.*
No doubt about it, Birmingham was perfect.
Birmingham Town Hall was yet another majestic building, with columns on all four sides like some Greek or Roman temple and so vast it made the Victoria Rooms look like a on someone’s nose. Even to get inside, they had to pass through security. They were then directed up marble staircases overshadowed by tall painted ceilings, so high you needed a telescope to see them. Against the staircase walls, an array of over-sized statues in cream marble, draped in Roman togas, hung around.
<
br /> The magnificence of the decorations didn’t bother OC. Stuff like that was of no interest to him whatsoever. In any case, he’d just discovered trees. As the train had flashed past, his mind had photographed the ones he really liked. Now, exactly like rewinding a tape, it was playing them back.
So it was left to Cash, Kitty and Anna to be overwhelmed by the grandeur of it all.
‘This is where I need you to look eighteen,’ Cash confided to Anna at the entrance to the hall where the chess tournament was to be held. Anna didn’t disappoint. Standing tall on her high heels, she stepped to her brother’s side and proceeded to negotiate their way in.
‘I’m in loco parentis,’ she said to the lady manning reception. ‘Our parents …’
‘Were killed in a car crash,’ Kitty butted in, smiling sweetly.
Anna stamped on her toe. Smiling grimly she added, ‘Yes, we’re orphans but please, not a word of this to my brother, he doesn’t remember anything about it.’
The woman at the desk, her face full of sympathy, nodded and handed across OC’s badge, a programme of events and two tickets for the buffet.
The programme of events said:
Anna read it and dropped into the nearest chair, the back of her hand draped across her eyes. ‘What do we do now?’ she wailed, Cash and Kitty reading the printed page over her shoulder.
‘What’s the matter, Anna?’ OC stared at his sister, a worried frown on his face.
‘Haven’t you read it yet, Phil? Session 3. We can’t stay for that.’
‘Why not?’ OC read the programme with interest.
‘Because!’
OC quickly flipped open his Filofax, to remind himself what because meant.
‘Does it mean we’re orphans?’ he said.
‘No!’ Anna snapped. ‘Now, look what you’ve done, Kitty,’ she snarled, suddenly aware of the danger they could be in, if the word stuck and Philip repeated it within their mother’s hearing. ‘Always showing off, trying to make yourself important. You know Phil’s a walking time-bomb. If stuff really gets stuck in his head, it stays there. He’s bound to give the game away.’
The Amazing Brain of O C Longbotham Page 7