Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  Just do it, Lissy. Fast. Just like ripping off a Band-Aid, I thought to myself.

  After one false start, I just blurted it out, laid it all out there. “We’re getting married.”

  Every face was either blank with disbelief or frowning.

  “What? Are you crazy? This is insane!” Were the collective responses from my family. Most of them turned to look at Luke instead of me—like my father who sat with his brow extremely tense. It was almost like he was waiting for Luke to explain what was going on and apparently Daddy’s glare made Luke feel obligated to speak in defense of our decision.

  “Sir, I know I should’ve asked for your blessing first, but this all just happened so suddenly that I–”

  Daddy put his hand up to stop Luke midsentence, bringing a healthy amount of bile to the back of my throat. I honestly thought I was gonna blow chunks right there.

  “This is stupid,” Brooklyn protested, folding her arms over her chest.

  “No, she’s stupid,” Bean clarified. “You’ve seen what this divorce has done to me! Is that what you want for yourself? We don’t even know who this guy is, Lissy! And I’ll bet fifty dollars you don’t really know him either.”

  I didn’t even know what to say. It felt like they were attacking me, attacking us.

  “I’m not going to the wedding,” Delia added. “Where do you get off marrying some guy we just met, what… a week ago?”

  The whole group began to talk over me, giving their opinions and feedback when I hadn’t asked for it. I had to do something to regain control of the conversation. If I didn’t, they’d never let me finish. I don’t know where it came from, but a fire rose up from my stomach and I stood from my seat and they eventually stopped with the complaints. My mother stared at me, but didn’t say a word. Her expression gave nothing away. It didn’t matter though; my mind was made up.

  “I’m marrying him. Like it, love it, hate it,” I asserted.

  “Hate it,” Bean and Brooklyn said in unison.

  “That’s cool. Anybody else wanna boycott?” I asked sternly. No one spoke. “Now… if you’d like to be a part of this, be at the gazebo down by the river Thursday at eleven.”

  “Thursday?” Everyone said at once.

  I don’t know where those plans came from, the time and location, but they’d never know I’d just pulled that information out of thin air. Even Luke had never heard these arrangements. Out the corner of my eye, I caught him smiling discreetly, maybe because I’d been so quick on my feet.

  “I don’t understand why it has to be so soon,” my mother added. “There’s not enough time for everyone who doesn’t live in the state to get here, Lissette. That’s not right.”

  That date was set in stone, out of me and Luke’s hands. So all I could do was stand my ground. “Well, Ma, whoever can’t get here just won’t be here.”

  Family was big to us, all of us, which is why I knew my last statement rubbed my mother the wrong way and maybe even hurt her feelings. I decided to clean it up a little bit. “I know this all seems like it came out the blue–”

  “Got that right,” Delia said under her breath before I could finish. I eyed her and went on.

  “But, I want this,” I concluded.

  “Do you even love him?” Bernadine interjected.

  When her question caught me off guard, I swallowed and struggled to regain my composure. My only response to my sister was the only one that mattered. She and all the others would understand. “I’m not gonna ignore my red rose petal, Bean.”

  I knew Luke had no idea what that meant, but all he needed to know for now was that I’d shut them all up. Referencing my grandmother’s encounter with Benny was the key to making them understand. After all, it was that very story that brought Luke and I together. Had it not been for her, I would’ve told him to get out of my face that night he approached. Thank God I didn’t, though.

  I took my seat again and fell silent. I sought Luke’s hand and clung to it, drawing on his strength to keep me from falling apart. I couldn’t let my family see how hard this had been. I knew I’d hurt them, had gone against our unspoken code of trust and respect, but they’d never understand if I told them the truth behind this engagement. I prayed they would forgive me sooner rather than later.

  One by one, my sisters stood and left. My parents lingered the longest, but they too were hurt to the point that they exited without a word. That crushed me. I’d never once done something to disappoint them on such a deep level and I vowed then, that I never would again.

  Aura, her husband, and son were the last to go. She did her best to console me, but it didn’t do any good. Things had gone exactly the way she predicted, exactly the way I feared.

  *****

  Droplets of water from the mild storm that passed through late last night ran down my window, twinkling in the early morning sunlight. I took a deep breath while I tried to get the rest of my body to catch up with my brain, which was already going a mile a minute as memories of how disastrous things had gone with my family bombarded me.

  Dazed and cranky, I sat on the edge of my bed and tried to get my bearings straight. The clock read 10:37, which didn’t surprise me. I’d tossed and turned so much in my sleep; it was no wonder I was just now getting up so late in the morning. The night before, Luke tried to get me to talk about everything, but I refused, wanting to put it all out of my head.

  I stood to my feet and yawned before shuffling to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I finished, I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and stood in the doorway of my living room, trying to prioritize my morning—what was left of it anyway. Standing there lost in my thoughts, I jumped a little at the sound of someone knocking at my door. I hadn’t buzzed anyone in, leading me to believe it had to be someone from inside the building.

  I tiptoed over slowly and looked out the peephole, becoming confused when I didn’t see anyone. Curiosity beckoned for me to open the door just a little and I peeked out into the hallway.

  At my doorstep, on bended knee, was Luke.

  When my gaze shifted down, I jumped at the sight of him and he smiled, clutching a black velvet box in his hands. My heart skipped a beat as I looked him over—dressed in a black suit, white dress shirt, with a gray and black, checked tie for work. He looked incredibly handsome and well put together as usual. He smiled up at me through a polished, white smile that made my stomach twist into all kinds of knots while I stared down on him.

  “I know we’re already a little past this part, but, I wanted to do something to make you feel better about last night.”

  All I could do was shake my head at him. How he managed to bring a smile to my face, as low as I was feeling, was beyond me.

  He cleared his throat and went on. “Lissette…” He paused. “Um… what’s your middle name?”

  I couldn’t help but to laugh. The irony of him proposing without knowing such a minor detail about me seemed ridiculous; in a spontaneously romantic sort of way. “It’s Rochelle, after my mom.”

  His smile grew. “Lissette Rochelle James, will you do me the honor of being my wife?” Luke opened the box to reveal a ring that I couldn’t help but to feel like I didn’t deserve. My eyes danced over the details of the stone in a classic setting, causing me to feel as if we’d stepped back in time. It was absolutely beautiful.

  “What did you do, Luke?” I asked softly as I placed my hands over my mouth.

  He stood to his feet, glanced down at the velvet box, and shrugged innocently as he spoke. “Just giving my fiancé a ring.”

  I didn’t know what to say. The gesture was so perfect that it left me speechless. When I failed to find words, he took the ring from the satin cushion. I stared as he gently took my left hand in his and slipped the modest diamond onto my finger. It twinkled even under the unflattering florescent lights in the hallway.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said, barely able to speak above a whisper. “You didn’t have to do this.”

  When he began to speak, my
eyes left the ring and went to him instead. “I hope you don’t mind that it isn’t new. It’s the ring Granddad bought my grandmother before they got married. Nick’s been hanging on to it because he’d planned to give it to Mel, but she wanted something of her own when he proposed.” Luke shrugged and looked at the ring as if he thought it might not be good enough. Little did he know, the fact that he thought I was worthy of being given something so precious made this ring better than any other one he could’ve given me. However, instead of explaining all of that, I just threw my arms around his neck and squeezed, finding it strange that all of my anxiety and frustration subsided when I did.

  When I pulled away, Luke stared. His lips touched the back of my hand once and he had my full attention. “Lissette, we’re getting married tomorrow. And regardless of how this all came to be, I want everything to fall in place just like you always dreamed it would. I want it to be perfect.” My heart melted as I stood there listening to all he had to say. “And I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m gonna tell my family the news on my own.” The look of sympathy spoke for him, but he explained himself anyway. “I don’t know how this’ll go, but if it’s a repeat of last night, I want to spare you. I don’t want you stressing about anything else before tomorrow.”

  While I stared in amazement, Luke leaned in, placed a kiss on my cheek, and then abruptly turned to walk away after I nodded, agreeing with his logic. “As soon as I leave work, I’ll call you, but I’ll probably be by when I get done at my parents’ if that’s ok.”

  I nodded again, trying not to blush. “That’s fine.” As I watched him head back down the hallway, I twisted the stone on my finger. Just before he stepped inside the elevator, Luke shot me another smile and then disappeared behind the closed doors.

  Okay… I really do like him.

  I closed my apartment door and sat on the couch to admire the ring. If you’d asked me two weeks ago what I had going on tomorrow, my answer would’ve been: filling orders, organizing my cabinets, and trying not to get evicted. Not marrying a man who could be everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. Luke was certainly unexpected.

  My door buzzed and I honestly prayed it was him coming back. I jumped to my feet and ran over to the intercom, granting the caller access without even asking who it was. A minute and a half later, there was a forceful knock at my door. This time when I peeked through the peephole, Aura stared back at me with a somewhat tense look on her face.

  When I opened up, my other sisters and my mother flooded my apartment, all talking at once. Aura was the only one who hadn’t taken a seat on the couch. She reached down into a bag and grabbed out a notepad and ink pen.

  What was this? An intervention?

  “Ok, Bean, you’re on hair and makeup so you’re cool to chill ‘til later. Brooklyn, I’m hoping you Googled the address of that florist you ordered from when Ms. Louis passed. Delia, you bring the printouts?” Aura rambled.

  I was so confused. Last I checked, three of my four sisters weren’t speaking to me.

  “Got ‘em,” Delia sang. “These are the three dresses I figured we could choose from, Lissy just has to decide on a color. And for her, I thought these would be cute,” she added, handing the sheets of paper over to Aura. “But of course that’s up to her.”

  I sat beside my mother on the loveseat and just listened.

  “Ok, cool,” Aura continued. “So, the first thing we need to do is dress shopping. Then we can deal with shoes, hit the hair store, and then do the florist thing to order the arrangements and to buy the aisle runner. Darren and one of his boys are picking up the tents, tables, and chairs we used for the shower when he gets off work this afternoon, so that’s already taken care of. We can grab the tablecloths, cups, and all that stuff while we’re out. Momma, you need any money to go toward the food?” Aura asked, finally taking a breath.

  My mother shook her head, seemingly at peace with my decision. “Nope. Your father and I have the food taken care of already. The steaks and chicken are marinating as we speak; Renee’s making the potato salad and baked beans for me and I already did two of the cakes when I got home last night.”

  That stuck out to me. Last night? Even though she was upset, she was planning to support me even then?

  “Daddy’s picking up charcoal when he gets off work,” my mother added.

  A tear welled in the corner of my eye as I listened to them talk. No one seemed to notice because they were so busy getting their game plan together. As I watched them rant, argue, laugh, and become genuinely excited about all this, I couldn’t help but to wonder when their minds had changed. What happened to me being stupid and them boycotting? I watched them put their concerns aside and focus on making tomorrow special for me and Luke. This is why I love them all so much.

  My mother rubbed the back of my hand and smiled warmly, at which point she noticed Luke’s new gift. Her eyes widened. “You had this on last night when we came by?”

  I shook my head, not bothering to hide my smile. “No, he just brought it by for me right before you all got here.”

  My sisters stopped talking all at once and zeroed in on my ring. “Oh my God!” Aura commented.

  “Dannnnnng, Lissy! What kind of stuff you have to do to get that?” Delia asked jokingly.

  I smiled big. “Nothing, nasty! He’s just…” I paused, staring at the twinkling rock on my finger while I thought about Luke. “He’s just… he’s everything I need him to be.”

  My sisters were all quiet for a moment, and then Brooklyn chimed in. “I can’t believe you’re getting married tomorrow.” She smiled before adding, “And I can’t believe you got us planning it in a 24-hour timeframe either.”

  Everyone laughed and I stood to embrace each of them, holding my mother the tightest. “Thank you all so much. Deep down, I felt like you all would show up because you wouldn’t let me do this on my own, but… I never expected this,” I said, sniffling.

  Bean, who’d once been the angriest of all four of my sisters, rubbed my arm.

  “Well… I hate to break up all the loving and hugging, but we’re on a strict timeline, ladies,” Aura interjected.

  I quickly changed in my bedroom and then followed my sisters out to Bernadine’s minivan. We found the perfect, simple, soft-pink dresses for my sisters to wear down the aisle. My mother surprised me and purchased a dress for me that could’ve literally been plucked straight from my dreams. When I saw it, it was like this was the dress I’d been searching for and was meant to have. It was frilly, hit just above the knee, and was kinda quirky–just like me. In fact, it didn’t even need alterations.

  Next, we bought a few accessories from the beauty supply store. Bean was in charge of all hair and makeup for the five of us. She’d definitely missed her calling when it came to that kind of stuff. Come tomorrow, we’d look like a celebrity stylist had done us up. I had so much trust in her, I didn’t even bother telling her how I wanted my hair. She’d work it out on her own.

  When we finished there, we did a rush order on five simple wildflower bouquets and a more extravagant one for me. The lady wasn’t happy about us giving her such a short notice, but she assured us that we’d have our flowers first thing in the morning. I even found an aisle runner made completely of lace just like the one my mother had when she married my father.

  By the time we finally finished, it was well after eight o’clock. We all fell out on my living room couch with shopping bags at our feet. Even my dining room table was covered. My family isn’t rich by any means, so the fact that they’d gone to such great lengths for me was overwhelming. Between them and Luke, I was going to be an emotional wreck.

  “I don’t know about y’all, but I gotta cut out,” Bernadine announced. “Latchkey closed at six, so my neighbor has had the kids since then. I gotta get home. We’ve all got a big day tomorrow,” she said smiling.

  I embraced her, Delia, and Brooklyn as they left, and then walked to the dining room table to look inside the bags at what we’d bought.r />
  “I was going to stay the night with you tonight, but I have too much setting up to do at Momma and Daddy’s for the reception,” Aura announced when she stepped beside me. I looked over at her and began to cry again. Here she was, about to pop, and she was jumping through hoops for me. She smiled and hugged me as tight as she could with her belly in the way. “You better get all this crying out your system now, ‘cause if you mess your face up after Bean gets done with you, you already know that won’t go well.”

  I laughed. “I know, I’m just so… happy,” I concluded. “You all really outdid yourselves today. I don’t even know what to say. Just… thank you.”

  “You know, no matter what, we weren’t gonna let you do this alone,” she assured me.

  “And your father and I may not understand all of this, but we trust you.” My mother smiled as she reminisced. “You’ve never really made decisions that made a whole lot of sense to me, since I’m being honest, but I’ve always known when to step out of the way and let you follow your heart. Your grandmother used to stay on me about that with you. She felt like you were the most like her back when she was young. Her mother was a bit overprotective, and maybe a little overly opinionated too, so she had some experience. That’s why I listened to her. I never wanted you to resent me the way she resented her mother for stopping her from being with Benny.”

  I’d never gotten that part of the story, the details that led up to her leaving him alone. I always thought it had something to do with her meeting my grandfather, not because of her mother. “What did her mother have to do with it?” I asked.

  Mom sighed a little as she recalled the details. “Well, you know back then everything was about social order and keeping up appearances. Apparently my grandmother, your great-grandmother, Sophia, didn’t think Benny was good enough. He was a little rough around the edges, I guess. He’d just come home from the war, so he was very independent and had a bit of a wild streak that rubbed off on your grandmother. Probably had her out doing all the wrong things at all the wrong times of the night, which is probably exactly why she liked him so much,” my mother said, hinting at a laugh. “But then my father started coming around and trying to move in on her. Apparently her mother thought he was a better fit. I don’t know how, but she convinced her to leave Benny alone. Then, eventually he moved on, too, but quiet as it’s kept, she was still in touch with him a little while after she married your grandfather. I don’t think it was anything too serious, but I do know that they talked. From what I gathered, neither one of them ever got over what they believed they could’ve had together.”