Again for the First Time

by Raven St. Pierre

  She sighed and stared out the window with me, watching the near constant flashes of lightning. “I knew that if there was a tornado I should go down in the basement, but I was almost as scared of that basement as I was of the storm,” she admitted, laughing a bit. “With the lights being off, there was no way I was going down there alone. So, I just got inside the coat closet, curled up into a ball, and then cried until my father came home and found me. From then on, I just kind of freak out every time it even looks like it’s gonna storm.”

  “Well, you don’t have to worry about it tonight,” I assured her. “I’ve got you.”

  Contentment dissolved even more of the tension from her posture and she leaned her head back, warming the spot on my shoulder where she rested it. However, just as I thought we were making progress, another flash of lightning and a loud rumble of thunder made her clam up again.

  “Okay, we need to do something to get your mind off the weather. You have a deck of playing cards?” I asked.

  Lissette looked at me and smiled devilishly. “Actually… I have an even better idea.”

  Being a guy and all, I naturally thought she meant sex… or maybe just hoped she meant sex. Not wanting to offend her if I guessed wrong, I just didn’t say anything, letting her explain on her own.

  “Let’s play Twenty Questions,” she clarified.

  That could be fun, too, so I agreed quickly. “Cool. You start.”

  She perked up and turned to face me, tucking both legs beneath her on the cushion. While she thought of something to ask, I watched her. The gently flickering candlelight only complimented her smooth, brown skin. Dressed down, dressed up, didn’t matter. She was sexy no matter what she wore, even the t-shirt and shorts she had on tonight.

  “Number one: favorite color?” she asked.

  “Green.”

  “Two: place you’d most like to visit?”

  “France.”

  She was firing off questions left and right.

  “Three: If you could have any occupation in the world, what would you be?” she asked next.

  “A firefighter.”

  That made her smile. “That’s actually kinda sexy. I could see you doing that.” For a moment, she got lost in her thoughts, imagining it perhaps, and then she focused again. “Anyway… number four: who’s your idol and why?”

  I didn’t even need time to think about my answer. “Hands down, my granddad. He’s just an all-around amazing guy.”

  “Awww!!! That’s so sweet!” She grinned. After eyeing me for a moment, leaving me to wonder what thought had just crossed that beautiful mind of hers, she went on. “Okay, five: most embarrassing moment?”

  “Aw man.” I put my head down and chuckled at the memory that came to mind. My hand moved back and forth over my chin as I hesitated. It occurred to me that I could just pass, but I decided against it. Passing would mean she’d have an opportunity to refuse to answer a question when the tables turned—didn’t wanna risk it. Lissette folded her arms across her chest playfully, demanding that I don’t leave her hanging.

  “Wow… okay,” I continued. “I was at a party freshman year of college and I spotted this chick across the room. I’d been drinking and, listening to my friends, I made my way over to talk to her. She was kinda tall and had this, like, really athletic build.” I had to pause when I started laughing again. “Long story short, the lights were a little too dim, and I was a little too drunk—throw in long hair and tight jeans to confuse the situation even more, and… ‘she’ basically turned out to be a ‘he’.”

  Lissette covered her mouth, trying not to laugh.

  “Matt and Nick clowned me for months when I told them what happened.”

  “Wait, like… how far did things get with her…. well… him?” she asked awkwardly, doing her best to sound nonjudgmental.

  “What? Not far at all! I’m actually pretty sure the guy was straight! As soon as he turned around, I spotted the Adam’s apple and thick eyebrows.” I watched while she doubled over laughing. “You thought I actually got physical with him?”

  She could hardly catch her breath to answer. “I wasn’t sure. I hoped not, but hey, it happens.”

  I shook my head. “Not to me it doesn’t.”

  She took a moment to gather herself before going on, wiping the tears from her eyes so she could continue. “What number am I on? Six? Okay, best memory with your family?”

  I took my time locating a thought. “I’d have to say it was this vacation we took to Martha’s Vineyard. I don’t know what it was about that particular trip that stands out, but I just remember feeling like we really connected while we were there.”

  “That’s cool. How old were you?” she asked.

  “Mmm… thirteen or fourteen, I think?”

  She nodded and lingered in a private thought for a moment, never sharing what it was. That warmth that filled her expression whenever our conversation shifted to talk of family, returned. I loved that she loved hers so much and that they loved her right back. It only made sense that they did, though. She, my wife, was an amazing human being. I knew that already.

  The look passed and Lissette got back to questioning me. “Seven: when’s your birthday?” The thought of not already having this info, considering the fact that we were married, made us both laugh. It’d been mentioned when we went to get our marriage license, but it didn’t stick then.

  “August 11th,” I replied automatically.

  “Eight: the name of your first pet?”

  “Psycho. Just… don’t ask.”

  That beautiful smile touched her lips again. “Nine: celebrity crush?” she rolled her eyes when asking. “I know you have one. All guys do.”

  “That’s easy. Eva Mendez.”

  Lissette gave another playful eye roll. “She’s cute and all, but she ain’t got nothin’ on me.”

  Unable to help myself, I eyed her, letting my gaze linger on the smooth, brown thighs only inches away, arm’s length maybe. They’d been taunting me the entire time I’d been sitting across from her on the couch—thick, tight. Her short shorts barely went past her hips, so I had quite a nice view. I couldn’t wait to get ahold of them.

  One of these days.

  When I smirked, she may have known exactly what I was thinking. “Couldn’t agree with you more,” was all I said, though.

  Her face reddened a bit and then she moved on to her next question quickly. “Ten: favorite song?”

  “The Fray, ‘Wherever this Goes.’”

  “Love it! Eleven: favorite Movie?”

  “I know I should probably say something manly like Scarface or The Godfather, but I’m gonna keep it real. ‘What Women Want,” I admitted. “You know, with Mel Gibson and that one lady? Helen something?”

  When Lissette finished laughing, she corrected me. “Her name’s Helen Hunt. I love that one, too; I just didn’t realize any straight men had ever seen it.”

  I stared blankly and pretended to be mad, which only made her laugh harder. “Wowww… the level of disrespect in this room… it’s just off the charts,” I joked.

  She touched my hand softly while she tried to settle down. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I quit. Twelve: first girlfriend?”

  This question was the first that made me uncomfortable, not because there was something to hide, but because my relationship with Cat had been so draining. Almost from the beginning. “Catarina Radcliff,” I admitted with a sigh, thinking of the fact that she was not only my first girlfriend, but was also my last. She’d once been my biggest weakness, and somehow, bouts of us being together also peppered every other relationship I’d ever had in between. Every single one.

  Lissette cocked her head to the side and the corners of her mouth turned down, leaving behind the smile she once wore. I didn’t understand the reason for the expression, but there was definitely something there. “I used to know a girl named Catarina Radcliff—back when I went to Eisenhower Middle School.”

  A cynical laugh escaped my mout
h. “Tall girl? Dirty-blonde hair?” Cat hadn’t started dying it black yet back then, not until college.

  Lissette nodded slowly.

  “Then it sounds like we’re talking about the same Catarina, but I myself didn’t go to Eisenhower.” Small world. Too small. “Were you two friends?”

  Lissette shook her head, but her mind was somewhere else at the moment. “She was um… a year ahead of me, but no… we weren’t friends. I remember her, though.”

  “Which high school did you go to?” I asked.

  “East.” When Lissette responded, her voice seemed distant somehow, like she was here, but wasn’t at the same time.

  “Oh, ok—with Cat then. I went to Seymour on the other side of town.”

  Lissette nodded at my response and then forced a smile when she went on, deciding to abandon the conversation that her last question sparked. For some reason I got the feeling she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Quite frankly, neither did I. It’d been a struggle to get past my ‘Catarina phase’ and I didn’t want to waste time talking about old stuff that no longer mattered anyway.

  “Thirteen,” Lissette piped up. “Before meeting me, when’s the last time you went on a date?”

  I stared at the ceiling while I thought. “Oddly enough?” I said, scratching my head. “—only about three weeks ago.”

  She seemed shocked that it was so recent, but didn’t say anything.

  “It was just one date, and I had absolutely nothing in common with the girl,” I added. “Actually, I deleted her number from my phone before I even got home.”

  Lissette finally got rid of the vacant expression, laughing a bit. “That bad?” she asked.

  I nodded. “That bad.”

  She went on without asking anything further about it. “Fourteen: do you play any instruments?”

  I chuckled to myself as I thought of my brief stint with the guitar. Shaking my head, I replied, “No, not at all.”

  “Okay, now I’mma get serious,” she said, narrowing her eyes in a playful way. “Fifteen: how long has it been since you’ve had sex?” Being funny, she whispered the question as if there was someone in the apartment other than us, someone who might take offense to our conversation.

  I smiled and looked her up and down, stopping at the sight of cleavage where her v-neck tee dipped low. “With someone other than myself?” I asked jokingly. “About three months, I guess.”

  Her brow twitched a bit when my answer sparked intrigue behind her eyes. “Sixteen,” she started, but then paused when fear, or something like it, seized her. Clearing her throat, she found her words again and went on. “Do you um… do that often? You know… pleasure yourself?”

  Wow… maybe this girl didn’t scare as easily as I thought she did.

  A short laugh chuffed from my lungs as I rubbed my chin, finding my bearings. I definitely didn’t see that question coming. Up until now, the subject of sex seemed to make her retreat, but apparently that wasn’t the case tonight. She was warming up to me, giving me something to work with. At the risk of getting my hopes up for nothing, at the risk of getting shot down, a flicker of excitement made my pulse quicken. Just a bit.

  “Let’s just say I’m hoping to cut back soon,” was my answer. Glancing down at her thighs again, I moistened my lips. I could feel her intense stare on me as I detected the slightest change in her breathing. “Why? Does that turn you on?” I asked.

  I expected her to ignore the question, to move on to the next, but instead she boldly locked in on my gaze and replied with a vague, “Maybe.” A flash of lightning illuminated the room and she didn’t even flinch. She was now more focused on me than the storm. “Seventeen: does this marriage scare you?”

  The switch from trivial inquiries to this more serious line of questioning caught me off guard, but I didn’t break eye contact. “A little.”

  My answer didn’t visibly offend her. The honesty in the response seemed to come as more of a relief than anything.

  “Eighteen: do you think we’ll crash and burn?” Her expression was hard to read.

  “Honestly? No. No, I don’t.”

  She put her head down and chewed her lip to hide her smile. “Nineteen: do you think this was all by chance?”

  Our eyes locked again and I gave the answer that was on my heart, which was, “No. Not anymore.”

  “Twenty.” This time she paused, letting her last question roll around inside her head a bit before setting it free. Her eyes flickered and she finally got up the nerve to put it out there. “Do you think you’ll ever fall in love with me?”

  The sheer innocence of her tone left me silent for a moment—no assumptions or preconceived notions present at all in her voice. That one question held so much weight, so much emotion. She deserved to know the truth whether I thought she was ready to hear it or not. So, in an effort to keep our relationship honest, I gave my answer.

  “I already have.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lissette

  I didn’t know what to say. After thinking long and hard about it, I came up with just that…“I don’t know what to say.”

  Real smooth.

  Luke smiled confidently, seeming like my lack of a response didn’t rattle him in the least.

  “I just… I didn’t realize you felt like that.” My heart fluttered, urging me to tell him what I’d been holding in. I parted my lips and waited for sound to come out. The words, “I feel the same way,” finally broke the silence as I stared at him. “Still, I wasn’t expecting to hear you say that.”

  He shrugged. “It’s the truth. I honestly thought you’d already figured that out.”

  I don’t know, maybe I had, but hearing him admit to his feelings was a totally different story. Most people would think we were imagining it all, the love we shared for one another, because our time together had been so short. But I’d never felt anything more real in my entire life. No other guy I’d been with had managed to have me so completely enthralled like Luke did.

  No one.

  I stared at him some more. “When’d you know?” I asked, recalling when I first defined my own feelings for him.

  Luke chuckled and scrubbed his hand lightly over his chin. “I think I realized it last Saturday—the day of your sister’s shower.”

  The fact that my realization hit me that exact same day came as a shock, but I didn’t say anything yet.

  Luke went on. “It was like, from the second I got here to pick you up, and I saw you come out of the lobby… I just knew. Something clicked when I looked into your eyes. I stopped being scared of what I felt and just decided to own it—regardless of how soon it happened, regardless of what we still have to learn about each other. I just knew.”

  My hands started to tingle as I stared at him, at this man who I could now freely admit to being in love with.

  “What about you?” He asked. “When’d you figure it out?”

  “The same day,” I confessed. “That evening when we talked, you know, about my condition.” I paused and recalled how kind he’d been, how he didn’t make me feel broken or flawed because of my illness. He had no idea how far that went with me, had no idea how I’d struggled with self-esteem issues and owning who I am for most of my life. He didn’t take all day and all night to think about whether he could deal or not. He just took the approach that, if this was me, if this was what I had to deal with, then he’d take me as I was.

  And I loved him for that.

  I stared at him some more and didn’t say anything else. I couldn’t. If I tried, I’d cry and I wanted to keep our evening light. So far, we’d had so much fun that I nearly forgot about it storming.

  “All right, your turn,” I cut in, quickly changing the subject. However, his words still rang in my head while I waited for him to ask his first question.

  “One: what’s your favorite book?”

  I blinked a few times and continued to dwell on his prior confession—the one that changed so much between us. “Beloved,” I a
nswered distractedly.

  He made a face. “Really? All I remember is being confused as hell from beginning to end when my English professor assigned it.”

  I burst out laughing. “Oh gosh, you sound like Aura. I’ll dumb the plot down for you later like I did for her,” I joked. “Next question.”

  “Favorite TV show?”

  “Mmm… honestly? I don’t watch enough television to even say that I have one.”

  It looked as though my response intrigued him, maybe he wondered what I did to occupy my free time instead, but he never asked. “All right, three: strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?”

  I frowned as I thought of it. “Chocolate covered bugs.”

  Luke made the same face at me that I would’ve made at him if that’d been his response. “Ugh… what kind?”

  I chuckled and scrunched up my nose. “What kind of bugs? Does that really matter? All I remember is that they were disgusting.”

  He shrugged, probably still thinking about it. “Four: are there any songs that really get to you?”

  I sighed, embarrassed by the fact that there was in fact one song in particular that had the ability to make me cry every time I heard it. “That version of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ by that one Hawaiian guy? You know which one I’m talking about?”

  Luke nodded, but laughed. “Yeah, but that’s meant to be a happy song, right?”

  I shrugged. “I guess, but…”

  He shook his head at me and moved on. “Five: what’s one thing you’d do if money wasn’t a deciding factor?”

  “Travel into outer space,” I replied quickly, probably sounding like the biggest nerd ever. I’d thought about that one before, though. He smiled, probably realizing this.

  “Six: biggest pet peeve?”

  “Poor restaurant etiquette: blowing your nose at the table; a waiter who decides to sweep around your table while you’re still eating. Stuff like that,” I replied.

  “Seven: have you ever cheated in a relationship?”

  I thought as far back as I could. “Once in high school. Does that count?”

  Luke shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. Eight: in hindsight, would you have preferred it if we’d dated longer than we did and got married a couple years from now?”