He wanted her to know that no one could be more perfect for him than she was, and he for her. That they each understood the lives the other had lived until now, and when the horrors of those lives crept into their nightmares, like they always did, they could comfort each other in a way no one else would be able to.
He realized, in this moment, that he’d walk away from Casa Carrizo and let Lena live the rest of her life there if she needed to. It wouldn’t matter where he and Merrigan lived. No walls could ever mean as much to him as having her wrapped in his arms, or his body sunk deep into hers.
He was truly in love for the first time in his life, and he would never let go of this feeling, or of her. This was why he’d endured the pain the Russians inflicted on his body; this was why he’d never given up. Little did he know then that heaven was right there with him. His angel had carried him through the darkness into a light he never knew existed.
But somehow he knew that he couldn’t tell her any of these things, not yet anyway. She wasn’t as ready to hear them as he was to say them. So, he’d keep them to himself, until the day he knew she’d be ready to listen and to answer.
For now, he’d show her how he felt in every way that he could think of.
—:—
Every muscle in her body ached from the most intense night of lovemaking she’d ever experienced. Kade had been relentless in coaxing orgasm after orgasm out of her body, so much so that when, finally, they slept, she didn’t have the energy to even dream.
She rolled to her side and took in the sight of the beautiful man still asleep next to her. As much as she longed to run her finger over the scar that went from just under his left ear, across his cheek, and down to his chin, she wouldn’t, nor would she ever ask how he got it. Merrigan knew well enough that some wounds were too painful to relive by telling their story. However it happened, didn’t matter. He’d lived through it. That was the important part.
She had one of those scars too. It ran from her throat, down her sternum, and under her left breast. She should’ve died that day. It was only by the grace of God that she hadn’t bled out.
He hadn’t asked her about it, and he wouldn’t. It was an unspoken rule between people in their profession. It was the same with kills. No one asked, because they all knew—one was too many.
Kade moaned, his left arm twitched, and his brow furrowed. She waited a few seconds, but when he grew more agitated, Merrigan got out of bed, but nudged it with her leg.
“Kade, wake up,” she said in a gentle but loud enough voice to break through his nightmare. She nudged the bed a second time, a little harder, and he opened his eyes. It took a few seconds for him to register where he was, and in that time, she got back into bed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she soothed, wrapping her arm around his waist and resting her head on his chest. “It happens to the best of us.”
“It happens more when I’m overly tired.” He grinned, which made her smile.
“Can you go back to sleep?”
He reached over her to where he’d left his watch on the nightstand. “It’s after ten.”
With the blackout drapery in the hotel room, it was hard to tell whether it was day or night. When she woke, a little while ago, she hadn’t bothered to check the time.
“I’m awake. What about you?” he asked.
“I’m hungry.”
With his arm still around her waist, Kade rolled her to her side, so she was facing him.
“I know you have to leave, and I sure as hell wish I could go with you. Lena…” he said.
“I know.”
“I’m not sure how to handle the situation I’ve put myself in.”
“I have no experience with this kind of thing, Kade.”
He sighed. “I don’t know many people who do.”
“Tell me the specifics of her condition.”
Kade told her that Lena’s memory seemed to be returning little by little, but her eyesight hadn’t. His biggest worry was that it never would.
“When I saw her coming through security at the airport, the morning we left for Germany to see Leech, I almost didn’t recognize her. She looked younger than she had in years. It was as though when the heavy burden of stress was finally lifted with Calder’s death, her body shed its armor. Quinn noticed it too. Neither of us could believe how different she looked.”
Merrigan couldn’t help but feel sorry for the woman. She’d finally gotten her life back only to have another tragedy strike. “She’s gone from being imprisoned by the threat of danger, to being imprisoned by her injuries,” she murmured, not necessarily meaning to say it out loud.
Kade nodded in agreement. “And, the threat of danger has returned.”
“You should be there, Kade.”
He sighed. “Not yet. I have no idea when I might see you again.”
15
The flight from Los Angeles to Heathrow would take a little over ten hours. Merrigan had a meeting scheduled with Rivet, but soon after, she’d be on another plane headed to Glasgow. Travel and meeting time, all together, would be sixteen grueling hours. Even then, she wouldn’t be at her final destination.
She settled into her first-class seat, turned off her phone, and looked out the window, already missing Kade.
The goodbye she said to him this morning had been the most difficult of her life, mainly because she rarely said it. The last time she had, was when they’d parted ways in Moscow after his and Leech’s escape from the Maskhadovs. Before that? She didn’t even remember saying goodbye to anyone in her family.
He’d made it more difficult by giving her a gift this morning. That he’d stayed with her another day and night was the best gift she could’ve asked for, but he hadn’t stopped there.
This morning, while they were still side-by-side, naked, and in bed, he’d told her to close her eyes. She felt him fasten something around her neck, and waited patiently for him to tell her she could look.
“Open,” he’d said, and while she couldn’t see the necklace, she traced the heart-shaped piece with her fingers.
“It’s a family heirloom,” he’d told her. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
“I didn’t realize…” It wasn’t a holiday that ever registered on Merrigan’s radar.
“It’s okay. I wanted to give this to you before you left; the holiday is just another reason to.”
When he finally let her get up and look in the mirror, tears had come to her eyes. The locket had a red ruby background with a vine of gold and diamond flowers.
“Look inside,” he’d said.
When she had, she saw not only a photo of herself that she didn’t remember having taken, but one of him too.
“In my heart, we’re together, Fatale. And now, we are in yours too.”
When they spoke, a few minutes ago, he told her that Quinn reported her mother had had a couple of bad days and had asked for him repeatedly. That his daughter hadn’t contacted him spoke volumes about how she felt about her mother’s dependence on him.
Merrigan’s call to Rivet, this morning, had been brief. He was already aware of the circumstances surrounding Lena’s accident, and had been anticipating not only her call, but her impending arrival.
Knowing it would be ten hours before she could check her cell phone again, Merrigan powered it up one last time. Instead of a call or message from Kade, there were both from Striker.
“I only have a few minutes before my flight leaves,” she said when he picked up after the first ring.
“Your flight where?”
“You know I can’t answer that.”
“So the Hotel Bel-Air reunion didn’t go as well as I’d hoped?”
“No, it did. We had hours of mind-blowing sex, and then we said goodbye.”
“At least you got laid.”
“Yeah, well. I’m due again. But listen, I’ve got to go. The cabin guard is giving me the evil eye.”
“Cabin guard?”
“She
lit into me when I called her a stewardess. I guess it’s no longer PC.”
“Hasn’t been for about thirty years, sweetheart. Now, tell me, quick, where are you going?”
Merrigan disconnected the call without answering. That Striker had asked twice bothered her immensely, particularly after she’d told him the first time that he knew she couldn’t tell him.
Presently, Kade was the only person who knew where she was headed. Once she briefed Rivet, he would be the second. Otherwise, no one else would be able to locate her.
It had been more than ten years since she’d set foot in the town she grew up in. The last was for her father’s funeral, only two months after her mother’s.
There had been a time in her life when she vowed never to return, but that was when she was young, determined to see the world, and tired of the tiny hamlet. Now, she craved visiting that simple place where nothing much ever changed.
Seeing Kade with his family had also left her yearning for a connection with her own. Once she arrived, she’d contact her brother.
She felt her seat vibrate and realized that she’d put her phone in the side pocket, but hadn’t turned it off. When she pulled it out to do so, she couldn’t help but notice there was another text, from Kade. She laughed when she saw the message consisted of two emojis. The first was a broken heart and the second, a crying face. That a big, burly, tough-as-nails, badass ex-CIA agent sent her such a message, had her grinning.
—:—
There was a message from Maddox on Kade’s phone but nothing from Merrigan. He hadn’t expected there to be, but he was disappointed anyway.
“What can I do for you, Mad?” he barked when his brother answered his call.
“Whoa. What’s goin’ on?”
There was no simple answer to that question. He was overwhelmed by things he couldn’t control. Between Merrigan leaving, the unpredictability of Lena’s condition, and the renewed threat of danger, his blood pressure was skyrocketing.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“Alex told me to call and invite you and Merrigan to dinner at Stave Saturday night. She and Peyton are hosting a Valentine’s shindig.”
“Wish I could, brother, but Merrigan has left town.”
“I see. That explains your shitty attitude. Well, sorry, bro. Maybe next year you’ll have a date. I guess you could bring—”
“Don’t,” Kade spat.
“Just jokin’.”
“Don’t do it again.”
“Got a minute?” Mercer asked a few minutes later.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Let’s take a ride.”
They walked out the front door to the circular drive.
“We’ll need to take yours since that’s all I’ve got,” said Mercer, pointing to his Ducati motorcycle.
“You mean Quinn’s Porsche or my dad’s old truck?” Kade laughed for the first time since he said goodbye to Merrigan, and it felt good. “We’re a pair. We both could probably afford two or three cars, and we don’t have any.”
Mercer grinned. “The Jag is parked underground back in New York, so you have one more car than I do.”
“I’ve been thinking about that.”
“I’ll make arrangements to ship it out here.”
Mercer told Kade about the night Quinn first met him, and how she’d found him hovering on the periphery of the party she’d attended. “I realized, that night, that I was no longer her detail lead, or I shouldn’t be.”
“It all worked out, Eighty-eight.”
They threw the surfboards into the bed, just in case the waves were decent, and took the truck down to the beach.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Kade asked as they walked across the sand.
“Lena.”
Kade inwardly groaned.
“Something isn’t right.”
When they got close to the edge of the water, both men sat down.
“Elaborate,” said Kade.
“I know you picked up on her comment about the bougainvillea when you brought her home from the hospital.”
“The doctors did say she’d have sporadic and possibly isolated memories.”
“There’s been more.”
“Again, I think that’s to be expected.”
“That same afternoon, I heard her tell the nurse that you were her husband and that while it had been several years since you and she had lived in Casa Carrizo, it was good to be home.”
Kade rubbed the back of his neck. “Were her husband.”
“Present tense, Doc.”
“You don’t think she was confused.”
Mercer shook his head. “That too is not an isolated incident. The things I’ve picked up on happen when she thinks no one can hear or see her.”
“Are we talking surveillance, Eighty-eight?”
“Not yet, but that’s the primary reason I wanted to talk to you.”
“Go on.”
“As you know, I had Burns oversee updating the security at Casa Carrizo.”
Kade laughed. “I’ve had to get up to speed pretty fast. My father…well, you know how he is.”
Mercer nodded. “It’s state of the art. We could surveil her without invading her, uh, personal privacy.”
He shuddered and laughed. “I was married to her at one time, but honestly, I see her more like a sister now. I can’t imagine…”
“Me either,” said Mercer, not laughing. “So, you’re good with it?”
“Do what you think is right, Eighty-eight.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
“Made any progress on wedding plans?”
Mercer watched the waves crashing on the shore, and didn’t answer right away. “I think it’s best we wait.”
Kade understood his reasoning, but in their line of work, danger loomed behind every corner. Waiting wouldn’t change anything, and waiting because of a purported threat, meant the bad guys won.
“Don’t wait,” he said. “Get married; live your lives. There will come a time when you face it head on—your own mortality that is—and when you do, don’t have regrets, particularly where love is concerned.”
“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”
“Not as much in the past as the present.”
“Merrigan?”
Kade nodded. He and Lena never should’ve married. They’d done it for all the wrong reasons. And Peyton was better off with Brodie. She and his brother loved each other, and it made him happy to see them together. But Merrigan? She was different than any other woman he’d ever known. It wasn’t just that it was new. He couldn’t imagine anyone who was a better match for him, and he for her. Even yesterday morning, when she woke him from a nightmare, she’d handled it perfectly. Knowing the risks involved in waking someone with PTSD, she’d nudged the bed and said his name. The two combined woke him up, but not in a way that might result in him lashing out at her unintentionally.
While she would be the first to downplay her rock star status in the field, it was widely accepted as fact that Fatale wasn’t just one of the best female agents MI6 had ever had, but one of the best agents in general. Hell, she’d saved his ass.
“What did you say earlier about Quinn? Something about realizing you shouldn’t be on her detail?”
Mercer nodded.
“I’ve realized I shouldn’t be in the game anymore, in large part to Merrigan. What’s more, I don’t want to be.”
“So quit.”
“I tried.” Kade laughed. “Paps wouldn’t let me.” Mercer knew as well as he did that he was joking. However, one thing Paps had been right about was the four of them—him, Mercer, Razor, and Paps—had to decide together whether K19 stayed in business or dissolved.
“What about you, Eighty-eight?”
“I told Quinn that as soon as this mission wrapped, I was done.”
“That leaves Paps and Razor. I don’t know about Paps, but what in the hell would Sharp do?”
Mercer laughed. “Who knows
? Maybe he’s as ready to quit as we are.”
—:—
Naturally, the wine list at the Hotel du Vin in Glasgow was outstanding. Merrigan had a difficult time choosing, so when the sommelier approached, she was happy to go with his recommendation.
“I have a terrific sparkling wine from one of England’s best, Ridgeview in Sussex. It’s delicious and weighty, made with Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier. Of course, it’s a steal in comparison to vintage Champagne.”
“That sounds wonderful, thank you,” Merrigan said as she perused the menu. “I’ll have the porc et lapin pâté as well.” She handed the menu to the somm when he offered to take it.
“Madame, the gentleman seated at the bar asked if he could please take care of your lunch today.”
Merrigan looked in the direction the man was pointing and inwardly gasped, recognizing the last person she ever wanted to see again, other than a Maskhadov—Sergei Oruzhiye Orlov.
That he was here meant she’d made a terrible mistake. She’d inadvertently led a man she was certain wanted to kill her, far too close to her childhood home and her sole surviving family members. If her instincts were right, she’d just put her brother, his wife, and their two children in as much danger as she was.
16
“Fatale,” he said, joining her at the table uninvited. “You’re looking as beautiful as ever.”
Sergei’s eyes traveled the length of her body and back again, smiling when his eyes rested on hers. “I remember fondly the flush pleasure brings to your face, my dear.”
“What a coincidence, running into you in Glasgow,” she said, taking a drink from the glass of wine the sommelier set in front of her. She might not have if she hadn’t seen him open the bottle and pour directly from it.
“Some say coincidence, some say kismet, eto ne tak?”
The Return (Butler Ranch Book 6) Page 14