“They’re both doing well,” she says, shoving red hair from her pretty face.
“Good.” I turn to Ruth. “Do you mind taking me to my hotel?” I need out of here before I really do explode on Roarke. What good will that do? And why am I even letting Allison get to me?
Ruth studies me. “Hannah,” she warns softly.
“Yes?”
“Are you being objective right now?” she queries.
I blink. “What?”
She purses her lips at me and looks at Allison. “What’s Roarke doing right now?”
She laughs and shakes her head. “Would you believe he’s suturing a pig’s leg? Who’d have thunk it, right?”
Ruth turns her attention back on me. “I repeat. Are you being objective right now?”
God, this woman reads me too well. “No,” I admit, with the realization that Roarke was just trying to take care of me and an animal, as well, but there is a lesson here. I’m not being fair to Roarke in all kinds of ways. “And on that note,” I add, “I’m going to go check on Roarke. I’ll be right back.”
She nods, approval in her eyes. I slide my purse across my chest and turn to find that Allison has already gone. I hurry through the house, and when I step onto the porch, Roarke is walking up the steps, urgency radiating off him. “Hey,” I say. “What’s wrong?”
“I have an emergency case I need to fly out to take care of.”
“After Bella just got here?”
“There’s some sort of horse sickness that’s taken down ten horses.” He steps onto the porch. “I really don’t have a choice.”
“Oh,” I say, and I manage to be both disappointed at his departure and proud of the fact that he’s the one people come to for complicated cases such as this. “It’s kind of incredible and amazing the way you can help with such things.”
He studies me a long, hard beat. “What happened in the bedroom—I was wrong.”
I blink, stunned by this whiplash change of topic. “What?”
“I’m pushing you too hard,” he says. “Me leaving is probably a good thing right now because if I stay, I’m going to keep pushing. I need to give you space.”
I close that space between us now, and I dare to press my hand to his chest. “I don’t need space. I need to figure this out with you, just you, Roarke, not this entire town. I can’t do this while we’re the town soap opera.”
“You need to think about what you’re saying right now and what you really want. You need space.”
My hand falls from his chest. “You need space.”
“No, I don’t need space. I’ve had years of space, but you’re a little too good at giving it to me for my comfort right now. I can’t do hot and cold with you, Han. Not with you. I’m not wired that way. I can’t do it.” He repeats himself, which he doesn’t do, but then he says nothing more. He steps around me and enters the house.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Roarke…
It’s an hour after I leave Hannah on my porch, and I reach for the bag I’ve packed on my bed when I pause, my jaw clenching. I kneel and pull out the clear plastic sealed box under the bed and set it on the mattress. It’s Hannah’s. It’s all the things she left at my place that I kept finding in random spots for a year after she broke my damn heart. I squat down again and pull out a pair of red boots that we’d bought for her on a trip to Dallas together, not long after I’d proposed to her at the ranch. I’d sat there in that store and watched her light up trying on those damn things. She’d wanted them for under her wedding dress. I’d lit up watching her because, apparently, that’s what happens when you fall in love. Everything about the person becomes endearing. The idea of her as my wife sure as hell lit me up.
I open the plastic box and pull out the velvet case inside, lifting the lid to stare down at her heart-shaped ring I’d had custom designed. I’d told her I picked it because she had my heart. Fuck. I’d been so in love with her. Who am I kidding? I still am, but she’s never going to forgive me for something I didn’t do. That’s clear. I shut the lid on the ring, and I stuff the case in the boots before I slide the box back under the bed, the boots beside it. While Hannah is supposed to be beside me in this bed, but I don’t know now, any more than I did in the past, how to make that happen.
A few minutes later, when I should be on my way to the airport, I pull over to the property next to ours, the one with the Private Property sign with grass overgrown—wasted land. Land that used to belong to Hannah’s family. I’ve tried to buy it. I’ve tried to buy it for her, but the government owns it, and they won’t let it go. They still want that damn highway to come through here one day. I can’t buy it. I can’t beg for it. I can’t get anyone to listen to me, and I’ve been trying since the day I earned enough money to make that happen. That damn highway that started a war between families, driven by Hannah’s family and finished by mine, is my nemesis. In the middle of it all was Jason’s father, who was already damn near bankrupt at the time. At the root of every problem between me and Hannah is this property.
No.
No, I stop myself with that. If Hannah and I were as strong as I thought, she wouldn’t have left me over a fake cheating allegation. There was a problem there between us that I don’t want to believe existed, but it did. But I can’t even begin to fix it as long as that damn sign sits on this property, and I’m the only one left who knows why and how it turned so damn bad for three families who were the best of friends until they became enemies.
…
Hannah…
Ruth is truly the best. She studies me with a keen eye when we settle into her Buick, which I swear is an older version of the same Buick she had when I was growing up, but she says nothing. She takes me to the B & B to shower, and she and Sue gossip while I dress.
Lunch is a drive-through, and Ruth tells me all about the empire that is now Martha’s cookies, and it’s fun to listen to her excitement. “I’m helping her now. It’s good to have a purpose. We’re even coming up with some healthy treats to market. You know I’ve really learned to take care of myself.”
“I love that you do.”
“We’re going to Hawaii next summer,” she says. “I need a beach body to catch me a man.”
I laugh, but I’m also aware that Ruth lost the love of her life before I ever left Sweetwater. She’s been alone for a long time. I’d love to see her marry again. In fact, I think I should include a few senior hotties for the auction. I love that idea, and I can’t wait to share it with Jessica.
It’s not long after we eat that I have my own car, and I promise to meet Ruth at Jason and Jessica’s place in an hour. I have an overdue stop I need to make—a dreaded stop but also overdue. Forty minutes later, I get out of my rental and stand next to the overgrown gates of my family property. Keep Out and Private Property signs are stapled to wood and driven into the ground by more wood. Overgrown grass and weeds overtake the property. The government owns it, and I still don’t know what happened. I dial my mother, but she doesn’t answer. I dial my father, and he doesn’t answer. I tell myself that it’s about their work demands, but I know I’m wrong. I know it’s about me being here. I need to talk to Roarke.
A movement to my left has my gaze lifting and finding a deer, and the apprehension of moments before fades into a smile. A reindeer, I silently jest, because it connects to the holidays and the holidays are always filled with hope and healing. Jessica was right. One way or another, it’s time to heal, and maybe if I heal, I’ll be better equipped to help my parents do the same.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Hannah…
Amazing how that deer has lifted my spirits.
By the time I’m in Martha’s kitchen with Martha, Ruth, and Jessica, sampling gingerbread cookies and looking at holiday decorations to order for the festival, I’m quick to laugh and smile. There is a warmth to the room, to these people who I
’ve missed. I’ve seen my parents, of course, but only a few times in the past three years. They’ve been busy, traveling, removed in a way they never used to be. I wish they were here. They were happier here, I think. I was. I was happier. I need to get them back here for the Christmas festival. It would perhaps heal them, as this return to Sweetwater has me.
With that idea expanding and taking root, I throw myself into making the event perfect.
The four of us—Jessica, Martha, Ruth, and me—spend hours planning the festival. One major accomplishment: we nailed down a healthy list of donations and bachelors for the auction. Martha and Ruth literally squeal at the idea of a few hot seniors, chatting about their own highest bids while Jessica and I share a smile.
When Jason shows up near sunset after another pitching practice, he’s dressed in baseball pants and a cowboy hat. He glances around at the kitchen walls plastered with photographs and plans. “What the heck happened in here?” he asks, missing the hook on the wall with his hat as he examines our masterpiece.
Jessica rushes forward, scoops up the hat from the floor where it landed, and sets it on her head. “It’s every wonderful thing we’re doing for the festival and for this town. The holidays will be special here in Sweetwater.”
Jason drags her to him and kisses her. “Beautiful,” he says, and the warmth in his voice stirs emotions in me, and really, my God, can I stop feeling so many emotions? Roarke is instantly on my mind, but then, he’s never far away from my thoughts. The truth is, he’s never been far from my thoughts.
“I better go,” I say. “I want to swing by to check on the horses Roarke just operated on, and I plan to be up early tomorrow to work on the hotel partnerships and really, so much more. I’m going to set my room up as an office and just get a ton done.” I take a bite of the newest gingerbread offering and give a thumbs-up. “This one. It’s delicious.”
Martha beams. “Thank you. That’s my favorite, too.”
“Why don’t you use one of the offices at Roarke’s place?” Jessica suggests. “He doesn’t use the downstairs at all. You’ll be more comfortable.”
I give her a reprimanding look, and she just smiles. “Do you want me to call him for you?”
“No, I don’t want you to call Roarke for me.” I gather my things. “I’ll be fine in my room, away from distractions like beautiful animals.”
Ruth smiles. “You do love those animals.”
“I do. I missed them.” And I dare to add, “I missed all of you.”
“Prove it and stay around,” Martha says.
“I’m with Martha,” Ruth chimes in.
“As am I,” Jessica adds, giving me a big ol’ grin.
“Let me walk you out,” Jason offers, rounding the island to take the box of things I’ve gathered today, from samples of breads to random magazines we’ve used for inspiration.
“Thanks, Jason.”
I’m graced with a round of hugs from everyone before Jason and I make our way to my car. He sets my box in the backseat and then joins me at the driver’s door. He stands there looking at me, seeming to want to say something. He opens his mouth and then shuts it, running his fingers through his dark brown hair and then settles his hands on his hips. Whatever this is has me holding my breath, waiting. God, is this where he tells me something I don’t want to hear? What could it be?
“He loves you,” he says, the light of a full moon illuminating his handsome face. “He loves you,” he repeats. “If you have any doubt, don’t. That man loves you.”
I should feel relief at his words, but Jason’s so darn on edge, I can’t feel anything but on edge, too. “Why does this seem to distress you so much, Jason?”
“I don’t know the details—I didn’t know anything at all until a few nights ago—but I do know that that man didn’t cheat on you.”
Cheating. That’s the topic. That’s why he’s on edge, why I’m now on edge. I don’t want to talk about this. “It’s complicated.”
“No,” he says. “No, it’s not. It’s not complicated at all.” He’s unleashed now, no more holding back. “I don’t know what evidence you had that convinced you he cheated, but I’m telling you right now, he wouldn’t lie to me. He did not cheat on you. And furthermore,” he adds, his voice strong, “there’s no one but you for that man. I mean, yeah, he tried. He had women. He dated. He fucked around. That’s what we men do when we want to convince ourselves a woman doesn’t own us. You know how we know we’re owned?” He doesn’t give me time to reply. “It doesn’t work.”
“And it—it didn’t work for Roarke?”
“Hell no, it didn’t work. You have that man’s heart. No one had even a little bit of a chance because he loved you. He loves you.” He throws his hands up. “And that’s all. That’s it. That’s everything. That’s what I had to say.” He starts to turn away and stops. “No, that’s not all. You belong here. You weren’t even at my damn wedding. And you know why? Because I didn’t have an address to send an invitation.”
Guilt stabs at me. “I should have stayed in contact. I would have loved to have been there.”
“And I’m not paying you for your silence,” he continues. “I can’t believe you even threw that crap out there. I’m paying you what you deserve. This is a big job, and having someone I love and trust here to do it matters. Keep the money or I will beat your ass like the big brother I am. Got it?”
I laugh. “Got it. But just for the record, little sisters always find a way to pay you back.”
“As you’ve taught me many times growing up. Seriously. Glad to have you back to do it again.” He pulls me to him, hugs me, and then he’s heading up the stairs, and I swear, I’m thinking of that deer again. Hope. Friendship. Home. I left all those things behind. I left Roarke behind, but I’m back now.
I climb inside my car and think about Jason’s words: He didn’t cheat. Was I young and insecure to the point of being foolish? I was insecure. I know that. I was young, only twenty-one, the girl who’d had a crush on the older boy who became a man, and she finally got the man. And what a man he is, so damn gifted. The funny thing is, now, I don’t feel like I did then. I don’t feel too young, too inexperienced, too different from him. And yet, I feel like Roarke and I are the same in so many ways. We were always connected.
But did I let insecurity influence how I dealt with that video sent to me of that woman all over him? I don’t like how real this feels, how much I now question myself, how unfair I might have been to Roarke. That would explain why he didn’t come after me. I’d thought it spelled guilt, but maybe it was anger and hurt.
My cellphone rings. Hope stirs again, that this time the call might be Roarke, and I’m ready to ramble, but it turns out that it’s Linda. “How’s the little town of Sweetwater treating you?” she asks.
“Better than expected.” I start my engine and insert my headset to free my hands. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I need a hot cowboy to come and kiss it better. How is that bachelor auction looking?”
“Quite nice. I’ll send you a list of hot prospects tomorrow, but you better start saving money.”
“Oh God. I’m dying now. Give me a hint or ten.”
I laugh and give her a few names, listening as she practically overheats on the phone when I mention the Rangers’ catcher, “Mad Man Madison” to everyone but his mother, who calls him Max Madison.
“I’m going to take out a second mortgage on my offices to get that date.” She then goes on to describe this date, and the woman has me in tears by the time we hang up just in time for me to arrive at Roarke’s place. I pull through the gates, and I don’t stop at the office that’s dark now. I park in front of Roarke’s house.
Climbing out of the car, I stick my phone in the waistband of my jeans and glance down at my sneakers. I really need to make time to buy a pair of boots tomorrow. For now, I move on to dealing with
a night chill that suggests we might really be three days to Halloween. Grabbing the hoodie I’d left in the car earlier, in case I needed it, I pull it on and walk toward the stable. Once I’m there, the motion detectors flicker to life, and the very fact that no one is here is good news for the horses. Bella and Snowflake must not need around-the-clock care.
I hurry through the stable to find Snowflake standing and appearing so much better. I spend some time with her, singing and talking before I leave her for Bella. Bella’s laying down, and I have to wonder if the big blue cast on her leg is bothering her or if she’s in pain. Either way, she’s clearly sedated. When I sit down next to her, I end up with her head right beside me, her eyes watching me. I sing and stroke her nose, and it’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t know horses, but I feel her relaxing. I feel myself relaxing with her. Very few people understand why my comfort with horses is so incredible, but Roarke knows. He was there the day I decided I could tame a stallion, too. I’d snuck into the enclosure and ended up on the ground, trampled.
Roarke and his father had pulled me to safety, saved me, and taken me to the ER.
That was the day I lost my ability to have kids, and I was still a kid at sixteen, while Roarke was a man of twenty-two. A month later, with Roarke’s help, I’d ridden that very stallion with him on top with me.
I shut my eyes, thinking about that ride, about how I’d started over with his help then. I wonder if that’s really possible now. I can feel sleep overtaking me, but I don’t care. Being here with Bella reminds me that I can get back up. She’s helping me, and I’m going to help her. Darkness overcomes me, and I let it happen. I’ll get up soon. I just need to doze off.
…
“Hannah.”
I blink and sit up to find Allison squatting in front of me. “Hi.”
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