“Yes. Yes, we will. Goodnight, Han.”
“Goodnight, Roarke.”
We disconnect, and I slide down onto the pillow with a smile on my lips. When he gets back. “Hurry, please.”
…
Another morning comes, and I’m up early, this time dressed in nice jeans and a lacy top, with good reason. I’m on a mission in town today to put together the scavenger hunt. The hunt is simple: each participating store will have a different version of Martha’s Christmas cookies somewhere to be found along with a ticket. The hunter who finds the ticket will get a prize. If the participants get all the tickets from each store, they can enter to win a grand prize.
I spend hours explaining this to two dozen stores, and more than half ask about me and Roarke.
“When’s the wedding?”
“What happened, honey?”
“What did he do to win you back?”
“What did you do to win him back?”
“You lucky girl. He’s so crazy hot.”
“When’s the wedding?”
It’s a little bit of torture because it’s dodgeball, and dodgeball is not a gentle game.
By noon, I’ve eaten a candy bar and headed on to meetings with our hotel partners. Come late afternoon, progress is made, and Jessica calls.
“Coffee?”
“Food. I need food. I’m pulling back into town. Can you meet me at the diner?”
“You bet. I’m hungry, too. I’ll be right there.”
I pull into the diner parking lot, and a number I don’t know registers on my caller ID. I kill my rental car engine and answer. “This is Hannah.”
“Hannah, if you don’t come and talk to me about your car, I’m going to require something more than cake pops. Perhaps a meal cooked by Martha.”
“Nick,” I say. “Oh God. I’m sorry. I can’t even believe I forgot my car. It’s dead, right?”
“It’s going to run you about two grand to fix.”
“Can I sell it for parts or anything like that?”
“What are you going to do for a car?”
Good question. “I guess I’m sucking it up and buying a new one. I shouldn’t have bought a used car that was that old anyway. Actually, sell it and keep the money for your trouble.”
“I’m not going to keep the money,” he says. “When I sell it, you have Martha invite me to dinner.”
I laugh. “I’ll get you the invite. I can’t believe you’re back.”
“Back at you, Hannah. Hear you’re back with Roarke.”
“The town is singing. No comment on that. How are your parents?”
“They moved,” he informs me. “I’m here alone for Thanksgiving. That’s a hint.”
“Dinner. Thanksgiving dinner. That’s what you’ve been hinting at?”
“Yes,” he says, “and for a city girl, it didn’t take you long to figure it out.”
“Because I’m not a city girl. I’ll confirm that Martha’s cooking and get back to you.”
“And I’ll get the car sold.”
I laugh again, and we disconnect. A few minutes later, I have a piece of cornbread on the table with butter, lots of butter, slathered on it. I just couldn’t wait on Jessica. I’ve just stuffed a huge bite in my mouth when Luke sits down in front of me. “There she is.” He grins his pretty-boy grin. “Stuffing her face like always.”
I about choke on the bite in my mouth. “Gee, thanks,” I say, reaching for my water. It’s like we’re back to the old days, when we were kids picking on each other, only he’s not looking at me like a kid sister anymore. “That’s how I want to be remembered.”
“You know I remember all kinds of things about you.”
My brows dip. “Stop being flirty. I don’t like it, and you’re not even doing it well. You’re acting like the guy who used to pick on me while undressing me with your eyes.”
“I’m here!” Jessica announces, joining us.
“Thank God,” I say. “Luke is being creepy.”
“Not the mayor of our little town,” she says, motioning for him to get up. “I need in, and you aren’t staying.”
He stands and lets her get in. “I’m not being creepy. Jesus, you women. I’m just being friendly.” He sits down in front of me again. “I know you’re with Roarke.”
“Yes,” Jessica says, meeting my stare, “she is.”
My cellphone rings, and I look down to find Roarke’s number. “I need to take this.” I answer the call. “Hi,” I say, standing up only to have Luke step in front of me.
“Hannah,” he says.
I scowl. “Luke, move. I told you I need to take this.”
“Luke,” Roarke says, and he doesn’t sound happy. “I heard you were with Luke.”
“Oh my God. This town.” I walk toward the bathroom. “I’m not with him. I was waiting on Jessica, and he sat down.”
“Acting like you were lunch.”
I head into the single-user bathroom and shut the door. “Acting like a creep, as I just told him. Ask Jessica.”
“Are you trying to get me back for something I didn’t do?”
“What? Oh God. No. No. No. Roarke, don’t do this. I promise you, I promise you that is not happening. I just want you. I want you here with me.”
“Fuck, woman, if you ever loved me, cut me loose if that’s where this is going.”
“I don’t even know what that means. I was with Luke for about three minutes until Jessica saved me. How anyone even had time to call you, I don’t know.”
Someone yells his damn name again. “Damn it to hell,” he curses. “I need to go. I’ll leave you to your lunch.”
“With Jessica. Call Jessica. Please call Jessica.”
“I’ve got to go.” He hangs up.
I press my hands to my face. “We’re too broken,” I whisper. “I can’t fix this.”
I inhale and force out the air. I need to go back out there. I have to do my job. I’ll deal with this emotionally when I’m alone. I rotate and open the door, walking toward the table. Thankfully, I find Jessica alone. “Please tell me he’s really gone.”
“He is.” She leans forward. “What’s wrong?”
“Roarke. Someone called and told him I was with Luke.” And as much as I mean to, I can’t hold back. “I thought he cheated, and now—now, I don’t think he really did, and he just accused me of trying to get even.”
Her eyes go wide. “Oh God.” She grabs her phone. “I’ll call him.”
I grab the phone. “No. No, he’s working. I can’t clutter up his work with this. It’s too important.”
“That’s mature of you, but someone already did that for you. If he called in the middle of his work, they upset him. He’s distracted. Compromise. I’ll send a text. Okay?”
She’s right. Roarke was needlessly distracted. “Whoever did this to him, to us, pisses me off.”
“Me, too. Let me help fix it.”
I nod. “Yes. Okay. Thank you.” I release her hand.
She types a message and hits send before reading it to me: She called him a creep and thanked God when I showed up. She loves you. She’s really upset right now because you were worried about this when you have animals to protect. I promise you, Roarke, she did nothing even a little wrong, and you know I’d tell you if I thought otherwise.
I tear up. “Thank you. Thank you so much, because the thing is, I deserve what I just got. I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Yes. But not here. I’m angry after what just happened.”
“Agreed. Why don’t we go see the new retirees again? We can talk there.”
“Perfect.” I flag down the waitress.
An hour later, we’re sitting on a bale of hay, watching the horses roam, and I hurl all
of my junk at Jessica. “And there you have it,” I say after I tell her everything. “My biggest mistake.”
“You were young. He was your idol. That wasn’t healthy.”
“He was my best friend.”
“You hadn’t gotten past the idol part. That was youth.”
“Well, whatever it was, it may have been too much to overcome.”
“Nonsense,” she says, but there’s been nothing from Roarke in reply to her message. She squeezes my hand. “You are the first to remind us all that he’s working. And his work is all about focus. He’ll call you, not me.”
Only he doesn’t call. Hours later, many hours later, I lay in the bed, staring at those red boots, and watch the clock turn to midnight in silence. It’s my birthday, and I’m celebrating with Roarke’s silence.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Hannah…
I stay at Roarke’s place again. I decide that if he wants me to leave, he’ll have to tell me to my face. I need him to know that I’m in this, wherever it takes us. So I stay, but I don’t fall asleep with a call from Roarke. I also don’t wake up to a text or a call the next morning. I wake up to the doorbell and knocking. Afraid something is wrong, I pull on a robe and rush downstairs to the front door to find Jessica standing there, already dressed, with bright-pink gloss on her lips.
“We have to go to Dallas. Every Halloween the team has a huge party for charity. It’s a perfect time for you to meet everyone who will be involved with the auction.”
“Dallas?”
“Yes. I booked you a room at the Ritz, which is where the party is taking place. We’re paying. We’re staying there, too, despite having an apartment in the city. Drinking and driving don’t mix, and we figure we’ll drink.”
We. We. We. She and Jason are a great “we.” My heart hurts just thinking about being at some party while Roarke is gone. “Jessica—”
“He had an emergency last night. They were out on the range somewhere dealing with it. I heard he fell asleep a few hours ago. He’s not avoiding you.”
“Right,” I say. “That makes sense.” Only it doesn’t because he’d normally tell me about it, but then, that was the past. This is the present, after the mess between us.
“Stop looking like you’re being punished. I promise you, you will love this, and it’s good for the festival.”
That snaps me out of my negative attitude. “Right. The Christmas festival. When do we leave?”
“The minute you’re ready. It’s a long drive, and I want us all to have time to rest.”
“All?”
“Well, you and me. Jason is already up there. He had a team meeting.” She waves her hands at me. “Go. Dress. I know a Whataburger on the way.”
I laugh and rush toward the stairs. A girl trip will be good, and I can check in on Linda before I come back. Actually, I need to just buy a car while I’m there so I don’t have to keep paying for the rental. I hurry up the stairs and grab my phone from the nightstand. I’ve missed a call from my mother. I dial her back. “Happy birthday!” It’s both of my parents singing to me.
“Thank you both,” I say to them, as I’m on speakerphone. “How’s the annual event coming together?”
“Horrible,” my father grumbles. “If we had you here, you could organize it for us instead of some Sweetwater Christmas festival.” He grunts as my mother has obviously elbowed him. Her famous move to shut him up is easy to pin down.
“Why don’t you come to that festival and see my good work?”
“I don’t think we can do that, honey,” my mother says. “But send me pictures.”
“We have a gift for you,” my father says. “But we don’t know where to send it.”
“Bring it to the festival,” I say. “It’s a great way to celebrate Christmas early. You can sit on Santa’s lap and ask for a bottle of that whiskey you like to land under the tree.”
“You don’t give up, daughter, do you?”
“I wouldn’t be your daughter if I did.”
“You come here for Christmas,” he counters.
Christmas. Where will I be for Christmas? “We’ll talk at the festival.”
My father laughs. “Ah, daughter.”
A few minutes later, we hang up, and I check my phone. Nothing from Roarke. It’s as if the idea that I might punish him turned a switch. I’m on, and he’s now off, and it’s letting me see how easily he could hurt me. He still has too much power over me, and I don’t know how to fix that. I don’t even know if I want to try.
…
I enjoy the ride with Jessica, and during our travels, she tells me all about meeting Jason and her ex cheating on her. It’s a story that has me in knots because I felt all the things she felt, but more so because I love Roarke. She didn’t love her ex. There was no better man waiting on me. There was only Roarke, left behind. It’s fairly early when we arrive in Dallas, only two o’clock, and both of us are tired. We head to our rooms to rest.
“Oh, by the way,” she says as we both step away from the registration booth. “It’s a costume party. I had a bunch of options sent to your room. I like the nurse for you. You’re Roarke’s nurse to all the animals. Now you can be his naughty nurse. It’s kind of hot, you know?”
I laugh, but Roarke isn’t here, so he doesn’t need a naughty nurse. My room is of course luxurious, and I collapse on the bed, willing my phone to ring. It does. With Linda’s number. “Happy birthday!” she exclaims. “Tell me how happy!”
“Very last minute, I’m here in Dallas for a Halloween party,” I say. “I thought I’d invite you to breakfast tomorrow.”
“What? Oh no. I’m not there. I’m in Houston for a photoshoot.”
“Well, that kind of sucks,” I say.
“It does, and I have a present for you. I need your Sweetwater address.”
My Sweetwater address. That’s a complicated topic. “Come and bring it to me at the festival.”
“That sounds perfect. It’s good. You’ll love it.”
We chat a few more minutes, and when we disconnect, I toss my phone on the pillow and curl on my side. I need to sleep and forget that today is my birthday. Roarke knows it’s my birthday, and his silence makes a point. He can’t do this. We aren’t doing this. Why did I let myself try to believe otherwise?
Chapter Thirty-Five
Hannah…
I can’t rest, so I get an Uber to the mall and buy a black dress and black cowboy boots and decide that’s my costume. The dress has a flared skirt and a good amount of cleavage, and I buy it despite this. If ever I needed to feel like a woman, it’s on my birthday after being dumped. If anyone asks, I’m a country witch. I’ve just finished flat-ironing my hair and applying stay-on pink lipstick when there’s a knock on the door.
I slide the strap of a cute sparkling lipstick purse across my chest, to rest at my hip, and answer the door. I find Jason and Jessica standing there. Jason in his baseball uniform and Jessica in a Catwoman jumpsuit. I wait for Jason to wish me happy birthday and Jessica to feel bad that she didn’t know, but he doesn’t. “What the hell kind of costume is that?” he asks.
“I’m a country witch, and if you give me a hard time, I’ll curse you on the mound.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” His hands are in the air. “I surrender. You don’t joke about that shit.”
I look at Jessica. “You’re looking hot, mama.”
“Thank you. I have to compete with all the groupies who want him.”
Jason wraps his arm around her and pulls her close. “No competition. You win every time, baby.” He kisses her soundly on the mouth, and my heart squeezes. They’re an adorable couple. I’m really happy for them both. I hate that I feel their happiness as a reminder of my loss of Roarke.
Together, the three of us make our way to the party. “Each player picked a playlist of songs for the DJ,”
Jessica informs me. “So, before every song, they announce the player, and every time a player’s song is picked, he donates money to the charity. There’s going to be all kinds of music. It’s fun, right?”
“Yes,” I say. “Fun.”
And it is. Soon, we’re inside a room with music, food, booze, and even stages all around the event space for people to get up on and dance. There are goblins, zombies, fairies, and much more. And of course, lots of baseball players in uniform. The songs range from Jason Aldean, NSYNC, Taylor Swift, Brett Young, and even Billie Eilish. I meet the team, including Max Madison, the Mad Man catcher, and he’s a hottie—big, fit, with pretty green eyes and a strong jaw—who I aspire to introduce to Linda. When he flirts, I tell him so, too. “I have the perfect woman for you,” I say. “And she’s not me.”
Jessica laughs and links her arm with mine. “She’s Roarke’s woman.”
“Oh, fuck,” Max curses. “Sorry. Roarke’s a badass. Love that guy.”
“I need a drink,” I murmur and pull away from Jessica to find the round bar in the center of the room with an empty spot with my name on it. I order myself champagne. Jessica joins me and says, “Two tequila shots.” She nudges me. “We aren’t driving. Let’s do what I never do and drink.”
The shots are set in front of us, and I look at them and her. “You’re a bad influence.”
“No one says that to good girl me. I kind of like it.” She laughs. “At least when we have a hotel room to walk to and Jason to protect us.”
We pick up the glasses, downing the shots, and oh God, it burns a path down my throat, warmth spreading over my neck. “One more!” Jessica yells.
“No,” I say. “I’ll be drunk in about three minutes if we do that.”
The bartender fills our glasses. A baseball player by the name of Jack Jackson who I met earlier, a black guy with biceps that could be globes, steps to my side. “I heard you’re Roarke’s woman.”
“I’m just a girl, standing at a bar, drinking too much tequila. I’m also the girl who’ll auction you off in garters for the children’s hospital if you’re not careful.”
He laughs and holds up his hands. “You win. No more questions.” He rotates and disappears into the crowd.
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