by Glen Wright
32 Moeliker, ‘How a Dead Duck Changed My Life’ (2013) TED Talk.
33 Abrahams, ‘Premiere – Homosexual Necrophiliac Duck Opera, with Scientist, at King’s Cross’ (2015) Improbable Research.
34 ‘Dead Duck Day’, Het Natuurhistorisch website.
35 Shafik, ‘Effect of Different Types of Textiles on Sexual Activity’ (1993) European Urology.
36 Roach, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science (2009).
37 Brookshire, ‘Friday Weird Science: Rats in PANTS’ (2011) Scientopia.
38 Panksepp & Burgdorf, ‘50-kHz chirping (laughter?) in response to conditioned and unconditioned tickle-induced reward in rats: Effects of social housing and genetic variables’ (2000) Behavioural Brain Research.
39 Favaro et al., ‘The Vocal Repertoire of the African Penguin (Spheniscus Demersus): Structure and Function of Calls’ (2014) PLOS ONE; Hospitaleche & Reguero, ‘Palaeeudyptes Klekowskii, the Best-Preserved Penguin Skeleton from the Eocene–Oligocene of Antarctica: Taxonomic and Evolutionary Remarks’ (2014) Geobios.
40 Meyer-Rochow & Gal, ‘Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh – Calculations on Avian Defaecation’ (2003) Polar Biology.
41 ‘Penguin Poo Q&A’ (2005) Meyer-Rochow.com.
42 Shifman, ‘ITEP Lectures in Particle Physics’ (1995) arXiv.
MISCELLANY
Skateboarding profs: Thomas Winter, a 68-year-old associate professor of classics and religious studies at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, got his 15 minutes of internet fame when a photo of him riding his skateboard around campus was posted to Reddit.1 The post garnered over 1,000 comments and the photo became a meme of its own, with people pairing his photo with skateboarding puns (‘No test today, board meeting’; ‘Summer’s over, back to the grind’).2 His reviews on Rate My Professors are full of comments like ‘Insane but intelligent’ and ‘Seriously crazy, but a lot of fun’, as well as testaments to his teaching. Not slowing down in retirement, Winter is spending his time skydiving, welding, and flying his small plane around the US.3
Student living: University College London’s New Hall housing complex won the Carbuncle Cup for the UK’s worst building in 2013.4 The hulking great £18-million building was originally refused planning permission for a long list of reasons, including its excessive scale, inadequate daylight, poor outlook and lack of privacy (the bedrooms face their neighbours’ windows as close as five metres away – in a borough where the minimal residential overlooking distance is 18 metres). It could be worse. Goce Delcev student dormitory in Skopje, Macedonia, is the largest in the country, housing over 1,200 students every year. Photos posted online show the place damp and decaying, the walls peeling and turning green from mould, with lights and radiators that often don’t work.5 At the entrance there are two signs: ‘There is no warm water. The problem is being fixed’ and ‘Go take a shower at your boyfriends’ places!’
Thunderbirds are Go!: Rapid Interpretation of EKG’s is a best-selling textbook that teaches fledgling doctors the basics of interpreting electrocardiograms. In its 50th printing, the author, millionaire plastic surgeon Dale Dublin,*6 included a picture of his 1965 Ford Thunderbird to explain electrode placement. He also hid a message in the fine print, promising to enter anybody that found it into a competition to win the car. Even though 60,000 copies were sold, less than half a dozen people wrote in. Yale medical student Jeffrey Seiden was drawn at random, presented the prize by Dublin’s daughter, and rode off into the sunset while blasting the Beach Boys over the stereo.7
Staplers: Jason Vance, librarian and assistant professor at Middle Tennessee State University, started a blog entitled ‘The Lives and Deaths of Academic Staplers’,8 in which he tracks the public staplers at the university library. Highlight: ‘One notable holdover from the Spring 2015 semester study is Swingline’s “Optima 70”. It is currently 484 days old and is still going strong at the reference desk.’
Working with academics: During a presentation at a conference for start-ups, Aim Sinpeng, a political scientist at the University of Sydney, snapped a photo of the following slide:
Working with Academics
▪ Annoying
▪ Terrible time management
▪ Have different goals
▪ Usually don’t have money
Notes
For the love of trees, I have opted to keep this bibliography (relatively) short. For more details, please go to AcademiaObscura.com/buffalo, where I plan to concoct a multimedia extravaganza containing links, photos, and videos. If I get distracted and don’t get around to doing this (highly likely), I will at the very least provide full references and PDFs (where I can do so legally).
* Dublin was also a champion hibiscus grower and a felon convicted of 22 counts of drug and child pornography charges.
1 ‘One of the Professors at My School. He’s Always Skating around Campus’ (2012) Reddit.
2 ‘Skateboarding Professor’ (2013) Knowyourmeme.com.
3 Nitcher, ‘Memetic “Skateboarding Professor” Continues Hobbies on Ground, in Air’ (2012) Daily Nebraskan.
4 Wainwright, ‘“Prison-Like” Student Housing Wins Carbuncle Cup for Worst Building’ (2013) Guardian.
5 ‘Yes, This Is a Student Dormitory, and Yes, There Are 1200+ Students Living in It as We Speak’ (2014) Imgur.
6 ‘Dale Dubin: Pornography and Prison’ (2007) Scrub Notes: A Blog For Med Students.
7 Massad, ‘Read the Fine Print: Student Wins T-Bird’ (2001) Yale News.
8 Vance, ‘The Lives and Deaths of Academic Staplers’, Tumblr.
I’ve never much cared for conclusions. I don’t like to read them, much less write them, and it’s not easy to elegantly transition from penguin defecation and wayward staplers to a neat closing statement. I tried the usual trick of pulling together a summary of highlights from the body of the text, but it doesn’t seem fitting here:
In chapter two I ranted about clichés, while in chapter three we laughed at a terrible journal created by a suspended student. In chapter four I wrote about not writing and swore profusely… Elsewhere, rats wore pants and were tickled, for science, and cats wore parachutes because statistics is boring …
If I am supposed to claim to have contributed to the sum of human knowledge in some profound way, or to have proposed a grand new theory of life, the universe and everything, I fear that all I have to offer is this: You don’t have to be mad to work here, but you probably are.*
I implore you to own this insanity. Send a silly academic tweet, study an improbable topic, or include a humorous reference in your next paper. Lightening up has the brilliant benefit of making academia interesting and accessible, and you don’t necessarily even need to be that witty or clever to capture people’s imagination.
If you aren’t already rushing to the office to immediately do all of the above, I hope that I have at least inspired you to embrace humour in your work and to take academia a little less seriously. If that means you get a brief break from the daily grind, feel a bit more creative, and ultimately add to my growing folder of amusing academic obscurities that I fondly flick through from time to time, I’ll consider this a success.
Right then. Back to the PhD.
Notes
For the love of trees, I have opted to keep this bibliography (relatively) short. For more details, please go to AcademiaObscura.com/buffalo, where I plan to concoct a multimedia extravaganza containing links, photos, and videos. If I get distracted and don’t get around to doing this (highly likely), I will at the very least provide full references and PDFs (where I can do so legally).
* And it probably doesn’t help.
• Janet and Allan Ahlberg, The Ha Ha Bonk Book (1982)
• Linda Benedik, Yoga for Equestrians: A New Path for Achieving Union with the Horse (2000)
• Don Colbert MD, The Bible Cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome: Ancient Truths, Natural Remedies and the Latest Findings for Your Health Today (2002)
• Jack Douglas, The Jewish-J
apanese Sex and Cook Book and How to Raise Wolves (1974)
• Francis Johnson, Historic Staircases in Durham City (1970)
• Graham Johnson and Rob Hibbert, Images You Should Not Masturbate To (2011)
• Hiroyuki Nishigaki, How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? (2000)
• Michael Rosen, Don’t Put Mustard in the Custard (1996)
• Redcliffe Salaman, The History and Social Influence of the Potato (1949)
• John Trimmer, How to Avoid Huge Ships (1982)
• Roger Welsch, Everything I Know About Women I Learned from my Tractor (2002)
Reviewer 1
Overall, this is a decent contribution to the literature on academic humour, with some interesting and unusual stories. I even chuckled aloud on occasion. I nonetheless feel that the author has neglected to include some key references and could make some changes to improve the manuscript:
• Author does not cite Pfaus & Zunino (2014), who substantially advance Shafik (1993) by dressing rats in lingerie.1
• Consider including a few lines discussing chemicals and minerals with funny names,2 e.g. Arsole (which, I am led to believe, is lightly aromatic),3 Moronic Acid, Spamol, Cummingtonite, Fukalite, Diabolic Acid, Welshite.
• Far too many pointless footnotes. Delete at least half of them.
• Section on journal stings should include mention of Peters & Ceci (1982).4 The authors resubmitted twelve published papers from prestigious US psychology schools to highly regarded journals. They used false names and institutions, and resubmitted them to the same journal that had reviewed and published them 18 to 32 months earlier. Of 38 editors/reviewers, only three (8%) noticed they were resubmissions. Of the nine papers allowed to continue to peer review, eight were rejected. In many cases, the grounds for rejection were ‘serious methodological flaws’.
• The author will no doubt be sad to learn that the whereabouts of Jordan the Edinburgh University library cat are currently unknown.5
• The author will however be amused to learn that Southampton University Students’ Union has recognised a cat as its Honorary President.6
• On the subject of cats, the assertion that they cause mental illness is absolute nonsense. The author is clearly not familiar with a recent cohort study that found no evidence of an association between cat ownership and psychotic symptoms.7
• The author includes lengthy discussion of Beall’s list, apparently unaware that it is now defunct.8
• Perhaps not appropriate for inclusion in a humorous publication, but given the recurring theme of institutionalised sexism, the author may wish to mention Clancy et al. (2014).9 Researchers surveyed over 650 field scientists, finding that 71% of the female respondents had experienced harassment at field sites and 36% had been physically assaulted (the figure for male respondents was 41% and 6% respectively).♀
• The author could use footnotes more.
• John Mauchly, co-inventor of the first electronic digital computer (ENIAC), would skate across lab benches on a rocket-propelled skateboard to demonstrate principles of physics. As this was before the invention of the modern skateboard, he was technically one of the first to create one.10
• The author should include reference to the Journal of Alternative Facts and the latest paper published therein, ‘We Have All the Best Climates, Really, They’re Great’.11
• The author, like many an academic, jokes about the use of the Comic Sans. I once shared this misguided distaste for the much-maligned font, but recently learned that it can in fact be very useful for people with dyslexia.12
• I am surprised to see no mention of the ‘Dr Fox Effect’, so named after one of the first studies into the effect of lecturer charisma on student evaluations.13 Researchers coached an actor to give a lecture on an irrelevant topic (‘Mathematical Game Theory as Applied to Physician Education’) to a class of psychiatrists and psychologists. Under the Dr Fox pseudonym, the actor gave an empty lecture ‘with an excessive use of double talk, neologisms, non sequiturs, and contradictory statements’,14 yet the students submitted teaching evaluations that were overwhelmingly positive.
• I am equally surprised to see no mention of Polly Matzinger. Matzinger added her Afghan Hound, Galadriel Mirkwood, as a co-author on a paper,15 though this may not have been completely without merit: while working on her well-known ‘danger model’ of immunology she suddenly realised that dendritic cells behave in the same way as a sheepdog. Her tenure committee later saw the funny side and decided that ‘it wasn’t really fraud. It was a real dog, a frequent lab visitor, and they said it had done no less research than some other coauthors had’.16 Polly remains an avid sheepdog trainer and along with her two Border Collies, Charlie and Lily, was part of the US team at the 2005 World Sheepdog Finals.
Decision: Accept with minor revisions.
Reviewer 2
• Author does not provide an explanation for the non-capitalisation of ‘Internet’.
• Excessive use of footnotes.
• Too much focus on cats.
Decision: Reject.
Notes
For the love of trees, I have opted to keep this bibliography (relatively) short. For more details, please go to AcademiaObscura.com/buffalo, where I plan to concoct a multimedia extravaganza containing links, photos, and videos. If I get distracted and don’t get around to doing this (highly likely), I will at the very least provide full references and PDFs (where I can do so legally).
1 Lewis, ‘Why Men Love Lingerie: Rat Study Offers Hints’ (2014) Live Science.
2 May, ‘Molecules with Silly or Unusual Names’ (1997) Bristol University, School of Chemistry website.
3 Johansson & Juselius, ‘Arsole Aromaticity Revisited’ (2005) Letters in Organic Chemistry.
4 Peters & Ceci, ‘Peer-Review Practices of Psychological Journals: The Fate of Published Articles, Submitted Again’ (1982) Behavioral and Brain Sciences.
5 Piper, ‘The Mysterious Disappearance of Edinburgh University’s Library Cat’ (2016) Stv News.
6 Delves et al., ‘Item 12j: Make SUSU the Cat an Honorary President of the Students’ Union (1516P25)’ (2016) University of Southampton Students’ Union (Open Union Council).
7 Solmi et al., ‘Curiosity killed the cat: no evidence of an association between cat ownership and psychotic symptoms at ages 13 and 18 years in a UK general population cohort’ (2017) Psychological Medicine.
8 Watson, ‘Beall’s List of Predatory Open Access Journals: RIP’ (2017) Nursing Open.
9 Clancy et al., ‘Survey of Academic Field Experiences (SAFE): Trainees Report Harassment and Assault’ (2014) PLOS ONE.
10 David and Reed, ‘Mauchly: The Computer and the Skateboard’ (film, 2001)
11 Iwas A. Scientistonce, ‘We Have All the Best Climates, Really, They’re Great’ (2017) Journal of Alternative Facts.
12 Hudgins, ‘Hating Comic Sans Is Ableist’ (2017) The Establishment.
13 Ware & Williams, ‘The Dr. Fox Effect: A Study of Lecturer Effectiveness and Ratings of Instruction’ (1975) Journal of Medical Education.
14 Merritt, ‘Bias, the Brain, and Student Evaluations of Teaching’ (2012) St. John’s Law Review.
15 Matzinger and Mirkwood, ‘In a fully H-2 incompatible chimera, T cells of donor origin can respond to minor histocompatibility antigens in association with either donor or host H-2 type’ (1972) The Journal of Experimental Medicine.
16 Conner and Kitchen, Science’s Most Wanted: The Top Ten Book of Outrageous Innovators, Deadly Disasters, and Shocking Discoveries (2002)
256: Freud’s h-index
1.5–8.7psi: Pressure produced during chinstrap penguin defecation
1,525: Number of papers authored by Paul Erdős.
2800+: Number of citations to the leading textbook on design of pavements, Huang’s Pavement analysis and design (1993).
A metric fuckton: Profits made by academic publishers each year.
25–65%: The percentage range of: army recruits sustaining musculoskeletal injury during basic training; the range of exploitation rates of walleyes in Henderson and Savanne Lakes (Thunder Bay, Ontario); complication rates in skull base surgery and reconstruction; and reduction in pesticide use on onions when integrated pest management is implemented.1
4%: Number of funding applications rejected by the UK’s Natural Environment Research Council each year due to the applicant using the incorrect font and formatting in their application.2
3.6 million: Number of hours I estimate that I wasted going on unrelated tangents during the writing of this book.
4: Number of papers written by US President Barack Obama while he was in office between 2009–2017.3
£26,000: Average undergraduate tuition fees for a degree in the UK since the cap was raised to £9,000 per year in 2012.4
Notes
For the love of trees, I have opted to keep this bibliography (relatively) short. For more details, please go to AcademiaObscura.com/buffalo, where I plan to concoct a multimedia extravaganza containing links, photos, and videos. If I get distracted and don’t get around to doing this (highly likely), I will at the very least provide full references and PDFs (where I can do so legally).
1 Andrew Franklyn-Miller et al., ‘Can RSScan Footscan® D3DTM Software Predict Injury in a Military Population Following Plantar Pressure Assessment? A Prospective Cohort Study’ (2014) The Foot; Baccante & Reid, ‘Fecundity Changes in Two Exploited Walleye Populations’ (1988) North American Journal of Fisheries Management; Bleier (ed), Comprehensive Techniques in CSF Leak Repair and Skull Base Reconstruction (2012); Cuyno et al., ‘Economic Analysis of Environmental Benefits of Integrated Pest Management: A Philippine Case Study’ (2001) Agricultural Economics