‘Thanks. You’re looking pretty good yourself.’ Then she said: ‘But you know, I do feel better. Kind of dizzy though.’
‘That’s enough,’ the Mother said. ‘Just take it easy. Do you want to drink something?’
‘Water maybe?’
‘Okay, let’s assume nothing,’ the Mother said. ‘We have to take this one step at a time.’
PART SIX
The Sun’s special nourishment proved as effective for Josie as it had for Beggar Man, and after the dark sky morning, she grew not only stronger, but from a child into an adult.
As the seasons – and the years – went by, Mr McBain’s vehicles cut down the tall grass in all three fields, leaving them a pale brown color. The barn now looked taller and more sharply outlined, but Mr McBain still didn’t build additional walls for it, and on cloudless evenings, as the Sun went towards his resting place, I was still able to see him sinking to the far side of the barn before fading into the ground.
Josie worked hard on her tutorials, and there were many arguments about which college she might go to. Josie and the Mother each held strong views on the matter, but Atlas Brookings – now Rick no longer wished to go there – was rarely mentioned. The Father seemed to agree with neither Josie’s nor the Mother’s ideas, and once turned up at the house to make his points more strongly. It was the only time I saw him come to the house, and although I was myself happy to see him again, we all understood he’d infringed a rule in doing so.
Josie herself went away from the house much more over this period, sometimes for several days at a time, to visit other young adults, or to attend retreats. These trips, I knew, were an important part of her preparations for college, but she preferred not to talk much about them to me, so they remained largely outside of my knowledge.
Rick had continued to come regularly in the early days after Josie’s recovery, but as the time passed, and certainly by when Mr McBain cut the grass, he was coming far less. This was partly because of Josie being away so often, but Rick too had become busy with his projects. He’d bought a car, which he’d named ‘the Wreck’, and would regularly drive to the city to meet his new friends. Rick preferred to leave the Wreck in the loose stones area because, he said, it was easier for him to start his journey from there than to negotiate the narrow and circuitous route out from his own house. So it was increasingly the presence of the Wreck, rather than Josie, that brought Rick to us, and it was there on the loose stones that I had my last conversation with him.
Both Josie and the Mother were away that morning, and so when I heard his tread outside, I saw no reason not to go out and exchange greetings. He wasn’t in his usual hurry to drive away, so we talked for several minutes, a light breeze moving over us, Rick leaning against the body of the Wreck, while I stood just a little way away. The sky was overcast that morning, and that was perhaps why Rick was reminded of that day.
‘Do you remember, Klara,’ he asked, ‘that morning the weather went really strange, and the Sun came right into Josie’s room?’
‘Of course. I’ll never forget that morning.’
‘I often think about it now. It almost seems like that was when Josie first started to get better. Maybe I’ve got this all wrong. But when I look back, it almost feels that way.’
‘Yes. I agree.’
‘You remember that day? We were all so exhausted. And in despair. Then everything turned around. I always wanted to ask you, except you seemed so closed up about it. I always wanted to ask if what happened that morning, all that strange weather, everything else, if it had to do with the other stuff. You know. Me carrying you over the fields, you making some secret deal. At the time, I thought it was all, well, AF superstition. Something just to bring us good luck. But these days, I keep wondering if there was more to it.’
He was watching me carefully, but I said nothing for quite a long time.
‘Unfortunately,’ I said, eventually, ‘I don’t dare speak about this matter, even today. It was such a special favor, and if I speak about it to anyone, even just to Rick, my fear is that the help Josie received will be taken back.’
‘Then stop there. Don’t say anything. I don’t want to open up even a tiny chance of her getting ill again. But the doctors always say once you get through the stage she did, you’re safe.’
‘All the same, we must be cautious, because Josie’s was such a special case. But since Rick is now talking about this matter, perhaps I might mention something related to it that’s been worrying me.’
‘And what’s that, Klara?’
‘Rick and Josie still show kindness to each other. And yet, they’re now preparing such different futures.’
He turned towards the rise in the road, his hand playing with the Wreck’s wing mirror. ‘I think I follow you,’ he said. ‘I’m remembering that day, the second time we went over to the barn. How before we went, you became very serious and asked if our love was genuine. The love between me and Josie. And I think I told you it was real. Real and everlasting. So I’m guessing that’s what you’re now worrying about.’
‘Rick is correct. It brings me anxiety to see Rick and Josie with such separate plans.’
He gently prodded the loose stones before him with his foot. Then he said: ‘Look. I don’t want you to say anything to put Josie’s health at risk again. But let me say this much. When you passed it on that Josie and I really loved each other, that was the truth at the time. No one can claim you misled or tricked them. But now we’re no longer kids, we have to wish each other the best and go our different ways. It couldn’t have worked out, me going to college, trying to compete with all those lifted kids. I’ve got my own plans now, and that’s how it should be. But that was no lie, Klara. And in a funny way, it still isn’t a lie now.’
‘I wonder what Rick can mean by that?’
‘I suppose I’m saying Josie and I will always be together at some level, some deeper one, even if we go out there and don’t see each other any more. I can’t speak for her. But once I’m out there, I know I’ll always keep searching for someone just like her. At least like the Josie I once knew. So it wasn’t ever a deception, Klara. Whoever that was you were dealing with back then, if they could see right into my heart, and right into Josie’s, they’d know you weren’t trying to pull some fast one.’
After that we stood there on the loose stones, not talking for a little while. I thought at any moment he would straighten and get into the Wreck. But he asked, in a lighter voice:
‘Do you ever hear from Melania? Someone said she went to Indiana.’
‘We believe she’s now in California. When we last heard from her, she was hoping to be accepted by a community there.’
‘I used to be so afraid of that lady. But I got kind of used to her. I hope she’s okay. And that she finds somewhere safe. And what about you, Klara? Are you going to be okay? I mean, once Josie leaves for college.’
‘The Mother is always very kind to me.’
‘Look, if you ever need my help, you just say, okay?’
‘Yes. Thank you.’
As I sit here on this hard ground, I have been thinking again about Rick’s words that morning and I’m sure he is correct. I no longer fear that the Sun will feel cheated or misled, or that he will consider retribution. In fact, it could be that even as I was making my plea to him, he already knew Josie and Rick were bound to go their separate ways, and yet understood that, despite everything, their love would last. When he’d posed his question – about children really understanding what it meant to love – I believe he was already sure of the answer and was simply raising the question for my benefit. I even think, at that moment, he may have been thinking about the Coffee Cup Lady and Raincoat Man – after all, we’d been talking about them the previous moment. Perhaps the Sun was supposing that after many years, and after many changes, Josie and Rick might once again meet as the Coffee Cup La
dy and Raincoat Man had done.
* * *
—
As Josie’s college days drew closer, there were frequent visits to the house from other young adults. They were female, and mostly came one at a time, though occasionally in pairs. A hire driver might bring them, or sometimes they would come driving their own car, but the young adults were now never accompanied by parents. Two nights, sometimes three, was the average length of visit, and I would know when such a visit was expected because, a day or two beforehand, the New Housekeeper would move a futon or camping cot into Josie’s bedroom.
It was because of the young adult visitors that I discovered the Utility Room. Naturally there was not enough space during such visits for me to remain in the bedroom myself, and in any case, I understood that my presence wasn’t appropriate as it once had been. If Melania Housekeeper had still been with us, I believe she would have made a plan for where I might go, but as it was, I found the room myself, up on the top landing. ‘No one’s saying you have to hide,’ Josie had said, but she didn’t come up with any alternative plan, and so that’s how I came to occupy the Utility Room.
These were busy weeks, and even when Josie didn’t have a visitor, I would hear her moving hurriedly around the house, shouting at the Mother or the New Housekeeper. Then one afternoon, the door of the Utility Room opened and Josie was looking in with a smile.
‘So,’ she said. ‘This is where you’ve been hanging out. How are things?’
‘Everything is fine, thank you.’
Josie stretched out her arms, a hand resting on each vertical of the doorframe. She was looking into the room with a stoop, as if she feared she might accidentally hit her head on the sloping ceilings. Her gaze went quickly around the various stored items, then settled on the room’s one high small window.
‘Do you ever get to look out of that there?’ she asked.
‘Unfortunately it’s too high. Its purpose is to provide ventilation, not a view.’
‘We’ll see about that.’
Josie stepped further into the room, her head still stooped, her glance moving everywhere. Then she began to work, lifting one item, pushing another, creating new piles where none had existed. Once, failing to anticipate her rapid movements, I nearly collided with her, and she laughed loudly.
‘Klara! Just stay over there. Right over there. I’m trying to do something.’
Before long she’d cleared a space immediately beneath the high small window, then pushed a wooden trunk into the space. She next picked up and carried over a plastic crate with a tight-fitting lid and lowered it carefully on top of the trunk.
‘There you go.’ She stood back, pleased with what she’d done, though the rest of the room had become very untidy. ‘Give that a go, Klara. Just be careful. The second step’s quite high. Come on, I want you to try it.’
I came out of the corner and without difficulty negotiated the two steps she’d created, till I was standing on the lid of the plastic crate.
‘Don’t worry, those things are really strong,’ she said. ‘Just treat it like a floor. Trust me, it’s safe.’
She laughed again, and kept watching me, so I smiled, then looked out of the high small window. The view was similar to the old one from Josie’s rear window two floors below. Of course, the trajectory had altered, and a part of the roof was intruding into the right of my picture. But I could see the gray sky stretching over the cut fields all the way to Mr McBain’s barn.
‘You should have told me before,’ Josie said. ‘I know how much you love looking out.’
‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’
For a moment we looked at each other with gentle smiles. Then she glanced around at the items strewn over the floor.
‘Boy, what a mess! Okay, I promise to tidy everything. But just now I’ve got to go attend to something. Don’t try doing any of this yourself. I’ll do it later, okay?’
* * *
—
The Mother, like Josie, had less to do with me during this period, sometimes not looking my way even when she encountered me around the house. I understood that this was a busy time for her, and also that possibly my presence brought back difficult memories. But there was one occasion when she gave me special attention.
Josie herself was away that day, but it being the weekend, the Mother was at home. I’d been up in the Utility Room for most of the morning, but when I’d heard the voices below, I’d gone out onto the top landing. I then quickly realized the man speaking with the Mother down in the hallway was Mr Capaldi.
I was surprised because there hadn’t been any mention of Mr Capaldi for a long time. He and the Mother were talking in easy tones, but as they continued, I could hear tension enter the Mother’s voice. Then her footsteps sounded, and I saw her looking up at me from three floors below.
‘Klara,’ she called up. ‘Mr Capaldi’s here. You’ll remember him, of course. Come on down and say hello.’
Then as I was descending carefully, I heard the Mother say: ‘That wasn’t the agreement, Henry. That wasn’t what you said.’
To which Mr Capaldi said: ‘I just want to put it to her. That’s all.’
Mr Capaldi was heavier than when I’d last seen him that day in his building, and the hair around his ears had become a lighter gray. He greeted me warmly, then led the way into the Open Plan, saying: ‘Just wanted to run a few things past you, Klara. You could be of great help to us.’
The Mother said nothing as she followed us in. Mr Capaldi sat down on the modular sofa, leaning back into the cushions, and this relaxed posture reminded me of the boy Danny, at the interaction meeting, sitting on the same sofa with a leg extended across it. In contrast to Mr Capaldi’s manner, the Mother remained standing very straight in the center of the room, and when Mr Capaldi invited me to sit, she said:
‘I think Klara’s happier standing. Let’s get on with this, Henry.’
‘Come on, Chrissie. This is nothing we have to stress about.’
Then he came out of his relaxed posture, leaning forward towards me.
‘You’ll remember, Klara, how much I’ve always been fascinated by AFs. I’ve always regarded you as our friends. A vital source of education and enlightenment. But as you know, there are people out there who worry about you. People who are scared and resentful.’
‘Henry,’ the Mother said. ‘Please get to the point.’
‘Okay. Here it is. Klara, the fact is, there’s growing and widespread concern about AFs right now. People saying how you’ve become too clever. They’re afraid because they can’t follow what’s going on inside any more. They can see what you do. They accept that your decisions, your recommendations, are sound and dependable, almost always correct. But they don’t like not knowing how you arrive at them. That’s where it comes from, this backlash, this prejudice. So we have to fight back. We have to say to them, okay, you’re worried because you don’t understand how AFs think. Fine, then let’s go take a look under the hood. Let’s reverse-engineer. What you don’t like are sealed black boxes. Okay, let’s open them. Once we see inside, not only do things get a lot less scary, we’ll learn. Learn amazing new things. So this is where you come in, Klara. Those of us on your side, we’re looking for help, for volunteers. We’ve already succeeded in opening a number of black boxes, but we really need to open up a whole lot more. You AFs, you’re magnificent. We’re discovering things we’d never have believed possible. That’s why I’m here today. I’ve never forgotten you, Klara. I know you’ll be uniquely useful to us. Please, will you help?’
He was staring at me so I said: ‘I’d like to assist. So long as it doesn’t inconvenience Josie or her mother…’
‘Wait a minute.’ The Mother moved swiftly around the coffee table until she was standing beside me. ‘This isn’t at all what we talked about over the phone, Henry.’
‘I just wanted to as
k Klara, that’s all. This is a chance for her to make a lasting contribution…’
‘Klara deserves better than that.’
‘You may be right there, Chrissie. And I may have badly misjudged this. Even so, now I’m here, and Klara’s standing in front of me, do I have your permission just to ask her?’
‘No, Henry, you don’t. Klara deserves better. She deserves her slow fade.’
‘But we have work to do here. We have to resist this backlash…’
‘Then go resist it elsewhere. Find some other black boxes to prize open. Leave our Klara be. Let her have her slow fade.’
The Mother had stepped in front of me, as though to shield me from Mr Capaldi, and because in her anger she’d taken her position hurriedly, the rear of her shoulder was almost touching my face. As a result, I not only became very conscious of the smooth woven fabric of her dark sweater, but was reminded of the moment she’d reached forward and embraced me, in the front of her car, the time we’d parked beside the Grind Our Own Beef cafe. Peering around the Mother, I saw Mr Capaldi shake his head and lean back again into the cushions.
‘I can’t help feeling,’ he said, ‘that you’re still mad at me, Chrissie. That you’ve been mad at me for a long time. And that’s unfair. Back then, it was you who came to me. Remember? And I just did my best to help you. I’m glad it worked out well with Josie in the end. I truly am. But that’s no reason for you to be so mad at me all the time.’
* * *
—
The last days before Josie’s departure were filled with both tension and excitement. Had Melania Housekeeper still been with us, things might have been calmer. But the New Housekeeper often left tasks undone until the last moment, then tried to do several all at once, and this added to the nervous atmosphere. I felt it important not to get in the way, and remained in the Utility Room for long periods, standing on the platform Josie had made for me, looking out of the high small window across the fields, listening to the noises around the house. Then one afternoon, two days before the departure, I heard Josie’s step on the top landing, and she appeared in the doorway.
Klara and the Sun Page 27