Moving on with my own life eventually won out in the end. I didn’t have a choice in the grand scheme of things. Nate had, and I would just have to, too.
Carmella and I continued to be the best of friends, she was all I really had, not that, it was why we were best friends or anything. Verity became even more heinous, if that can be believed. She was cattier, sneakier, and had recently lost her virginity to a senior boy on the baseball team at school. Verity spent her days bragging about it, like it made her special or something. She quickly learnt it didn’t. Jason Masters slept with any girl that paid him attention, and Verity was no different than the hordes that came before her, and would surely come after. After that humiliating experience, Verity turned into a massive whore. Practically having sex with any guy that had a pulse. I’m not even sure that was a requirement sometimes. I don’t even know if she knew her number anymore. I would guess it would be in the high twenties at least. Disgusting, I know.
Throughout the year I turned sixteen, a few guys asked me out for pizza, or to go the movies with them. I always turned them down. It’s not that I didn’t like boys, I did, it just never felt right. In hindsight I realise now that my heart was already taken. I had given it away to a sweet boy on a curb, outside my house when I was nine.
Over the summer before I left to begin my first year of college, I finally finished my physical transformation into womanhood. Thank God, it’d taken long enough. My hips had flared, my legs gotten longer, the occasional pimple, come on admit it, we all get them from time to time, was now a thing of the past. I filled out a large C-cup to small D-cup, and Carmella said I now resemble a 50’s style pinup girl. I didn’t see it, but I suppose she must have been right, because I heard the very same description come from a few boys at school, when I overheard them talking to their friends in the hallways.
More guys than ever before asked me out, or looked my way, where they never had previously. They wolf whistled, made crude comments, and I generally wasn’t going unnoticed anymore. I hated it. It made me feel cheap and used, not that I was, I just felt that way.
I owned a mirror. Don’t get me wrong; I’d spent many hour in front of it, examining myself back, forward, from every angle available. I just didn’t see what everyone else did. My mom told me I was beautiful, Dad told me I was a precious jewel over and over again, other people complimented me, too. Nevertheless, it was impossible for me to recognise what all the hype was about. Sure, I wasn’t a wildebeest, but I was just average in my eyes, and that was okay with me. Average was good. Average equalled staying under the radar undetected, and that was where I liked to be.
Three weeks into the most glorious summer ever, I call it glorious because I would be leaving for college soon, and at the same time, I would finally, be getting away from Verity. Thank fuck for that. A day I never thought would come did indeed occur.
I was on the front lawn of my parent’s house, stretching before I went for my usual mid-morning run. I’d taken up running in my junior year of high school as a way of staying in shape, and also getting the hell away from Verity for an hour or two every day. Trust me, this was imperative for my sanity and her continued survival. Wearing my tight, short, and I mean short, they barely covered my ass, running shorts, and an emerald green racer back Lycra tank, with built in shelf bra, and my Nike sneakers, I looked up, and froze in place mid-stretch.
A gorgeous black Boss 428 had driven up and parked across the street outside Nate’s parents’ house. The rumble of the exhaust, the purr of the engine, and the rugged lines of all American muscle made me shiver. It was a work of art. The first thing that sprung to mind was, ‘Nate would love that car.’ It was his dream car. He’d spoken about being able to afford one and rebuilding it from scratch, when he was older, many times over the years.
Shaking those thoughts off, because let’s face it, I should be well and truly over any thoughts of Nathaniel Burke by now, I went back to stretching until I heard a deep, gravelly voice ask,
“Ronnie?”
Slowly turning towards the man who spoke, my heart started pounding; my palms had begun sweating too. I knew that voice. It was a voice that visited me in my dreams almost nightly, regardless of the years gone by. It was one that I could pick out of a thousand. Turning to fully face him, I couldn’t help, but let out a gasp at what I saw. My. God. He was sexy; so very handsome now, not that he wasn’t before.
At the same six foot three, but now weighing more like 240 pounds of defined muscle, Nate was breathtaking. The black t-shirt he was wearing stretched tightly across his broad chest, his shoulders were so wide they resembled a line backer’s, not a mechanic’s. Powerful denim clad thighs, with, heavily veined thick forearms made up one of the most beautiful men I’d ever seen. My gaze finally made its way up, and stopped on his face. Chiselled cheekbones, a strong square jaw covered in a five o’clock shadow that looked awesome on him, and made him look so much more mature, he was even more rugged and manly than he was when I last saw him at nineteen. He wore his same blue-black hair styled in its usual well kept, Mohawk; and his eyes. His beautiful moss green eyes looked over me like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Nate looked older now. Not in a bad way, no, not at all. Just older and more worldly.
I know in reality he was, it had been four years after all. What I meant was he looked harder, a little rougher maybe. The years had been more than kind looks wise, and in his maturity Nate was nothing short of delicious.
Blinking rapidly, he took a step toward me while at the same time I took a step back, placing my hands on my hips. Before he could speak I asked, “Is there something I can help you with?”
Nate narrowed his eyes, but the corner of his mouth twitched. It was a tell-tale sign that he was amused. “Sure is Ronnie. You could get your ass over here and give me a hug. I missed you like crazy, girl.”
I almost laughed out loud. I mean really? He missed me? I snorted out a very unladylike sound that would have made my mom cringe, and took another step backwards, away from him. I was proud of myself for not giving in to the overwhelming urge to launch myself into his big strong arms like I used to. But I wasn’t the same little girl anymore, and he sure as hell wasn’t the same boy I once knew. “I don’t tend to hug strangers, sorry. It gives them the wrong idea. They can turn into creepy stalker types, and I have no desire to be carted off and kidnapped, only to end up in pieces in the woods somewhere.”
Glaring openly at me now, I notice Nate’s hands open and close, settling on tightly clenched fists at his sides. “Had a lot of those, Ronnie?” he asked with a raised brow, before adding, “Creepy stalker types, I mean,” for clarification.
Shaking my head at him, I scowl and make a move to walk away from him without answering. I don’t get a chance though. His big hand clamps down on my wrist, not painfully, but in a grasp I know I can’t break, and he spins me to face him. “Where’s my sweet Sunshine that I’ve missed for fucking years, Ronnie? What happened to her?” How dare he? How dare he ask what happened to the girl he once knew when he was the one who left, never to be heard from again.
I blow out a frustrated breath and laugh humourlessly. What a dick. “Hmmm, let’s see. She shrivelled up and died in a hole when her best friend took off, never came back, never called, never fucking anything. It’s hard to be all sunshine and lollipops when you’re fucking sad all the time. Guess you wouldn’t know anything about that though, would you? You were the one off living it up, after all.” I arch my brow, challenging him to deny anything I’ve just said.
Pulling me closer, Nate cups my cheeks and looks straight into my eyes, “I know, I’m an asshole, and I’m so fucking sorry for not calling or visiting you, Ronnie, but you have to know, if I had, I would’ve come back. I missed you so fucking much that if I heard your voice, or saw your pretty face, I would’ve come straight back for you. I couldn’t do that, Ronnie. I knew nothing was better back here yet, so I couldn’t come back, not until I was stronger, not till I knew I could see you again
, and not say fuck it and stay.”
I’m shocked. Really, truly shocked. I never imagined that would be the reason he didn’t come home. It sucked, but it was beautiful all at the same time. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t even know if I COULD, think right now. Kissing my temple like he always had when we were younger, Nate inhaled deeply, “But, fuck if I didn’t miss you every day, Ronnie. I wanted to call you, tell you all the shit that was happening with me, and ask all about what was going on with you. It took everything in me not to.”
I could understand what he was saying somewhat. I mean, I didn’t completely get it, but it was a start to an explanation that was long overdue. One I deserved, at the very least. Drawing back slightly I cup his jaw, mimicking what he did to me just moments ago. “You mean that?” I had to ask. I needed to know everything he said was the honest to God truth.
“Yeah, Ronnie, I meant every last fucking word, Sunshine.” With that I crush him in the biggest hug I’ve given anyone since he left. His cologne invades my senses, and he smells like Davidoff Cool Water, leather, a touch of motor oil and something else that’s all Nate. It’s a smell I’ve missed, a smell that’s always been like coming home to me.
Tears start to leak from my eyes, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from sobbing as I grab fistfuls of the back of his t-shirt. Smoothing a hand up and down my back, Nate tries to soothe me as only he can. “Hey now, pretty girl. No tears. I’m back and I’m going to spend the rest of the summer with you, yeah?” Slowly my fists begin to unfurl. “You still going off to college for art, Babe?”
Trust him to remember that I was planning to go to Texas U to study art. Nate always remembered everything. That was one of the many things I loved most about him. It proved to me he really was listening, and heard every word I said. Nodding, I remove my hands from his shirt and use them to dry my face. “Yeah. I leave a week before summer is up, so I have time to settle into the dorms and get any last minute things before classes start.” Not taking a breath I ask, “What are you doing back? How come you can stay all summer, don’t you have a job and everything to get back to?”
I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t really care why he’s here, just that he is. “I’ve got a job, Sunshine. When you don’t take time off for four years, and put a fuck ton of overtime in, they tend to want to let you have time off instead of having to pay it out. As for why I’m back, I’m back to see you. You’re going off to college soon, Sunshine, I’m not going to be able to know exactly where you are every minute of the day, or know that you’re safe and sound when you’re there. Here, I knew you would be safe and protected, at least. I needed to come back and see you now, before you left.” That’s sweet. Not giving me time to formulate a reply, he added, “How about you come check out my new ride and we go down to the diner on Main, just like old times? I’ll even spot for a cheeseburger, extra cheese and onion rings instead of fries. How’s that sound?”
Giggling, I crush him to me again and nod, “Yeah that sounds perfect.” And it was. Everything about that summer was perfect. Well, up until the end and you already know most of that anyway.
Nate and I spent every day together that summer. I was lucky enough not to have to work, unlike most of the other newly graduated seniors, I had planned this for the previous three years. I worked at a bookshop in town called, ‘Read ‘em and Weep’ for going on three years, saving every penny I had for the summer before I started college, and for expenses when I got there. I wanted to make this the most memorable summer of my life, and I didn’t want to worry about being tied down with a job for it.
What Nate didn’t know, and I didn’t tell him until later, was I had every intention of using that money for bus fare to track him down and see him before I started the new chapter of my life. Luckily, he’d saved me the hassle because I had no idea how I would have made that happen, I only knew that I would have.
For two weeks; we swam, had picnics in the national park, went to movies, and generally just hung out together, like old times. I played him my eclectic music selection, all while he laughed at the fact that it included country music and electronica. According to him, they should be melting my iPod having to reside in the same playlist as each other. Nate made me feel special every day. In some little way he tried to make up for all the days, weeks, months, and years he was absent. Sometimes he gave me bunches of wildflowers, and sometimes it was my favourite candy, Sour Patch Kids. Most of the time he just held my hand and told me how beautiful I was, how much I’d grown up, and how proud he was of me for going off to college and chasing my dreams. Everything changed shortly after that…
I can’t even really tell you how it started. I know it was five days before my eighteenth birthday though, that day would be burned in my memory forever. Nate and I were sitting under the tree in my backyard when he leaned in and kissed me for the first time. At first I froze, it was my first kiss, after all. Yes, I had been asked out and all, but I had said no every time. I desperately wanted it to be Nate, that I gave my first kiss to, that I gave my first everything. Even though he wasn’t here, and hadn’t ever come back, I knew deep down he would one day, and that day, I wanted to be able to give him everything. I held on to that hope for four years, and I was damn glad I had.
Nate started out by kissing my lips softly. His lips were warm and sure, coaxing me to open for him. The second I did, he stroked his tongue against mine and I melted into him. MELTED, I tell you. It was the best first kiss in the history of man, I was sure of it. I relaxed under his guidance, hands travelling over my shoulders, down my arms and linking around my back as he rolled us to the grass. With me underneath him, and his hips firmly wedged in between my thighs. I was aching, my panties were getting damper by the minute, but he didn’t let up the sensuous torture of his mouth. It was then I felt how hard he was, how turned on he was by me.
I couldn’t believe it. I, Veronica May Stevens, made Nate; gorgeous, handsome, sex on a stick that could have any woman he wanted Nate, hard. His chest was heaving like he’d run a marathon as he wrenched his mouth from mine, and I whimpered at the loss. “Damn, Baby. You kiss like a fucking dream. You know what this means don’t you, Ronnie?” I’ll admit; I was a little confused by that. What this means? I had no idea. I must have looked all kinds of stupid as I looked up at him. Chuckling, he rolled us to our side and tucked my head into his neck. “You’re fucking adorable, Baby. You haven’t worked it out; I’ll clue you in. This, what happened just now, makes you mine, Ronnie. All MINE. We’ll work it all out, but you and me, this is us together, Babe.”
My heart soared and then decided to do barrel rolls in my chest. He said I was HIS. I had always known it somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart that were reserved just for him. I just never, ever thought he would feel the same way. I hadn’t dared to give conscious thought to that desire. From the time I was nine, right up to and including that day, I loved Nate Burke. No matter the distance, the non-existent communication, all the crippling heartache and anger I felt hadn’t changed that. Not one bit. I loved him with everything in me. With everything I was.
That was the first, but not the last, of the magnificent days I would have with Nate, before everything fell down in a big, heaping pile of shit. That summer turned out exactly like I planned, like I’d dreamed it would; the most memorable, important summer of my life. I hadn’t expected it to end with heartbreak and devastation. But sadly it did…
What I definitely didn’t know, what there was no way for either of us to know, was that summer, the summer that broke us was about to show up, rear its ugly head and do something I didn’t think was possible. Destroy me all over again…
This time it would happen in an even bigger, more horrifying way. In a way that I had no idea if I could come back from, it would be that bad. But as they say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. I would need to hold onto that thought in the near future.
CHAPTER FOUR
Nate
Nine Years Ago…
>
Having Ronnie in my arms, holding her close in her bed has only ever been a dream for me up, until now. Now, before you go thinking that I’m some creepy fucking sicko, crushing on Ronnie when she was a kid, it isn’t like that, not at all. First off, I have always known Ronnie would turn into the most magnificently sexy woman I would ever lay eyes on.
It was a given. She was perfection the likes I’ll never see again with her gorgeous, long, naturally red hair, her porcelain skin with those cute little freckles dotting the bridge of her nose, and those stunning cat like hazel eyes would forever be my undoing. There’d been a fuck ton, I’m not bragging; it is just a fact, of women that threw themselves at me on a daily basis back in Dallas. I’m not a monk, not by a long shot, but it wasn’t often that I took them up on their blatant offers of sexual favours in back alleys, public bathrooms, hallways or at the shop I worked in. I say not often, because I have, in fact, done all of the above, more than a handful of times. I’m not proud of it, in all honesty, it makes me feel more than a little sick thinking of some of the things I’ve done with women and where I did them.
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