by Megan Hart
“You make your new bad boytoy take your little test?” he asked.
A tear welled up in her eye.
“Will you please just go, and leave me alone. Please.”
“Fine,” he said. “But I don’t fucking understand you. Not for a second.”
Keisha didn’t reply. Brady turned and walked away. She watched him go, thinking about what he’d said, taking a deep breath, and getting herself under control.
Stalking her? Following her? Showing up in the middle of the night? On top of the way he’d just talked to her? Who the fuck did he think he was? She felt a rage take her over and with each breath she remembered what the board said.
Kill him.
Maybe Conrad was right after all.
She cleared her mind and when she went back inside, all the anger turned to lust. Before Dick could ask her who was out there or if everything was okay, Keisha pounced on him picking up where they left off and then some. They shed each other’s clothes and explored each other’s bodies. They never made it to the bedroom.
Keisha jumped up onto the kitchen table sending the Ouija board, planchette and Conrad’s ashes clattering to the floor without a second thought as she opened herself up to Dick and the two of them rocked away to paradise.
When it was over, Dick carried her to the bedroom where they did it one more time before they both fell asleep with arms and legs intertwined.
10
In the morning she woke with a start. Not a full on panic, but with the immediate knowledge that something out of the ordinary occurred last night. She didn’t drink to blackout stage or anything, but upon waking it took her a moment to remember where she was and what had happened.
Dick.
She frowned at the empty mattress next to her.
And that slimy Brady following her around and showing up. What an asshole. Looked like she was back to square one with men, but at least she felt good.
Keisha stood on tense muscles and stretched. A clang followed by muffled swearing sounded outside the bedroom. She put on her robe.
And then.
No fucking way.
She thought she must have been dreaming.
She smelled it first. Then she heard it. Then she saw it. Dick, dancing around, dodging popping bacon grease while he cooked breakfast in his boxer shorts.
Her mouth fell open in surprise before changing to full on laughter.
“Hey there, Sleeping Beauty. I got up early and thought you might be hungry. We never got around to the drunk munchies… Unless you include each other.”
He winked at her. “I’m risking my life here, I couldn’t find my clothes and I didn’t want to wake you. Ow!” He yelped as bacon grease splashed his skin.
“Oh my God, you are such a dork,” she said, ran to the bedroom, and brought back his shirt.
“Ah, thank you, and here you are. Sorry, all that was in there was turkey bacon,” he said and scooped two strips onto a plate with a scrambled egg and a toaster waffle. He made two portions and they sat across from each other and ate.
She giggled.
“Something wrong?”
“I know what’s in my own fridge, goofball. And no, I uh… I just thought… when I woke up… you’d be gone. I didn’t expect…” Her face flushed.
“Oh really?” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Should I go?”
“Oh no, not that. It’s just that usually getting drunk and going to bed with someone leads to disappearances the next morning.”
“You’ve had a lot of experience in this department I take it? I must say, I prefer trudging through the awkwardness.”
“Shut up.” She punched him in the arm. “Plus that crazy knock on the door, I just figured you’d be gone.”
“Well, you figured wrong. What was that all about anyway?”
“Nothing, some crazy dude. We sort of got along for a little bit, but it wasn’t what he thought it was. And I thought I made that clear to him. I guess I was wrong. At least he didn’t text me again after he left. Maybe he finally got it.”
“Hopefully,” Dick said. “And I hate to break it to you, but I’ve gotta take off after breakfast. I told my brother I’d help him with some yard work this afternoon. But I’ll help you clean up.”
“That’s great, thanks, you’re a hell of a cook,” Keisha said, finishing her last bite.
She sipped coffee while he picked up the plates and carried them to the sink.
“Oh, and hey, here’s that board you wanted to show me last night. I think we knocked it on the floor. Sorry if I didn’t seem interested, I couldn’t get your body out of my brain.”
She felt a pang of anxiety.
“It’s no biggie,” she said.
“Here. Show me now before I go,” he said.
His knees popped when he squatted down to pick it up.
“Wow, this is something. Did you make it?” he said, “Looks like it got some dirt or something on it last night though. Sorry about that.”
Keisha froze to her seat and her stomach lurched.
She heard him inhale.
And she heard him exhale in a “whoosh” and she saw all of Conrad’s ashes puff into the air and disappear as they descended.
“Much better,” he said.
Keisha gulped as he set it down on the kitchen table.
“Jesus, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said. “Are you okay? Was it my cooking?”
“Yeah… no, not the cooking, I’m okay, sorry. Sometimes I just get queasy when I eat breakfast after a night of drinking, even if it’s really good,” she lied.
“Ah, I see. Sometimes time is the only thing that’ll cure a hangover. Why don’t you relax, while I go work in the yard all day.”
“Asshole,” she said with a smile.
“I thought chicks liked guys who were assholes?”
“Touche.”
“Okay, I’m gonna get going. Feel better. We should hang out again. What’s your number?”
“Banging before we even know each other’s phone numbers…”
“I know right. What a time to be alive,” he said.
She laughed and put her number in his phone.
“Uh, okay, bye,” he said, and looked at her, confused.
Keisha gave him a half-smile and a slight nod and he gave her a quick kiss on the lips.
“Bye,” she said to his back.
Once the door closed, she scrambled to the spot where he’d picked the board up and looked for ashes but found nothing significant. On hands and knees she searched under the cabinets and stove until she found the pill bottle. She let out a relieved sigh when she gripped it, but the comfort turned to despair when she looked inside. Empty. Ashy residue clung to the sides of the plastic, but it all disappeared into the oils of her skin when she touched her finger to it.
“Fuck,” she whispered and sat back at the kitchen table.
She put her head in her hands thinking about the crazy guy stalking her, the new cute guy she’d just hit it off with, and the lost ashes of her first true love.
Keisha raised her head and studied the board that had given her so many answers. And now, depending on how she interpreted it, Conrad had given her one last answer in the affirmative.
Or was it a question?
The planchette rested perfectly on the letter Y.
11
Loud music, light cleaning, dancing, showering and finally reading kept Keisha’s mind off of Conrad’s depleted ashes. By late morning she’d devoured a hundred or so pages of a book when her phone rang. She hoped for Dick, but didn’t think he’d call this early, plus he would be busy working with his brother.
It was Brady. She didn’t answer. He called again. No voicemail. Then he sent a text.
Hope you had fun last night.
“Jesus Christ,” she said. “No wonder fucking Conrad told me it’d be a one-night stand, and then to kill him. This guy is bananas.”
She put her phone on silent, left it in the kitchen, and went
back to reading. Eventually she closed the book and nodded off for an early afternoon nap.
A vibrant flash followed by a blustering boom shook her from sleep. She lay there, blinking at the ceiling when she heard the rain start to pour. Thunder crackled like expensive fireworks, shaking the walls. The rain sounded torrential. I’ll bet Dick’s having fun, she thought.
Keisha peered out the window and saw nothing but heavy rain, flashing lightning and a deep navy blue sky. Hopeful that maybe the weather ruined Dick’s plans, she checked her phone. To her surprise, he did call her. She also had a new text message from Brady. She read his message first.
I’m really sorry. About following you, about some of the things I said last night. I just want to talk to you. Things have really spiraled out of control here, but if we just sit down and talk for a few minutes, I know we can make things right.
This was getting pathetic, borderline scary. She felt bad for any woman who’d ever crossed his path or would in the future. Talk about a clinger. Her strategy of ensuring he’d stay away sure backfired.
“Fuck you, Brady,” she said to her phone and called Dick back.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey yourself, how’s the weather out there?”
“Ha, ha, ha, fuck you.”
She smiled. She could banter with this guy all day long.
“Hope you’re out of it, lightning and shit all over the place. Hate to have a tree fall on you or something.”
“Yeah, when the sky turned black, we decided it was a good time to go inside and check the score of the Browns game.”
“The Browns? Are you fucking serious? Oh my God, I knew there had to be something wrong with you. Dealbreaker.”
“It’s uh… my brother’s team,” he said in an obvious lie voice.
“So you’re calling because you’re freed up now and can’t go one more hour without hanging out with me?”
“Don’t flatter yourself, but yeah, thought maybe you could be my plan b.”
“Aww, aren’t you sweet? Well, since you made me breakfast, how about I buy you dinner? I think you can help me out with something.”
“Dinner? You sure? That sounds expensive. Don’t forget, I made you breakfast with your own food.”
“Don’t sweat it dude, I got like $300 in the bank.”
“Well, in that case, how could I refuse? What kind of help do you need?”
“Remember that crazy guy who showed up last night? I still don’t think he’s gotten the message. I know the bar where he works, I’m thinking maybe we go in and put on a little PDA show.”
“You had me at bar. And again at PDA.”
Man, she liked this guy.
“Okay awesome. You ever been to the Ooga Booga?”
“I have not. I’ve made it my life’s work to avoid it based on name alone.”
“I will make it my life’s work to show you new things, and not to be quite so judgmental, mister.”
“Good. What time?”
“How about like two hours? That good?”
“Perfect. But the Brown’s game will probably be over.”
“I can’t even believe they show that shit on TV in the first place. Okay, I’ll call you when I get there. Don’t go in without me.”
“Word,” he said and hung up.
She smiled as she pocketed the phone. Keisha didn’t take a whole lot of pleasure in putting on a show in front of Brady, but other than a show of force, she didn’t know what to do. She also really liked Dick and wanted to spend time with him and didn’t want fuckboy Brady getting in the way. Nothing would get Dick to walk away faster than some needy fuckface stalker that wouldn’t leave her alone. Tonight had to be the night. Brady had to get the message.
Knowing this, and also wanting to make a lasting impression on Dick, Keisha went the extra mile while she prepared for the evening. Make up, dress, shoes, hair, everything perfect. She left her apartment with her umbrella in hand, hoping that neither the rain nor Brady would fuck things up for her.
Her phone chimed as she entered the parking lot.
Dick.
Perfect timing.
Keisha stepped out and scanned her eyes around the lot looking for him.
“Behind you,” he whispered.
She had no idea how he did it, but she turned and there he was, smiling.
“Whoa, look at you,” he said. He looked her up and down, his eyes hovering a few extra seconds to take in her hair, face, breasts, and legs. “You should’ve told me to dress up.”
Dick was in his jeans, dirty work boots, and a wet, busted-up baseball cap.
“I think you look cute,” she said.
She stood on tiptoes to kiss him.
“So what, you’re using me to make someone jealous or something?”
“Oh shut up. More like I want this weirdo to leave me alone, so that we can enjoy each other undistracted. We just gotta send the message first. I trust that won’t be a problem?”
She batted her eyelashes.
“I’ll do my best,” he said. “But just looking at you, I half forget my own name.”
“Good. This might feel mean. And I guess it is, but I need this to stop and other than hiring a hitman, I don’t have a better idea. He says he wants to talk to me, but I already know that will go bad and this will never end.”
“Then let’s take care of this,” Dick said.
“Let’s.” She offered an arm and Dick linked his with hers and they walked into the Ooga Booga.
12
Keisha caught Brady’s eye the second they entered. No hiding behind sunglasses this time. Dick sensed it and immediately moved his hand to her ass. Brady sneered.
A few patrons ate wings and guzzled drafts while they watched their favorite teams determine their mood for the day. At one end of the bar, three or four spots away from the nearest customer, Keisha and Dick mounted two empty stools. With no choice but to serve them, Brady stepped up.
“Hi there, welcome to Ooga Booga. My name is Brady, and I’ll be taking care of you,” he said, so calm it came off creepy. “What are we drinking?”
Dick hammed it up and put his arm around Keisha.
“Well, me and my girlfriend here would really like two Guinness drafts and an order of the crab dip. Is that any good?”
“Yeah, the crab dip is tight,” Brady said.
He hid his discomfort so well it impressed Keisha.
“But before I pour your drinks, I hate to do this, but they make me and I’m on camera, can I see some ID?”
“Sure.” Dick flipped out his wallet. Brady looked at the driver’s license then looked long and hard at Dick.
“Okay,” Brady said.
Then he moved on to Keisha’s.
She rolled her eyes. Brady shrugged, and after an awkward glance, nodded.
“All right,” he said, and tossed a few cocktail napkins in front of them. “Two Guinness and a crab dip.”
He poured the beers and placed them down without comment, then went to check on other customers.
“Maybe this is gonna be easier than I thought,” Keisha said.
“Or maybe he’s just hiding it well because you ambushed him at work,” Dick said.
“No,” Keisha said. “Honestly, if he wasn’t getting the message, I don’t think he’d be able to keep it together.”
“I hope you’re right,” Dick said. “But even if I don’t have to lay it on thick to convince him, there’s still PDA right?”
She answered him with a kiss that both of them got lost in like teenagers until Brady served them the crab dip shoving the plate to the bar top with a clatter.
“Thanks, mate,” Dick said.
“Here’s your appetizer, Angel Ditch,” Brady said. “Can I get you anything else?”
Keisha swallowed.
“I think we’re good for now,” she said. “Asshole.”
“Angel Ditch?” Dick said, crunching on a tortilla chip covered in crab dip.
“I might tell you s
omeday,” she said. “But let’s get through this first.”
“Fair enough. Get you some,” he said and offered her a chip. “The working staff might be assholes, but the food is fantastic.”
The dinner went on and Keisha ordered shrimp and Dick ordered steak and they talked and laughed and kissed and got to know each other. They each drank a second beer and before long they both forgot about Brady and focused completely on each other, happy with the company.
Dick snatched the check as soon as Brady brought it over and paid the $70 tab with a $100 bill.
“Change?” Brady asked.
“All yours,” Dick said.
“Thanks,” Brady said.
Dick helped Keisha off her barstool and they walked hand in hand out of the Ooga Booga.
The storm relented, but only a little by the time they made it back to their cars. A chill hung in the air and cold rain cocooned them.
“Thank you,” she said. “I didn’t know what else to do. But even though I was using you, I had a lot of fun.”
“Me too. Happy to help,” he said and leaned in and kissed her, long and deep and they both forgot about the rain.
“You wanna come hang out? It’s perfect weather to share a blanket and watch a movie or something,” she said.
He nodded. “That sounds about perfect, but I wanna let you know now, that I have to get up early. Some of us start the work week on Monday morning.”
“Pssshhhhhh,” she said. “Just because I usually work from home doesn’t make me lazy.”
“I know, just letting you know that I’m not planning on staying.”
“And you what? Thought that I wanted you too?” She faked dry heaving and they both laughed.
“All right,” he said. “I’ll follow you.”
She drove slow with rain beating down on the windshield, happy with the way things had gone at the Ooga Booga, and even happier that Dick called her when his plans got wrecked and was now coming to her place to hang out.
Considering everything she’d been through with men, she didn’t want to get too far ahead of herself, but she couldn’t help smiling at the flutter in her chest she felt when Dick left his car and met her in the canopy that led to her apartment.