“Er… Saltwell?”
* * *
“Okay, people!” yelled Mo, taking over crowd control and ushering everybody back so Will could emerge from the corner he’d been backed into. “Give the boy some space!”
“Say something!” shouted one of the kids from the jostling crowd. Word about Will had spread around school, and now everybody had gathered to see if the rumors were true.
“Something,” said Will. They all laughed.
“Say something else!” shouted another.
“Something else,” said Will to more fits of giggles.
“Say ‘She sells seashells on the seashore!’ ” shouted a girl from somewhere in the crowd.
“She sells seashells on the seashore,” said Will.
“Say ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!’ ” shouted someone else.
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” said Will.
“Say ‘Heˇn ga¯oxìng jiàn dào nıˇ,’ ” said Gan, a Chinese boy from the year below.
Will laughed. “I can’t say that,” he said.
“Say ‘My name’s Will and I love attention because I’m a massive fucking loser with no friends,’ ” said Mark as he barged in with Gavin and Tony in tow.
“Leave him alone, Mark,” said Mo as a nervous ripple spread through the crowd.
“Shut it, Mo. Little Willy here can speak for himself like a big boy now, can’t you, Willy?”
Will said nothing, the urge to speak suddenly gone.
“Say it,” said Mark. Will shook his head. Mark grabbed him by the collar and put his face so close to Will’s that flecks of spit landed on his cheek.
“Say it!” he said.
Will sighed. “My name’s Will and I love attention,” he mumbled.
“Because?”
“Because I’m a massive loser with no friends.”
“Did you hear that, fellas?” said Mark, turning to Gavin and Tony.
“Nope,” said Gavin.
“Not loud enough,” said Tony.
Mark grinned. “Say it again so everybody can hear,” he said.
“My name’s Will and I love attention because I’m a massive loser with no friends!” said Will, louder this time.
“Louder!”
“My name’s Will and I love attention because I’m a massive loser with no friends!” yelled Will.
“And don’t forget it,” said Mark. He leaned in close and lowered his voice, but the anger remained. “You think you’re so special just because your mum died? Boo-fucking-hoo. My dad died two years ago, but you don’t see me acting like a baby, do you? You don’t see me trying to get attention because of it like some fucking loser. So why don’t you stop embarrassing yourself and grow up instead of being such a pussy.” Mark let go of Will’s collar and shoved him against the wall. “Come on, lads.”
Gavin and Tony followed him through the crowd that had parted for them. Realizing the fun was over, everybody else began to shuffle away until only Will and Mo remained.
“I didn’t even know he had a dad,” said Mo. “I thought he was grown in a lab or something.”
Will wiped the spit from his cheek and stared at Mark across the schoolyard.
* * *
Danny arrived at the gates just as the school bell rang. The main doors opened and the kids came racing out as if fleeing the scene of a crime, which some of them probably were.
With the competition less than a week away, Danny had skipped his session in the park in exchange for more time to practice at Fanny’s. He now knew every part of his routine by heart, and even though he still hadn’t mastered all of it, or half of it, or even a small percentage of it, he was at least able to dance his way through it from start to finish.
Danny rubbed his groin and groaned before reminding himself he was outside a school. He’d decided to wear the panda costume during that day’s rehearsals in order to get a feel for how the fabric responded to his movements (it chafed like hell, especially his inner thighs) and how easily he could breathe with the mask on (about as easily as he could breathe with a carrier bag over his head), and he could feel the sweaty outfit soaking through his backpack as Will crossed the road towards him.
“What are you doing here?” said Will.
“Sorry, mate, am I cramping your style?” Danny looked around, conscious that an unknown love interest might be somewhere nearby.
“I have no style to cramp,” joked Will. “I just thought you’d be at work.”
“I, er, got off early,” he said, having momentarily forgotten about his supposed job at the building site in his eagerness to see his son. He patted his backpack for emphasis. “Got my work stuff right here. I thought that maybe we could, you know, do something.”
“Like what?” said Will.
“Whatever you want.”
Will thought for a moment. “Burger King?” he said.
“Burger King it is.”
“Can I have a triple Whopper with cheese?”
“Can you eat a triple Whopper with cheese?” said Danny.
Will shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Then I guess there’s only one way to find out. Come on.”
“Wait,” said Will, pointing in the opposite direction. “Let’s go this way.”
“But Burger King’s the other way,” said Danny.
“Just follow me.”
* * *
Will didn’t tell him where they were going and Danny didn’t ask, content to follow along and enjoy the simple yet uncommon pleasure of sharing a conversation with his son. Will told Danny about school while carefully omitting the fact that Mark was continuing to make his life miserable, and Danny told Will about work while carefully omitting the fact that he’d been fired almost two months ago. He was so distracted by their conversation that he didn’t realize they’d walked into the park until Will paused at the spot where Danny usually performed as the panda.
“What’s up?” said Danny.
“I wanted you to meet somebody,” said Will, scanning the park.
“Who?” said Danny cautiously, already knowing the answer but still obliged to ask.
“This guy who dresses up like a panda. He dances too. He’s really good.”
“What have I told you about talking to weirdos in parks?”
“He’s not a weirdo, he’s my friend.”
“All right, Danny,” said somebody behind them. “Didn’t recognize you without your fur on.”
Danny could almost feel his brain cells scurrying around in panic as he turned to face Tim. Milton was perched on his shoulder sporting a blue turtleneck sweater.
“Day off today, is it?” said Tim.
“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” said Danny. He winked and hoped that Tim would get the hint. He didn’t.
“Do you know me?” said the busker with a laugh that started out genuine and ended up nervous.
“I mean, have we met before?” said Danny, winking again.
Tim winked back despite having no idea what they were winking about. “I don’t know. Have we?”
“No, I don’t think we have,” said Danny.
“Then I guess we haven’t,” said Tim. He winked again.
“How did you know his name, then?” said Will.
“What?” said Tim, noticing Will as if for the first time. “I didn’t. I don’t.”
“You called him Danny.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Oh,” said Tim. “Yes. You’re right. I did.”
Will waited. Danny squirmed. Tim fidgeted. Milton licked his arse.
“I call everybody Danny,” said Tim. “It’s just, you know, how I roll.”
“You call everybody Danny?” said Will.
“Yes,” he said. “That’s correct.” He turned to Danny, his eyes pleading for help, but Danny seemed to have frozen, like his system had crashed and hadn’t yet rebooted. Tim continued with his narrative, trying to dig his way out by digging eve
n deeper. “It’s a funny story actually,” he said. “But also kind of sad. You see, Danny is what I used to call my father. He was called… Bernard. Like Bernard Matthews. You know, the turkey bloke. He wasn’t Bernard Matthews, though, just to clarify. Anyway, when I was young I called him Daddy, like children do, but I couldn’t pronounce the word properly because… I was born with a speech impediment. Which is gone now. Obviously. But back then, whenever I tried to say ‘Daddy,’ it came out sounding like ‘Danny.’ ”
Danny recovered himself enough to make a series of chopping motions to his throat, repeatedly mouthing the word stop, but Tim was far too engrossed in his fabricated life story to notice.
“One day, without warning, my dad walked out and left us.” He snapped his fingers. “Just like that. Gone. It was heartbreaking.” Danny looked on in disbelief as Tim choked up for a second. “Nobody knew where he went. Unconfirmed sightings were reported from across the globe, from the Ural Mountains to the jungles of West Papua, but no proof was ever found. I never stopped looking for him, but as the years passed I started to worry that we might not recognize each other anymore, so whenever I saw somebody who I thought might be him, I’d go up to them and say ‘Danny,’ because that way, if it was him, then he’d know for sure that it was me, his son. And that, young man, is why I call people Danny.”
Tim looked at Danny, clearly impressed with himself.
Will frowned, even more confused than before. “So… you’re saying that you thought my dad might be your dad?”
Tim’s smile faltered at the realization that his story wasn’t quite as watertight as he thought.
“Yes,” he said. “I mean, no. Maybe.” He looked at Danny. “Are you?”
“No,” said Danny wearily. “I’m not your dad.”
“Whatever. I’m going over there,” said Will, pointing to a nearby crowd. “What were you saying about talking to weirdos in parks?” he whispered on his way past Danny.
“What the hell just happened!” said Tim once Will was out of earshot. He wiped his brow with Milton’s tail.
“You just told my son that you thought I might be your dad, and you’re asking me what the hell just happened!”
“I’m sorry, I panicked. What was I supposed to do?”
“No,” said Danny, rubbing the tension out of his neck. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I should have told you earlier. My son doesn’t know about the whole panda thing.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m a dancing panda bear, Tim. It’s not exactly something to be proud of, is it?”
Tim gave Danny’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’m proud of you,” he said. “And so is Milton. He might not look it, but he is.”
“Thanks, I think,” said Danny. “Hey, sorry about your dad, by the way.”
“What about him?”
“He didn’t walk out on you?”
“If he did, then I’ve got no idea whose basement I’m living in. By the way,” he said, pointing over Danny’s shoulder, “you might want to keep your son away from El Magnifico.”
“Shit!” said Danny, noticing Will in the crowd. “Thanks again, I owe you one!”
“This guy’s really good,” said Will as Danny ran over.
“Yeah,” said Danny, trying to hide behind the people in front of him. “Come on, we should probably make a move.”
“For my next trick,” El Magnifico addressed the crowd, “I’m going to need two volunteers.”
Danny hunched his shoulders and stared at his feet, totally unaware that Will’s arm was twitching in the air beside him.
“It looks like we’ve found ourselves some victims!” said the magician, pointing to Will. Everybody laughed. “Make way, ladies and gentlemen!”
“Come on!” said Will, grabbing Danny’s hand.
“Will, stop!” whispered Danny, trying to resist without making a scene.
“Well, well, well,” said El Magnifico when he saw Danny reluctantly emerge from the crowd. “Who do we have here, then?”
“I’m Will, and this is my dad.”
“Let’s hear it for Will and his dad, everybody!”
A gentle patter of applause rose from the crowd.
“Now, before we begin, Will, do you have a mobile phone?”
“Yes,” said Will, removing his phone from his pocket.
“Excellent. Would you mind holding it up so everyone can see?”
Will held out his phone and swept it across the crowd as if taking a panorama.
“Very good,” said El Magnifico. He turned to Danny and grinned like he’d just stuck a KICK ME sign on his back. “And you, sir. What’s your name?”
“Danny.”
“Do you have a wallet, Danny?”
“I do,” he said, removing his wallet from his pocket.
“And could you also show it to the crowd?” said El Magnifico. Danny did as requested. “Pay attention to the finer details, everybody. The clearly fake leather. The cheap stitching. The distinct lack of money inside. Thank you very much, Danny, you can put the wallet away now. Do you mind telling us what you do for a living?”
“He’s a builder,” said Will.
“A builder?” said the magician with pantomime exaggeration. “Really?”
“Really,” said Danny, trying to murder El Magnifico with his eyes.
“Isn’t that interesting,” said El Magnifico, pretending to twizzle his drawn-on mustache. “And do you do anything else? A second job maybe? Bartender? Postman? Dancing panda, perhaps?”
“Nope,” said Danny through his teeth. “I’m just a builder.”
“If you say so.” El Magnifico turned to Will. “Tell me, Will, do you trust your dad?”
Will nodded with more confidence than Danny would have expected.
“And you, Danny, do you trust your son?”
“Of course.”
“Isn’t that precious, ladies and gentlemen?” said El Magnifico. The crowd murmured in agreement. “But, Will, what would you say if I told you that your father was actually… a thief!”
“Seriously?” whispered Danny, thinking the magician was still upset about his missing robe.
“I’d say you were a liar,” said Will.
“Well, your loyalty is admirable, Will, but if I’m a liar, why does your dad have your phone in his pocket?”
“He doesn’t.”
“Are you absolutely sure about that?”
“Yes,” said Will. He patted his trousers, but the pockets were suddenly empty. “Wait, no. Where’s my phone?”
“Danny, could you check your pockets please?”
Danny halfheartedly patted his trousers, sure that he’d find nothing out of the ordinary. Instead he found something bulky that hadn’t been there a minute ago. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out Will’s phone.
“Will, is that your phone?” said El Magnifico.
“How did you do that?” said Will, taking his phone and staring at it as if his whole life had been a lie. A few people clapped. Others checked their pockets to make sure their phones were still there.
“Don’t ask me. Ask your dad. What do you have to say for yourself, Danny?”
“You got me,” said Danny, holding his hands up in mock surrender.
“Still trust your dad, Will?”
“Yeah,” said Will. “Like, eighty percent.” The crowd laughed.
“Well, he might not trust you when he realizes you’ve stolen his wallet.”
“I haven’t,” said Will, turning out his pockets. “See?”
“Danny, do you have your wallet?”
“No,” said Danny, frowning as he checked and rechecked his trousers.
“Will, could you show us what’s in your schoolbag?”
Will slipped his bag from his shoulder and began to root around in it. “It’s just books,” he said. “And a pencil case. And an old sock I didn’t know was in there. And an even older apple.” He held up the withered fruit to the sound of laughter. “But nothing—
Oh, wait.”
Will’s hand slowly emerged holding Danny’s wallet. The crowd applauded. Will looked stunned. Even Danny was impressed.
“Will, can you do me a favor and go through the wallet to confirm that it is in fact your dad’s? Look for an ID card, something like that.”
“Yep, it’s mine all right,” said Danny, laughing nervously as he finally understood what El Magnifico was up to. “No need to verify it.”
“I found a bank card,” said Will as he rummaged through the wallet.
“Anything else?” said El Magnifico.
“You’ve made your point!” hissed Danny, but El Magnifico just grinned.
“And a Nectar card,” said Will.
“Keep looking,” said El Magnifico.
“Oh yeah, here’s something,” said Will. He held up Danny’s street performer’s permit.
“What is it?” said the magician, literally rubbing his hands with glee. “Read it to me.”
“It’s—”
Before Will could finish his sentence, Milton leapt onto the table and attached himself to El Magnifico’s face. The man screamed and dropped to the floor while the crowd, believing the assault to be part of the performance, began to film the event on their phones. Taking advantage of the chaos, Danny grabbed both the wallet and the permit and stuffed them into his pocket. Then, noticing Tim on the fringe of the crowd, he flashed a grateful thumbs-up before ushering Will away from the scene.
* * *
It was late by the time they got home that night. As promised, Danny had taken Will to Burger King where, also as promised, Will had been treated to a triple Whopper with cheese, a purchase that effectively answered the question of whether or not he could eat one by himself (he could, much to Danny’s amazement, and also his disappointment, having not bought anything for himself assuming that the leftovers would be more plentiful than the solitary slice of gherkin he ended up with). Afterwards, on their way past the cinema, Will had dropped several not-so-subtle hints about how much he wanted to see the latest installment of the seemingly never-ending The Fast and the Furious franchise and how it was going to be gone from the cinema soon and how it was so much better to watch a film like that on the big screen and how he couldn’t watch it on his own because he didn’t have the money and it was a 12A anyway so he couldn’t see it unless he was accompanied by an adult or unless he looked old enough to sneak in (which they both knew he didn’t) until Danny had eventually capitulated.
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