When the kiss ended, she had tears in her eyes. Her emotions were so raw and intense. She didn’t want to leave. They didn’t speak, but Mr. Langley pulled her into a sweet embrace. He kissed the top of her head and stroked her back.
“I meant what I said to you the other day,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I will fight for you.”
“Being with you is the only thing I have ever truly wanted with my whole heart,” she replied, pulling back from their embrace slightly. They looked in each other’s eyes. A shudder ran through her, and her heart seemed to swell. “I must go,” she said mournfully.
They kissed again, but this time it was a soft, loving kiss, full of promises and hope. “I’m going to miss you.” He stepped back, still watching her intently.
“Me, too.” She turned around to pick up Beth’s cape.
“Will you consider writing an article?” He grabbed her hand, seemingly unable to not touch her. She interlocked their fingers and beamed at him.
“How on earth could I do that?” She shook her head in disbelief.
“You write them in my name.” He suggested, kissing each of her knuckles.
“You’re mad.” She teased.
“Think about it for me.”
“I will.”
Caroline called to Madeleine that they should be leaving. As the lady’s maid entered the room, they made sure to stand at a respectable distance from each other. “Thank you for everything, Mr. Langley,” she said before opening the door.
“It was my pleasure, Lady Caroline.” They shared one more look, then she left. On the way back to the linen draper’s, she could barely contain her smile. Madeleine said nothing, but from the corner of her eye Caroline could see her smirking at her. When they arrived, she hastily took off the cape and entered the shop. Lady Anna turned around at the sound of the clinking bell on the door.
“Thank you for all your help, dear,” she said gratefully, handing Beth the cape.
“Glad to be of service.” Lady Anna narrowed her eyes as she took in Caroline’s appearance. “There is something different about you.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” she replied with a grin.
“You’re glowing,” Lady Anna said shrewdly. “What were you doing, I wonder.”
“I will tell you later, I must go now.”
“You better!” Lady Anna called, as Caroline and Madeleine left the shop. They hurried back to the Tea Shop. The Dowager Duchess still sat in the same seat, deep in a conversation with Lady Adams. Caroline couldn’t help but laugh. She doubted she would have needed to disguise herself, as nothing short of an explosion would have been able to grab her aunt’s attention while gossiping with a friend.
For the next days, Caroline felt as if a protective aura surrounded her. Mr. Langley’s presence, understanding, and utter belief in her made her think differently about the future. As if her possibilities were endless. Despite her initial trepidation about the articles, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about what she wished to write. Being able to let the world know her views and positions, but no one would be able to dismiss them just on the basis of her sex.
Caroline would soon meet Lord Estaria at Covent Garden. She felt sorry for him because she would not even consider the possibility that they might end up together. Her heart didn’t belong to her anymore. She had decided that she would go to dinner with him, and perhaps go to Vauxhall Gardens one time. That way she could tell her father and aunt that she at least tried, but it wasn’t a match.
Late one morning, Caroline hurried down the stairs. They were having a luncheon for a few well-chosen guests, and Lady Anna was coming. She was excited to see her friend, and she desperately wanted to tell someone about Mr. Langley.
“You’re not going to wear that gown?” The Dowager Duchess stared at her as she entered the drawing room.
“Should I change, Your Grace?” She thought the gown she was wearing was perfectly lovely, despite being almost a year old. It was much more comfortable than her new attire.
“Don’t bother, they will arrive at any minute,” the Dowager Duchess scoffed. Caroline couldn’t help think that her aunt seemed tense. Usually, she would have been pleased to be having company over. The butler entered the room to announce the guests had arrived.
The food was excellent—the Dowager Duchess must have had the cook preparing for a few days. The pastries reminded her of the ones from the Tea Room.
“I won’t fit into my new gown if I eat more.” Lady Anna laughed heartily, yet taking another bite.
“It is rather good, isn’t it?” She took a sip of her tea. The guests today were comprised of a few of her acquaintances around her age, usually their mothers or aunts, as well. Lady Adams was there, but what surprised Caroline was that the Dowager Duchess of Aston was there.
“When am I going to hear what you were up to the other day?” Lady Anna whispered, moving her chair discretely closer. Caroline looked around, making sure no one was within their earshot.
“I will tell you this in strictest confidence,” she said seriously. Lady Anna nodded her head solemnly.
“I met someone rather wonderful.” Just the thought filled her with a warm feeling and made her heart jump. Carefully, she told Lady Anna about Mr. Langley. She spoke rapidly and so quietly that it was a wonder her friend heard her at all. Once she had finished, Lady Anna gaped at her.
“Sweet Caro,” she whispered. “That is the most romantic story I have ever heard. But what about the Marquess? It’s widely known around the ton that you accepted his dinner invitation.”
“More like Her Grace did,” she replied, looking at her aunt. She was rather shocked when she saw the Dowager Duchess of Aston staring at her. She hurriedly looked away, feeling uneasy underneath that gaze.
“When will you next see him?” Lady Anna asked excitedly.
“I don’t know,” she replied sadly.
“Well, I for one, hope this means you are no longer trying to find out more about Emma and the others.” Lady Anna returned her attention to her plate. Caroline didn’t answer but changed the subject instead. She was, in fact, not going to stop trying to find out more. Not at all.
Later that night, Caroline sat by her worktable and was writing. She had finally decided to start writing one article, focusing on Inheritance laws. It was a fascinating subject and a cause for many impoverished ladies. She didn’t hold back one inch in her writing, and for a brief moment, she allowed herself to dream about a life filled with reading and writing, and even the wild thought of not attending the remainder of the Season.
There was a knock on the door, and the footman at the door told her that Lord Brighney wished to speak with her in his library. She hastily hid the notes she had been writing and walked down the corridor.
What can Father wish to speak about?
They had already eaten dinner, why didn’t he tell her then? “You wished to see me, Father?” She walked closer to his desk but was surprised to see her aunt standing by the fireplace. This made her feel uneasy.
“I did, poppet,” he said with a heavy sigh. “Your aunt and I have been discussing your future.”
“I see.”
“Do not interrupt,” the Dowager Duchess said pointedly.
“Last year, you refused not one but two proposals from fine young gentlemen.” He continued. A cold shiver ran down Caroline’s spine. “But, I was glad to hear that you have accepted a dinner invitation from Lord Estaria.”
She felt faint. Her father could not possibly be about to say what she feared.
“I have, therefore, decided that you will court Lord Estaria.” Her father didn’t look at her.
“Please, Father, don’t make me—” She pleaded, but he cut her off.
“This is non-negotiable,” he said. “You may leave.”
Chapter 17
The steps toward her room were heavy. Her father’s words reverberated over and over in her head. How could he do this to her? What had pushed him to
his decision, and why now? Her room seemed much colder than just a moment ago. She stared at the seat in front of her worktable. She had imagined how it would be to no longer attend the Season, and now? Now she was being commanded to court Lord Estaria.
To her surprise, she did not feel nervous or scared. She felt iron-hot fury at the injustice of this. The fact that she had so little control over her life was infuriating. Without conscious thought, she sat back at her work table and took out the article she had been working on.
She read what she had written again, and feeling wild and tempestuous, she tore the page in half and threw it on the ground. She grabbed another paper and began writing again. This time she channeled her anger to her writing. This brought her a sense of control, and as she wrote, her thoughts became clear. She could not let this break her. She would have to fight with all her strength for Mr. Langley.
The next morning, she sat up in her bed long before the distant clatter from the servant’s quarters could be heard. She had bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep. She had written and re-written until the dim light from the oil lamp made it impossible to see. Her hand ached from writing, but she was pleased with the results.
I wonder if Jimmy has another errand to run today? I want Mr. Langley to get my article as soon as possible.
She stood up and looked outside her window. It was a beautiful day, with twittering birdsong and a gentle breeze. There was a knock on the door, and she called, “Enter.” Madeleine seemed surprised at seeing Caroline standing by the window.
“Good morning, My Lady.” Madeleine slowly approached her.
“Morning, Madeleine,” she said, turning to face her maid.
“Are you all right?” Madeleine asked with concern.
“No,” she said simply and walked toward the worktable and picked up the papers, which she had neatly tied together with a dark blue ribbon. “I am going to have to ask you to help me give this to Mr. Langley.”
Madeleine looked at the pages and back at Caroline. “I would be happy to help you, My Lady,” Madeleine replied, gravely taking the article from her.
“Thank you.” Madeleine began helping her get dressed. “Will you ask Jimmy to help you?”
“I will,” Madeleine said, blushing slightly. “He is always willing to help.”
“I’m glad.” She stared at her complexion in the mirror. She would need to powder her face lest her aunt comment on the tired and pale tinge of her cheeks.
A short while later, Caroline joined her aunt for breakfast.
“Will Father not join us?” She looked around and saw the table was not set for him.
“No, he had urgent matters to attend to.” The Dowager Duchess did not look up from the letter in her hand which she was reading. Caroline sat down and had a sip of tea. She had no appetite.
Well, Her Grace should be pleased that at least my waistline will not be compromised.
“Lord Estaria has sent over the most gracious letter. Thanking me for introducing you two,” the Dowager Duchess said, finally putting down her letter.
“I see,” she replied, but quickly added, “He sounds quite charming.” She was determined to keep her dignity and composure, even though the thought of this made her skin crawl.
“I am glad your father accepted Lord Estaria’s courting request.” The Dowager Duchess stood up. “Refusing young gentlemen is excusable only once.” At that, her aunt left the dining hall.
Lord Estaria had sent over flowers with a note in which he wished to take her on a carriage ride, and that he would come by later that day. The Dowager Duchess was very excited once the flowers arrived and commanded her to go to her room to change clothes. Caroline didn’t argue, as being around the flowers was a painful reminder of her predicament.
Once Lord Estaria arrived, Caroline stood in the drawing room, dressed in one of her new gowns. The corset pinched her ribs, and she found it difficult to breathe. Lord Estaria entered the room impeccably dressed, but she thought he looked tired, his eyes slightly bloodshot.
“Lady Caroline!” He stopped in front of her and gave her a deep bow. “I am honored to be in your presence again.”
“It is good to see you again, My Lord.” She curtsied politely.
“I had hoped that you would join me for a carriage ride, and perhaps a short walk in Hyde Park.” Lord Estaria gave her a charming smile.
“I would be delighted, My Lord,” she replied, her voice flat from the lack of emotion. She could see her aunt staring at her fiercely.
“It is such a lovely day,” he continued. “It would be a shame to waste it inside, would it not?”
“Yes, My Lord.” At least she would get away from her aunt, if only for a little while. They walked outside together, Madeleine following them.
The carriage was a shining, black barouche, drawn by two enormous black stallions. Caroline had never before been in such a carriage. Madeleine sat at the back and had just managed to sit down when Lord Estaria signaled the driver, and they were moving.
“I am glad you agreed to see me today,” Lord Estaria said gently as they promenaded around Hyde Park.
“Certainly, My Lord.” She looked around the crowded park. Many people paid attention to them, with wide eyes.
Is this why he wanted to bring me here? To parade me around?
“I know this must have felt quite sudden,” he continued. “But after our brief encounter…” He sighed and shook his head, looking embarrassed. “Well, I guess, I was simply eager to meet you again.”
Caroline didn’t know what to say. She had not expected him to speak with her in such a manner. He did seem different from other gentlemen she had met. “Should we walk toward that lovely fountain?” She gestured to a distance not far from where they were.
“Of course,” he replied.
“I’m glad you asked me to come here,” she said. “It has been much too long since I have been here.”
“Perhaps, a tad too crowded,” he replied.
“It is the time to be out and about.” They walked slowly in a circle around the carved fountain.
“I merely hope that you will still agree to go to the theatre with me.” Lord Estaria gazed at her, seemingly mesmerized.
“I have always loved the theatre.” Caroline did not look at him.
“I am glad to hear.”
The corset made every movement painful, and she was rather longing to be back home. To her great relief, it was Lord Estaria who suggested they leave.
“We should return soon, I do not wish you to grow bored of me—yet.” He winked at her, his crooked smile transforming his whole face.
“Being in your company has been most enjoyable,” she said cordially.
“You are too kind, Lady Caroline.” They were walking toward the carriage when a young lady, accompanied by her maid, approached them from the opposite direction. As soon as the young lady noticed them, she stopped walking, staring ahead, directly at Lord Estaria.
“You!” The young lady spoke with a quivering voice. Her eyes were wide and she did not seem to be able to stop glaring at Lord Estaria. “How dare you!” Caroline was somewhat disconcerted by the other lady’s wild manner, who pointed at Lord Estaria. She was trembling now.
“Come now, Lady Caroline,” Lord Estaria said. He walked purposefully away from the young lady, not looking at her once.
Caroline turned around and saw that the young lady was being consoled by her maid.
How extraordinary!
“Did you know that lady?” She turned to look at Lord Estaria. He had the most peculiar look on his face. His jaw was squared, and his eyes seemed suddenly cold.
“I should not talk about my acquaintance with her.” He sighed heavily. “It is not fitting, given our circumstances.”
“Whatever do you mean, My Lord?” She could not stop her question. Lord Estaria stopped walking and turned to face her.
“Let us not dawdle, My Lady. It will get dark soon.” His tone was dismissive. They continued wa
lking, but she did not utter another word. His demeanor was so utterly different from Mr. Langley’s. She could not imagine he would refuse to speak to her.
The silence for the remainder of their walk toward the carriage was deafening.
Lord Estaria helped her up to the barouche and sat next to her. The carriage began moving slowly. He turned in his seat to face her.
“The young lady we passed, Lady Sarah, she is not well.” He spoke very quietly. “My grandmother introduced me to her, and to be honest, I think her Grace wished me to court her.” He took a long pause as if the words caused him immense strength to utter. “However, I do not wish to court a lady unless I have a desire to marry her.”
For the Lust of a Rogue: A Steamy Historical Regency Romance Novel Page 11