The two were at war in Tommy's mind—and although he would not have used these names, they represented a clear division, or choice, between good and evil.
As he lay in the bunk, trying to go to sleep, he thought for the first time in a long while, I wonder what my father would think, if he knew what I was doing. And he meant it not to hurt his father, but rather for the first time feeling some sincere tugs of shame and of guilt.
If his father could admit that he himself had done so many wrong things and was truly seeking God now, then it occurred to Tommy that perhaps his father might actually understand some of the rejection and uncertainty Tommy had been feeling.
His defenses were still up, and he knew he would have to watch his father carefully to see whether his actions followed his words. But in a way that he could not really express, just knowing that his father might actually understand him and be there for him, if he needed him, gave him a sense of peace and of having a foundation in his life which had been absent for a long, long time.
As he finally went to sleep, the images were still battling. But at least it was a battle, and no longer a one-sided rout.
23
SUNDAY, MAY 7 – Sunday morning, the two girls awoke at Amy's house, and Amy pulled the pregnancy tests out of her drawer while Susan remained in bed. “Well,” Amy said, holding the tests up, “wish me luck.” And she headed for the bathroom.
It occurred to Susan that she should try praying, and so she said quickly, “Dear God, please don't let Amy be pregnant.”
But it was not to be. Within an hour, as the girls dressed, both tests confirmed that Amy was, in fact, pregnant.
When the first test turned positive, Amy sat on the bed, staring at it. Her first emotion was a genuine thrill, that a new life was actually growing inside her. How incredible! But then, like a pump evacuating water, the reality of her situation pushed the momentary joy right out of her and kept it out, almost completely. “I can't have a baby now,” she heard a voice screaming inside her. Soon she began to cry. “Susan, what am I going to do? My parents will kill me if they find out. How could this happen to me? …We only did it one time! I wonder what Billy will say!” she laughed derisively, sensing his answer. Turning to Susan, she said, “You can't tell anybody—and certainly not your parents until I figure out what to do. Do you promise?”
“Yes, of course,” Susan said, sitting beside Amy and putting her arm around her shoulder. “You, Bobbie, and I will figure out what to do. If you come to church with us this morning, we can sit with Bobbie, and then the three of us will talk about it.”
“Do you think we should tell Bobbie?” Amy asked Susan. “She'll be so disappointed. I know she'll want me to have the baby, and I just don't think I can do that.”
“Yes, I know. But she already knows what you've done, so I don't think she can be any more disappointed. And we've been best friends for so many years. I think we should try to work this out together. Starting this morning—or as soon as you are comfortable enough to talk about it.”
Amy nodded her acquiescence and wiped her tears with the tissue Susan offered. “OK. I guess I'll go to church with you. I certainly need all the help I can get!”
“Now we better go downstairs for breakfast,” Susan concluded, smiling as best she could, “or your parents will think something strange is going on.”
Kristen awoke slowly that morning, her first impression being that of a man's arm across her body. For an instant she had to think where she was, but then she smiled, remembering how delightful had been her “scientific observation” of Peter, five years older. If anything, he had improved with age!
As she lay in the bed, not moving, while Peter slept, she could not help but think about Richard. They had their usual appointment set for Tuesday. It occurred to her that she would be sleeping with two different men in the space of a little more than forty-eight hours, and the term “loose woman” jumped into her mind, along with the visual image of her mother praying for her. But before she could begin to process that thought, a voice within her told her that she was, in fact, a “modern woman,” “liberated,” and able to handle such emotional supercharging with no problem.
She smiled at that thought, rolled over, and ran her hand through the hair on Peter's chest. He opened his eyes slightly, and smiled.
“Good morning,” she whispered with a smile.
“Good morning…Hmmm…,” he smiled. “Listen, my flight is not until 2:00, and this is an expensive room. I think we should make the most of my company's investment …” And he pulled her to him.
Tom and Nancy Bryant were surprised at breakfast to learn from Susan that the Sullivans were going to church that morning with the Merediths. And they were even more surprised when Amy said that she'd be joining them.
The four Sullivans plus Amy arrived at Morningside Church just before 10:00. Bob and Anne Meredith, along with Bobbie and Thomas Briggs, were waiting for them inside the front door of the large, traditionally built brick sanctuary. After greetings all around, the two couples left for one of the four adult Sunday school classes, and the five young people headed for the large class in which the students themselves, along with Glenn Jamison, led their youth group.
Glenn was standing at the door to the youth group classroom, and Bobbie introduced him to Susan, Tommy, and Amy. Glenn smiled and shook each hand in turn. “Welcome to Morningside. Any friends of Bobbie and Thomas can't be all bad! We're glad you're here and hope you'll always feel welcome to come.”
The large classroom was filling up, so they took their seats immediately. Amy, Tommy, and Susan each recognized many other kids their age, either from school or from playing sports. It turned out that it was Bobbie's Sunday to lead the devotion at the beginning, so she rose, walked to the front, and read several passages from the Bible, then gave some brief remarks on what those excerpts from God's Word meant to her. She announced that there would be prayer time after the main program, and then Glenn came up to the front.
“For those of you who are visiting, we often have a guest speaker with us here at Morningside Youth Group. But this morning you're stuck with me,” he smiled.
“I want to talk with you for a while this morning about love. About what it is and what it is not.
“I'm talking about the kind of love Jesus describes in Matthew 22, to ‘love your neighbor as yourself,’ and in Mark 12:31. And in John 3:16 when it says, ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.’ The love described in those famous passages is not anything like passion. You would probably have little reason to confuse it with that popular notion of love. But it also has nothing to do with something you could more easily confuse it with today, namely a warm and fuzzy feeling—a feeling of attraction or sentimentality which so many times today is characterized as ‘love.’
“You see, I'm talking about tough love. Love that goes beyond a warm and fuzzy feeling. There's nothing affectionate or sentimental about dying for someone else. And when Jesus says to love your neighbor as yourself, think for a minute about how it is that you love yourself. Is it a warm and fuzzy feeling? Or is it more that you want the best for yourself in the long run?
“If that is what our Lord means by love—that He wants only the best for us over the long term—and of course the longest term is eternity—then think what that means for your relationships with other people as you try to love them.”
Tommy, Amy, and Susan were struck by Glenn's down-to-earth manner and by his ability to communicate a difficult subject in a way they could understand. All the teenagers in the packed classroom listened attentively as Glenn continued.
“Sometimes if you want the best for someone in the long run, your love for them may appear in the short run to be just the opposite of simple affection or of a warm and fuzzy feeling.
“Tough love, for example, has us tell a friend that the beers he drinks on the weekend are hurting his chances for college
and spoiling his body and his brain while they are still growing.
“Tough love says that premarital sex is wrong, that no matter how good it may feel at the moment, it is not God's long-term plan for us or for a specific couple. And it changes their relationship because it is not what God wants.
“And so, guys, that means if you're trying to push your girlfriend to have sex, you can't really love her. You may feel affectionate toward her. You may be excited by her. But you can't really love her, because having sex with you at age sixteen, seventeen, or eighteen can't possibly be the best thing for her, no matter how great a stud you think you are. Ask yourself, is that what God wants for this daughter of His? If your answer is no, then real love means you don't try it, no matter how excited you get!”
Many of the teenagers squirmed in their seats. Susan and Bobbie, sitting on each side of Amy, consciously refrained from looking at her. “Tough love says that abortion is murder and is therefore wrong, no matter what the inconvenience or the circumstances. It's hard to imagine that the mother of an unborn child can want the best for him or her by committing murder.
“Tough love is not justifying some short-term expediency, like dropping out of school, or failing to do your best, just because it requires a little pain or seems ‘unaffectionate’.”
Glenn went on to give the kids more examples of how God's real love for them could or could not be reflected in their real love for others. At the end of his remarks, there were questions, and then a prayer time, when many of the students lifted up their friends and families to the Lord. The three newcomers were moved by the clarity and the sincerity of both the discussions and the prayers. None of them had ever been around kids their own age who obviously believed they were literally God's children.
After youth group, the five of them walked to join the adults for the main service.
The class the Merediths and Sullivans attended was led by a local businessman, Monty Ludwig. He was leading an ongoing class on how believers should cope with a world in which virtually every institution denied that the Word of God was important or relevant. This was the first time Richard had ever heard anyone refer to America as a post-Christian society, and it caused him to reflect on his nation's future, without its institutions grounded in the Christian faith. Although Richard had not, until Thursday, considered himself a believer, it now struck him that he had just assumed that the moral teachings of the Bible would always be there in the background.
But now, in this class, he was confronted by the possibility that there would actually soon be no institution left in America attached to the bedrock of those teachings. And in one of those flashes that sometimes hits people as an obvious truth, the term post-Christian explained for Richard the past thirty years’ increase in violent crime, drug abuse, child abuse, and other problems. He thought about Susan and Tommy coming to adulthood in a nation without moral principals, and it truly worried him. How had this happened? He was intrigued by Monty's teaching, and he wanted to come back next week to hear more.
As they entered the sanctuary, he was pleased to see that Paula Lindsay was leading the congregation in singing before the service began. He noted this connection with the prayer breakfast to Janet as they sat down, and she nodded her understanding.
The service itself was powerful in both its liturgy and its simplicity. Janet and their children had never experienced this power before. Richard had experienced it but could not name it. The power that moved them was the Holy Spirit, who was present there in the church with them. Amy and the Sullivans could feel, without anyone telling them, that God was there with them. Their hearts felt His presence, and the voices of deception which had been spinning in them took another blow.
And no demon in his right mind would venture near Morningside Church on any occasion, particularly not on a Sunday, when the believers’ extra praises summoned even more warrior angels than usual.
Michael Andrews’ sermon that morning was on confessing sin. He described the cleansing effect of truthfully and penitently asking God's forgiveness for sins of both commission and omission. “Isn't it sad,” he told his congregation, “that psychologists and the press have turned old-fashioned sin, which has been around since Adam and Eve first rebelled against God, into illnesses, addictions, problems with upbringing, problems with teachers, and on and on. If you're told you're the way you are because of your parents, or your teachers, or your economic status, or because of some illness, the implication is that you're stuck with it.
“There's not much good about sin, but the one good thing about sin is that you can be forgiven, and the sin can be put behind you. You can give it to God, lay it at the foot of the cross, and let Jesus carry that burden for you. What a blessing. What love for us, that God has provided this way to allow us to start over, to seek His forgiveness, and then to close that chapter of our lives and move on.
“Most of what the newspapers call our nation's problems are simply sin. Plain and simple. At forty years old when you're having an affair and also cheating your company, it's a bit late to blame your parents or your teachers. It's you. It's simple. It's sin. And if you'll take responsibility for your own actions and ask for His forgiveness, then you can, with the power of the Holy Spirit, change, overcome the sin and be different.
“If any one of you in this congregation, or any of you who is visiting, is carrying around with you a terrible burden, either of current sin or of guilt for sins past, and you want to clean up that mess, then I urge you to take those to the Lord in personal prayer. And although it's certainly not necessary, because it's between you and God, if you nevertheless would like for me or one of our ministers to pray with you, then we'll be happy to do so. We will pray with you here, now, during communion—or you may call the office for an appointment during the week. But the main thing is to clean up your past, ask truthfully for God's forgiveness, and then close that chapter of your life and begin again as a new man or a new woman.”
Richard felt, while Michael was speaking, that he was the only person in the sanctuary, because Michael's words made so much sense to him, and they were so relevant to his situation with Kristen. The thought of being cleaned up and able to start over again attracted Richard like a magnet, and he made a note to call Michael Andrews early the next week.
Janet, too, was moved, not only by Michael's sermon, but by the service itself. She couldn't exactly put her finger on it, but in her past experience, the emphasis in church worship had seemed to be either on the ritual or on the ministers conducting the service, and the congregation had always been passive. At Morningside it occurred to her, near the end of the service, that the emphasis appeared to be on worshiping the Lord in everything that happened: the liturgy, the singing, the sermon, the prayers. And the congregation was actively part of it all. She noticed that most people had Bibles and followed the readings.
They sang with a vigor she didn't remember in other churches. Many of the people around her took notes during Michael's sermon, and there were even a few “amens” when he made particularly strong points. In short, everyone in the sanctuary appeared to be genuinely interested in worshiping their heavenly Father. Janet's heart was opened, and she was drawn to the sincerity of the worship and the feeling of goodness like a thirsty person to water.
After the service, the Merediths introduced their guests to Michael Andrews at the back of the church, as they were all leaving. He had a warm smile and encouraged them to come back again. Richard and Janet found themselves saying yes simultaneously, and Richard mentioned that he might call during the week. “That'll be fine, Richard,” Michael said. “I look forward to meeting with you.”
While the Merediths introduced the Sullivans to several other couples in the bright sunshine after the service, Thomas Briggs asked Tommy Sullivan to help him assist his father, who was on usher duty, in straightening up the sanctuary. Amy mentioned to Bobbie that she and Susan would like to talk to her, and the three girls walked several paces off by themselves. “Bobbie
, listen. I really appreciate being included this morning,” Amy began, “because everything you've told us about your church seems to be true. I liked Glenn Jamison in particular. But what Susan already knows, and I want to tell you, is that I took two pregnancy tests early this morning, and they both turned out positive. So it looks like I'm pregnant.”
Bobbie closed her eyes momentarily and said, “Oh, no.” Opening her eyes and taking Amy's hand, she paused for a moment and then said, “I'm so sorry. I guess you haven't had time to think through what to do next, but you know I'll be here to help you.”
Amy squeezed her hand and tried to smile. “I know, Bobbie. I'm really going to need you and Susan, and you're right, I haven't thought very much past the initial shock…But, let's please get together at lunch tomorrow. And, Bobbie, obviously please don't tell anyone about this. Not anyone, until we have a chance to talk about it.”
“OK. I understand. But I will pray about it. And we'll get together tomorrow.”
As they were finishing their conversation, the adults walked up.
“Again, Bob and Anne, we can't thank you enough,” Richard said, “for all you've done for us in the past few days, from the prayer breakfast to last evening's dinner to the service this morning. For me, these have been four days like I've never experienced before.” He turned to his family. “I hope the rest of the Sullivans agree with me.”
“I really liked the service,” Janet said, “and would like to come back again.” Susan nodded her agreement. Tommy said the youth group was “cool.”
That evening, as Tommy finished his homework upstairs, Susan watched television, and Janet read, Richard sat at his desk in the den and worked through the family bills. But his mind returned to Kristen and to his problem coming up on Tuesday afternoon. What was he going to do? And what, if anything, was he going to tell Janet? And, knowing that he had now committed completely to Janet and his family, how was it ever going to work out? Could he really be different? What if he failed and all of what he had been hearing for the past four days had no effect on him or his family? As he sat looking at all the bills he had to pay, which was depressing in itself, the voices in his mind led him from worry directly to despair.
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