The sensible Penny who would have told herself to ‘Get a grip’ and ‘Behave’ had left the building.
In the apartment, she plugged her dying phone into the charger next to the bed and set the alarm on a little bedside alarm clock for 6 p.m.
Chapter 45
In July the sun rose in St George around 6 a.m. The hours in between before the sun set at around 9 p.m. were usually filled with intense light and rarer, but spectacular, thunderstorms.
After 7 p.m., the sun began to think about departing and the feel of the day changed, imperceptibly at first and then more confidently, bringing with it the ‘Golden Hour’. Penny stepped out into this luminous world a few minutes before 7 p.m.
She measured her steps, trying to slow her usual fast pace, wanting to be on time, but not early. As she approached the Mediterranean Bar, she saw that he was already there, talking to the owner, who was probably describing the wine he was so proud of. The conversation was certainly animated.
As soon as he saw her Dimitris stood up and introduced her. Penny immediately complimented him on the wine she’d had on her first visit, which delighted him and he immediately went away to fetch a couple of glasses.
‘Yasas.’ Dimitri pulled a chair out for her.
‘Yasou,’ she replied and they both moved forward to exchange a kiss on each cheek.
‘Is this one of your favourite bars?’ Penny asked.
‘Yes, I’ve been coming here since I was a boy. You can always rely on the wine being good.’
‘It also happens to be in one of the most beautiful locations in the world,’ Penny noted, looking through the palms and the flowers to the sea and harbour. The Dora was moored in its usual place, and she remembered sitting here and seeing it the first time, just a couple of weeks ago.
‘So, you’ve fallen in love with our village, our island?’ Dimitri leaned back as he saw the waiter approaching with their wine.
‘I think you know the answer to that. How could I not fall in love with such a place?’
‘Did you have a good idea what it would be like, and has it lived up to your expectations so far? The food, the climate, the landscape?’ He paused. ‘The people?’
‘When I came here it was a leap of faith really. I had wanted to come here since I was a teenager. It started, as you know, with books by Gerry Durrell and then Larry Durrell’s work, and then became a fascination with the whole family. My dad and I never made it here together, but when he died last year, the idea of a pilgrimage if you like – something more than a holiday – took hold. And here I am.’
She paused. ‘I was expecting a lot of Corfu. I was hoping it would help me to move on, to build something new and hopeful around my grief, which had become a way of life for me, but letting go of it felt like letting go of my dad. Since I came here, I’ve realized that letting go isn’t about loving less, or forgetting. So yes, it has lived up to my expectations in more ways than I could have anticipated before I came. It’s taught me many things.’ She looked at him to study his reaction, before adding. ‘Also, the baklava is terrific!’ She laughed.
He didn’t say anything for a moment or two, but then asked, ‘Did you want to be here on your own?’
‘Yes, I think so. I wanted the freedom to go where I wanted, read when I wanted, paint, sleep . . . be selfish, I suppose.’
‘But you haven’t been selfish, have you?’ he said.
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Because you’ve helped people, made friends, and listened to their stories.’
‘Has Tess been talking to you?’ she asked, wondering if Tess had mentioned Bruce.
‘A little, but she has shared nothing with me that you haven’t told me. Tess is not a gossip.’
‘I know. She’s a lovely person.’
‘I can see the effect you’ve had on Tess, Lily, even Nic. I’ve seen enough of who I think you are to know that “selfish” is the last word I would use to describe you.’
She looked down, not sure where the conversation was going, but feeling, understanding now, that he had spent more time than she had imagined, hoped, thinking about her.
‘I have my moments.’ He grinned back at her. The effect of this spontaneous and utterly natural smile was like the sun coming out on a rainy, February day.
‘It’s my turn,’ she said, her head full of so many questions for him she hardly knew where to begin.
‘Go ahead,’ he answered.
‘You’ve been back here for two years now. I heard you were a lawyer in London at one of the top firms, so why did you come back? Was that always the plan? And why didn’t you carry on practising law when you came home?’
Even as he finished the sentence, she hoped she hadn’t asked too much too soon.
‘I was in London, working for my Uncle Theo’s firm. I wasn’t a partner, but I was lucky enough to get a place there after my studies. I stayed long enough to buy a house, find someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and then lose them.’ He took another sip of his wine before he continued.
‘But that’s all part of life’s rich pattern when you’re in your twenties, even thirties, isn’t it? You love, you lose, your friendship groups grow and change, as do your colleagues, and all the while, your connection with home, with your roots, can become more and more tenuous.’ He stopped for a moment, then continued.
‘By the time I realized how completely detached I’d become from home, from my parents and my life here, it was too late.’
‘Too late?’ Penny asked, moving towards him as though she might need to catch him, as though while the words flowed, his heart was still catching up.
‘My mother died suddenly, when I was in London. I hadn’t seen her for months. I’d cancelled trips over here because I didn’t want to interrupt my life, my lifestyle. Even the Skype calls had become a chore, a box to tick. I couldn’t be bothered, I was so full of myself in my new world that I forgot what was important – who was important.’
‘Is that when you came home?’ Penny tried to keep her voice neutral and calm. She wanted him to share without feeling judged or hurried.
‘Yes, I came home the next day. My father met me at the airport. He has never rebuked me or brought up any of what I’ve just told you. I was home; he was glad. So was I. I have spent as much time with him as I can, helping with the fishing, staying over a few nights each week. Even so, it will never be enough, as I said last week.’
He looked at her again. ‘You are only the second person I have spoken to about this. I went to see Maria today because she has known me since I was a child. I wanted to talk to her about this – about you too – as she was my mother’s oldest friend.
The speed with which Maria became a heroine rather than a threat astonished Penny. She felt her stomach lurch a little, but her face gave nothing away, the revelation more of a relief than she could have imagined.
Penny looked down at her hands. The silence was contemplative rather than uncomfortable. Then she said what was in her mind and heart. ‘I didn’t know you existed two weeks ago, Dimitris, but I can only think that your father loves you very much and your mother did too. Any parent, whether they’re still here or not, wants their child to be happy, to live every year that’s left to them well, and to follow their dreams. Whether you’re 14 or 40, the same applies.’
She realized she was talking to herself, as well as Dimitris. He looked away for a moment. ‘That’s exactly what Maria told me this afternoon,’ he said finally.
Chapter 46
An hour later Penny and Dimitris walked into the Athena together, to be greeted by Tess.
‘Good day?’ she said, as though seeing them together was an everyday occurrence. ‘Table?’
‘That would be great. It looks extra busy tonight,’ Penny said, wondering how Tess would fit them in. She wasn’t sure if it was full-moon madness or just the numbers increasing each week as the summer season reached its peak. The noise level was quite high, the chattering louder than usua
l, and the music, although always subtle, was tonight fighting for airtime. It was joy escaping from people who had found their very own marvellous and life-affirming Nirvana for a week or two.
Lily bounced by, tray in one hand and a new drinks order in the other. Rich followed, carrying dirty glasses and a knife someone had dropped on the floor. She gave Penny and Dimitris a quick wave, as did Rich. They went into the kitchen together.
Guy was sitting at a table with Faith, Dee and a new lad, who seemed to be with Dee.
As Penny and Dimitris passed by en route to their table, Guy stood up and to her delight kissed her on both cheeks and shook Dimitris by the hand, as though he was saying thank you for something, but she wasn’t sure what.
Sitting at her usual table, now with an extra place for Dimitris, Penny looked out at the moon, unable to remember whether it was a new or full moon she should make a wish on. Either way she had nothing just then that she needed, but looking across at the man opposite her she wished him the peace of mind he had been unable and unwilling to find for the last couple of years.
She couldn’t see Nic, but assumed he was in the kitchen helping Anna, perhaps even washing up, which made her smile.
‘What are you smiling at?’ Dimitris asked.
‘I was just thinking about how everyone here has a way of working together in a kind of organized chaos. There’s sort of a plan, but there’s also a sense of family, of everyone mucking in and being happy to do it.’
‘That’s Corfu,’ he said, just as Nic arrived with a glass of rosé and a glass of red.
‘Yasas and compliments of the management,’ he said, placing them on the table.
‘Efcharistó.’ Dimitris picked up his glass and toasted Penny and Nic.
‘Lily will be over in a moment. There’s mezze, of course, but if you want anything else, just ask.’ Nic left with a smile.
Penny watched him go, thinking that she still hadn’t really got to the heart of his feelings for Tess, or Tess’s for Nic.
Turning back to Dimitris she said: ‘Do you dance?’
‘That’s a very broad question. It could mean anything from a tango to the twist. Or did you mean traditional Greek dancing?’
‘I’m not sure. I suppose I was wondering.’
‘Sometimes.’ he said. ‘How about you?’
‘I don’t dance so much as try to avoid injury. I can trip over air, or my own feet.’
‘I shall have to hold onto you then.’ He spoke matter of factly, as though their dancing together was a natural thing.
There was a lull in the chatter and music, and in the quieter air Penny suddenly heard a familiar voice.
‘Hello, Penny. You’re an elusive woman to find.’
Bruce.
When she looked back later at that moment in the Athena, she was struck by the support her newest friends showed her.
Looking around and seeing Bruce towering over her had been a shock. More than a shock. It had felt like an intrusion, an unwelcome and uncomfortable meeting that made her feel vulnerable and exposed.
Civility and calm had been maintained.
She’d greeted him with a cautious ‘Hello, Bruce’, and caught a glimpse of Tess, who looked concerned but also calm. She had clearly guessed who he was.
Then she’d introduced Bruce to Dimitris as ‘a friend’, but he’d corrected her with, ‘Penny and I were engaged for a while.’
It was easier, she thought, to excuse herself and find out what Bruce wanted without an audience, particularly Dimitris. She knew Bruce well enough to know that he wouldn’t have tracked her down to Corfu without a good reason – or at least a reason that made sense to Bruce and was principally about Bruce.
Dimitris had given nothing away, standing to shake hands with Bruce; and when Penny excused herself and Bruce, with profound apologies, he had waved away her concern.
‘I’m staying here, Penny. I’ll be at the bar with Nic. You have my mobile, don’t you?’
She knew he was saying, Call me if you need me, and she was grateful for that.
Penny looked at Dimitris, but could think of nothing more to say. What is he thinking? What must he think of me? she wondered.
Tess nodded at her as she walked out with Bruce. Nic said ‘Kalinichta,’ adding that he would be staying until late to help Tess clear up, if she wanted to come back for a nightcap.
She knew they were all touching base with her, aware that something was up, not wanting to intrude but needing to make sure she was safe.
She asked Bruce to wait on the pavement for a moment and slipped back into the Athena. Tess came to her.
‘Tess, you’ve probably guessed that’s Bruce, my ex-fiancé. I have no idea why he’s here. I’m taking him to the little bar down the road, the Aphrodite, I think it’s called, so I can find out. Please don’t worry. Can you let Dimitris know I’ll be back later if I can? But please tell him not to wait if it’s too late. I will explain, but this is a huge surprise to me. I had no idea Bruce would be here.’
Tess nodded and kissed Penny on the cheek.
Outside Bruce waited, clearly impatient to leave, and ready for a drink.
As she led him down the road to the little seafront bar, there were a hundred different scenarios running through Penny’s head. Ten minutes later they sat on bar stools, a pint of Mythos in front of Bruce, and Penny nursing a coffee.
‘It’s a little bit too quiet and rustic for me here, but not bad. The beach looks clean.’ Bruce opened the conversation.
‘Why are you here?’ Penny put her head on one side as she said this.
‘I wanted, needed, to see you. You obviously didn’t want to talk on the phone. I rang you twice earlier, but there was no response.’
Penny realized she’d left her phone on charge in the apartment.
‘But how did you know I was here?’
‘I rang Lizzie first, who was vague and protective. Then the writer you work with was very chatty about Corfu and the little village you’d found, so it didn’t take long to work it out. I flew in this afternoon. I’m staying in Corfu Town.’
She noticed she was biting her lip, an old habit from childhood, something her grandmother used to tease her about.
‘You look fantastic, Penny. The warm climate must suit you.’
‘It does. I love it here. But why are you here?’
‘First of all, there’s nothing to worry about. No one’s died or become ill. It’s all good – or could be. Now before I start, hear me out on this one, Penny.’
She put down her coffee and, uncrossing her legs, sat on her hands, straightened her back and her resolve.
Bruce bumbled on. ‘I don’t think we should have parted. Being in Italy these past few months has given me time to think. You’re still on your own – I did manage to get that out of Lizzie – and so am I. I missed you.’
He stopped for a moment and Penny was glad her hands were out of the way, as she sensed he would have grabbed one at this point in his monologue.
‘We had some great times, Penny. You were always there for me and I know now that whatever comes to me in Italy, whatever turn my career takes, I want you to share it. I know we’ve been here before, Penny, and maybe I wasn’t always the most supportive partner, but I really didn’t appreciate how special you are.’
He stopped speaking and looked down. When he lifted his head up his eyes were full of tears. She didn’t know what to say or where to look. This was a first for Bruce. She had never seen him so emotional, so distraught.
‘I panicked, Penny, when your father was dying. I’m ashamed to say I couldn’t cope. All I could think of was taking myself away from the pain. It was so hard to watch you, to see the realization that you were going to lose your dad hitting you so hard. I wanted to make it all better for you, but when I couldn’t and the opportunity in Italy came along, it seemed like a solution. To take myself out of the equation because I knew I was making it worse for you, and I couldn’t bear that.’
He pause
d, watching Penny closely, then wiped his face with a tanned hand, brushing away a tear.
‘As you can see it’s not easy to say all these things. When I realized you’d gone, that I was in Italy without you, I knew that what was ahead wasn’t going to mean anything without you.’
Penny looked away out at the sea. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the lights from the Athena and figures moving along the terrace there. She wondered what Dimitris was doing. She imagined him sitting with Tess and Nic at the bar. What was he – what were they – thinking?
‘Penny, will you give me a day, please? That’s all I’m asking: a day to give me the chance to show you, to begin to show you, how much I love you. A chance to hope that you’ll let me make it up to you.’
Penny realized she was still in mild shock, still absorbing all that Bruce was saying. It was overwhelming, like a tsunami of emotion and words.
She looked at him, his face still beautiful, his eyes fringed with the soft dark lashes that had always given him a look of vulnerability in repose. In the warm night air, she could smell his familiar aftershave and it opened the box of all the things about him that she’d loved and had sealed away because it was easier – the reasons why she’d been with him for three years.
‘I’m not expecting an answer now, Pen. I wouldn’t do that to you. I hired a car at the airport, and I’ve got forty-eight hours before I need to be back at the university. Can I see you tomorrow? Pick you up in the morning? We could drive somewhere up the coast, talk, eat. Even if you need more time, Penny, or you never want to see me again, please, just give me this.’
‘I have to go now, Bruce. I don’t know what to say to you. I’m tired. I’ve been out on a boat all day and I need to sleep. But I’ll give you tomorrow. You can pick me up and as you said, we can drive somewhere and talk.’
She stood up and started to walk away, feeling uncomfortably as though she had not been kind, but simultaneously, that she had been cornered. Conflicted and discomfited, her apartment and her cool bed beckoned. Why are you really here, Bruce? Are you telling the truth? Why do you feel more real than Dimitris? Is it because we have three years of mutual history and not two weeks?
Looking for the Durrells Page 21