by John Riley
This meant the corpse could come for her while she was stood in the hallway wondering. She ran for the door to the factory in a burst, feeling the fingers of a dead man on her neck the whole way. When she reached the factory floor she slammed the door behind her and stood with her back against it, breath heaving. She had to get out, she had to leave. This whole thing was too much, the world had gone fucking mad and she couldn’t deal with it anymore. Sprinting for the catwalk stairs she took them two at a time, ignoring the cold as she pulled herself up with the handrail. She burst into the canteen and grabbed the hammer and the knife. The knife went into the bag with the sleeping bags, followed swiftly by the meagre supply of food. Tossing the radio in after them she managed to just zip the whole thing up, then threw it over a shoulder, tottering slightly with the weight.
She had hurried down the stairs and was about to rush through the hallway again when she heard the sound of an engine outside. She pelted to the store room and got to the window in time to see Miles step out of a car. He looked much the same, except for the way he moved. Before, he had been a big man who didn’t want to intimidate, he had slouched, he had been apologetic. Now his back was straight, his muscles straining beneath a clean shirt. The only word for him now was intimidating. He turned away from the car and she saw him pull a strip of fabric from his pocket. He tied it securely around his face, covering his eyes. Then he leant back against the car,
‘Sarah!’ he bellowed, ‘you still here?’
What the fuck was she supposed to do now? It didn’t take a genius to know that Miles was one of them. He’d done it, he’d gotten himself changed and now he’d come back to her. The question was why. If she stayed quiet though, surely he would just leave…
‘I’m not going to just leave Sarah!’ He shouted, reading her mind. Did she answer? Was she supposed to talk to this thing pretending to be her friend? In fact, they weren’t even friends. Why would he come back?
‘What do you want!?’ She shouted, his head turned to face her despite the blindfold. Sarah had seen a hooded falcon before and Miles looked just like it right now. He pushed himself off the car and held his hands up,
‘Can I come closer?’ He called across the tarmac, ‘I don’t want to have to yell the whole time.’
Sarah thought for a moment. She could always just run into the factory if he took the blindfold off and it would probably be best if she didn’t draw any more attention to this place until she could leave…
‘Fine.’ She shouted, hefting the hammer in her grip, if he had come to kill her just let him fucking try.
27
Miles began to come towards her slowly. He didn’t walk like a man without sight, he stepped carefully but with confidence. Sarah put the bag down and crouched by the window waiting for him. She could see he kept his head pointed straight ahead so as not to accidentally see her through the blindfold.
‘Sarah?’ He called when he was getting close, ‘I don’t want to get too close…’
‘Stop there.’ She commanded, he’d chosen the exact point she would have, about three metres from the window, ‘I don’t want you close either.’
‘Ok,’ He said and put his hands into his pockets, after a few seconds of silence he said, ‘are you ok?’
No, she wasn’t. She was cold, hungry and everything hurt,
‘Yeah.’ She answered shortly,
‘Look Sarah it’s fine, I’m still me.’ He said exasperated,
‘What did you do with Steven?’ She said quickly, changing the subject,
‘I ate him.’ He said sarcastically. Sarah didn’t respond, not sure whether this was something new to worry about or not,
‘Sarah?’ Miles cocked his head to one side, ‘that was a joke.’ He sighed, ‘I took him to the Moreton, they’re not that busy at the moment so I was able to explain everything to them. They’re running tests on… well, themselves.’
There was another pregnant silence,
‘Mary came back.’ Sarah said quickly, ‘she survived the whole clinic… thing.’
‘Did you tell her about Steven?’
‘Yeah.’ Sarah picked at some glass on the window frame, noting the piece Steven had cut himself on, ‘Nathan’s dead.’
‘Good.’ He replied, ‘Nobody that evil should be allowed to live.’
He seemed not to notice the hypocrisy of his statement,
‘Says the monster.’ Sarah pointed out,
‘Sarah I’m not…’
‘Mary’s still going to her brother’s farm,’ She cut across, ‘she says she’s going to look after her boys without becoming… one of you.’
‘As long as that makes her happy.’ Miles shrugged, ‘Sarah I’m not here to convince you to…’
‘Have you seen Laura?’ Sarah asked, ignoring him,
‘No.’ He huffed, ‘she wasn’t here then?’
‘No.’ Sarah responded simply, ‘I hope she’s ok…’
‘I’m sure she is,’ Miles said with a smile, ‘I’ve never met a stronger, more resourceful child than her.’
‘She wasn’t a child,’ Sarah said quietly, ‘she was more of an adult than I was. She dealt with this shit all on her own and she had her brother to look after… They would probably both be fine and half way to salvation by now if it weren’t for me.’
She meant it. If she hadn’t met them where she had Laura would have found a way to escape their mother and get away. She had no doubt that the girl was probably right now on her way to a better life. Sarah hoped that she could find peace when she got there.
‘It wasn’t your fault,’ Miles said shaking his head, ‘you did the best you could.’
‘That doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault, it just means I wasn’t strong enough.’ Sarah pointed out,
‘Neither was I.’ Miles said bitterly, ‘I have my family back now, but the price I paid seems too steep.’
‘Mary called his death a price too.’ Sarah stated, ‘did you two get all of the payment for Stevie’s murder because I’ve got nothing and nobody now.’
Miles shook his head sadly,
‘Daniel was gone too?’
‘Yup.’ She said, ‘he left me a note, doesn’t want me in his life anymore. Probably for the best.’
‘I’m sorry,’ He mumbled awkwardly,
‘Thanks,’ She turned from the window and sat back against the wall with a sigh, ‘but I’ve been deserving of that for a while now.’
‘Nah,’ Miles said, she heard him sitting down too, ‘he doesn’t know what he’s lost.’
‘Beg to differ.’ She muttered.
They sat silently for a while. Sarah wondered absently whether mice felt like this when they were near an apparently docile house cat; nervous but kind of resigned to death. She wondered if it would hurt. She knew that if she was turned or changed or whatever she wouldn’t remember, but it would hurt until then surely… Then or course if she was just killed and a monster replaced her… Well then, she’d just be dead. To be changed from what she was to whoever knew what, or to die.
‘So, how’d you do it?’ She asked suddenly, curious despite herself.
‘Well I don’t know exactly…’ He replied, ‘I don’t re…’
‘You don’t remember being changed yeah ok, but did you get home or what?’
‘No.’ He answered, ‘not first anyway.’
Sarah waited for him to continue but he didn’t, apparently trying to piece together the moments after he’d left.
‘You have to remember something?’ She said, exasperated with the possible deception.
‘I do.’ He said eventually, ‘I’ll start from leaving you.’
‘Ok.’ Sarah agreed,
‘I left you,’ He started, ‘first I went back to Steven. He still hadn’t changed so I picked him up and started back towards the gate. When I got there I realised I was going to have to walk halfway across town to get him to the Moreton and I couldn’t do it with Steven because what if I couldn’t remember where I left him? So, I put him dow
n by the gate and headed back towards the clinic. I started yelling and a bunch of them must have seen me and…’
He stopped talking.
‘So, you were killed like ten minutes after we split up.’
‘I didn’t die.’ He growled, ‘but yeah I guess so. I woke up back at the top of the road near the gate. At first, I didn’t know I’d been changed so I went back down the road yelling, but nobody came out. I went to the first house and knocked on the door… Nothing happened when they came out, I didn’t black out and they didn’t attack me so I assumed… Anyway, after walking away from them calling me a weirdo I realised I felt different. On my way past the wall by the hedge I punched it as hard as I could. Hurt like fuck and I cut my hand to hell, but I healed. I walked back to Stevie’s body and he looked so broken and wrong…’
Sarah heard his voice catch like he was about to be sick,
‘Anyway, I erm… I picked him up,’ He continued, ‘From there I took some back routes to not be seen carrying a corpse and got to the Moreton. They asked a lot of questions, but after I explained what had gone on they took Steven off me and in the confusion, I got out.’
‘You didn’t see what they did with him?’ Sarah interrupted,
‘No.’ He said, ‘but they’re doctors and… Well he was dead Sarah, what more could they do to him?’
She had to give him that. It just didn’t feel right to not know. Laura would have wanted to know.
‘So, I went from there straight home.’ Miles sighed contentedly, ‘they were both there Sarah. My wife and daughter exactly as they should be, fit and healthy. We went for a run!’ Sarah could hear his smile from where she sat.
‘I’m happy for you.’ She said quietly,
‘Thank you.’ He waited for a few seconds and cleared his throat, ‘so what’s your plan?’
What to say to that? She wondered. What was the intention behind the question for one. Did he want to know to follow her or just because he cared about her. She hated this, the mistrust and pain were killing her. She couldn’t tell him where she was planning to go. She didn’t trust him and… She didn’t know where she was going.
‘I don’t know.’ She admitted. She heard him stand up and she moved quickly, twisting into a crouch at window level to see what he was doing. He was brushing off his legs. He straightened and smiled at her,
‘I can hear you move.’ He said laughing, ‘I can hear that you’re scared. How crazy is that?’
‘Insane.’ She growled,
‘But you’ve got nothing to be scared of Sarah.’ He said with a grin, ‘You were wrong all along. I’m not going to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t come here to do anything except talk to you and put your mind at rest because you can get Daniel back, you can get your life back. I’m not a monster, I’m no different than I was when you first met me. I’m stronger and a little more durable but that’s it Sarah. I still hate cauliflower, I still love mystery novels and I’m still a husband and father with a little corner shop.’
Sarah stood straight slowly and carefully. She made her way to the window and leant out with her hands on the windowsill,
‘Really?’ She asked, holding onto her hope with a tight fist lest it burst free and get dashed against the rocks.
‘Really.’ He said, ‘I wouldn’t lie to you Sarah.’
‘Miles,’ She sighed, leaning back to put her arms around herself, ‘I want to believe you. I want this to be a big miracle that’s great and wonderful. I want my life back, I want Daniel I want all of it. There’s only one tiny little thing that’s holding me back.’
‘What’s that?’ He asked,
‘You’re lying.’ she answered simply.
‘I’m not lying!’ He yelled angrily, ‘why is it so fucking hard for you to trust me? I came here to talk not rip your throat out!’
‘You’re exactly the same, yeah?’
‘Not exactly no, but I’m not a monster either!’
‘Not a monster?’ Sarah mocked, ‘fine.’ She put her hands on her hips, ‘Take off the blindfold and say that again.’
She saw him grind his teeth in frustration,
‘Do you want me to take it off?’ He asked dangerously,
‘If you can do it without trying to rip my head off yeah.’
He stood fuming for a few seconds but didn’t take it off.
‘The fact that I have it on at all…’ He blurted,
‘Means absolutely nothing.’ She finished, folding her arms and frowning at him.
‘You really can trust me.’ He tried quietly,
‘No, I really can’t.’ She replied, ‘because if you keep the blindfold on you can’t help me and if you take it off you won’t help me.’
He fumed silently for a while then sighed.
‘I want to help you.’ He stated sadly,
‘I know.’ She lied, ‘and I appreciate it, but you can’t.’
‘So, what?’ He asked, ‘I’m just supposed to leave you here with nothing and nobody?’
Sarah shrugged, then remembered the blindfold,
‘I guess.’ She said.
‘But what are you going to do?’ He asked again, concern in his voice. Sarah heard it, her stomach dropping away with fear for her future, but she had to ignore it.
‘I really don’t know.’ She stated, ‘but if I trust you and this was all a lie then I’ll… Well I’ll be dead and I just can’t Miles.’ He sighed deeply. She saw him relax,
‘I know.’ He said with a nod, ‘I understand.’
‘So…’ She murmured, silence stretching between them uncomfortably.
‘So.’ He replied, ‘I guess I’d better go.’
‘Yeah.’ She saw his hands drop to his side in defeat.
‘Be careful Sarah…’ He muttered, ‘I really hope you’re ok.’
‘Thank you…’ She managed, her throat closing. She watched him turn and unerringly walk back to his car. He got in and sat behind the wheel, pulling the blindfold off. She saw him look directly ahead and start the car. He drove off without so much as a glance at the factory and she was alone once more.
28
Sarah gathered the bag towards herself and sat back against the wall again. So, this was it, this was where she decided what she was going to do next. Maybe she should have trusted Miles, just a little. He’d not looked back at the factory after all, maybe he could have driven her somewhere and she could have sat in the back with her head down… No that was stupid. But perhaps he could have gotten her some more food at least. She found herself fiddling with the bag’s zip and opened it on a whim. The radio came out and she wound it for something to do. Miles was happy now. In her eyes he’d died, but gone on to a better place. Maybe that meant heaven existed. If this was the end of days that made some kind of sense. But did that mean she wasn’t good enough for heaven? She guessed at no. She remembered how readily she’d wielded her hammer, how easy it had been to strike out at things that looked human. Perhaps it didn’t matter that they weren’t human? Perhaps the only thing that mattered was the mindless forgiveness, the willingness to lose yourself in the void.
She flicked the radio on rather than think about it and after a few seconds of twiddling with the knob, static laden music played from the speaker. She stood up and hooked the thing on a broken nail in the wall beside the window. With the music in the background she repacked the bag and picked up her hammer, twirling it in her hands. It still had stains from Daniel’s blood on the head, already turning brown with age and flaking off. She wondered absently if anybody else would have chosen her fate if given the same choices, the same set of supposedly random acts that led her to this moment. She wasn’t entirely sure that even she would have chosen the same ones twice. It was absolutely ridiculous that a couple of minutes here or there and she would never have met the children. Would never have this ragged pain in her chest from Steven’s death, would never have missed Laura, would never have lost or even met Miles. Life, even when the world was going to shit, was a wild
coincidence riddled thrill ride that never ceased to amaze. Meeting Mary for instance, the other woman would probably have been turned and tortured by her psycho ex-husband if not for Sarah and the others. Choices on top of coincidence.
Whatever anybody else would choose didn’t matter now though. Only her decision mattered. She was the protagonist in her own story and everything else happened around her. Everybody else happened around her. They loved, lost, bled and cried around her. Never before had she felt so utterly alone. A lost child in the rain staring with wide eyes through a window into a world of life and wonder. Shut out in the cold.
She didn’t cry. She slipped the hammer into a pocket and bent to sling the bag onto her shoulder. Whatever the life she led, whatever the choices and the trials she would face them head on.
Sarah turned for the window and glanced up at the radio. It still played its music into the store room with an occasional hiss and pop. She’d leave it. She knew the horror unfolding itself on the world, she didn’t need to hear about it. Dropping the bag through the window she followed carefully, mindful of the glass. She stooped once on the other side and once more shouldered the bag. Looking back at the building looming behind her she tried to feel something other than emptiness. She couldn’t.
Life, wild and unpredictable would catch her up like a leaf in a tornado and the only guarantee from this point on was that things were going to be tough.