Reese lowered her head. The last time she’d been to the island had been by kayak with Morgan. They’d spent the entire day walking around and talking before they had to head back. She hadn’t been in a kayak since. She missed it. She wished she could take Kellan for her first trip out there.
“I hope you have fun,” she offered after a moment.
“You could come. Maybe I can ask her to go this weekend instead. Saturday maybe, if she’s not busy. That way you could join us.”
“No, I can’t.” Reese stood. “I should get back inside. Those two won’t do dishes unless I force them.”
“Why can’t you–”
“Because I can’t,” she replied hastily. “You should go.”
“Okay.” Kellan stood. She pulled her keys out of the pocket of her jeans and headed down the three steps toward her car. “Can I ask what just happened?” She turned back to Reese. “We were sharing embarrassing stories. Everything was fine. And then it wasn’t.”
“It’s a long story, Kellan. It’s late.”
“Tomorrow then?”
“You’re kayaking with Morgan tomorrow.”
“After you get off work.” Kellan moved to the bottom step. “Meet me?”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“You’re leaving in a week, Kellan.”
“You knew I was leaving tonight when you invited me here. Why’d you do that?”
“Because–”
“Don’t say it’s because I needed a home-cooked meal,” Kellan interrupted. “I’ll be back from kayaking by two at the latest. Come over when you get done at work.”
“I’m not done until three.”
“Fine. Any time after that is fine.”
Reese turned back to look at the door. Then, she turned back to face Kellan before letting out another of her deep exhalations.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Kellan smiled. “I’ll see you then.”
“Okay,” Reese repeated.
“Good night.”
“Good night, Kellan.”
Kellan gave her a small nod and turned to head to her car, which she started and backed out of the driveway before turning onto the main street. Reese waited until she was gone before she turned and went back inside to see Remy and Ryan doing the dishes.
“How was it, Casanova?” Remy asked. “Did you get to first base on our porch swing?”
“I got to no bases,” Reese replied pointedly.
“Did you even try?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“What happened?” Remy stopped drying the plate and set it on the counter along with the rag.
“She wants me to meet her tomorrow.”
“Like a date?” Remy brightened. “That’s what you wanted.”
“She’s going to find out, Rem,” she explained her position. “I’m not going. She’s going to ask questions. I’m no good at lying. She’ll know, and that’ll be the end.”
“Why? Come on, Reese. Just meet the girl. Fill her in if you want. But that doesn’t mean she’s going to react poorly. You just have to be careful. That’s not a deal breaker.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for this, Rem. I thought I was, but I don’t know that I am. I’m going to bed. Can you two clean up?”
“Reese...”
“It’s fine.” She headed in the direction of her bedroom. “Good night, Ryan.”
“Night, Reese,” he replied.
CHAPTER 7
“Hey,” Kellan greeted Reese who was standing in her doorway. “Come on in.”
“Hi,” Reese replied nervously.
She entered the cabin. Kellan closed the door behind her, walking into the living room with Reese following behind her.
“Do you want anything to drink?”
“I’m okay.” Reese stood next to the couch with her hands clasped in front of her.
“I was thinking about heading back down to the beach.”
“Back down? Did you get back early from kayaking?” Reese asked.
“I didn’t go,” Kellan revealed and grabbed her pack off the small table by the back door of the cabin. “Outside?”
“Why didn’t you go?” Reese asked as she followed Kellan out the back door. “Was it because of what I said? Morgan being my ex?”
“Not exactly.” Kellan slung her pack over both of her shoulders and nodded for Reese to walk with her down the hill. “I was kind of ambivalent about the whole thing before I talked to you. And then after, I guess our talk just helped me make the decision.”
“What did you tell Morgan?”
“That I needed to take the day off. Maybe tomorrow, too. She asked if I wanted to go tomorrow morning. But I don’t know yet. I’m supposed to text her later. The beach is just down here through these trees. There’s a path.”
“Why can’t we just drive?” Reese asked.
Kellan turned back to see that Reese was still standing near the back of the cabin. She walked back up to meet her.
“It’s actually slower to drive. Are you okay?” she asked.
“Can we go back inside?”
“Reese.”
“I can’t hike anymore, Kellan.”
“Why?”
“I’m going home. I don’t want to talk about this.” She turned and opened the back door.
“Wait,” Kellan pled. “Just wait. Please. I’ll get my Jeep. We’ll drive.”
“Why can’t we go back inside?”
“We can. If you really want to go back inside, we can. I’ll get us something to drink. We can talk. I just thought we could watch the sunset on the beach. I have a bottle of wine in here and some cheese. I thought we could – I don’t know, make an evening out of it.”
“Like a date?” Reese turned fully toward her.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’d be lying if I said I ditched Morgan today just because my body needed a rest. It was something you said last night, and it wasn’t about her being your ex.”
“What was it?”
“That it shouldn’t take convincing,” she revealed. “I was trying to convince myself to spend time with Morgan. That’s wrong. When I got home last night, I called her because I wanted to spend more time with you.”
“Oh.”
“It’s awkward now, isn’t it? I’ve made it awkward.”
“Pretty sure I made it awkward when I alluded to the fact that I wanted to sleep with you when I saw you at the visitor’s center.” Reese laughed. “We can drive.”
Kellan drove them the short distance to a lower point near the shore and parked. They headed toward the beach with her pack and a blanket she always kept in the car. Reese held her pack as she laid it out on the sand, and they both sat down. The beach was quiet, with no one else around, or at least if they were there, they were behind the row of trees that came up close to the shore at this part of the beach. Kellan didn’t unpack the items she’d brought. They sat in silence for several moments, not wanting to eat or drink but stare off into the distance. Both, apparently, needed some time to figure out what came next.
“I fell a while ago,” Reese uttered so softly Kellan almost missed it.
“What?” She turned her head toward her.
“It was about a year ago. A little more, I guess, now. I was on one of the advanced trails and pretty high up. I took a bad spill and injured my ankle.” She paused, and Kellan wondered if she was thinking about how to proceed. “I didn’t realize it when it happened. I was alone. You shouldn’t hike those trails alone even when you’re as experienced as I am. I managed to make it back down on my own and get home but ended up in the hospital a day later, when Remy stopped by and noticed how bad it was.”
“How bad was it?”
“It was a fracture. After the first day, the swelling was pretty intense. I’d iced it when I noticed, but that wasn’t helping. The break was strange, I guess, because they needed to operate to make sure it repaired itself correctly. They put a pin in
my ankle. Technically, I should have been good as new after a couple of months, but I developed an infection. Osteomyelitis is what it’s called. Because I’d broken my ankle before, and they had to operate this time, I guess bacteria made its way to the bone. That made me sick. With a weakened immune system, they put me on a round of antibiotics. That should have fixed the problem, but I kept getting worse, and the infection reached my spinal cord.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve spent the past six months teaching myself how to walk again.”
“What?” Kellan turned her entire body toward Reese.
“It managed to make my legs not work there for a while. I thought I’d be paralyzed. Once they got me on the right combination of meds though, the feeling came back. I started physical therapy. Luckily, that went well. I was doing more and more on my own without a problem, until I tried hiking one of the beginner trails last month and fell on a tree branch. It wasn’t a big deal, but I did break some fingers and toes. Ever since then, I’ve avoided hiking hills or around trees.”
“I’m sorry, Reese. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t–”
“I know. I wanted to explain my inappropriate outbursts to you last night and today. I haven’t kayaked since before the accident.” She stared off at the water. “And you should also know that when I ended up in the hospital, Remy called our parents, who had moved to Reno. They left us their house here. That’s where we live now. At the time though, Remy had her own place. Anyway, she called them when I got admitted, and they rushed down.” Her head lowered as she delivered, “They got hit by a truck. They both died. So did the truck driver. I was in the hospital and then got the infection. Remy had to deal with the arrangements and everything along with giving me the news and taking care of me. When I needed help after, she moved back home. She’s been there ever since.”
“Were you able to go to their funeral?”
“They both wanted to be cremated. We waited until I was in the clear and held a small ceremony with close family and friends. We spread their ashes here.” She motioned to the expansive lake. “They loved this place.”
“How are you now?” Kellan asked after a moment.
“I’m still technically recovering, but I’m okay. I think it’s more psychological than anything else. Remy worries a lot,” she explained and looked off into the water. “This is all pretty heavy stuff for a non-date.” She turned back to Kellan and offered her a small smile.
Kellan smiled back. Then, she turned to glance at the water herself. She wasn’t sure what they were doing here. She was trying to move past Keira and had a little more than a week left in Tahoe. She shouldn’t be going on a date with anyone. She’d come for a break and to try to put her heart back together. Reese didn’t seem like she was in a good place to attempt anything either.
“What happened with Morgan?” she asked as a way to change the subject. “Or is that too personal?”
“I just told you I nearly died. I hardly think my ex-girlfriend is too personal.” Reese laughed and bumped Kellan’s shoulder with her own. “Morgan and I dated for a long time, but it’s been over for a while.”
“Did you end it, or did she?”
“I did.”
“Got it.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Reese’s hand landed on her own between them. “I didn’t mean to make you think you can’t ask about Morgan. It’s just a sore subject for me.”
“I understand. I have one of those myself.” She shrugged but enjoyed the fact that Reese’s hand still hadn’t moved.
“The ex?”
“The ex,” she confirmed. “Can I ask what happened with your ex if I promise to fill you in on what happened with mine?”
“Like ex-girlfriend therapy or something?” Reese chuckled and squeezed Kellan’s hand before removing it.
“Sure. Let’s call it that.” Kellan leaned back on both hands and aimed her glance at the clear sky above them.
Reese moved to lay beside her and placed her arms over her stomach. Kellan glanced over and down at her, taking in the peacefulness of the woman who had her eyes closed and seemed completely comfortable in her own skin.
“Morgan and I are old friends. We stayed that way for a while but started dating after we’d both ended serious relationships. It was good for a long time.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” Reese’s eyes opened and met Kellan’s. “Nothing happened.”
“So, you fell out of love with her?” Kellan laid down fully beside Reese, facing her but keeping a foot of distance between them.
“No,” she answered honestly as Kellan settled next to her. “I got sick.”
“And she wasn’t there for you?”
“No, she was great, actually. Morgan is a great person. I loved her as a friend long before I loved her as more. She’s always been there for me. She still is even though we’re not together anymore.” She closed her eyes again. “It’s my fault. When I got sick, I pushed her away.”
“Oh, did you think–” She stopped herself. “Was it that bad?”
“It wasn’t that.” She turned her head to Kellan. “It was, but it wasn’t.” She turned her whole body to Kellan to match her position. “I was close to dying, yes. There were a couple of days where I was technically in a medically induced coma, but I got better. It wasn’t until after I got better that I ended things with Morgan. I was still in love with her. I planned a life with her prior to the accident and the loss of my parents. We still lived separately, but that was because we both had houses our parents had left us. We were trying to decide who moves and when at the time of the ankle thing.”
“You were going to move in together?”
“That was the plan. After everything happened, I felt like a different person. It’s like I woke up from that coma and suddenly couldn’t do most of the things I love. Morgan was amazing. But to me, it felt like she was almost too amazing. I didn’t deserve that. Plus, the majority of our relationship was based on our shared interests in the outdoors. I couldn’t do those activities anymore. I could see her growing more and more miserable with me over time. She wasn’t, of course. She put on a brave face back then, but I could see the future somehow. If I never got well enough to go on those long hikes we used to take together, or go kayaking out to the island, or camping, or skiing like we used to do in the winter, things would change between us. I didn’t know what I’d be able to do or when I’d be able to do it. I knew I was in love with her, and that she loved me, but the accident put things into perspective for me.”
“Do you still love her?” Kellan leaned in an almost imperceptible amount.
“No,” she replied with a smile. “I don’t. I do love her as a friend. That will never change. When I started to improve, it felt like what she and I had was in the past and wouldn’t work in this new present. We talked, and we cried. It was terrible. She didn’t want to break up. I didn’t think we should stay together.”
“But you’re friends now?”
“She’s one of my closest friends. She always will be. Whoever I end up with will have to put up with our history, I guess.”
“How did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Stay friends with her?”
“Oh, that?” Reese pulled back a little. “I don’t know. We were friends before; maybe that helped. But we took some time apart. Then, we started hanging out again; in groups at first, but then we were okay on our own. I have to admit that it’s still weird seeing her date. I’m sure it’s strange to her to watch me do the same.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what? Date?”
“Yeah.”
“I do, yes.” Reese moved back to where she’d been a moment ago. “Not often. I’ve gone out with a few women. They’ve been mostly tourists.”
“You hook up with tourists. I get it.”
“It’s not that.” Reese moved slightly closer to her. “It’s easier because that’s all I’ve wanted since the accident. It’s a small town. We’ve formed our
own little group of friends. Some of them, like Morgan and I, are gay; but most aren’t. The number of datable women that live here is pretty small.”
“So, you date tourists? It makes sense.”
“It wasn’t really dating. I took them out first, technically. Well, some of them, at least. But some just took me to their hotels or rentals.”
“How many are some?” Kellan found herself asking before thinking that it might be inappropriate to do so.
“Not that many.” Reese laughed lightly and rolled onto her back. “I couldn’t exactly have sex for a while after the accident. I didn’t want to back then, anyway. I was still trying to get past the breakup. When I could both physically and emotionally go for it, I tried. I struck out the first few attempts.” She laughed again. “I think I came on too strong.”
“Did you give them a cheesy line or something?”
“Maybe.” She turned back onto her side. “One woman was here with her friends. We had fun for about a week. Another one was here by herself. We had fun once, and she left. One was definitely straight or at least had no idea that she was curious about women. We had some fun for a couple of weeks, but it got to be a little much for me. I was her first woman. It was one of those eye-opening experiences. I’ve been there myself and wanted to be supportive, but she said she wanted to write a book about her experience.”
“What?” Kellan laughed again, but louder this time. “About having sex with you? Are you that good?”
“About discovering who she was. She was a writer; self-help books mostly. She thought her words might help another woman find herself.”
“When is that book coming out? I need to pre-order it.” She smiled at her.
“I have no idea. I told her if she writes about me, she needs to make up a new name.”
“She should call you the lesbian whisperer.” She continued laughing but then stopped.
“What happened?” Reese asked.
“Nothing. I just haven’t laughed like this in a while.”
“Keira?”
“Yeah. It seems ridiculous now,” Kellan said.
“What does?”
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