“He’s no concern to you.”
“Look Calum. I didn’t ask for any of this. You can’t understand, but I’ve never had my own choices. I am in control of me right now and you can’t understand that freedom. I want to know if your father needs anything before he makes the move. I know I’m assisting the motorcade to get him to the faction, but checking to be sure. I don’t want to be your enemy.” My issues were all jumbling up into that one statement.
“Enemies. You know I don’t want to be your enemy. Damn it Stace. What do you want from me? A smile and a hello. Well, I can’t do that.”
He was right and I knew it. “Will you pass on the message?”
He nodded looking at me. Pleading almost. For what?
“Will you do something else?” I was absolutely dreading asking what my brother insisted I do. After he shrugged like he was a horse bored with grass I continued, “Can you meet with Szar, Cas, and I? We need to talk with Lord Hathown, and the soon to be Lord Green tomorrow night at the Val court.”
“Fine. Just make sure it’s a time I can go to this meeting when Mr. Sun god doesn’t misplace his rays of sunshine.”
“Calum. We have to all work together. Can you do this?”
“Do I have a choice?” he begged for an answer I couldn’t give him.
“Wait!” I didn’t know if now was the right time or not, but here goes.
He switched the leg he leaned on to the other, folded his arms tighter making the muscles bulge a little larger. Did he get bigger?
“I learned some things I think you should know.”
“I’m listening.” His voice dry, his answers short as was the pace lately.
After a deep, deep breath I started, “The story of Orion is more than just big muscles and a battle hungry dude who carries around a bow.” I snagged a look at his solid rock biceps again. He was definitely huge. His shirt sleeves seemed like they might just rip right off him, his arm the girth of my entire torso. “Other stories, several say that Orion’s female lover,” I stumbled over the word, “got angry and sent someone to assassinate him.” Because of the bow. I knew some of this before I read ii on the net.
He didn’t flinch once. “What’s the point?”
He was being so cruel. I hated it. I guess I half deserved it, but only about half. “The assassin was the scorpion. The more I see it the more it worries me. Does that mean anything to you? ”
His eyes did squeeze shut a little but I couldn’t read why. He didn’t move from the leaning pose he still held. His mouth opened just a little and then almost inaudibly said, “I am familiar with the tale, Stace. You’ll know soon enough. Is there anything else?”
He knew more than me. Of course. Me, the last to know everything!
“I’ll see you tomorrow night then.” He certainly didn’t look back as I watched him leave me standing there in pain. Pain for him. If the tale came true, I would lose him and never have a choice in the matter. Worse, he was living with that piece of information already and apparently had for a while. It was just a story anyway.
My mind railed on how to fix this with Calum.
And then something hit me like a punch in the stomach. I was crawling out of a shell I hadn’t noticed I was trapped in. After years of mostly solitude for a lifestyle, my people skills were zip when I first arrived at the Hunter school. Yeah, the only time I’d interacted with “others” was in conflict. So it would stand to reason that I had no practice in the how to talk or deal with others department of life.
And I’ve made progress. No, I didn’t think Calum and I would ever have a good or “nice” relationship that could hold water, but this last conversation had merit. We were moving over obstacles. Not mended, but bandaged.
I felt better knowing this. Maybe I could actually solve problems, not make them worse.
I knew very well I’d see him more tomorrow, but he wouldn’t talk to me. What else could I do? Calum was the first on my guy meter radar just months ago when I was sent into this Hunter court to supposedly find out who kidnapped my twin, kind of, brother Szar. But my weird reality dealt me another card and shed light on the fact that I was just a puppet in this big game being played by the gods who incidentally are my parents.
And I’d certainly not ever had an ex boyfriend before or lived through the agony of “being dumped” unless you count when Lee, Dyer then, left the Valkyrie court and came here because he’d been found out to be a spy. He’d broken my school girl crush kind of heart. Did that count?
I walked away towards my dorm lost in thought, but rooted again having an idea.
I learned so much about myself lately. About Cas. He loved classical music. Not the slow sleepy kind, but the upbeat almost movie drama suspenseful kind. I was the same way.
I knew that Cas preferred to move around at night, work out in his weight room, but had a hard time pulling himself away from holding me while I slept. I secretly like that. A lot. He slept sometimes, but he’d said once he needed very little.
The best morning I’d woken up at his place was when he walked in the kitchen drenched in sweat with no shirt after working out. I could have stared at him for hours.
And then my mind wondered to the future. Would Cas tire of me and trade me out? Like I did Calum in his eyes? I am a louse! I am so certain that I can’t live without Cas in my life. I can’t begin to think about the pain and what it feels like when he’s far away. Not like right now since I followed Calum out towards the wood line and know without a doubt that Cas is standing close because I’ve had this feeling many times even before I knew what it meant. My stomach lurched and forced me towards him in a prickle of awareness. A good pull. I waited so patiently for him to move closer to where I stood just inside the trees that I could hear every bird call, squirrel jump, and rabbit scurry around where I stood.
“Are you okay?” he asked from the shadows like the first night I’d met him. The sun was going down and I knew that dinner would start soon without me but I didn’t care. I certainly wasn’t hungry. Cas’ eyes were lit up with a kind of curiosity that he watched me with sometimes. I wondered secretly if it was the unanswered questions about my existence or something else. There were still times I couldn’t read him completely.
“Yes!” I replied.
“You’re lying! Can I help at all?” he stepped a foot closer still housed in darkness.
“Can you work miracles?”
“Small ones. But the one you seek is a gaping hole of hurt and hatred and fear. Time will heal it somewhat, but you can’t dwell on it too much or it will eat at you. Just be patient. Lee came around didn’t he?”
I frowned at him knowing so much about me.
“Well, mostly,” he surmised.
“Are we finished rehashing the lives of all those I’ve ruined?” That was rude of me.
“I’m sorry for you but I can’t be sorry at all. I won your affections and I have no qualms with the two of them with the exception that I will not give you back.”
I cocked my head sideways at Cas analyzing his face closer now that I moved to the shadows to join him. I eased my hand up to the front of his chest smoothing his shirt from his neck and stopping right above his belt where his naval spot hit. I moved the other hand up and down the opposite arm taking in his cologne and now studying his shadowed expression. I slid my hand from his arm to the stubble his chin grazed on my cheek sometimes. I put my head against his chest and breathed in deeply.
“You smell incredible,” I said without thought. I was too honest and far from playing the hard to get type. He smiled peculiarly and pulled his arms around my waist. I had an adept way of making him see my way when it came to changing the topic since our little meetings in the woods began. But I so liked these meetings.
Cas bent down closer to me scorching me with the cinder-filled fire in his eyes. I closed my own in anticipation. When I didn’t feel his lips I stayed motionless and opened my eyes. He was smiling the devil grin. I pulled my arms up from him in a quick moti
on to startle him and ended up brushing against more of him than I planned causing both of us to go completely stiff for a brief few seconds before he closed his eyes and breathed in very slowly.
“Sorry!” I breathed aloud. As a sister who had a brother I was familiar with our different parts and well knew what those parts were doing right now, as I felt them loud and clear. I also knew from sparring what it was like to be in pain from being hit there, but I really didn’t feel like I’d hit him in any way that would have caused pain. At least, not the same kind of pain.
His eyes opened and I was the one stumbling through my next words as I saw the gold slivers flickering across the spread of his blackless eyes. Oh! It wasn’t that kind of pain. Oh! Reality caught up with denial.
He pulled me harder against him now and closed his arms around me in a bear like hug slash embrace further embarrassing me but hiding it with the actions speak louder than words theory. His mouth was urgent and fast. Fast like a snake catching his prey but with more intensity. I totally sat back and took every venomous bite eagerly. His hands roamed a little and he felt me stiffen when his hand moved under my shirt edging the rim of my jeans with his fingertips. He paused waiting for my consent. I relaxed into him giving him permission. I’d stop him without a doubt when I wanted him too. The question was, did I want him too? Technically we both were the age of two college students in the human world. Many were married at this point. If I’d been at home I’d already be betrothed to the highest bidder and waiting for my wedding that would have already been set.
Of course he could hear all of my bickering mind wars and was no doubt trying to decipher what I really wanted. I want you. More than anything in me, I want to have all of you. I can’t think of anything I want more than that. But I have to focus on other matters at hand.
He pulled back giving soft petal kisses on my lips, face, ears, and back over again. I worried when he didn’t say anything. He must of sensed it as well because the shuddery groan was not out of irritation.
You don’t understand the pain you put me in. A great and most assuredly wonderful pain, but pain no less. As much as I like this, it is torture waiting on the what could be’s. But I would never want anything you’re not ready for.
And I’m guessing my flustered body gives myself completely away?
Don’t you think that’s half of what’s causing my pain?
Yeah, I guess so. He yanked me back not helping my slow down effect.
Maybe I don’t want to slow down.
Yes, I see this. I feel it too. I blushed feeling red, fiery lava rise to every part of my body.
The black and gold glint in his eyes beamed at me. I’d say they are my new favorite colors of late. I could see in his mind what he wanted. He stepped back pulling his hand through his hair, pacing the ground for a long brain-numbing set of minutes. He breathed in and out a lot and pinched the end of his nose. And some more.
“Okay, so we have the inability to keep from causing each other pain.”
Cas laughed, “I’m not sure I would have phrased it quite that way.”
I had to laugh. “No, I think not also.”
He returned to me and tried to kiss me again.
“Are you sure that’s wise?”
“Wise, yes. Wanted outcome, later. I will take what I can get,” he was all shaky.
I giggled. I don’t know what came over me except maybe the idea of the fact that Cas wanted me in this way and I so wanted him in this way. Or was it the fact that I was just thoroughly excited to be standing in the woods with him and knowing what could become of the two of us. Now that I think about it, I haven’t ever thought that far.
I have.
You have? His eyes had considerably darkened once more. He all but asked my father for my hand in marriage.
You first.
No! You! I insisted.
I have watched you for years. I have known you longer. I know you. And I have only just gained what I have wanted for years. I will not rush you into anything. He was so careful...with everything concerning me. Yet I didn’t get the feeling it was shared elsewhere.
I know. But you want more. I can feel it. I told the truth.
Cas smiled a knowing smile, his male ego flaring.
And what do you read from me? I dared a very dangerous question.
His lips parted as if readying himself, though he wasn’t talking aloud. I think that I can read you very well. More than you think maybe but admitting that can be very dangerous too. Yet there are times I can’t read anything because your thoughts and your senses seem to all roll up together and jumble themselves.
“That’s a relief. I’ll have to figure that out and do it more.”
He laughed. We’re both doing that a lot to ease the tension.
“Seriously Kissa, I want to have you forever. You are immortal. I am immortal. You said my name at your birth. I said yours. I’ve felt the connection between us tug at my very being since very young. And I sense the same from you. I have to force myself to stay away. I want to give you everything you could ever want or need. I absolutely hate that you were lonely for all those years and I couldn’t meet that need until the ordained time. I was drawn to you before some prophecy ever came to me.”
That last part was the most reassuring part and kept me coming back for more though the grey matter of my brain was starting to melt and gel with the consuming power I knew he held over me. It still was a choice. But I still stand with it is my choice no matter what. Some prophecy doesn’t tell me what to do or that you should love me, right?
At least I confirmed he’s immortal.
How did you feel about me that first night at the warehouse? At my manor? Did you feel like you were made to do any of that? Yes, I can sense your feelings are even stronger now, but do I make you feel or do anything you don’t want to?
No, you don’t and I thank you for that. You’re right. No one can make me feel the way I do. That’s me.
I want you to want this all on your own. You have to be sure.
Then that’s what we will focus on. More practice. I put out my hand and looked upward hoping he took my hint pointing to my lips.
He looked confused for a second, but only a second. And then my feet lifted off the ground and my lips were stolen property. He took my advice and my suggestion. Later I thought back to my earlier ideals on my development in the relations department. I was getting better, no doubt. With not a soul to hear me, I giggled to myself which was so not like me, but times are a changing.
Chapter Five
A house divided against itself…
I asked Cas about the Elves on the way to the meeting with my father and all the others. He finally told me that they were continuously being sent out to scour the places I’d most likely be found. That’s why Cas was spending his nights at the edge of the Hunter school. I felt horrible for being careless about my own safety and putting himself off from his court to watch over me. If I’m hard to kill, I didn’t get why they tried so much, but who am I to get in the minds of villains.
My father had heard Borgon had plans to capture me at any price. Cas acted funny when I told him he didn’t even give me a chance to fight them. He said I needed more practice. I had it in me, but at some point I needed to act without hesitation. He was right, I just didn’t want to admit it.
I left it alone and moved on for the night.
“You’re a refreshing rain of truth and selflessness. My endless night. My endless life’s only breath," his hands snaked across my shoulders.
“You’re very poetic tonight.”
“Our secret.” But his ego was sizzling with the power he knew he held.
I wouldn’t tell a soul. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone. You’re mine. I was surrounded by the sudden thought of possibly losing him or living without him. It made my heart hurt.
He smiled wider than I’d ever seen him. Okay! So I am. His face darkened just as fast when my thoughts were revealed. He switched to talking
when he read my emotional turn. “You’re upset?”
Only—
His eyebrows turned down. I didn’t have enough Supergirl in me to smooth those eyebrows back up the way I wanted to.
Only I don’t want to lose you.
He smiled and frowned oddly with understanding in his eyes.
You won’t lose me. Ever. I promise you that with every part of my being.
Forgetting where we were momentarily, I heard footsteps and the clearing throats. My super powers still didn’t step up to the plate letting me know who was there since I was apparently so engrossed in Cas.
I peeked up from Cas’ chest to see Szar and Lee standing by the door of my father’s study. It would be our meeting place.
"Who invited you?" I snapped at Lee.
He ignored me. I felt Cas rotate to where I couldn't Lee’s scowl.
Our conversation had been private, where it always would. Cas leaned down to my ear so that no one would hear, but he didn’t say anything aloud. He paused long enough for me to lean up.
I love you!
I gasped aloud alerting others to the oddness in the air. In his eyes, it wasn’t a random or spur of the moment slip of the tongue. Calculating carefully as he always did, he wanted me to know and to react. Though probably not the way I did.
I was in such an emotional whirlwind place in my head and heart that I couldn’t have predicted in any such fashion all the levels of my stress right then. But at the same time I was completely relaxed holding on to Cas, though I couldn’t for the life of me, keep up with his inner and outer dialogues. He kept me in solid suspense almost as if he enjoyed the game of it, especially in front of others. So when he let me go, I stumbled forward where Cas caught one arm and Lee caught the other. I waved and found my footing thanking them both and neither of them letting go.
Every bad situation I’d ever met with came flashing back clear to me in this instant so I refrained from thanking Lee for annoying me. I pulled away hinting at the need for regaining the feeling to my arms. I know what a tug-o-war rope feels like. Lee was sending a message. But his message was a little late and not wanted. He certainly provided a clear demonstration of his ability to build up my walls.
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