by Erin Osborne
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“You want her, but you push her away. Now that she’s gone, you don’t want her to try to move on or live her life without you in it. Are you willin’ to give her all of you, Slim?” Tank says.
“I can’t do that,” I answer.
“Why?” Playboy asks.
I quickly fill the guys in about Roxy and finding out that Kristen chased her off. On top of that, we have a new threat with Snake’s Revenge and whoever they’re working for. I’m not going to be the one to put a target on Shy’s back. Tank and Playboy take a few minutes to digest that before they begin again.
“That’s fucked up, Dad,” Playboy says.
“You need to make a decision. Either bring Shy back and let her the fuck in or fuckin’ let her go for good,” Tank says. “I have a feelin’ that there’s more goin’ on in your head than just that shit though.”
“You want to know that even though I feel the way I do about her, she’s still a year younger than my fuckin’ daughter?” I ask, the rage boiling back up the more we talk about her. “How the fuck do you think that makes me feel?”
“It shouldn’t matter,” Playboy says. “Sis and I are about two years apart. We’ve talked about Shy and you. We both agree that if you’re happy, then who the fuck cares? Age ain’t nothin’ but a number anyway.”
I stare at my son in shock. When the fuck did he and Maddie talk about Shy and me? Or maybe it’s that I’ve allowed myself to voice the fact that the age difference bothers me a little bit. Personally, I don’t care if she’s younger than me. It does bother me that my kids are both older than her. But they’re both in their early thirties now.
“Slim, I love ya,” Tank says. “Cut her loose or bring her back. You’ve never been one to shy away from what you want. Think about it and make the right decision. She’s one of the good ones and you’re gonna fuckin’ miss out if you cut her loose. We can all see that. Maddie adores her and so do the rest of the ol’ ladies. She’s respectful, knows what needs to be done, and gives you as good as she gets.”
I think on their words as the men finish loading up the guns in the van and we head out. Since we don’t know these assholes, I’m not going to stand around and pretend that I do. For now, we’re going to head out and meet up with Satan’s Anarchy before heading home.
The entire run goes smoothly and I’m thankful that nothing happened today. My head isn’t in the game the way that it should be and I probably shouldn’t have even gone. But we were meeting new people so I wasn’t going to let my men go alone. If anyone went down for this shit, it would be me.
By the time we get back to the clubhouse, Tank decides he’s going to crash for a few hours before heading back home to my daughter and grandkids. They have a room at the clubhouse because Tank and Maddie surprised me all the time and I figured they should have their own room since they’re family.
I head to my own room with a bottle of Jack. The one currently sitting by my bed is almost empty and I need some damn sleep. That’s the only way I can sleep now, knowing that Shy isn’t under the same roof as me.
Unlocking my door, I head to the bathroom and open the cabinet for some ibuprofen. As soon as the doors open, the first thing that captures my attention is one of Shy’s bottles of nail polish. She was always changing the color of her nails. It was one of the things that I used to sit and watch her do. It was almost calming in a way to just sit and watch her. Until I fucked everything up that is.
Chapter Five
Shy
I START WORK tomorrow, so today I’m hanging out at home. I’ve cleaned, made dinner for myself, and now I’m at a loss about what to do. These are the times when I miss getting ready for a party at the clubhouse. Hanging out with everyone there was one of the things I loved about being a house bunny. Now, that’s all gone and it was my own choice to leave it behind.
Kim called me earlier and told me that Ghost and Hound are getting released from jail today. They got sent up on bogus charges and the lawyer just managed to get them out. I’m happy that they’re going home even if I won’t get to see them.
She told me they’re planning on having a huge party for the guys to welcome them home. I want to go, since this is one night that random pussy and hang arounds are allowed in the clubhouse. I’m not sure if I’ll be welcome there though.
After sitting on my couch and staring into space for a while, I decide that I’m going to go to the clubhouse. Even if Slim doesn’t want me there, I’ll at least get to say ‘hi’ to the guys before I walk back out the door and try to forget the man that invades my every thought and dream.
I quickly take a shower and get party-ready before I let my nerves get the better of me. I’m dressed in a pair of cut-off shorts and a Phantom Bastards support tank top I found at the bottom of my bag when I was unpacking.
Once my make-up and hair are done, I make my way out to the car and take off. It doesn’t take me more than a few minutes to get to the clubhouse. I blare my music and pay attention to the road so I don’t get lost in my head. I’m to the point that if I overthink going there, I’ll turn the car around and head back home. That’s not an option when two men that I’ve known for years are home and I want to say ‘hi’ and let them know I’m not there anymore.
I’m sure that the guys will fill them in on my departure, but they need to hear it from me. They aren’t going to think things that aren’t true. I should’ve thought about that when I moved out, but I just wanted to be gone.
Pulling into the parking lot of the clubhouse, I see the place is packed already. There are more cars and bikes here than I’ve seen in a long time. Hound and Ghost are loved among the brothers and I know they both have a bunch of ex-military buddies in the area. They’re probably all here to celebrate with them.
After parking at the back of the lot, I make my way to the door and slip inside. The lights are dimmed slightly and I take in the area before deciding where to head first. Looking around, I find the girls I formed a bond and sisterhood with are sitting off to the side. Hound and Ghost are sitting at the bar, surrounded by men and house bunnies. They’re the center of attention— the way it should be. Slim isn’t anywhere in the common room. I don’t know if that upsets me or makes me feel relieved.
Heading to the bar, I stop to visit the men first. That way it’s out of the way if I leave early.
“Shy!” Hound practically yells as I walk up to them.
He pulls me in for a hug and doesn’t let me go for a long time. Ghost gives me the same treatment before they each sit back down in their seats and get me a beer. We talk about nonsense for a few minutes before I realize that I still haven’t told them anything.
“Guys, I want you to hear it from me. I don’t live here anymore,” I say.
“What the fuck you talkin’ about?” Ghost asks, turning to face me.
“I got my own place. So, this is the only time you’ll be seeing me unless you come to Allure,” I say.
“You’re fuckin’ strippin’ now?” Hound asks, his voice rising with each word he speaks.
“No. I’m a waitress.”
“He run you out of here?” Hound asks.
“No. I needed a change of pace and to be on my own,” I say, not wanting them to know that my feelings for Slim are what’s wrong.
“If you say so. Where you livin’?” Ghost asks.
This is where I want to hide under a rock and not come out for a while. No one knows where I’m living yet. I don’t want them to know because I don’t want them to check up on me or inadvertently let Slim know where I am. He has his own ways to find me.
“Let’s just leave it at that for now,” I say, smiling at the men, setting my empty beer bottle down on the bar top in front of them before turning to head over to the girls.
I can feel their eyes on me as I cross the common room. It’s not just theirs either. Slim is in the vicinity. The hair on my arms is standing up and I can feel the tension that’s been between us for mon
ths now is palpable in the air. Ignoring it, I finally come to the table where the girls are sitting and plop my ass down in the corner.
Gwen and Sam smile at me while Jennifer is being fussed over by Wood and Boy Scout. Killer is talking to Kim about something so quietly that no one else can hear. I’m not sure what the hell I’m supposed to be doing here. I used to know my role. I embraced it with a smile on my face every day. Now, I’m sitting here unsure of myself.
Before I can dwell on it, Sam and Gwen get up and drag me to the dance floor. No one else is dancing as the three of us let the music fill our soul. We dance to several songs before I sit back down to a fresh beer waiting at the table for me. I don’t really want it because I’m thinking of going home.
Chapter Six
Slim
I CLOCKED SHY as soon as she walked through the door. She didn’t notice me sitting in the back of the room at a table with a few guys. It’s darker back here and I wanted to be able to watch her if she showed up, to know how she’d react to being here after deserting us.
The first people she went up to were Ghost and Hound. I know they’re the only reason she’s here right now. It pisses me off to watch her walk over to them and let them pull her in for a hug. No one should be touching her but me. Still, I wait to see what she’s gonna do.
I stay in the corner by the hallway. It’s dark here and no one other than the guys know I’m sitting here with a drink in my hand. They have been leaving me alone since Shy left and I can’t say that I blame them. The only one coming near me right now is the Prospect that keeps my drink filled at all times.
After talking to them for a few minutes, Shy makes her way over to the table the girls are sitting at. One of the house bunnies is approaching me and there’s nothing I can do to stop her without causing a scene right now. So, I wait until she gets directly in front of me.
“You look tense,” she says.
“Nope,” I reply.
“Let me take care of you, Slim,” she purrs, thinking that shit is cute or something.
“Get away from me,” I say. I don’t even know this bitch’s name nor do I care to know it.
“Don’t be like that. Let me make you feel good,” she says.
“You have two seconds to back the fuck off or you can leave my clubhouse. I’m not interested and I won’t be,” I say, finally looking down into her pale blue eyes.
She scurries away after glaring at me. I go back to enjoying my solitude for a while. Until I watch Shy get up and dance with Sam and Gwen. She’s shaking her ass for everyone in the clubhouse to watch and it pisses me off. A red haze fills my vision the longer she stays on the dance floor.
When she goes back to sit down, I decide that it’s time to make my presence known and get her out of the clubhouse. I walk over to the table and wait for her to look over at me. It doesn’t take long before she notices me standing behind her.
“What are you doin’ here?” I growl out.
“I came to see Hound and Ghost,” she answers.
“You could’ve called and seen them away from my clubhouse,” I say, knowing that I sound like a fucking dick right now.
“Excuse me?” she asks. “Are you serious right now, Slim?”
Shy’s voice is getting louder, causing the people around us to quiet down and listen to our conversation. I take that as my cue to hammer home that I don’t want her around here anymore, just because she’s not in my arms any longer and no other reason.
“You chose to fuckin’ leave. You obviously have a house or apartment somewhere. I know Playboy hired you at Allure and you aren’t a house bunny anymore. Shy, you made your decision and it’s time for you to go. Get the fuck out of my clubhouse,” I say, watching as tears pool in her eyes.
“Don’t worry, Slim. I won’t ever come near here again. Just do me the same courtesy and make sure you don’t sit in my section at Allure,” she says, standing up and walking out of the clubhouse.
I feel like the biggest piece of shit. My anger at the situation is getting the better of me and I just put the final nail in the coffin when it comes to Shy. She’ll never talk to me again. That’s what I want though.
Looking at my family and friends surrounding me, I realize that most of them are ready to throw down. They all love Shy and I just humiliated her in front of all of them. Ghost shakes his head at me before rushing out of the clubhouse. I’m sure he’s going to comfort Shy and make sure she’s alright. That just makes my blood boil even worse. Fuck!
Leaving the common room, I stalk to my room and grab a change of clothes before heading back out. I can’t be here right now. I’m not sure where I’m going, but it can’t be here.
As I walk to my bike, Ghost is at Shy’s car. She’s in his arms and that makes this even worse. There’s nothing sexual about their encounter, but it still pisses me off. I know I’m not making any sense right now. That’s why I need to get the hell out of here for a few days.
I pull out my phone and call my son. “Playboy, need you to be in charge for a few days,” I say.
“What’s goin’ on, Dad?” he asks, moving to a quieter area.
“I need to get away. Make sure everythin’ stays on track. Get with Renegade about the next run. I’ll be back in a few days,” I say, hanging up the phone.
Shoving my clothes in my saddlebag, I straddle my bike and fire her up. Roaring out of the parking lot, I don’t pay attention to the couple by the gate. Instead, I throttle my bike and almost lose control as I go from the dirt of the parking lot to the pavement of the road. Shit!
I’ve been riding for hours. The freedom of the road and the roar of my engine does nothing to take images of Shy from my mind. Different times we spent together play on a loop as I try to outrun the memories. One memory sticks in my mind more than the rest— the first time she let me between her thighs.
Shaking my head, I realize I’m almost to the opposite side of Benton Falls and don’t I know where I’m going to stay out this way. We tend to go in the opposite direction— toward Dander Falls or Clifton Falls. I don’t want to see my daughter right now. It won’t be long before she knows how I treated Shy tonight and I don’t want to hear it from her.
I love my kids more than anything. But they want me settled down and happy— especially Maddie. It’s not in the cards for me though. Not when I’m still President of the Phantom Bastards.
My headlight shines on a sign up ahead. As I get closer, I take in the For Sale sign. There doesn’t seem to be much there to sell, just a big empty field. I pass the sign and don’t really think of it anymore, deciding what I need to do right now is find a hotel and get a room. When I’ve had a few hours of sleep, I can figure out what I’m going to do from there.
So, I ride until I spot the sign for a motel. Pulling in, I get a room for the night. It’s funny that the clerk is staring at me through the entire transaction like I’m going to rob his ass. I have more money than this guy makes in a year. I don’t need to fucking rob him or this motel.
I walk to my room and lock the door behind me. Jumping in the shower, I wash off the road and climb into bed. More visions of Shy fill my head to the point I’m hard as fuck and need to take care of the problem if I’m going to get any sleep at all.
Letting my eyes slide closed, I imagine her in front of me on all fours. I’m pounding into her from behind with her hair wrapped around one fist while my other hand digs into her hip. She turns her head to look at me with those green eyes and I’m done. I cum all over my hand and stomach with her name falling from my lips. After cleaning up, I lay back against the rough pillows and will my mind to shut off so I can get a few hours of sleep.
Chapter Seven
Shy
MY AUNT CALLED me two days ago. Patience, my cousin, needs to get out of her place and she wanted to know if she could come stay with me. I agreed because I know what a hard time Patience is having right now.
She got pregnant by her man, David, and from there began the beatings. When I went out t
here to stay for a while, he beat her so bad she ended up in the hospital. Thankfully, she and the baby are just fine.
There may have been an altercation between David and me while I was there too, one that I made sure the cops got involved in so he’d go away for his crimes. David didn’t lay a hand on me, but he sure as fuck threatened my cousin and her unborn baby. That’s not something that I’ll ever let happen, so there really wasn’t a question of her coming to stay with me.
David might be in jail right now, but that doesn’t mean anything. He’s got a large family and I’m sure that they’ve been threatening her too. I won’t let anything happen to my cousin or her baby. Even if that means sending her to the club until the baby is born and I can get her out of here.
Patience should be here any minute and I’m nervous as hell about her arrival. She and my aunt don’t know how involved in the club I was, or that I’m working at a strip club now. All they know is that I lived at the clubhouse and cleaned for a while. I hope they never find out that I was fucking Slim even though I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere, that I was simply warming his bed for a little while.
I hear a car pull in the driveway and run to the doorway to make sure it’s Patience. As soon as she’s out of her car, I fling the door open and run down to greet her. She laughs as I wrap her in a hug and squeeze the life out of her.
“Cousin, you wanna let me go now?” she asks, laughter in her voice. “You keep this up and you’ll be likely to squeeze the baby right outta me.”
“Sorry,” I say, stepping back away from her.
Patience looks really good. She’s about a month and a half away from having her baby and you can tell that she’s pregnant now. Her long blond hair shines and her bright blue eyes sparkle in the sunshine. The maxi dress she’s wearing flows down to her feet and I can see the flip flops she always wears.
“Let’s get you inside and off your feet,” I say, wanting her to be comfortable.
I open the back door and grab the suitcase and two bags that she brought with her. Leading her into my home, I give her the tour and place her bags in the bedroom that she’ll make hers the longer she stays here. For now, she’ll have to have the baby in her room since I only have the two. Eventually, we’ll have to figure something out.