by Young
While Narnia’s chaperone continued her historical spiel, the recruit pulled me aside and whispered amusingly, “Although everything my big sister said is true, she’s having fun with you guys. Her information is from the hotel’s brochure in the guest rooms.”
I quipped. “Why didn’t you tell the rest of our group? I thought she was an expert in India’s history!”
She gave me a wet kiss and said saucily, “I’m telling you because I like you.”
Stunned by her raciness, I was speechless. I couldn’t decide whether to tell her there and then that I was gay – but at that very moment, Andy appeared from around the corner.
“Where did you two disappear to?” he inquired.
When Narnia was out of earshot, I muttered knowingly to my BB, “I’ll tell you later.”, as we continued the art tour browsing portraitures of India’s Princely Rulers of yore.
As the art historian Jabril so rightly commented after the tour, “The Imperial depends on its art collections. These are beyond doubt among the most arresting public displays of colonial images and memorabilia in all of Asia.” We couldn’t agree more!
Within the Presidential Suite
That evening, Andy insisted on accompanying me to Prince P’s chambers after a formal dinner and cultural performance at the hotel’s opulent ballroom. The director of India International Centre and India Tourism Development Corporation, Mr. Romesh Thapar, alongside his beloved wife Raj, had organized this lavish event. Over the eight-course gourmet banquet, a tentative deal was struck between our Arab contingent, the Italian Count and India’s cultural director.
Count Mario Conti was entrusted with the task of artistic consultant for a multi-million dollar Bollywood movie funded by the Arabian financiers and endorsed by none other than the director of India International Centre and India Tourism Development Corporation. It would be a major silver-screen production featuring an array of A-list Indian and Western movie stars.
To celebrate this cross-cultural collaboration, we E.R.O.S. recruits were summoned privately to end this celebratory day. We obliged without any hesitation, since we were well aware we would be rewarded handsomely if we performed our tasks excellently. Prince P had specifically requested my presence, while Munsor Fayaad adjured Narnia, leaving Albert, who I assumed was entreated to the sheik.
Andy had traded places with Zac, leaving him to escort me to the prince’s Presidential Suite. When P’s bodyguard let us in, I was startled to find my household Master, Dr. Fahrib, seated comfortably in the spacious living room, surrounded by Fragonard amenities. A sweet floral scent emanated from breathtaking flower arrangements, created by French artisans and specially flown in by The Imperial to honor their distinguished luminaries.
Dazzled by such opulence, I did not notice the Zentologist seated in our midst before he spoke, “I had mentioned to you, Young, a new meditation technique I’ve developed with the Maharishi’s guidance. Are you and Andy game to give this new technique a try?” It was more a command than a request.
He declared confidently, “I’d like the two of you to demonstrate to His Highnesses my new method - TransZendent Introspection.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
TransZendental Introspection
“This is love: the contemplation of love is active introspection. Aah! But the flowering of love is divine meditation.“
Jiddu Krishnamurti
2012
Andy’s Reply
Young, you should already know your ex-teacher Alain Dubois’ and my cogitations on the Oneness of Being. That hasn’t changed since we were together. Since you asked, I’ll recap my ruminations for you and your readers.
The “Eternity of Life”
As you are well aware, some religions teach that we live only a lifetime. When we die, we either go to some beautiful hereafter such as Heaven or to some horrific eternal torture chamber known as Hell. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the Buddhist view of eternal life posits that one’s life or essence has no real beginning or end. We live many lifetimes, repeating the cycle of birth and death. Much like sleeping, we refresh our bodies and wake anew.
My beliefs are similar to these - that my life possesses an eternal and unchanging aspect. When I die, my bodily functions stop, but the essence, my soul or spirit - my eternal identity - continues in a dimension the naked eye cannot see. Death becomes the potential for rebirth. Death, to me is similar to a rosebush in the winter; it contains the flowering (life) potential within. When the correct external circumstances present themselves, the roses will bloom (re-birth).
Everything I’ve done up to this moment adds up to who I am. This is the law of cause and effect. For every cause, there must be an effect. This, to me, is karma. I make a myriad of causes every day through my thoughts, words and deeds. For each cause, I receive an effect.
In essence, my belief reflects what many Eastern religions teach - the law of cause and effect is simultaneous. The moment a cause is created, an effect is registered - like a seed planted in the depths of life. This law is often symbolized by the lotus flower, it seeds and blooms simultaneously, even though it may not appear instantly to the naked eye. My karma is like a bank balance of latent effects; it’ll manifest under the right environmental conditions.
As I live my life (making causes), effects reside within me. When I pass, these effects then dictate the circumstances of my rebirth into the next life. Karma or causes from my previous life continue after I’m reborn. Therefore, this cause and effect explains the reason why people are born under such different circumstances. To put it plainly, every individual has a different karma.
Therefore, this same principle proposes I have the capabilities to change my karma or destiny. This promise offers hope to me and to Buddhist practitioners. Theoretically, all I have to do is to make the best causes in order to obtain the best effects, yet many a time, I feel I’ve little control over the causes I make.
Let me cite an example. When I’m angry and say things I don’t really mean to the people closest to me, the condition of anger may appear more powerful than my general nature. However, when I practice ‘Transzendental Introspection’ (Alain Dubois’ meditation practices), I’m able to transform an out-of-control situation into one of wisdom, compassion and enlightenment.
The Oneness of Life in Relationship to My Environment
I can describe the principle of the Oneness of Life and my environment as the inseparable relationship between me and my milieu. Most people have a tendency to regard their surroundings as something separate from themselves. However, from my viewpoint of ultimate reality, the natural world and I are one and inseparable. You see, Young, life manifests itself in both a living subject and an objective environment.
“Life” indicates a subjective “self” that experiences the karmic effects of past actions. The environment is the objective realm where the karmic effects of life come together. Environment, in this context, does not mean an overall frame of reference where all beings live. Instead, every living being has its own unique environment in which the effects of karma appear. The effects of my karma, both positive and negative, manifest both within my person and in the environment. These phases are of the same entity.
Since both my life and my environment are one, whichever world I manifest internally will mirror my surroundings.
An example: a person in the state of ‘Hell’ will perceive his or her milieu to be hellish. On the other hand, a person in the world of ‘animality’ will perceive the same environment to be a jungle where only the fittest survive.
This idea has crucial implications.
First and foremost, as I had already mentioned, I need not seek enlightenment in a particular place. Whatever the circumstances I’m in, I have the ability to call forth my innate ‘Buddhahood’ through my TransZendental practices, thus transforming my environmental experience into an enlightened state. I can also free myself to control my circumstances through my own action.
I’ll not be crushe
d by adversity when I can sufficiently elevate my life’s condition. By harnessing this constructive energy for personal development, I’m able to command the strength and wisdom required to overcome calamities.
Moreover, as I accumulate good karma through my TransZendental practices, the effects of my karma will become apparent not only within the self but also in my surroundings - in the form of improved material circumstances, greater respect from others, and so on.
From this perspective, my environment stretches out to encompass the dimension of space. My enlightenment is therefore not confined only to me but exerts an influence on my family, community, nation, and ultimately, all humanity. The principle of the Oneness of Life and my environment is the rationale for asserting my TransZendental practice. This will eventually transform the society I’m in. TransZendental Introspection expands my life’s reality and shows me the way to live a winning life and a fulfilling existence.
Advaita
You may be asking: how am I responsible for my karma? How can I change it? One popular Western theory is that when we are born, our lives are like a clean slate where nothing is written. Each life develops as a result of its surroundings and the forces acting on it such as parents, friends, society, their dominant culture, etc.
However, TransZendental Introspection teaches the eternity of life – that I’ve lived countless lives before this current manifestation. This means that when I am born, I am not a collection of blank pages, but rather pages with countless impressions. In TransZentalism, life is forever existing in the cosmos. At times, it is manifested; at other times, latent. When I sleep and awaken, my conscious mind awakens and my body is refreshed. My consciousness carries on in a sub-conscious state between sleeping and awakening. Similarly, my life continues eternally in alternating states of life and death. Therefore, death is a part of the process of living.
Karma is a Sanskrit word that means ‘action.’ It is the accumulation of effects from the positive and negative causes I brought with me from my former lives, together with the causes I make in this life, thus shaping my future. My thoughts, words and deeds are manifested in my appearance, behavior, attitudes, good and bad fortune, where I’m born or live - in short, everything about me is the effect of my karma.
Unlike some philosophies, TransZendental Introspection does not consider one’s karma or destiny to be fixed; since my mind changes from moment to moment, even the habitual and destructive tendencies I possess can be altered. In other words, I have in me the potential to change my destiny.
Last but not least, Advaita is the non-duality - The Oneness, the fundamental quality of everything conscious.
1968
TransZendental Introspection
Andy and I looked at the Zentologist, wondering what we were supposed to do. My professor advised, “Do what you normally do when preparing for meditation. Once you are naked and comfortably seated in your lotus position opposite each other, I’ll give you verbal queues.”
We did as told. A Ganesha murti (the removal of obstacles and restorer of life) had been installed in the centre of the room, at a low alter surrounded by burning sandalwood candles and incense. The arresting aroma reminded me of P – This was the prince’s signature scent. But since we had entered the chamber, His Highness had not made an appearance.
The Zentologist harnessed me with a padded leather eye mask, similar to the ones I wore during my early days at the Middle Eastern households. This very contraption would now assist me to concentrate during my meditation with little exterior disturbance to detract my focus.
A soft Sanskrit chant filled the room as my teacher’s soothing voice instructed me to look inwards for concealed unhappiness, traumas or physical dis-ease. I was to release these hidden negativities through deep inhalation and exhalation, nullifying these damaging experiences and expelling them into the universe.
In the beginning, I had difficulty concentrating, although the hypnotic chants kept me focused. Gushes of invidious encounters with my father rushed to the foreground. My dad’s indignation of my effeminacy and his disapproval of my artistic pursuits stirred an invisible vexation I never knew existed. Like a crustacean retreating into its shell from imminent danger, I trembled whenever Foong Senior was present.
But then, a pair of consoling hands embraced my shoulders, easing my disquietude as I sat, quivering. I felt the man’s breath against the tenderness of my neck, yet I could not decipher to whom it belonged. I longed for his lips on mine, yet they never arrived; instead, his heaving nakedness straddled my rear as his hands caressed my hairless body, stirring me to involuntary excitement. Goosebumps formed on my skin. His musculature enveloped me. He laid my hands upon his as we sat in a joined meditative position.
In the pensive silence, the man’s fuzzy chin grazed arrestingly against the softness of my neck. Images of my mercurial father nullified as my mind sought the identity of this mystery person. My thoughts flitted back and forth between curiosity and self-analysis as our involuntary stiffness throbbed in rhythmic synchronicity to the sounds of hypnotic chants.
I struggled for mental equilibrium, only to waver again and again to the sensual arousal that dominated my physical promulgation. Alain’s assertive voice challenged me to spurn the external stimuli and to focus on my introspective contemplation, harnessing the conflicting energies through mental negation.
“When you can control your ejaculation through gentle sensual foreplay, without the goal of orgasm, supernal fulfillment and longevity can be yours. Regular practise of TranZendental Introspection will lead to the annulment of mental turmoil,” he advised.
The man and I were getting more and more aroused as Alain continued his delivery. My harness did nothing to deter my excitement. On the contrary, it served to heighten my erotic imagination as his member drummed unceasingly against my coccyx. He held firmly onto my wrists as if to restrain me from touching myself.
Dubois repeatedly urged me to work through this external exhilaration and remain focused on the pleasurable experience rather than the expectancy of an imminent orgasmic reverie. I found it difficult to concentrate on his directive.
He added, “Possessing a phlegmatic and loving penis is the hallmark of true male authority. Reverse your idea of your manhood as a desensitized ‘getting’ device. Instead of using it to ‘get your rocks off,’ see it as an energetic ‘giving’ instrument. Open your heart, cultivate loving feelings and kindness to your partner. It is through unconditional giving that you’ll receive your ‘Grove of Love.’
“This practice is essential for couples to bond on a soul level and experience a richly rewarding relationship.”
That evening was the beginning. It was then that my partner and I discovered the sacred ‘Grove of Love’; through the Zentologist technique, I had eased into an enchanted sensuality, prolonging our foreplay without any orgasmic interlude. TransZendental Introspection had worked its magic.
2012
Continuation of Andy’s Reply
My dearest Young, you never fail to amaze me after these many years. You are still the inquisitive young man I’ve come to cherish and love. ☺
It wasn’t easy to nurse and care for Albert during his final days. Being an honourable and independent man, it was extremely difficult for him to be dependent on me or anyone for assistance. He fought me every step of the way; only when his health had deteriorated to within an inch of what it once was did he succour my aid. It was a dark moment, but I slowly manoeuvred my way back from depression after Albert’s passing.
There isn’t a day I do not miss his presence. I’m still getting used to being single again, though my passion for rowing and the camaraderie of my rowing buddies kept me from falling into despondency. The ocean has a healing effect on my desolate soul.
Back to your question – I am currently single and enjoying life as a single man. There are a couple of guys I see on and off, nothing serious. I’m not looking for love but allowing the universe to bring forth what is in store
for me. I recall the words you wrote to Sam in A Harem Boy’s Saga – book II – Unbridled, during our winter holiday in 1966: “Follow love and it will flee; flee love and it will follow.” So, boy, here I am, waiting for love to find me. ☺
Love,
Andy
XOXOXO
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sehnsucht
“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
Bernard Tristan Foong
1968
Lakshmi लक्ष्मी
Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of beauty, wealth, fortune, and prosperity (material and spiritual), is also the active energy, Vishnu’s consort. Her four hands represent the four goals of humanity sacred to the Hindus – Dharma (cosmic order), Kama (erotic love), Artha (meaning, sense, goal, purpose or essence) and Moksha (liberation from the cycle of rebirth).
Smack in the poshest district of South Delhi stood Mariam’s LAKSHMI - a haute couture boutique and salon amidst a sea of fancy shops that sold anything from imported European designer labels to imitation designer watches, handbags and brit-a-brats.
The moment our Rolls Royce pulled up to LAKSHMI’s entrance, a couple of manservants stood at attention before they proceeded to open our car doors. The infamous Mrs. Raj Thapar was the first to step out, followed by the stunningly beautiful Nesrine. The suave Count Mario Conti appeared next to my gorgeously handsome Valet. Being the youngest in our entourage, I was the last to emerge.
A crowd of bystanders stood gawking at us, as if they had unexpectedly witnessed the arrival of movie stars. Mario, being a famed photographer, welcomed the disport, as did the two ladies, who were obviously celebrities within their country. On the opposite spectrum, Andy and I felt awkward in this unanticipated avidity.