by Maya Banks
dry and the mere thought of alcohol made her want to vomit.
At the time it had seemed like a good idea. Now? Not so much.
Dash had let them all sleep in and when they got up and stumbled into the kitchen looking like death warmed over, Dash served them breakfast and some foul-tasting concoction he swore would cure a hangover.
He so lied.
She slowly got out of her car, glancing over again for the reassurance that Jensen was here because his car was. Lucky for her, she still had a key, so she didn’t have to worry about his doing what she had done and not answering the door.
It was Saturday. No work. And it was early enough that Jensen could still be in bed.
That thought considerably cheered her. It would certainly make her planned seduction easier to pull off.
She shook her head at that crazy thought. Her a seductress? Someone was probably laughing their ass off in heaven over that.
She paused at his front door and waffled on whether to use the key or knock.
The element of surprise was important, so the key it was.
She slid it into the lock, trying to make as little noise as possible. Then she eased the door open and peered inside.
So far so good.
When she got to the entrance to the living room, she froze, taking in the scene before her.
Jensen was sprawled on the couch, head back, either sound asleep or passed out. Judging by the bottles lying around, passed out was probably a good bet.
If it wasn’t such a familiar sight, Kylie might have mustered some outrage.
How pitiful they both were. Obviously miserable apart. It was a damn good thing one of them had sense. This crap was going to end right now.
“Jensen. Jensen!” she said louder. “Wake your ass up.”
She walked closer and then bent down to get in his face. “Wake up, Jensen!”
His eyelids fluttered sluggishly and then he seemed to realize who was standing over him in his living room.
“Dream,” he muttered. “Too much to drink. Fuck me.”
“I’m not a dream. More like a nightmare, but we’ll work on that,” Kylie said in amusement.
He blinked again and then rubbed an arm across his eyes. Then he frowned.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Nice. Good to see you too, Jensen. How’s life been treating you? Wait, don’t answer that. I’d say it’s pretty obvious judging by all the empty liquor bottles.”
She leaned in closer so she was right over his face and she scowled big.
“So help me God, if you aren’t able to get it up because you’re too hungover, I’ll kill you.”
His mouth fell open and she caught a whiff of his breath. Okay, she could work with his. It wasn’t too strong, so she imagined it had been hours since he drank. Possibly even last night and then he’d slept it off.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jensen demanded. “You aren’t supposed to be here. We’re over, Kylie.”
“Keep talking,” she said with a sneer. “You might even convince yourself before it’s over. But I know it’s a lie and you damn well know it too.”
“What do you want from me?” he asked in bewilderment.
She touched his cheek and stared him directly in the eye so he’d see how serious she was.
“Do you trust me, Jensen?”
“Of course,” he said gruffly. “It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s me. Goddamn it, Kylie, why are you making this so fucking hard? Was it so you could see how miserable I am? Well, take a good look. This is me without you.”
Her heart melted on the spot. The aching vulnerability in his voice undid her.
“Prove it,” she challenged.
“Prove what?”
He was sounding more irritated by the minute and she had to act fast before he threw her out of his house. Again.
“That you trust me,” she said softly.
“There’s nothing to prove. I trust you more than anyone else on earth.”
“Then come into the bedroom with me,” she said.
He closed his eyes. “I can’t do this, Kylie. Please don’t ask me to.”
“I’m asking you to trust me, Jensen. You said you did. Now show me. Please,” she added, the word sounding strangled.
“Fine. We go into the bedroom. Then will you leave me the fuck alone?”
“Are you so desperate to get rid of me, Jensen? Does your version of love mean forgetting someone you love, or supposedly love, so quickly?”
He surged up from the couch, his eyes glittering dangerously. Before? Such an action would have her terrified and dissolving into a panic attack. But now? She was so relieved to have at least a part of the old Jensen back and not this pathetic, grieving man who’d drunk himself into oblivion.
She’d done the same. If she hadn’t had her head stuck so far up her ass she could have had her epiphany a hell of a lot sooner and neither one of them would have had to be miserable all damn week.
“Don’t ever question my love for you,” he seethed. “It’s because I love you that I want you as far away from me as possible.”
Ignoring that particular outburst, and happy to have him on his feet so she didn’t have to try and get him up by herself, she took his hand and led him toward the bedroom.
When they got there, she turned, placing her hands on his chest and looking him in the eye.
“Remember what you said. About trust.”
“I remember,” Jensen said in a tight voice.
She nodded and then turned back toward the bed and began stripping out of her clothes. She whispered a short prayer that this worked out the way she hoped.
“What the hell are you doing, Kylie? You—”
He broke off, his mouth falling open when she turned to him, fully nude.
He closed his eyes and let out a groan. “Why are you torturing me like this?”
She slid her fingers down his chest and down to the fly of his jeans. Then she leaned up and pressed her mouth to his.
At first, he didn’t respond. He held himself rigidly as she explored his mouth. Then his lips parted, a rush of air escaping. Slowly his arms crept around her, anchoring her in place.
She ripped her mouth away, gulping for breath. Then she kissed the lobe of his ear and whispered softly, “Make love to me, Jensen. Really make love to me. No rope. Just you and me.”
A groan escaped his mouth. The sound seemed to come from his very soul. It was a sound of agony—and need.
“You said you trusted me,” she said quietly. “Give me this, Jensen. Trust me. Make love to me.”
He walked her backward toward the bed, ripping at his own clothing until he was as naked as she was. He certainly wanted her. His body couldn’t lie about that. No matter what he said or thought, he was as desperate for her as she was for him.
The backs of her legs bumped into the bed and then she toppled back, landing on the mattress with him on top of her.
“Be sure this is what you want, baby,” he said breathlessly. “If you don’t want it at any time, say stop. I’ll stop, no matter how hard it is.”
She stroked a hand over his face, tracing the hard lines of his jaw.
“I don’t want you to stop, Jensen.”
He let out a groan and then dipped his head to kiss her. He kissed her hungrily, all of his need pouring out in a heated rush. His body was hard and heavy on top of her and she reveled in the feel.
His erection was lodged between her legs. She could feel him hard and pulsing against her clit. She shifted restlessly, wanting, needing. She didn’t want to wait. She wanted him inside her. She wanted to feel complete and whole for the first time in a week.
“Jensen,” she whispered. “Make love to me. Now, please.”
He ignored her demand and kissed a line down her body. He licked and tongued her nipples, coaxing them to aching, straining peaks. He took his time, tasting and sucking until she was out of her mind with need.
Then he continued down her body, stopping at her navel to tease and torment her with his tongue. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and she pushed him downward, hoping he’d get the point.
He laughed softly but complied with her silent request. He pressed a kiss to the top of her curls at the apex of her legs. Her thighs automatically loosened and spread, inviting him to explore her most sensitive region.
He petted and stroked with his fingers before finally spreading her soft folds. His breath huffed out, making her twitch. Her entire body tightened in anticipation, waiting for when he would give her what she wanted.
Then his tongue flicked over her clit and she arched up, a gasp escaping her lips. He lapped again before gently sucking the nub into his mouth.
She moaned helplessly. Sobs spilled from her throat. Desperate sobs of need. So much need. She’d missed him. Never had she felt this kind of connection to another human being. She was lost without him. She had an ache in her soul only he could assuage.
He put his mouth over her entrance and then slid his tongue inside, fucking in and out of her with his tongue. He kissed and sucked until she was mindless. She called his name over and over, a broken plea for him to make love to her a litany on her tongue.
Finally, finally, he rose above her, fitting his body to hers as he stared down at her with those intense dark eyes. She searched his gaze for what he was feeling. If he was as desperate as she was. If he’d missed her even half as much as she’d missed him.
What she saw burning in the depths of those eyes took her breath away and filled her with hope.
She saw love. Still love. It hadn’t left. He still loved her. They could work this out. He loved her and she loved him. She refused to countenance any other possibility.
They belonged together.
“Are you okay?” Jensen asked, still poised at the rim of her entrance.
“I want this,” she breathed. “I want you, Jensen. I’ve been so lonely and empty without you.”
“Oh God, baby. Me too. If you only knew how miserable I’ve been.”
“Then do something about it,” she said softly. “Make us both whole again.”
He gathered her in his arms, holding her close just as he pressed inward. She moaned in delight as he pushed even further. She tilted her hips upward as much as she could, inviting him deeper.
His entire body was tense. His muscles coiled and twitched with the agony of holding back his control.
She dug her nails into his shoulders and then lifted her head to whisper in his ear, “You won’t hurt me, Jensen. I trust you. I love you. Don’t hold back. Not with me. Show me who you really are. Because that’s the person I love.”
Her words shattered what control he had. An agonized groan tore from his mouth just as he thrust forward, sinking himself as deeply as he could go.
His body arched over hers, cupped protectively over and around her. He held her tightly, their bodies undulating in perfect rhythm. She lifted her legs to wrap around him, holding him close to her so no distance separated them.
He rose and then sank, over and over, her body clutching greedily at him each time he withdrew. She was slick around him, there was no doubt that she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her.
Their passion grew to a fever pitch. It was quick. But then they’d been without one another for far too long. Their bodies and souls were on fire. Two halves to a whole, finally back together. She would never let him go. No matter what he said or what he tried to do, she wouldn’t let him go. If she had to follow him to the ends of the earth, he was hers and she wasn’t letting go. Never.
She kissed him desperately, her rising orgasm making her crazy with need. Their mouths worked hot over one another’s, tongues sliding deep, dueling and then tasting. The sounds of their bodies and mouths slapping together were the only sounds in the room. They moved as one in perfect synchronicity.
They were one.
Better together than alone.
“Are you there, baby?” Jensen asked gruffly. “I want you there with me.”
“Oh yes,” she said, expelling a long sigh. “I’m there. Take us both over, Jensen.”
He slipped his hand between them, sliding his thumb over her clit as he thrust hard and deep. A kaleidoscope of color and feeling exploded in her vision and through her body.
Her gaze locked with his, not wanting to miss a single thing in his eyes as he orgasmed. The eyes didn’t lie. They were an open window to his soul.
And what she saw in those dark depths filled her with joy and relief.
He loved her. He wanted her. He missed her with his every breath.
He wrapped himself around her and then hurled them both over the edge, carrying her as they fell. She felt like a leaf in autumn, windblown and scattered here and there. Blowing with the wind.
She drifted slowly downward, dizzy and content, until she settled back onto the bed, Jensen’s warm body covering hers protectively.
He buried his head in her neck and she could feel him trying to catch up, his breaths ragged, his chest heaving.
She ran her hands up and down his back, idly caressing him as he pulsed deeply within her. Finally, she felt complete. After so many days of being lost she was finally home. Right where she belonged.
But she still had one thing left to do.
She turned, trying to move Jensen’s weight off her and to the side. When he realized her intent, he swiftly rolled them both onto their sides.
“Sorry, baby, was I hurting you?” he asked in concern.
She put a finger to his lips to shush him.
“I’ll be right back,” she murmured. “Don’t move.”
Ignoring his inquisitive look, she crawled out of bed, her heart beating violently. This was the moment of truth. If he refused her, she didn’t know what to do. This had to work. She had to convince him of her faith.
She pulled the rope out of his drawer and returned to the bed, ignoring his look of confusion. Before she could chicken out and before he realized what she was doing, she quickly looped the rope around his left hand and secured it to the bed.
Satisfied with the knot, she settled back onto the bed and curled back up against him, utterly sated and content. And she waited for the inevitable question to come.
“What’s going on, Kylie?” Jensen asked, a perplexed look knitting his forehead.
She breathed out a deep breath and looked him directly in the eyes.
“No one trusts you more than I do,” she said. “But you have to trust yourself with me. I don’t need you tied to the bed in order to make love to you. I just proved that to you and myself. However, I propose that at least until you are as certain as I am about you never hurting me, that we tie you to the bed while we sleep. That way even if you have a nightmare, you can’t possibly hurt me.”
Jensen looked utterly overcome. Tears glittered brightly in his eyes. Eyes full of love and . . . relief.
“Come here,” he said in a choked voice.
She snuggled into his arms and he threw his right arm around her, holding her as tightly as he could. He buried his face in her hair and his body shook. Tears burned her own eyes as she held on to him fiercely. Relief was so profound that she was weak with it. They were going to be okay.
“I love you,” he said rawly. “I love you so much, Kylie. I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you.”
“I love you too,” she whispered.
He finally let her go only enough so he could see her face. She reached up to wipe the tears from his face and he did the same to her.
“You really think this can work?” he asked hesitantly. “You have to understand, Kylie. That night . . . Oh God, that night was the best and worst night of my life. The best because you trusted me enough to open up about your past. And then the worst . . . You can’t imagine how I felt when I woke up to see my hand around your neck, to know I was hurting you, something I’d sworn never to do. It sickened me. All I could think about was getting you as far away fr
om me as possible so I could never hurt you again. I’d die before ever doing that, baby.”
She stroked his face lovingly. “Oh yes, this will work. We’ll make it work. We’ll do what we have to do.” She sucked in her breath and gathered her courage. “You once told me I should get help, and you were right. But I think . . .” She let out another long breath. “I think we should both get help—counseling—together. We’ll work through it together. Take it one day at a time. And we’ll see how things play out. But what I won’t do is stay away from you over some ridiculous fear of you hurting me. I only feel safe when I’m with you. I know you’d never purposely hurt me, Jensen. Now you have to believe it too.”
He caught her hand, pulled it to his lips and pressed a kiss into her palm. His breath puffed out erratically over her hand as he tried to regain his composure to respond.
“No one has ever had as much faith in me as you,” he said, his voice breaking with emotion.
“And no one has ever believed in me as much as you do,” she returned. “It only stands to reason that since we’re both such fucked-up individuals that we stick together and be fucked-up together. We understand each other, Jensen. Who else would ever understand us and love us as much as we do?”
He laughed softly, relief rolling off him in waves.
“I like that. Fucked-up together.”
“Are we back together then?” she asked hesitantly.
He squeezed her tightly and then kissed her on the mouth. “Hell yes we’re back together. I guess I just needed you to kick my ass for me. And I agree. I think we would both benefit from counseling. I don’t want to ever be in a position to hurt you again, so I’m willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that.”
Relief surged through her heart and soul until she was weak with it.
“I’m only better when I’m with you,” she whispered. “You make me believe, Jensen. You make me believe I can have a normal life and a normal relationship. You make me have so much hope for the future. But only with you. I don’t want those things except with you.”
“I can’t believe I found you,” Jensen said in awe. “You’re so fucking perfect for me.”
“You sacrificed a lot for me, Jensen. The unselfishness of your actions still blows me away. You denied an essential part of yourself for me. How can I do anything but fight for you—for us—with my dying breath?”
He gently caressed her face, love glittering warmly in his eyes. “It was no sacrifice, Kylie. The reason I was never willing to give up control before was because I’d never met a woman who made me want to. I want to do this for you. It’s an honor and a gift and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I will always put you and your needs above my own. Always.”
“I love you,” she said, her heart swelling until she felt near to bursting.
“I love you too, baby. Thank God you had enough strength and resolve for both of us. Thank God you didn’t give up on us as I was willing to do. This last week has been the most miserable of my entire life. I never want to go through the pain of losing you again.”
She grimaced wryly. “I have a confession to make. There are as many empty wine bottles in my house as there are liquor bottles here. And well, Chessy, Joss and I put a serious dent in Dash’s liquor cabinet last night. I’m as hungover as you are, maybe even more.”
Pain filled his eyes. “I’m sorry, baby. In my effort not to hurt you, I only hurt you more. I’m sorry for that. If you give me the chance, I’ll prove to you that I’ll never willingly hurt you again.”
“It’s over,” she said softly. “For both of us. It’s in the past. Now all we can look forward to is a future brighter than the sun. Giving in to you was the best thing I ever did and I’ll never regret a single minute of it.”
“I’m glad you feel that way, baby.”
His expression grew more serious as he stared at her.
“Can you tolerate my dominant ways? Because they will assert themselves, Kylie. When it comes to you and your protection and care I simply don’t know any other way to be. But in bed? I will always give you control for as long as you need it. But when we’re out of bed, I’ll want to take over. Can you handle that?”
Her heart softened at the uncertainty in his eyes. “Oh yeah, I can handle that,” she breathed. “I like your bossy ways. You and they have grown on me. And one day . . .” She sucked in a breath before plunging ahead. “One day I hope to