“What’s wrong?” I ask, frightened by the look on her face.
She glances around to make sure that no one is near us, then says, “Amber, there’s no way I’m not going to get in trouble for this! I just realized that Orion will have to tell Miss Flo that he made that recording for me.”
It takes me a minute to remember that Orion is the counselor Brandi works with at the camp radio station.
“I’m so scared,” Brandi says. “What if Miss Flo sends me home?” She takes a deep breath. “But don’t worry. I’m no snitch. I won’t tell that you and Kelly were involved.”
She tries to smile at me. I know she thinks that what she said will make me feel better.
It doesn’t.
What it does do . . . . . . is tell me what I have to do.
Chapter Seventeen
I am standing at the door to Miss Flo’s office. The door is closed. It is not too late to turn back . . . . . I can still change my mind.
Actually, I can’t. This is my mess and I have to fix it.
I lift my hand to knock on the door. I almost hope she won’t be in. Except that would be bad, because I don’t think I would have the courage to come back again.
I knock.
“Come in!” Miss Flo calls.
I take a deep breath. I so want to turn and run. Instead, I open the door.
Miss Flo is not alone. Orion is in the room too.
“Amber,” Miss Flo says. “Can you make it quick? I don’t have much time.”
I know why she doesn’t have much time. Orion has told her about Brandi and the recording. And since Brandi and I aren’t in the same bunk, Miss Flo doesn’t think I had anything to do with what happened.
“It was my idea!” I blurt out. “Brandi only made the recording because I asked her to and because she is my friend. I didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt, honest! I just got sick of Hannah picking on me and pranking me!”
That’s as far as I get before I start to blubber.
Orion stands up and leads me to a chair.
I see that Miss Flo is writing something on a notepad.
“I’m not a bad kid,” I sob. “I didn’t know this would happen!”
Tears and snot are streaming down my face.
Miss Flo shoves a box of tissues at me. “Wipe up, stop crying, and start at the beginning.”
I do, but I manage to leave Kelly out of it.
When I have finished, Miss Flo turns to Orion. “Will you please bring Brandi Colwin to the office?”
“It wasn’t her fault!” I repeat. “The whole thing was my idea. Are you going to have us arrested?”
“No, you are not going to jail,” Miss Flo says.
“Are we going to have to leave camp?”
“Amber, I would like you to be quiet now.”
Somehow that is scarier than anything Miss Flo has said so far.
I shut my mouth, wondering what happens to kids like us. Miss Flo said we weren’t going to jail. But what about reform school? I don’t want to have to leave my old school and all my friends.
I wonder if there will be an article in the newspaper. My parents will be so embarrassed to have such a bad daughter.
I would never have guessed that being in trouble with the camp director would be even scarier than being sent to the principal’s office.
Finally, Orion comes back, but not just with Brandi. He has Kelly with him too. My friends both look really frightened.
Kelly looks at me and says, “I told him if Brandi and you were in trouble, I should be too. We did it together.”
I turn to Miss Flo. “I was the one who wanted to get back at Hannah. They were just helping me. Honest, Miss Flo, whatever you want to do to us should just be me, not Brandi and Kelly.”
Miss Flo sighs. “Amber, for the last time, be quiet!”
I start to cry again, but at least this time I do it quietly, with just a few tears running down my cheeks.
Miss Flo makes Brandi and Kelly give their versions of what happened.
When they are done, Miss Flo folds her hands on her desk.
Then she tells us our punishment.
Chapter Eighteen
When I finally leave Miss Flo’s office, I can’t stand to go to any of the afternoon activities.
I don’t want to be with my friends.
I don’t want to talk to anyone.
There is only one place I do want to be, one place that feels safe . . . . . the stable. Horses don’t gossip. Horses don’t ask you questions. Horses don’t giggle and point.
Sometimes I wish I was a horse. It would probably make me a better person.
I get the currycomb and hoof pick out of the bucket and go to Cinnamon. She nuzzles me. She lets me lift her leg, and I clean the dirt out from around her horseshoe.
The horseshoe my father gave me is dangling from my neck. I don’t want to think about him now . . . . . or my mom.
I am brushing Cinnamon when Justin walks into the stall. He leans against the wall and watches me for a minute. Finally he says, “You okay, Amber?”
I shrug.
He shakes his head. “Man, you really did it this time, didn’t you?”
I nod.
“So is it true that Miss Flo made you and Kelly and Brandi call your parents and tell them what you did?”
I nod again.
“Come on, talk!” Justin says. “You don’t have any reason to be mad at me.”
I put down the brush. “I’m not mad at you,” I say. “I’m just embarrassed because I did something that caused so much trouble.”
“Yeah, but you survived the Cushetunk Monster,” he says. “I mean the real one . . . Miss Flo!”
That actually makes me smile.
“So is it true that you had to call your parents and tell them what you did?” he asks again.
I nod again.
Justin sighs. “That bad, huh?”
I can’t hold it in. “Justin, it was awful.”
“So they were really mad?”
“They were mad, but that wasn’t the worst part. I had to make the call in front of Miss Flo so she could make sure I really told them what I had done.”
“I don’t see what was so bad about that. Miss Flo already knew what you had done.”
I can feel tears starting. “You don’t understand. Miss Flo set up a conference call, so I had to tell both my parents at the same time. We were on speakerphone . . . . . which meant Miss Flo got to hear my parents blaming each other for what I did. Mom said Dad always loved playing pranks, even when they hurt people’s feelings, and I must have got it from him. Dad said Mom was so wrapped up in Max she hadn’t been disciplining me properly. Then he yelled at Miss Flo for having me and Hannah in the same bunk. Then my mom told him to calm down, and they ended up shouting at each other over the phone. It was horrible.”
Justin’s eyes widen. “My mom used to tell my dad about some of the fights your folks had,” he says. “I overheard her a couple of times when she thought I was sleeping. I never wanted to tell you about it, but I guess they had some real humdingers.”
It feels really weird that Justin knew more about my parents’ fights than I did. I was already ashamed of myself. Now I am ashamed of my parents, and somehow that is even worse.
I start to really cry.
Then Justin does something that surprises me. He puts his arms around me.
He is not being romantic. He is not being boyfriend-y. He is just being my always and forever best friend.
I put my head on his chest and cry until I can’t cry any more.
Chapter Nineteen
I never thought I would say this, but I, Amber Brown, do not want to talk anymore.
Unfortunately I don’t have a choice. Carrie has called a bunk meeting. “Right after dinner,�
� she tells us. “Everyone must be there . . . . . no exceptions!”
Hannah is on her bunk with her foot propped up on a pillow. She is glaring at me.
She and I haven’t spoken. I know I am going to have to apologize to her, but the idea makes me sick to my stomach . . . . . not because I don’t owe her an apology, but because she should also be apologizing to me.
“All right, kids,” Carrie says. “Circle up!”
I sit as far away from Hannah as I can.
Carrie begins. “Miss Flo wants us, as a bunk, to get to the bottom of these troubles. I told you on our first day I wanted you to have each other’s backs. That hasn’t really happened . . . . . you haven’t taken care of each other. As you all know by now, last night Amber played a prank on Hannah that ended up in her getting hurt.”
“It wasn’t just last night. What about the green slime on my window?” Hannah snaps.
“That was part of the same prank,” I say.
I immediately wish I hadn’t.
Carrie turns to me. “While I admire how creative and carefully planned your prank was, Amber, I think it would be a good idea to use your energy in more positive ways. The point of this meeting is to work out a way for the people in this bunk to live together peacefully and cooperatively for the rest of the summer.”
“It’s not all of us,” Grace protests. “The trouble is between Hannah and Amber.”
“I didn’t do anything!” Hannah says loudly. “And even though I’m the one that got hurt, Miss Flo called me into her office and told me she wanted no more of my picking on Amber. I told her I didn’t even know what she was talking about.”
This really makes me angry. “Hannah has always hated me. She’s been pranking me from the beginning!”
Hannah actually looks puzzled. “What are you talking about?”
“The hair gel on my pillowcase, to begin with.”
“Um, actually, that was me,” Treasure says.
I blink. “Why?” I ask, feeling hurt. “I never did anything to you.”
Treasure shrugs. “I was planning to prank everyone sooner or later. I just started with you because your name begins with A. But Carrie got so cranky about it, I decided to stop for a while. Sorry. I didn’t mean for you to take it personally.”
I feel a little embarrassed that I got this wrong.
“Hannah has it in for me,” I insist. “What about that booby-trapped letter? She figured it would be hilarious to make me think I had a secret admirer and then have it turn out to be a joke.”
“But you do have a secret admirer,” Cleo says.
I can hardly believe what I am hearing. “What do you mean?”
She blushes a little. “That letter came from Colin. He asked me to put it on your pillow. I didn’t tell you before, because he begged me to keep it secret. He really does like you, Amber. Justin told him that you love jokes. He found out how to make that whizzer in a book and thought you would think it was funny. It was supposed to be a present. He was just embarrassed to let you know it was him.”
“Boys are such dips,” Grace says.
“Goofnagles,” Shannon agrees.
“Dorks,” Cleo adds.
“Mutton-headed ding-dongs,” Treasure suggests.
Hannah wraps her arms around her chest. “So,” she says defiantly. “Everyone agrees . . . . . I have done absolutely nothing to Amber.”
Cleo raises her hand.
Carrie nods to her.
“Actually, you’re mean to Amber a lot,” Cleo says softly. “You say terrible things to her, and you’re always trying to put her down.”
I am so grateful to Cleo for standing up for me.
Hannah looks amazed at this. “Well, I still never pranked her.”
“Oh, yes, you did,” I say. “The worst thing of all was when you loosened the cinch on Cinnamon’s saddle and I fell in the pee!”
I turn to Carrie. “You were there, remember? It was the day you were starting to teach me to jump. You went to answer the phone and Justin and I left Hannah alone with Cinnamon while we went to the restrooms. When I came back, Hannah laughed her head off when I fell into Cinnamon’s pee.”
“I didn’t do anything!” Hannah shouts.
“Don’t lie!” I say. “You laughed.”
“Okay, I laughed. It was funny. But I didn’t do anything to your stupid horse.”
“She probably didn’t,” Treasure says. “Hannah’s pretty much afraid of horses.”
“Shut up!” Hannah snaps.
“None of that, Hannah!” Carrie says sternly. Then she turns to me. “Amber, did you check the cinch?”
“Yes, right before I went to the bathroom.”
“How about when you came back? Horses love to fool you. They blow up their bellies and then the saddle can get loose. That’s why we check the cinch just before mounting.”
Carrie says all this very gently, but I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.
“You made a lot of assumptions, Amber,” Carrie says. “Acting on assumptions is a good way to get into trouble.”
“See?” Hannah says. “I am totally innocent.”
“Not totally,” Carrie tells her. “How many times have I had to ask you not to put Amber down? Your words are very mean sometimes.”
“You’re not kidding,” Shannon says. “I know how I would feel if somebody talked to me the way Hannah talks to Amber.”
Hannah blinks as if she can’t believe what she is hearing.
Cleo raises her hand again. But this time she doesn’t wait for Carrie to nod to her. “It’s awful being in the bunk when those two hate each other so much,” she says. “Sometimes it gives me a stomachache. I really want our bunk to be a friendly place.”
“Me too,” Grace says.
“Me three!” Shannon adds.
“Make it four,” Treasure says. “I didn’t come to camp for this kind of garbage.”
I look at Hannah. It’s hard to imagine us being friends, but it would be nice if we could at least stop being enemies.
“Hannah,” I say. “I am sorry I did the prank that got you hurt.”
“Well, you should be.” She turns to Carrie. “I don’t think it’s fair of you to make this about me. It’s really all Amber’s fault.”
“Gaaaaah!” Treasure screams. “Don’t you have ears, girl? Haven’t you heard a thing we’ve been saying?”
Hannah shrinks back as if Treasure had slapped her. “So what do you want from me?”
“Something that will stop this sniping,” Shannon answers.
“Okay,” Hannah says. “How’s this for a solution? How about Amber and I don’t talk to each other for the rest of the summer? That could work.”
“If that’s what she wants, I could do that,” I say.
Carrie shakes her head. “That’s not a solution. Silence can be cruel too. Not talking and holding on to grudges doesn’t solve a thing. It can be like a slow poison.”
She looks sad for a moment, as if she is remembering something bad. Then she gives herself a shake and says, “Let me tell you a poem. I learned this from the woman who was teaching me English. It’s by a man named Edwin Markham. I keep a copy with me all the time.
“He drew a circle that shut me out—
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!”
Carrie looks around the group. “Bigger circles, my dears. Bigger circles.” She stretches, then adds, “All right, it’s been a long day . . . . . . . and a tough one.”
“You’re not kidding,” Grace mutters.
“But we didn’t fix it yet,” Cleo says.
Carrie shakes her head. “You can’t fix a problem this big in one meeting, Cleo. All I wanted to do was make a start. I th
ink we’ve gone about as far as we can go for now. It’s time to get some rest.”
Everyone is quiet as we get ready for bed. But it’s not a mean silence. It’s a thoughtful one.
After I wash up, I climb into my bunk.
The lights go out, but it’s a long time before I get to sleep.
Chapter Twenty
Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sending this same letter to both of you, even though it means I have to copy it over. (So you know I must be serious.)
First, I have to say that I am really sorry I got in trouble here and had to call you about it. The good news is, I think I have learned something from what happened. More about that later.
Second . . . . . oh, this is hard to write, but I have to say it. You really embarrassed me with the way that you acted on the phone. You were trying to blame each other for the way I behaved. Maybe it’s not each other but both of you.
The reason I got in trouble is that I couldn’t find a way to make peace with Hannah . . . . . just like you haven’t been able to find a way to make peace with each other.
We had a bunk meeting last night, and Carrie from Kiev talked to us about how staying angry is never good for you. She said that not talking and holding grudges can do a lot of damage.
It made me so sorry that Hannah and I hate each other . . . . I’m going to try to do something about that.
At the end of the meeting, Carrie taught us a poem that I really love. I wanted to send it to you, because I love both of you so much. Here it is:
He drew a circle that shut me out—
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!
Today, I am going to try to draw a circle big enough to hold both me and Hannah. I am going to offer to help her get around while she is still on crutches. I am a little afraid that she will laugh at me for this, or say something mean, but I won’t know until I try.
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