by Amy Clipston
“Mamm?” Junior tugged on her hand. “Was iss letz?”
Eva swallowed her fears as she looked down into her son’s blue eyes. She couldn’t allow herself to get upset in front of Junior.
“Really. Your dat is fine.” Ian’s voice was warm. “It was just a follow-up appointment. Your mamm wanted to be sure he asked the right questions, so she went with him.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders loosened, but doubt continued to poke at her, as well as regret at the thought that her mother might think she wouldn’t care about their health.
“Your parents felt terrible about not being here to pick you up,” Ian continued, “but I insisted on taking care of it for them so they wouldn’t miss that appointment. You know how hard it is to reschedule them.”
“Are we going to see Mammi and Daadi now?” Excitement bubbled in Junior’s voice.
Eva forced her lips into a smile. “Ya.”
“I can’t wait to meet them,” Junior said as they started toward the exit. “It’s been so long since you said we could come to their haus.”
Eva bit her lower lip to conceal her amusement. When she glanced at Ian beside her, his lips twitched.
“How old are you, Junior?” Ian held open the door. “Ten?”
“No, I’m almost four.” Junior’s smile widened as he started outside.
“Really?” Ian grinned at Eva, and she looked down at the worn cement floor to avoid his eyes. “I thought for certain you were ten.”
“I’m not.” Junior turned and puffed out his chest, reminding her of the peacocks they’d seen during a recent trip to a farm near their house.
“You could’ve fooled me.”
“Mei mammi back in Ronks says I’m tall for my age,” Junior continued as they made their way to the parking lot.
“Don’t brag,” Eva cautioned as the warm June afternoon sun kissed her cheeks. “Wait!” She grabbed his hand before he reached the edge of the sidewalk. “Don’t step into the street.”
Ian pointed. “The van is over there. Ted is waiting for us.”
“Ted Jenkins?” she asked, and Ian nodded. “He’s still driving for my parents?”
“That’s right.”
Eva smiled as she approached another man she’d known for many years. While Ted’s dark hair had turned gray, his warm smile and brown eyes were the same. “How are you?” She shook his hand.
“Eva. It’s so good to see you.” He looked down at Junior. “You must be Simeon Jr. Your grandparents can’t wait to meet you.”
Now a knot of guilt formed in her belly as Junior’s face lit up with a wide grin. “I can’t wait to meet them too.”
Maybe she’d been wrong not to make this trip earlier.
A door slammed, and Eva jumped. As she turned toward the back of the van where Ian had loaded her bag, he met her gaze. Unnerved, she turned her attention back to Junior and Ted. She wrenched open one of the rear doors, climbed into the van, and sat down on the other side of the car seat that drivers for the Amish carried for passengers Junior’s size. Ian helped Junior hop into it, and Eva buckled him in.
“Danki,” she muttered before Ian closed the door, and then he settled in the front passenger seat.
“How have you been?” Ted glanced at her in the rearview mirror before steering the van out of the parking lot.
“Fine, thank you.” Eva folded her hands in her lap. “How’s your family?”
“They’re great. I have five grandchildren now.”
As Ted talked about his grandchildren, Eva glanced out the window from time to time. Familiar sights rushed by in a blur, and a fresh tangle of emotions washed over her all at once—guilt, regret, anxiety, and melancholy, but excitement too.
“Eva?”
“What?” She turned to face Ian, who eyed her with suspicion as he looked back at her from the front seat. “I’m sorry. I was lost in thought.”
“I can see that.” Ian’s intelligent dark eyes seemed to assess her, causing her to shift in her seat. “Ted asked you how long you were going to stay.”
“Oh. I haven’t decided that yet.”
Ian tilted his head to the side. “Don’t your in-laws need your help at their restaurant?”
“No. I’ve been working at home doing quilting and sewing ever since Junior got too big to go to the restaurant with me. My in-laws hired a couple of young women from our community to wait tables.”
“Oh,” Ian said. An awkward silence wafted over the car for a few moments. Then Ian cleared his throat before turning back toward Ted. “Looks like it’s going to be another dry weekend.”
“Yeah, that’s what I heard on the news this morning,” Ted said, his eyes trained on the road ahead.
Eva settled into her seat as the men discussed the threat of an unusually hot summer in New Wilmington. After several minutes, she turned toward her son and was greeted by the back of his blond head. He seemed mesmerized as he stared out his window.
Swallowing a shuddering breath, Eva silently asked God to help her parents love and cherish Junior despite their differences with her—the way grandparents should.
CHAPTER 2
Thank you, Ted.” Ian handed Ted a couple of bills after he brought the van to a stop in the Bender driveway. “Are you still available to take Harvey and Mary out to run a few errands next Thursday?”
“Yeah, of course. Just give me a call if something changes.” Ted stuck the bills into his pocket.
Eva felt confused. Why was Ian paying Ted and setting up rides for her parents?
Ted caught Eva’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “It was nice seeing you, Eva. I hope to see you and Junior again before you leave.”
“Thank you. I hope so too.” Eva gathered her purse and then nodded toward the door as she turned toward her son. “Carefully climb out,” she said after unbuckling him.
“I’ll help him out.” Ian jumped out of the van and opened Junior’s door. “Go ahead. I’ll make sure the door doesn’t hit you.”
“Danki.” Junior slipped out of the van and bounded up the rock drive.
Eva climbed out and walked to the front of the van, where she stopped short as if cemented in place. Her heart hammered as she looked up at the two-story brick home where she had been born and raised. Suddenly, the last conversation she had with her mother on the wraparound porch echoed through her mind.
“I don’t understand why you have to go all the way to Ronks. Why can’t Simeon come out here and work on your dat’s dairy farm?”
“I’ve already told you. His parents own a restaurant. Plus he volunteers at the local fire station. It only makes sense that we would work for his parents and build a life there.”
“But we need you here.” Mamm’s eyes glimmered in the morning light as she pointed to the porch floor. “You’re our only kind. Simeon has siblings. Why can’t they help with the restaurant and he move here?”
Eva pinched the bridge of her nose, where a migraine brewed. “We’ve been through this. He’s the oldest sohn, and his dat needs him at the restaurant. Besides, he likes working there, and I think I will too. He also enjoys volunteering at the fire station with his freinden. I need you to support me in this.”
Mamm wiped away a tear. “I can’t.”
And she didn’t.
Eva couldn’t take her mother’s disappointed sighs, disapproving frowns, and manipulative weeping any longer. At the age of twenty-two, putting a traditional wedding in her parents’ home aside, she fled to Ronks. It wasn’t the first time she’d left to gain some breathing room away from her mother’s stifling interference. She’d interfered before Eva met Simeon, and she was interfering still.
She did invite Mamm and Dat to her wedding, but they didn’t attend, making their relationship even more strained. Then instead of expecting any support from them when Simeon died, Eva turned to her in-laws, who had fast become her surrogate parents.
Now Eva would face her parents for the first time in six years. How was she going to navigate this painf
ul visit when they had become more like strangers than family to her?
But she owed this to her son, didn’t she?
“Mamm?”
Junior’s voice yanked Eva from her thoughts. She forced a pleasant expression onto her face as she looked at him.
“Are you coming?” Standing on the porch steps, Junior pointed to the front door.
“Was iss letz?” Ian’s voice was low in her ear, sending an unexpected shiver shimmying up her spine. He stood beside her with the duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
“Nothing.” She stepped away from him and tried to ignore the way his voice had affected her.
His eyes seemed to watch her for a moment. Then he nodded toward the house. “They should be back by now. I asked my parents’ driver to take them since Ted had already agreed to pick you up.”
“Let’s go, Mamm!” Junior yelled before rushing to wrench open the screen door and knock.
She took a deep breath to gather all her courage and then touched her prayer covering to make sure it was straight.
“You look fine.”
Startled, Eva looked up at Ian. She hadn’t realized he was still standing so close to her.
“They’re excited to see you and Junior. It’s all your parents have talked about since you wrote about coming.” He gestured toward the house. “Go inside. You’ll see what I mean.”
Eva nodded as she walked beside Ian.
Junior knocked on the door again and then turned toward Eva and Ian. “Where are Mammi and Daadi?”
“I’m sure they’re on their way,” Ian responded.
Eva’s hands trembled as she held on to the handrail and climbed the steps. When she reached the top, the door swung open. Her mother stepped outside, letting the screen door close behind her.
Junior approached her, his whole body shaking with what Eva knew was hope and excitement. “Are you mei mammi?”
Mamm gasped as she crouched in front of him. “Ya, I am.” She opened her arms, and Junior walked into her hug. Mamm held him close, her hazel eyes glassy with unshed tears. “It’s so nice to meet you, Junior.” Her voice sounded thin and shaky.
Eva gripped the handrail as emotion clogged her throat.
When Junior stepped out of the hug, Mamm touched his cheek. “We’re so froh you’re here.”
“Me too,” Junior said. “I asked mei mamm to bring me here to meet you and Daadi. Where’s Daadi?”
“He’s inside, and he can’t wait to meet you.” She gestured toward the door. “You can go in and find him.”
Junior rushed inside.
As the screen door clicked closed, Mamm turned her gaze to Eva. Despite her approaching her midfifties, the light-brown hair peeking out from under Mamm’s prayer covering showed no threads of gray, and her skin was still smooth and youthful. Tiny wrinkles around her eyes were the only hint that six years had passed.
“Eva,” Mamm said, her voice still shaky. “It’s gut to see you.” Mamm reached for her, but Eva instinctively took a step back, away from her touch. Something that looked like hurt and disappointment flashed across her mother’s face.
“Danki.” Eva fought back threatening tears. “You look well.” Her voice sounded as strained as her mother’s. When had their relationship become so formal, so dysfunctional?
Then the answer rang loud and clear in Eva’s head: When Mamm refused to bless my marriage to Simeon Dienner because it meant my moving away.
“Did you have a gut trip?” Mamm asked.
“Ya, we did.”
“I made your favorite for supper, roast beef and potatoes. It’s almost ready.” Mamm pointed toward the door. “Let’s go inside.”
As Eva followed her mother into her childhood home, unexpected nostalgia rolled over her. The family room hadn’t changed. The two brown sofas her parents purchased before she was born still sat in the middle of the room, surrounded by her father’s favorite tan wing chair, the same two propane lamps, and the same matching oak end tables and coffee table.
“Eva, I’m sorry we didn’t pick you up at the bus station, but I couldn’t change my doctor’s appointment.”
She spun as her father crossed the room with Junior in tow. Although his honey-brown eyes and warm smile were the same, his dark-brown hair and beard were threaded with gray, and his handsome face was lined with wrinkles.
“Dat.” She breathed the word as he pulled her into his arms. He smelled just as she remembered—a mixture of earth, soap, and hay. In an instant, she felt like a little girl again, and the tears she’d tried to hold at bay slipped from her eyes. Their relationship had been strained as well, but not like it was between her and Mamm.
“Why were you at the doctor’s office?” Her voice sounded small, as if she truly were a little girl again.
“It was just a follow-up. My blood pressure had been too high, but the doctor prescribed medicine to bring it down. Everything is fine.”
When she stepped out of his embrace, she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand and cleared her throat. Out of the corner of one eye, she spotted Ian focusing his attention on her.
“I’ve met Junior.” Dat smiled down at her. “He reminds me of you at that age—a real chatterbox.”
“Daadi has chickens! He says they’re in a coop, like the ones at Aenti Kayla’s haus.” Junior made this announcement from the doorway leading to the kitchen. “Can I go see them?”
“After supper you can help with chores.” Mamm turned to Eva, and her eyes widened. “If that’s all right with you.”
Eva nodded. “Ya, it’s fine.”
“I’m sure you want to get settled before we sit down to eat,” Mamm said.
“Right.” Eva looked toward the stairs that led to her former bedroom, the sewing room, a spare bedroom, and the second bathroom. “Is there a room for us upstairs?”
“Ya,” Dat said. “There’s a room for each of you.”
“Danki.” Eva walked over to Junior and held out her hand. “Let’s go upstairs and get cleaned up.”
“I’ll carry your bag,” Ian offered.
Junior held on to Eva’s hand as they made their way up the steep steps she’d climbed at least twice a day until she moved away. When she reached the landing, she gazed into her old bedroom and froze. Everything was exactly the way she left it. Her double bed was still against the middle of the nearest wall, and her dresser, bookshelf, and desk lined the far wall.
The trinkets she’d left on her dresser sat there as if patiently awaiting her return, including the heart-shaped wooden box and a framed photo of a beach sunset Ian had given her on her last birthday before she left for Ronks. Beside it was the ceramic tray she used to keep her bobby pins, sitting on top of the white lace doily her grandmother made her when she was a little girl.
The books she’d left behind also remained on her bookshelf, and the quilt her grandmother made for her when she was ten still adorned the bed. Why hadn’t her mother redecorated her room?
“Would you like me to put your bag in here?” Ian’s question pulled her from her confusion.
She forced a smile onto her lips. “Ya. Danki.”
Ian went inside and set it on the floor.
She followed him to the stairs, where he turned toward her, his expression warming.
“I want to tell you I’m sorry for your loss.”
Her heart twisted. “Danki.”
“Gern gschehne.” He nodded toward the stairs. “I’ll let you get settled.”
“Whose room is this?” Junior tugged on her arm as Ian’s footsteps echoed down the stairwell.
“It’s been mine since I was a boppli.” She turned toward the spare room her mother used when relatives occasionally came to visit. “I think Mammi made up this room for you.”
Eva guided Junior inside and scanned the room with surprise. The double bed was made up with a beautiful log cabin–patterned quilt, hand-stitched in gorgeous shades of blue, gray, and white. Eva crossed the room and moved her hand over th
e quilt, marveling at the love and skill poured into it. Had Mamm made it to sell and then decided to keep it? Or had she made the quilt for Junior? Her eyes burned with more threatening tears as the thought settled into her battered soul.
“Mamm! Look!”
Junior’s squeal caused Eva to turn toward a wooden shelf full of toys, and she tilted her head as she studied the variety of metal tractors, cars, and trains. That shelf had always been packed with her parents’ favorite books.
“Wow!” Junior rushed over to the shelf and picked up a tractor. “Look!” He put it back on the shelf and picked up two toy cars. “Do you think Mammi bought these for me?”
“I guess so.”
He ran the cars on the floor while making motor noises.
As Eva watched him play, confusion plagued her once again. Her parents had stayed out of her life for the past six years, which meant they stayed out of their grandson’s life too. Yet her mother had welcomed Junior with open arms and made up a room just for him. Perhaps they did accept him, just as she’d prayed they would.
But would that acceptance extend to their daughter?
CHAPTER 3
Supper is ready!” Mamm called from downstairs as Eva finished putting Junior’s clothes in the spare room dresser.
“May I take the tractor to the kitchen with me?” Junior sat down on the floor and began playing with the toy.
“You may take it with you, but you have to leave it in the schtupp while we eat.” Eva closed the last drawer. “Let’s go downstairs before supper gets cold.”
“Okay.” Junior rushed ahead toward the staircase.
“Slow down!” she called after him. “You could fall.”
When she and Junior reached the kitchen, she found her father sitting at his usual spot at the head of the table. Ian was sitting to his right. She had assumed he would go home after dropping her off, but maybe her parents had asked him to stay for supper as a thank-you for arranging their rides.
Junior rushed over to the table and hopped up on the chair beside Ian. “I want to sit by you.”