“Patrick is so damn eager to please. Perhaps they need a daughter who has a mind of her own, to show them not everyone wishes to be stuffy the same as they are.”
I wondered if Gavin was merely interested in causing trouble and getting a rise out of his aunt and uncle, or was he really interested in my happiness? I wasn’t sure if I should listen to him or not?
“I do have to get back so I can get cleaned up and dress for dinner,” I told him.
“Go on, then. I’m sure you can find your way back to the house. I think your dog likes me.”
“His name is Bandit,” I informed him.
“Hey, Bandit. You and I are going to become good friends, aren’t we?” he said as he snapped the leash onto Bandit’s collar.
I did think that Gavin had some endearing qualities. Perhaps we would become good friends, I thought. I just hoped he did not get me into too much trouble.
When I came in the house, I ran into Patrick.
“Where’s Gavin?” he asked. “I thought he was escorting you?”
“He offered to take Bandit for a walk for me,” I told him.
He shrugged.
“Didn’t know he liked dogs,” he muttered. “I suppose he is trying to impress you. I’ll show you to your room. You should throw that dress out, now that the lace is ripped,” he told me.
“It is such a pretty dress. Couldn’t the lace be mended?”
“You cannot wear a dress that has obviously been damaged. Give it to your maid, Megan. She may enjoy it. I’m sure she can mend the lace, and wouldn’t mind wearing something that has been repaired.”
“Yes,” I said. “I will do that.”
When I reached my room and walked in, I looked at my surroundings and shook my head. The room was done in pink, but it was a gaudy pink and gold. More grand furnishings and expensive clutter. The bed was surrounded by layers of pink netting that fell from the rods of the four poster bed, which was white with gold trim. The rugs next to the bed on either side were plush white clouds of softness, placed over a larger area rug of pink and gold gaudy design. A dressing table was filled to overflowing with little bottles of perfume and no telling what else. A gold-handled brush and gold comb lay among the menagerie of fancy looking bottles on the dressing table. A jewelry box sat on the dresser, surrounded by figurines and other paraphernalia. The curtains at the windows were pink brocade, with sheer drapes looped across the top and hanging down the sides. There were house plants in the corners, and a huge French Armoire, taking up most of one wall, also white with gold trim and paintings of birds with elaborate curling feathers over the doors. Ornamental night lamps stood on white night stands that matched the tooling of the bed. The bed itself was covered with an assortment of different sizes of pink and gold pillows against a spread of white lace. The foot chest boasted pink silk upholstery over the lid, embroidered with small red roses on green trailing vines, and similar birds which must have escaped the doors of the Armoire to light upon the silk. It was a horrible room, and I hated it the moment I entered it.
I let my dress fall to the floor, reminding myself to tell Megan she could have if she wished, and fell upon the bed dressed in my petticoats and fancy under things. I was too tired to bathe. I just wanted to fall asleep and forget everything until I woke up again.
I was having the dream. There was that same knock on the door, and then I was running to answer it. Once again the door was flung open but the sun was at the back of whoever stood there.
Suddenly, I woke up, because I thought I had heard knocking on my bedroom door. I grabbed a wrapper, which had been tossed across a chair, and pulled it around me. I put my hand on the knob of the door and turned it slowly, poking my head out to see who was there. Only, to my surprise, there was no one there. I started to close the door, but then I heard a noise. It sounded like murmuring whispers, and my curiosity got the better of me, so I stepped out into the hall to investigate.
I could see a door that was ajar across the hall, and the voices came from there. I didn’t know who the room belonged to, but I heard my name being mentioned, so it peaked my interest, and I stepped closer.
“I was told to help Helen get dressed for dinner,” I heard the woman saying softly.
I stepped closer to the door and was surprised when I could see through the open crack. I saw it was Megan talking to someone. I started to turn, but then I heard Patrick’s voice.
“I have missed you beyond endurance. Helen can wait. Dinner is running late because of all the excitement. I would have looked for you sooner, but I had to attend to Loretta, who was sulking at my indifference towards her. I must be telling her every moment how much I love her and missed her while I was away, or she doubts I care at all. Of course, I care, but she is my wife, not my lover.”
He gave a low chuckle, and I could see both of them now, Patrick was kissing Megan’s neck, his hands working at the buttons of her bodice. I should have felt shocked, but it started to answer questions for me. Now I knew why Patrick treated his wife coolly and didn’t seem eager to be with her. If he didn’t love her, then why did he marry her, I wondered? Perhaps it was the proper thing to do, I laughed to myself. What he was doing now was far from proper, though. He had suggested I give my dress, which wasn’t that damaged to Megan. Perhaps it was his way of giving her gifts without anyone knowing it. He had been the one who picked out the yellow lace dress in the first place. I wondered if he had Megan in mind when he chose it?
I couldn’t help myself. I continued to watch, as Patrick began to disrobe Megan, scattering kisses over her breasts, and it reminded me of other kisses I was trying to forget. I knew how she was feeling, as he lowered her to the floor, pulling her skirt away, and then…I took in my breath. He had opened his trousers and was starting to lay over her. I told myself to turn and go back to my room, but I was rooted to the spot as I watched on.
I remember how Gavin had told me that Patrick always tried to do whatever pleased our father. I wondered if it would please our father if he knew Patrick was engaging with the maid in such activities?
I hadn’t heard anyone approaching, so when someone grabbed me around the waist, I almost cried out. It was Gavin and he was looking over my shoulder, watching what I had been watching, holding me close against him to keep me from moving or making any noise.
“An interesting pass time, you have acquired,” he whispered in my ear. “I find it rather stimulating, myself,” he half chuckled.
“I hadn’t meant to…”
“Hush,” he whispered. “You are interrupting the show.”
Now he held me there, making little remarks in my ear as Patrick and Megan lost themselves in their enjoyment, Patrick’s clothes eventually being discarded as well.
I was acutely aware of Gavin’s hands, placed below my breasts, holding me snugly against him.
“You are more refreshing than I thought,” Gavin murmured. “You are actually starting to intrigue me! Patrick thinks he is hiding his affair from everyone, but I am sure his wife knows, and now you know too. I didn’t realize something like this would draw you to watch.”
I tried to turn because I wanted to tell him I had happened upon them unintentionally, but he wouldn’t allow me to move.
“I am not going to judge you,” he said, “I find it rather daring of you.”
I felt embarrassed for them, yet somewhat angry about how Patrick had insisted I needed to be so proper in order to find a worthy husband, and he wasn’t even a worthy husband to his own wife. I felt sorry for her, but apparently, according to Gavin, she knew and it didn’t seem to make any difference. It was acceptable for a man to have a mistress. A man could divorce his wife for adultery, but a wife could never accuse her husband of the same thing. Even if she did divorce him, she would be left with nothing. He would get the children, and any money she brought to the marriage now belonged to him. I was vowing never to get married, as I continued to watch.
I could feel Gavin’s fingers moving idly over my midriff
, as we watched Patrick’s hands caressing Megan. I realized Gavin’s breath quickened a little the same way Patrick’s was, and I knew he was enjoying watching this as he held me captive against him.
When the performance was over, Gavin continued to hold me there to watch as the two managed to slow their breathing, and then get dressed. Gavin seemed determined risk our getting caught watching. Just as they turned towards the door, Gavin pulled me away and brought me into my own room.
“Now you are not so innocent about what goes on around here,” he told me, as he gave me a satisfied look.
He took the sides of my wrapper and pulled it tightly around me, and I realized I had let go of it in my eagerness to return to my room.
“Sorry if watching may have embarrassed you, only you were there watching before I ever came along,” he winked, as he placed my hands on my wrapper again. “You won’t be so eager to please Patrick in the future, will you?”
I didn’t know what to say. I merely stared at him, as I clutched my wrapper to me, knowing that Gavin had gazed upon me before closing the wrapper. I realized that Gavin disapproved of Patrick as much as Patrick seemed to disapprove of him.
“I came to tell you I will bring your dog up after dinner. I must say, you look lovelier now than you did in your lace dress,” he continued, glancing at it laying on the floor.
“You shouldn’t be here. Megan may be coming in at any moment,” I told him.
“She won’t say anything. It is not her place. One look at our faces and she will suspect we know about her and Patrick.”
“Well, you need to leave, just the same,” I insisted.
He was looking at me in a way that made me nervous.
“Don’t worry. I would never force myself on you. I prefer a woman to be willing before I ever touch her.”
He gave me a wink and then opened the door and slipped out. I realized I was shaking. He had forced me to stay and watch, listening to the murmurs between Patrick and Megan. He wanted me to witness Patrick’s infidelity and Megan’s enjoyment of it. Gavin wanted me to be shocked, and perhaps I would have been if it had not been for my own experience. I had just never expected to see two people… I remembered asking Wawee’ne about copulation, and how he had tried to explain it to me. Now I didn’t need it explained any further. I had seen it first hand. I could still feel the pressure of Gavin’s fingers against my skin, and the look in his eyes just before he pulled my wrapper closed. I remembered what Patrick had said about Gavin being a womanizer, but wasn’t Patrick one as well, I reasoned?
I thought about the marriage rules. Did Patrick use them with Loretta, and ignore them with Megan? It made me feel all the more puzzled. I wished I could erase it from my mind, but it was branded into my brain in such a way that I would never forget it, I thought. The scene kept playing over in my mind, even as I tried to wipe the memory away.
I was starting to regret ever coming here. I was beginning to think Old money didn’t make any difference to one’s character. It seemed blue blood did not make you special. It merely gave you permission to do as you please, with no one questioning it.
Patrick had expected so much of me. I had wanted him to believe I could actually become the sister he wished me to be. Now I realized he was not the brother I wished him to be. I did not see why I should work at being a proper young woman when he did not appreciate his own wife, whom I was sure was trying to be a proper wife the way he insisted she be.
I tried to put those thoughts aside as I waited for Megan to enter my room. I would never be able to look her straight in the eye, but it seemed to be the practice of servants not to look any household members in the eye, unless necessary. That thought relieved me.
I spied the yellow dress on the floor. Now I didn’t want Megan to have it. I picked it up and started ripping the lace to shreds. If I could not wear it, Megan certainly wouldn’t get to have it either. I did not want to see her in it when she took Sundays off to go to church, because it would ever remind me of the scene I witnessed, while Gavin held me so close, I could feel his heart beating with excitement against my back.
When Megan entered the room, I had already freshened up by washing from the basin and water picture in my room. She noticed my yellow dress on the floor and picked it up. Then she noticed the ripped lace. She didn’t ask any questions. She merely put it in a basket she had with her, to collect dirty clothes after dressing me.
“I think I’ll wear the green dress,” I told her, as she opened the Armoire to find something for me to wear to dinner.
The green dress was the very color of my eyes, and out of all the clothes Patrick had chosen for me, I liked it the best. It was of satin, with darker green lace over the open neckline up to my throat. The sleeves came to my wrists and were also covered with the darker lace, over the lighter green material.
The skirt did not have lace on it, so Bandit could not rip it if he happened to jump on me while I was wearing the dress. There were green slippers to go with it. Megan threaded a green ribbon through my curls and found teardrop emerald earrings to put in my ears. My ears had been pierced when I was a baby and, my whole life, I had worn the same earrings that had been in my ears since my mama took me, except for the short time I was posing as a boy. Now I knew it wasn’t Mama or Papa who got me those earrings I knew they couldn’t afford. I was surprised my mama allowed me to wear them all those years. Maybe at one point, she intended to tell me about my real parents.
I remember how she tried to tell me about my brother just before she died. Only even then, she seemed afraid to tell me the truth.
Once I was dressed, I went out to the hall and down to the dining room. The rest of the family was already there. Patrick and his wife sat beside each other. The children would be fed in the nursery, and I remembered how Patrick had said that Papa explained Mama didn’t think my real mother would pay enough attention to me, and I would be raised by a nursemaid. I wondered if that was what was happening with Patrick’s children?
There was an extra place set for me beside Patrick. Gavin and his parents were across the table from us, and my parents were at either end of the table across from each other. Maids and footmen were serving the first course. At the time, I didn’t know about first courses or how many courses came after. All the meals I had ever eaten were just one course and little at that, always leaving me wanting for more. Now I could eat as much as I pleased and I thought about what Patrick said about me looking nicer if I had a little meat on my bones.
Gavin kept smiling knowingly at me from across the table, as he glanced from Patrick to Loretta, and then back again. Megan was an upstairs maid, so she would never be in the same room while the family was dining. I wondered if Loretta even knew Megan? Had she been anyone’s personal maid before I came along, I wondered? Maybe I would ask her, I thought.
My mother dominated the conversation by explaining every detail of how the welcome home Ball would be organized and presented. She mentioned all the special guests she was inviting, even though it was an open invitation to any family of wealth. They would have to present their calling cards at the door, to make sure they were eligible to attend.
“You must pay special attention to Edmond Macintyre, Helen,” she said, nodding toward me. “He is not only handsome but from good Scott’s blood. Every young lady in the surrounding area is vying for his attention. I am sure he would make an excellent match for you.”
“I have just arrived and you wish me to find a husband and leave your company?” I asked.
“Heaven’s no! You would have to remain engaged for a good year before you ever had to leave our home, and I want to see you well supported, knowing your own inheritance would be in trusting hands. I just mentioned it to let you know if he ever did ask for your hand in marriage, Douglas and I would totally approve.”
“I will keep that in mind,” I mumbled, looking over to Patrick and then at Gavin.
A smile was twitching at the corner of Gavin’s mouth, and I had to put my na
pkin to my lips to hide my own smile, which I couldn’t control as well as Gavin could.
When dinner was over I excused myself to my room, claiming I was tired, while giving a look to Gavin to remind him about bringing Bandit to my room like he promised. He gave me a reassuring smile and reached out his hand to slightly touch mine as I passed his chair. I think Patrick noticed, because he frowned at me, while I ignored it. If he gave me any trouble about my association with Gavin, I would mention Megan to him, and see how he dealt with that, I decided?
I sat on my bed, patiently waiting. Megan came to the room, to help me with my gown, and I was going to tell her to leave, but then decided I would just have to call her back again after Gavin took Bandit back to the kennels, and it would be simpler if I got dressed for bed first, so Megan could end her work for the day, or go about what other duties she may have, once she finished helping me.
I wrapped the wrapper around me, once she left the room and this time tied a sash around the waist. Gavin had been with me when I wore it before, and the only difference was I had my nightgown under it instead of my underclothes now. I didn’t expect him to stay long. Just long enough to bring Bandit up, and then come back later to get him.
When I heard the tap on my door, I hurried to answer it, but instead of Gavin standing there, Patrick was at the door.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he said in a low voice.
“Certainly,” I responded, standing in the doorway, but not letting him into the room.
“It’s about your lace dress. Megan tells me all the lace was ripped to shreds. I thought it was a single small rip in the lace caused by your dog?”
“I really didn’t like the dress,” I lied. “Why should I cast it off to a servant? If you want Megan to have a nice dress, why not buy her one? She shouldn’t have to mend something that belonged to me, which you seemed to care so much about when you chose it, and then suggest I throw it out when it gets a small rip that is barely noticeable.”
“That was the whole point. It was barely noticeable, and Megan would have loved that dress. You are capable of getting so many more dresses to replace that one. Now no one can wear it. I thought you were kinder than that?”
Gedi Puniku- Cat Eyes Page 10