It seemed forever before Gavin showed up with the constable and another man, I learned was a doctor. He would have to write up the death certificate and list the cause of death. I sketchily explained to Constable Collins what had happened. I said that Patrick and I got into an argument, and I demanded he let me walk home, only he refused. I told him about me grabbing the whip and hitting Patrick, which made him angry and he started chasing me. Then he tripped and hit his head. It was true, only I just hoped no one asked me what we were arguing about. If they did, I would have to make something up.
Gavin was the only one who knew what actually transpired between Patrick and me. He knew the build up that brought me to this position, because of Patrick. He would never tell anyone what was behind the reason I was running from Patrick. He loved me. He wanted me to marry him. He was my only friend!
The constable and doctor put Patrick in their wagon to take him to the funeral home to be prepared for burial. Now Gavin and I would have to return to McGovern Court and inform my parents of what had happened.
“I can’t face them,” I cried on Gavin’s shoulder. “Will you explain it to them?”
Gavin put one arm around me and held me tightly against his shoulder.
“This has changed everything, Helen. You know there will not be a Ball, and your parents will find a suitable husband for you on their own. They will be in mourning for a year, so there won’t be any Ball or wedding until after that period. However, that will not stop them from finding a suitable mate for you to get engaged to for that amount of time.”
“It doesn’t matter, Gavin. You said you would help me get away.”
“Patrick is dead. There is no reason for you to have to escape now, Helen. Your parents would be devastated if you ran off, and they had no children left at home. How could you be so cruel?”
Gavin was right. I couldn’t just walk out now that Patrick was dead. I had barely returned. I had spent the whole time here mostly in my room, hardly getting acquainted with my parents. I had no place to go, and no money to get me there. It was stupid of me to follow through with my earlier plan.
“So this is what I propose,” Gavin said, quietly, as the horse clopped slowly back toward the house. “We will tell your parents that you and I wish to be engaged. It will relieve them of having to find a husband for you. It will give you a whole year to decide whether you wish to remain here or not. Since you will be in mourning for a year, there will be no pressure for you to choose a date for the wedding. It is the perfect solution to your dilemma.”
“And then what?” I asked. “What happens after the year is up?”
“A year is a long time, Helen. Anything could happen in that period of time. You could actually end up falling in love with me.”
I appreciated what Gavin was willing to do for me. I wondered if I would end up falling in love with him? After all, he was charming and had been there for me when I needed him. However, like he said, a year was a long time, and right now I didn’t want to think about it. I just wanted all of this to go away.
“It is a solution,” I agreed. “You are brave to offer it, considering how you feel about me, and knowing I don’t love you the way you love me. I don’t want to hurt you, Gavin, so don’t get your hopes up.”
“At least I can pretend for a year that you love me, and it would be a good idea to act as though you do in front of the family.”
“I am too tired to think right now,” I said, wanting to put the thought aside. “It would be best that we do not tell my parents until after the funeral. They would have too much on their minds, and it may upset them.”
“You are probably right,” he agreed.
“Actually, we won’t have to tell them at all, unless they start to look for a husband for me. Then we can tell them we hadn’t mentioned our plans because we were going to wait until the time of mourning was over.”
I was starting to feel better about the idea, because I may not have to lie at all unless my parents started suggesting I find a husband. Gavin shrugged. I could tell he liked the other idea better, but he said nothing.
“You talk to my parents. I want to go take a bath and get out of this horrid dress!”
The dress I wore had been my favorite. The green taffeta. It had been Patrick’s favorite too, I thought sadly, and yet he showed no reluctance in contaminating it with his essence.
Gavin escorted me upstairs, when we came in the house, and then went to find my parents. I soaked in the tub until my fingers looked like prunes and then slowly pulled myself out, and wrapped my wrapper around my body. I went to my room and looked at the green dress in a pile on the floor reliving the moment when it became stained. I threw it in the fireplace and lit a match. I stood there watching it burn slowly, the material causing the flame to change colors as it ate into the dress. Flames surrounded the stain, eating closer until it had devoured the last traces of my nightmare. It was a terrible way to remember my brother and my last moments together. I knew I would never forget them, though.
I heard the door open and Gavin was standing there. I could see by the pain in his eyes how my parents took the news. They only knew the son who fulfilled their dreams, regardless of how they punished him for my disappearance. He had taken the bold step to invest in a gold mine and made a fortune on it. He had brought their grandchildren into the world. He had found their long lost daughter and brought her home, teaching her how to be a proper lady they would be proud of. Did I want them to be proud of me? I didn’t know.
Gavin noticed the ashes in the fireplace and knew I had burned the dress.
“Forget about it,” he murmured, pulling me into his arms. “This is all behind you, now. It is a shame you did not have fonder memories of your brother to look back on, but maybe it is for the best. Patrick had been getting worse in his outrageous activities.
“He used to secret prostitutes home with him, and bring them to a room right next to Loretta’s so she could hear them together. He actually made her come in and watch, the same way he did to you. The reason I know, is he mentioned it once when he was drunk. He told me that his wife was frigid in bed and he wanted to give her a demonstration on how to enjoy his advances. Only she was enraged, when he forced her to watch, and refused him in her bed again, after that. That was why he would use the room next to his wife’s room, to flaunt what she had turned down.
“When Megan came to work here, as Loretta’s personal maid, he stopped bringing the prostitutes. Instead, he turned Megan into one, and flaunted it under Loretta’s nose. For all I know, he was still forcing her to watch when he was in an especially wicked mood. That was one reason she asked that Megan be your maid instead of hers, but after the incident in your room, it was a good excuse for Loretta to get rid of Megan altogether.
“Patrick knew Loretta knew about him and Megan, considering he forced her watch, at times. He was more concerned I would tell his parents how he was treating you, and his wife. He feared his father as much as you feared him. After my uncle almost beat Patrick to death, Patrick never crossed him again. I only told him about us watching, so he would know you were aware of his depravity and go easy on you, for fear you would tell your parents. Apparently that didn’t seem to phase him. I didn’t want you to know the full extent of Patrick’s activity and the way he treated Loretta. When I found you watching them, I was surprised you stood your ground, instead of swooning on the spot.”
“It just seems so awful! Patrick was so good-looking and had money. Why would he try to destroy everyone’s life around him?”
“Because he didn’t feel worthy. His father told him he wasn’t worthy to be his son after you were taken. If he wasn’t worthy to be his father’s son, why should he be concerned with anyone else in the family? Even his bringing you back did not seem to heal the rift caused by your disappearance in the first place. It was as thought your parents still wanted to cling to past blame and hold it over Patrick’s head. They lost experiencing your childhood, and nothing could replace tha
t loss.
“By striking out at you, he was probably trying to punish you for the beating he received from his father. Who knows what went on in his twisted way of looking at everything?
“He threatened to take your virginity, even though you are his sister. There is a chance he would have acted on that threat if the right situation prodded him on. He may have been considering doing it when he was chasing you. He had already told you he would make you participate in what could be considered incest, if you did not cooperate with his demands.”
The thought saddened me, and I started crying. Gavin held me closer, and I felt his arms reaching around me, beneath my wrapper, his warm hands caressing my bare back. I didn’t pull away because I needed comfort. I would never marry Gavin, but he knew how to comfort me, and I was willing to allow him that.
Gavin lifted me up and placed me on the bed, lying down beside me and kicking off his boots. Then he held me close, the front of my naked body, where the wrapper had fallen away, crushed against his silk shirt. His hands caressing my back beneath my wrapper, stroking over my hips and back up again, began to soothe me. I knew this was what he wanted. He had been my strength. I owed him something, I thought, as I allowed his hands to roam over my body.
He was gentle and caring as he soothed me while I lay against him. His hands knew how to make me relax, the way he had done when he had rubbed the ointment into my sore bottom. If I focused on how comforting his hands felt, I wouldn’t think of Patrick, and how he had grabbed my arms and slapped my face. I closed my eyes, burying my head in Gavin’s shoulder until he had relaxed me to the point where I ended up falling asleep.
I was falling into that dream again, the one where Wawee’ne was making love to me. The one reward of letting Gavin caress me, and melt away my fears was it brought on that dream. The last time I had the dream, he had been caressing me then too. I willed the dream to return in the same intensity it had before. I was rewarded, as I let myself get lost in Wawee’ne’s loving hands, or were they Gavin’s hands? I wasn’t quite sure.
Suddenly, I was having the wrong dream! There was the knocking on the door, and someone was opening it. There stood the person with the sun behind their back, and still, I could not see their face. I jerked awake. Gavin had thrown the covers over me as he went to discover who was knocking at my bedroom door.
“She’s resting right now,” I heard him saying. “It has been a shock, as you must know. She was there and saw Patrick die. She blames herself. I don’t think she is up to answering questions. I have been trying to calm her.”
The door closed, and Gavin returned to the bed, sitting down and looking at me.
“Your parents want to hear what happened. You will have to decide what to tell them.”
I struggled in my head, wondering if I should tell them the truth about how I believed their treatment of Patrick had driven him to depravity, or just say it was a horrible accident? I didn’t know my parents. Maybe it wasn’t their fault at all. Patrick had made his own choices in life, regardless of who raised him. I had done the same.
I remember how Mama had said God directs us and leads our paths. Had God directed her down the path to steal me from my real parents? Did God want Patrick to suffer because of what Mama had done? Maybe God was just testing us to see what choices we would make when we were faced with overwhelming challenges? What kind of choices was I going to make now?
Patrick’s life and my life had been hundreds of miles apart in more ways than one? Would he have still turned out the same way, regardless of whether I had been taken or not? Because I didn’t know, I decided it was not my place to blame my parents for the choices Patrick had made. I would just tell them the same thing I had told the constable.
I felt sorry for Loretta, but she would be free of Patrick’s taunting behavior. She could start fresh. Maybe she would find a man who actually loved her, and was sensitive to her timid approach to intimacies with her husband. As for my future, I wasn’t sure which path I would end up following yet? I decided to just wait and find out.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Life strangely went on after Patrick’s death. Gavin drove me out to Megan’s house to tell her the news. It meant she would have to look for work again since Patrick would not be paying for her accommodations any longer. I think she believed I killed Patrick because I had been so angry at him that day, but she did not voice her opinion. After all, she was a mere servant. I was a McGovern!
I brought her the outfits that Patrick had bought me that day he had taken me into the city. I could not bare to look at them, and I knew she could sell them and use the money to help support herself until she found work. Patrick had spent a small fortune on them. She looked at me kindly when I gave her the packages. She didn’t know whether to feel gratitude or anger. I felt her sorrow. I actually believed she loved Patrick.
Somehow the Ball was canceled. They must have sent someone out to inform those who had received invitations and put up a notice in the newspaper on the morning of the Ball, to inform others of the change of plans. All the decorations and trappings that had been purchased for the Ball were stored away for some future Ball, I assumed.
After the funeral, everyone in the household continued to dress in black attire or wear a black band on their arm, and black streamers were hung over the door. We would be wearing black for several months. I knew my mother would probably wear black for the full year of mourning. Loretta also wore black, and I wondered how long she would wear her widow-weeds?
My niece and nephew were sullen and quiet. They stayed mostly in the schoolroom as it was, so I seldom saw them since they also ate separately from the adults.
My mother told me how grateful she was that she at least had me back, and her heart would not be completely empty at the death of her son. She informed me that I would be expected to marry, once the year was up so my future would be established. If Loretta took on a new husband, she would be expected to live with her husband, but it was understood she would leave her son to be raised at McGovern Court, since he was the last of the McGovern line, in America anyway, and would inherit McGovern Court once my father died. I thought ‘better him than me.’ I hated McGovern Court. Gavin’s parents went to stay at the summer house. Gavin would have gone with them, but he chose to remain there with me.
However, at last, I was free to roam about the grounds and spend my time as I pleased. I took endless rides on Fire Cracker along the shore. Sometimes Gavin came with me, but there were many times I wished to be alone with only Fire Cracker and Bandit, remembering when we had been a team when I traveled to follow the Platte River. They still insisted Bandit remained in the kennel, so I liked to take him out as often as possible.
The memories of Wawee’ne were starting to fade. Wyoming seemed so far away, and he had probably completely forgotten that boy-woman he had made love to and promised to play his love flute to. I wondered if he still kept my braid next to his heart?
I wondered what I would do at the end of the year when my parents expected me to get married? Would I have to settle for Gavin, or would someone else come along? I wasn’t sure I could give my heart to anyone.
When the house became too oppressive, Gavin would take me to the city to eat, or do shopping. I had been given a bank account with a monthly allowance in it. I never spent much money, though. I wasn’t used to having money. I liked it when I could leave that dreary house, but the city was not my favorite place. It was too congested, and I had been brought up in small towns and the countryside. Other times Gavin and I would play chess or cards. Sometimes my parents and Loretta joined us when we played cards. It seemed like life was just something to live from day to day.
Loretta agreed to teach me to play the grand piano. I had so much free time on my hands it gave me long hours of practice, where I got lost in the music. Gavin would often sit and listen to me play and always overlooked my many mistakes. I could tell, when he looked at me, that his feelings for me had not changed. However, since my parents w
ere not pressing for me to find a husband right away, we did not have to pretend we were engaged. I think that disappointed Gavin, though.
We were sitting at a table in a high-class dining room in a well-established New York hotel when a young man came to our table.
“Gavin, my man,” the man greeted. “How interesting to run into you!”
The man glanced at me, and then Gavin. I was rather impressed with his good looks and suddenly I was glad there was another person who wished to join us.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” he asked, smiling at me, and then looking back at Gavin.
“Yes, of course. This is my cousin Helen,”
The man took my hand and kissed my fingers, bowing over my hand.
“Not the Helen that disappeared as a baby!”
“The very one,” Gavin laughed, but I noticed the smile did not touch his eyes. I didn’t think he liked the young man.
“Helen, this is Nigel Thornton. A friend from school. We attended the same boarding school when we were younger. Where have you been, Nigel? I heard you were traveling around the world.”
“You heard right, and I have just returned,” he informed us. “That is why I am so surprised to find you here on my first week back in the city.”
“Must have been some adventure,” Gavin said as though it bored him.
I was rather perturbed that Gavin was acting a little rude.
“Aren’t you going to invite me to join you? It has been years since we were together last.”
Gavin shrugged.
“You can’t possibly be upset about the last time we were together, can you?” he said pulling out a chair and sitting down.
The waiter noticed it and brought him a menu, and Gavin frowned.
Gedi Puniku- Cat Eyes Page 15