After a block he set Georgiana down. A couple walking would not draw attention in the way a man carrying a young woman would, and he had started enjoying having her in his arms more than he should. “I apologize for taking liberties with your person,” he said stiffly.
Georgiana was looking down, making it impossible to see anything under her bonnet. She said nothing, but shook her head briefly.
They walked in silence until they reached the hackney stand. Kit made arrangements with a driver to take them to Grosvenor Square, a short walk to Darcy House. It was a habit now never to give his address to anyone. Frederica had taught him that.
He handed Georgiana into the hackney and sat on the bench beside her, taking care that there was a good foot of space between them. What was she thinking? Was she furious at him for telling her what to do? His shoulders slumped.
In a small, shaky voice, she said, “Are you angry at me? I cannot bear it if you are angry.”
Kit let out an explosive breath. “No, I am not angry at you, although you did frighten me half to death. Soldiers were staring at you, and everyone knows what you looked like as a child.”
“Those children are my cousins, even if they are half Bonaparte, and I have never even set eyes on them. I just wanted to see their faces.”
The poor girl! But the risk had been unthinkable. “It is understandable, especially since you were taken unaware by their approach. But I beg of you to take more care in the future.”
“I know. William always tells me that,” she said sadly.
Just what he wished to hear, that he reminded her of his brother! What he needed was a reminder that he himself was supposed to be playing the role of her brother, not having distinctly unbrotherly thoughts about how her legs had pressed against his arm as he carried her. “There is no need to worry. Nothing happened, and you are perfectly safe.”
“Only thanks to you.” She moved along the bench until their arms touched. “I am sorry for what I did.” She leaned her head against his shoulder.
Pleasure at her trust mingled with panic. What should he do? It seemed to calm her when William put his arm around Georgiana, but William did not have to fight off thoughts of her rosy lips. Carefully, as if moving too quickly might cause her to break into pieces like a porcelain shepherdess, he moved his arm to lie along the seat behind her.
She sighed and snuggled closer.
Brotherly thoughts! He needed to think brotherly thoughts, but the only thought he had about brothers was that William was going to kill him if he ever found out about this. He needed to remember that she was not another young lady of the ton, but a royal princess far above his station. Devil take it, why did royal princesses have to be warm and soft like other women? It was not fair.
The girl untied her bonnet and set it beside her. “Did you miss your father after he left?” she asked shyly.
Where had that come from? Kit cleared his throat, but his voice still sounded strangled. “Very much. I thought my father must not have wanted me since he did not take me. And, of course, I was certain William did not want me.” The summer scent of rosewater tickled Kit’s nose.
“It is a terrible feeling, is it not? I did not believe at first that Lord Matlock had taken me for my own safety. It seemed ridiculous. I had always had guards around me. If I was in danger, why were there suddenly no guards? I was angry at my grandfather since I assumed it had been his scheme, and at my father for allowing me to be sent away when everyone always said the French could be defeated in a trice. I never had a chance to say goodbye. I hated everyone for a time, but mostly I just missed my family and my governess. Then, one by one, they were captured or killed.” Her voice trembled. “I never saw any of my relatives again – not until today. I could not help myself.”
She had been much younger than he when she lost her family.
He tightened his arm around her. “I understand. There is nothing that can take the place of family, but at least you are not alone now. You have William and Elizabeth, and the rest of us.”
“Do I? Do I have you, Kit?” Soft fingers caressed the line of his jaw.
Good God! If she were any other woman in the world, he would think this an invitation to kiss her. But she was not any other woman. “Of course you do.” His voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears.
“But is it for myself, for the person I am, or only because of what you hope I will become someday?” She pressed her hand against his chest.
This was not good, not good at all. William was going to tear him limb from limb, and he would be correct to do so. “We cannot do this.” Why had that come out sounding like a question?
“I do not know about you, but I cannot live my entire life waiting for a tomorrow that may never come. I may never be more than I am right now. Can you not see that?”
The problem was that he could see all too well what she was right now. He made one last, valiant attempt. “You are still upset about what happened earlier.”
“Oh, do stop it,” she said breathily, and then warm lips pressed against his. Soft, tempting lips. Sweet, irresistible, royal lips. God help him, if there was anything left of him after William was done tearing him limb from limb, Frederica was going to pound him into the ground, pour lamp oil over him, and set him afire.
He could already feel the flames licking at him. He kissed her back.
***
“May I be of assistance to you, madam?” The fashionably dressed proprietress of the milliner’s shop on Oxford Street approached Elizabeth.
“I hope so. I find myself in a difficult situation. The soldiers out there separated me from my brother, and now I am alone and without an escort. I wondered if you might have an assistant or a seamstress who could walk with me to my house near Hyde Park. I would pay generously for the service, of course.” Elizabeth smiled in what she hoped was a winning fashion.
“Might I inquire who your brother is?”
“Of course. He is Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy.” Elizabeth was becoming altogether too practiced at lying.
“Mr. Darcy! I have heard fine things of him. I am certain we can assist you, Miss Darcy. Pray excuse me for a moment while I see who would be available to escort you.”
Elizabeth hoped returning to Darcy House was the right choice. In keeping with her role in their impromptu drama, she had left Darcy without a backwards glance when several men pulled him away from her. But when she returned a quarter hour later he was nowhere to be seen, leaving her stranded in a part of London she was unfamiliar with. It seemed as if their visit to Montagu House had happened days ago instead of less than an hour.
Fortunately the shop assistant who was assigned to accompany her knew the route to Hyde Park and did not question Elizabeth’s lack of knowledge.
They had not gone far before a familiar shape came striding towards them. Elizabeth turned quickly to the shop girl. “Oh, that is my brother! Thank you for accompanying me. Pray take these for your pains.” She handed her several coins.
The girl bobbed a curtsey. “Thank you, madam.” She waited until Darcy was within a few paces of them, then retreated back towards the shop.
Darcy’s brow was furrowed and his face appeared shadowed, but once he reached her, Elizabeth could see a purple bruise along his jaw. “Elizabeth! Are you well? Did you run into any difficulties?”
“I? It appears you are the one who ran into difficulties, or at least into someone’s fist.” She lightly touched his jaw, wishing she could soothe the pain away.
He raised his hand to cover hers. “Nothing to speak of. Your rescuers carried me off to teach me a lesson. Where are Kit and Georgiana?”
Her relief at seeing him intertwined dangerously with the intimacy of his touch, even though they were on a public street. It had to stop. Withdrawing her hand, she said coolly, “I cannot say. They had already disappeared by the time I got away. I assume they are together.” She resumed walking along the pavement.
Darcy caught up to her in two long strides. “Kit will keep her safe. I am
sorry you were abandoned. You did a brilliant acting job even though I could give you no warning of what I planned to do, but I still owe you an apology for my crass behavior.”
She looked away. “Hardly. We were both trying to create a scene, and we accomplished it. I just hope no one recognized either of us.”
“I saw no familiar faces, but you are right. It was pure luck we were not caught out. It would have been extremely difficult to explain ourselves. My first thought was to claim my pockets had been picked, but that might have led to the arrest and imprisonment of some perfectly innocent soul. Instead I risked harming your good name. I wish I had been able to come up with something else.” His voice was heavy.
With a lightness she did not feel, Elizabeth said, “Fortunately, that risk is limited since there is no actual Elizabeth Gardiner whose name can be ruined. If a problem arises, I could simply change my name again. It would be rather more difficult for you.”
He frowned. “I wish things could be different for you, and I still regret my error that day which caused so many difficulties.”
Why must he constantly put the blame on himself, no matter what she said? “You wish things could be different for me? Well, here is what I wish were different: I wish you would stop telling me how guilty you feel about me. I made my own choice about fleeing with Georgiana. You did not make it for me. I have made no demands on you and have told you I have no expectations. Yet you want me to offer you forgiveness and consolation, and I am tired of it.”
He stared at her incredulously. “If you wish it, I will never speak of it again. But I will not pretend that I have no responsibility for your situation.”
It was easier to quarrel with him than to allow herself to want what she could never have. “Where would I be if you had never come to Meryton, or if you had never asked me to take care of Georgiana? I would have had to set off for Scotland without a penny to my name because of Captain Reynard’s advances. No matter what you did, I would have had to leave my home and my family. But because you asked me for help, I am in London instead of Scotland, living in luxury and with the support of your family, and I even have the consolation of being of some slight use to my country. If anything, you did me a service.”
He shook his head. “But in Meryton we were friends, at least of a sort. Now you seem to want nothing to do with me.”
She crossed her arms and hugged herself. “In Meryton we were obliged to spend time together. That is different from friendship.” But it was not true. Darcy’s arrival in Meryton had changed her life. He had made her want his love, and now she was reminded of that every time she looked at him.
That was the truth she could not speak. Involving her with Georgiana had not changed things between them. Kissing her had done that. There was no going back from that kiss.
And from the pained look on Darcy’s face, there would be no going back from the words she had just said.
****
The breakfast parlor was the place where Elizabeth was most likely to encounter Darcy alone, so she had taken breakfast in her room for the last three days. She was not afraid of what he might say. No, it was the opposite. He might say nothing to her beyond the barest acknowledgement, and that would hurt her more than the unkindest words could.
Since their visit to the museum, Darcy had not directed a single word towards her beyond the minimum requirements of civility. He did not even look at her, which was worse. Before this, his eyes would always seek her out when he entered a room. Often his gaze had rested upon her for a time, and it had made her skin tingle and warmth pool in her stomach. Now she might as well be a piece of furniture, but he would not look away with such fierceness from an innocent table or chair.
She should be glad of it. His attention to her, no matter how intoxicating it had been, had only deepened the well of loneliness inside her. Now he was making his disdain for her clear, but instead of being relieved, she felt more alone than ever. She would have given anything for even a glimpse of Jane or Charlotte.
Now the sight of Darcy made her heart drop. She longed to tell him she had not meant what she had said, that they had indeed been friends in Meryton. But his studied avoidance kept the words inside her.
She did her best to hide her distress from Georgiana, who was blossoming in the company at Darcy House. The girl had not had a nervous attack since that evening at the beginning of their stay there. Her reconciliation with Lady Matlock seemed to have removed a burden from her, and she clearly enjoyed talking to Kit Darcy. Perhaps more people to trust had been what she had needed all along. Certainly the girl seemed more confident every day.
But she could not help but notice that for every bit of vivacity Georgiana gained, Kit seemed to fade away. He was as cheerful and flirtatious as ever, but when he thought no one was watching, his expression turned grim. He had taken to pinching the bridge of his nose, perhaps in unconscious imitation of his brother, when he was worried.
It was safer to worry over Kit than to dwell on Darcy’s withdrawal, so when she caught him alone one day, she said, “You have seemed troubled of late.”
Kit flushed. “Troubled? More restless, I would say. I am accustomed to working for the cause – helping people escape from the French, working on The Loyalist, compiling information. Now I can do none of that, nothing but watch as William goes off to meet with his French friends. Yes, I do understand why he does it, but it makes me feel as if we are accepting their control of England. I need to do something, not just sit in a luxurious drawing room and make conversation.” His voice was taut.
“Could you not go back to working with Lady Frederica?”
“No,” he said flatly. “She wants me here.”
Interesting. It had indeed been Frederica’s suggestion for Kit to join them at Darcy House, but would Kit do it simply for that reason? “So you and your brother can become better acquainted again?”
“She would like that, but it is a minor concern to her. For her, the cause is the only thing that matters.”
“This was an assignment?” Elizabeth hazarded.
Kit looked away. “Yes. You have found me out.”
Her throat tightened. “Spying on your brother?”
He gave her an odd look. “No. She wants a better understanding of Georgiana.”
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “You have a hidden reason for all those hours of flirtation, then. You should be careful. She is inexperienced, and you could hurt her rather badly.”
“Hardly,” he said moodily, kicking at the gravel underfoot. “It is more likely the other way around. She knows perfectly well that nothing can come of it, regardless of my motivations.”
The other way around? Was Kit worried that he would be hurt? “Surely you know that, too. But perhaps that is not much protection against wounded sensibilities.”
He said nothing.
She tried again. “You are the only man she has ever come close to flirting with.”
He let out an explosive breath. “She has an impressive natural talent for it, then.”
This was dangerous territory. Perhaps a change of subject was in order. “You follow Lady Frederica’s instructions? It is unusual to find a young man willing to take orders from a woman.” Would that provoke him enough to distract him from Georgiana?
“I do not have to like it. I want the French out of England, and Freddie is our best chance for that, so I help her.”
“Why is she our best chance?”
“She is unmatched when it comes to strategy, and she has the patience to keep her eyes on the goal rather than charging into action. Had I been on my own, I would have attacked the nearest Frenchman years ago and would have died a pointless death. She has more experience and knowledge than anyone else among us, by dint of staying alive longer.”
A chilling thought, indeed. “Is that how she came to be the leader of the Loyalists?”
He shook his head. “Her brother first formed the network, but when the French caught wind of his plans, he had to flee to S
cotland. He stopped at Matlock Hall en route, gave Freddie all his records, and told her to take his place. That was four years ago.”
“He told his sister to take his place? How very forward thinking!” It was frankly astonishing.
Kit gave her an amused look. “You have spent all this time with my aunt and still cannot understand why her son would believe that the right woman can sometimes accomplish things men cannot? If I could put my aunt in charge of our group, I would do so in an instant. Freddie is much like her.”
Elizabeth tilted her head. “Perhaps your aunt is in charge,” she said thoughtfully. “Lady Frederica is one of her deputies, as is your brother, and perhaps also the government-in-exile.”
Kit laughed. “An intriguing idea! You may have something there. Good for her – and now I feel better about our chances. If only she had an army hidden in her reticule!”
“That would be somewhat difficult to conceal,” Elizabeth teased.
“But I should thank you. I do feel better now. If Freddie thinks flirting with Georgiana is the best use of my abilities, I will endeavor to recall that she is usually correct, even if I prefer action.”
“If it is any comfort, I share your frustration. I long to help, too. Yes, I make Georgiana feel more easy and help her learn ladylike behavior, but it does not feel like that accomplishes anything. I wish I could do something.”
Chapter 12
“We will be going on an outing to St. Paul’s today. Georgiana has never been inside it,” said Lady Matlock as she spread jam on her toast. “You need not feel obliged to come, Darcy. Kit will be with us.”
As if Darcy would allow them to go alone with Kit after the near disaster on their way home from Montagu House! “I would be happy to accompany you.” The question was why his aunt was making this effort to prod him into joining them. Had she picked up on the tension between him and Elizabeth and was attempting to force them to spend time together? That was unlikely to end well.
Georgiana clapped her hands. “I am so glad. We have been planning it for days, but it will be much more enjoyable with you there.”
Conceit & Concealment: A Pride & Prejudice Variation Page 19