by Grace James
I stepped back a little, pushing against his chest gently. “The guys could walk in here any minute!”
He shook his head, leaning forwards, trying to kiss me again. “They won’t.”
I kept moving my head back, just out of his reach. “You don’t know that!”
“Sure I do, now kiss me.”
“No, not here.” I grinned at the frustration on his face; I loved inspiring this desperation in him. “I don’t want them seeing me naked, do you?!”
He sighed and pulled back. “Alright.” He glanced around thoughtfully. Then his eyes lit on the bathroom door.
“Oh, no,” I said, shaking my head. “Not a bathroom, it’s too gross.”
“We’re not gonna do it on the toilet,” he said, pulling me inside and locking the door behind us.
It was a tiny room, just a toilet and a sink. Connor grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me onto the edge of the sink; I shrieked and laughed as he nudged his way between my legs and started to kiss me again. I gave in and put my arms around his neck, pressing my mouth to his, kissing him hard. His hands were everywhere; up my dress, clutching at my ass, kneading my boobs. I attacked his fly, popping the buttons in one swift motion. “Tell me you have a condom,” I murmured into this mouth.
“You have a condom,” he repeated back.
I giggled – and then froze at the sound of a door opening and loud voices announcing the arrival of the rest of the band in the dressing room. “Stop, stop,” I whispered.
He grinned and started moving his hand up my leg, under the hem of my skirt. “Keep quiet and they won’t know we’re here.”
I batted his hand away and slid down off the sink. “No, I’m not doing it with them on the other side of the door!” I whisper-yelled.
He grinned. “Hayley and Derren do it all the time, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve walked in on them.” If his goal was to make me relax, it failed.
“What? So is this a competition?”
He looked confused. “No – what are you talking about?”
“They have sex anywhere and everywhere, so we should too?”
“We already beat them at that.”
“Are you serious?!”
“No! Jesus, I’m just kidding.”
“And how are we even going to leave here without them thinking that we just had sex in here?”
“Who cares what they think?”
“Well, obviously you don’t because you’re a guy and they’ll probably just high-five you or something!”
“Do you want them to high-five you, too? ‘Cause they probably would.”
Before I could answer, Blake’s deep voice sounded from the other side of the door. “Quit talking and bang already! We got hands on dicks out here.”
Mortified, I put my hands over my face. “Oh, God.”
Connor laughed, actually laughed. “Fuck off, man.”
Dropping my hands, I glared at him. I whole heartedly agreed with the “Fuck off” part, but the laughing? That just made me feel cheap.
Connor just frowned at me like, What did I do?
“Or are you finished already?” Blake shouted through the door again. “Shit, that was quick, buddy. You should let me show her –”
Before he could finish, Connor had jerked the door open and launched himself at his cousin. They both went down in a flailing mass of limbs.
30
I stormed out of the dressing room, stepping around Connor and Blake – who by that point, were landing punches – and sped through the venue, towards the back exit. I was so embarrassed that the guys had found us in the restroom; then Blake’s comments, followed by Connor’s laughter and topped off by one of their increasingly familiar throw downs, had pushed me to my limit. I yanked the door open and stalked through the parking lot, towards my car.
“Amy! Wait! What the hell? Why are you leaving?” Connor jogged up behind me just as I was fumbling my keys from my bag.
I whirled towards him. “Why do you think I’m leaving? Because you think sex is just a game and it’s not to me!”
He stopped short, a look of disdain clouding his features. “It’s not like that! And you didn’t seem to mind so much until about five minutes ago!”
“That’s because I wasn’t being laughed at by your stupid cousin until about five minutes ago!”
Connor looked away and dragged a hand through his hair; when he did, I noticed a red mark on his cheek, like a punch had connected there. His shirt was rumpled and looked a little stretched out around the neck, but I guess rolling around on the floor, fighting like a couple of idiots, would do that to you. “Why do you care what he thinks?” he asked darkly.
“I don’t! He’s just…obnoxious and rude…and seems to live just to humiliate me.”
Connor looked back at me, his face softening a little. “He’s actually trying to humiliate me, not you. It’s always been that way, since we were kids, it’s just how we are with each other. But, look… I’ll talk to him if you want.”
I thought about it for about a second before I decided that it was a bad plan. Connor and Blake were obviously close – in a slightly weird, kind of violent way – and getting Connor to confront him over some stupid comments just didn’t seem worth it. “No, no, don’t do that.”
“No?”
I shook my head. “Let’s face it, we gave him plenty of ammunition and he’s just too much of an asshole not to throw it.”
Connor grinned a little at that.
“It’s just that sometimes I wish we didn’t have to sneak around all the time.”
He stepped a little closer, looking down at me with a slight smile playing across his lips. “We don’t, it’s just that when I’m with you…I just want you.” That little comment made me go all gooey inside. “So how about tomorrow night I come over and we have make-up sex in your bed?”
“Make-up sex, huh?”
“Yeah, this was our first proper fight, so we have to have make-up sex. It’s a rule.”
I grinned despite myself. “Well, if it’s a rule…okay, as long as you bring dinner.”
“Food in exchange for sex?” he teased, before leaning down and nipping my lower lip. “I can do that, Amy Scott.”
Somehow, I wasn’t mad anymore.
31
The following evening, after college, I opened the door to my apartment to find Mel sitting on the couch, typing furiously on her laptop. She barely glanced up as I entered, muttering an intelligible greeting as her attention slid back to the screen.
“Hello, bestest roommate of all time,” I said brightly, setting a take-out cup of hot chocolate on the coffee table in front of her. “I brought you something to help you study.”
Mel’s fingers slowed on the keyboard as she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. “What do you want?” she asked suspiciously.
“Who says I want anything? Can’t a girl bring her hardworking roommate a hot beverage without wanting something?” I asked innocently.
Mel stopped typing all together and turned to look at me. “Beverage? Okay, you want something.”
“Weeeell, I know you have a big assignment due tomorrow and I know you always leave it until the last minute –”
“Pointing out my flaws may not help your case,” she said dryly, picking up her hot chocolate and taking a sip.
“The thing is, Connor’s coming over for dinner tonight, and I figured you would probably be up all night anyway working on your assignment, so...maybe you could go to the library...like, soon…” I trailed off, raising my eyebrows hopefully.
She considered. “Hmm, I’m not sure that I need to. Actually, I’m pretty much done, so I was thinking I would just have an early night…” She looked at me with a sly smile on her face. “Oh God, Amy, you look like a kicked puppy! I’m kidding! I still have loads to do. I’ll go, and you guys can enjoy having dinner together. Just don’t do it on the coffee table, or the couch, or anywhere else I touch.”
“Deal. Sorry for
kicking you out,” I said a little sheepishly.
She sighed theatrically. “You’ll have to owe me.”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay.” She started to gather her things. “At least one of us will be having fun.”
“Thank you, you’re awesome.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
After Mel had gone, I quickly changed into some new underwear that I’d bought – a red satin thong and matching bra – and put a cotton t-shirt dress over the top. On the surface I looked innocent and relaxed but underneath was a different story. That kind of thing got Connor worked up, and that was exactly the effect that I wanted.
I sat on the couch and idly flicked through a magazine, waiting for him to arrive.
I waited...and waited...and waited.
When he didn’t show up after a couple of hours, I called him – and got no answer. After our first time together, he’d never disappeared on me again in the middle of the night (although, to be honest, it was rare that we ever spent the whole night together) but there had been times when he’d had to cancel on me or take off early. I knew there was stuff going on with his mom and brother, but he’d never really opened up to me about it. I figured that he would eventually, when he was ready, so I hadn’t pushed it. I told myself this was just one of those times where he had to put his family first.
But I’m ashamed to say I never called Mel and told her that she could come home that night after all; I held onto hope that he would eventually show up with an incredible reason as to why he stood me up.
But he never did.
32
When I didn’t hear from Connor after two days I did the unthinkable and called Blake. Something I never normally did. Because he was an ass. But Connor and I had never gone this long without at least a text or a call since we started dating seriously and my mind was starting to come up with crazy scenarios as to why I hadn’t heard from him.
Maybe he wants to break up with me but he’s too scared to tell me to my face.
Maybe he met another girl who will have sex in a restroom and he’s too busy banging her senseless.
Maybe there was a carbon monoxide leak in his house and he’s died and I’m sitting here accusing him of cheating on me.
My thoughts got a little dark.
What can I say? I’m a worrier.
So, I called Blake.
“Princess! To what do you owe the pleasure?” Blake’s deep voice rumbled down the line.
“Don’t you mean ‘to what do I owe the pleasure’?”
“Exactly.”
I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn’t see me. “Whatever. Look, Blake, this is a little awkward, but –”
“I knew it! Amy, we CAN’T fuck, it’d be wrong. I know you want to and I don’t blame you at all – but you’re my cousin’s GIRLFRIEND –”
“Shut up, asshole!” I snapped.
“Oh shit! Back to that are we? Here was me thinking we were friends now.” I heard the glee in his voice. He could be such a dick.
“Blake, I’m calling for a serious reason.”
“Okay, okay.” His voice sobered. “I think I know what this is about.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. He’ll be fine, though, don’t worry. I’m looking after him, making sure he eats his greens, tucking him in at night, reading him a bedtime story.”
What the hell?
I had no idea what he was talking about. I mean, clearly he was making fun of Connor, but the context was lost on me.
“You still there?” Blake asked.
“Uh, yeah. It’s just...” I trailed off, unsure whether to admit I was confused.
“Hey, you okay?” His voice had softened a little.
I took a deep breath and decided to lay in all on the line. “No...no, not really. I haven’t seen or heard from Connor in days. That’s not like him. And I don’t know what’s wrong. I was worried – that’s why I called you. But I guess there’s stuff going on that I don’t know about? I just want to know if he’s okay?”
“You mean he hasn’t told you? Shit, I thought you knew.”
“Blake, what the hell are you talking about?” I was starting to panic and I’m pretty sure he knew it.
“Okay…fuck…”
“Blake! Will you –”
“Come over,” he interrupted. “We’ll talk.”
Then he hung up.
33
Twenty minutes later, I pulled up outside of Blake and Kane’s house, just as it was starting to get dark. Blake was sitting on the stoop, devouring a piece of pizza, with the box next to him on the step. As soon as I got out of the car, he stood up and put his finger to his lips, indicating for me to be quiet.
I frowned in confusion as I walked over to him.
“Want some?” he whispered, gesturing to the pizza box.
“No, thanks.” I whispered back.
He raised one eyebrow. “You never turn down food.”
“First time for everything. And why are we whispering?”
He ignored my question. “It’s good,” he said quietly, waving the slice of pizza under my nose. “You know you want it...”
I swatted him away. “What I want is to know what’s going on with Connor.”
He nodded and tossed his slice of pizza back into the box. Then he leveled his cobalt eyes on me. “How much do you know about Jace and his mom?”
“I know that Jace runs away sometimes, that his mom struggles with him and doesn’t get much help from his dad.”
“Yeah, there’s a little more to it than that.”
“I figured that much. I don’t want to pry, Blake. I just want to know that Connor’s okay, but I’m guessing he’s not?”
Blake sighed and ran his hand over his jaw. “Roni kicked him out, she won’t let him see Jace, says if he tries to go over there she’ll call the cops.”
“Roni? That’s his mom?”
“Yeah.”
“But…why?”
“She blames him for all the trouble with Jace, says he’s a bad influence.”
“That’s – that’s not fair.”
He just looked at me curiously.
“What?” I asked, bristling.
He shook his head slightly. “Nothing. Look, he’s inside, but he’s in bad shape –”
“What do you mean? What happened?”
Blake held his hands out, like he was trying to calm a skittish horse. “Nothing happened, he’s okay, he’s just wasted is all.”
“He’s drunk?”
“He passed drunk a couple hours ago, now he’s fucked. That’s why I asked you over. I can’t get through to him. Shit like this, with his mom, it fucks with his head…”
I stared at Blake. “I – I had no idea...”
A look of concern crossed Blake’s face. Truth to tell, I didn’t know he had it in him to feel that kind of compassion. “If you don’t want to see him, I get it.”
“Of course I want to see him,” I said, a little snappily.
But had no idea what I was getting myself into.
“Are you coming in, too?” I asked, as I walked up the steps to the front door.
“Yeah, let me go first,” he said, slipping past me.
When he swung the door open, the first thing I saw was Connor, leaning on the kitchen counter, with his back to us. As we walked in, he straightened up and threw his head back, sniffing loudly.
I stopped dead.
“Is he…” I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
“Con!” Blake’s voice was sharp. “You got a visitor. And pack that shit up. I already told you, NOT in my goddamn house.”
I stared in dismay as Connor turned to face us. He was a hot mess, with his hair spiking up all over the place and dark circles under his eyes. When his eyes met mine, the first emotion to cross his face was happiness…but it quickly gave way to a fury that made me flinch. His eyes burned with a white hot rage as he closed the space between us in a few long strid
es.
“Connor –” I started, but he completely ignored me, going for Blake instead, pushing him violently backwards. Blake staggered back a step before he righted himself, squaring his shoulders and glowering down at his cousin.
“You fucking prick!” Connor hissed, getting right up in Blake’s face. “Why the fuck would you bring her here?”
“She cares about you, she wants to be here,” Blake growled back.
They were practically nose to nose, in a familiar stance that I had seen many times before, only this time there was no humor in it.
“Connor, it’s not his fault,” I said, touching his arm. “I called him. I was worried about you!”
He shrugged me off and threw a sloppy right hook at Blake’s jaw. It never connected. Blake caught Connor’s fist in his hand and, planting his other hand on Connor’s shoulder, he shoved him backwards onto one of the couches. Unable to stop himself, Connor flopped down.
“I don’t want to fight you, buddy,” Blake snarled. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t. Now, calm the fuck down.”
Connor ignored the warning, pushing himself up and starting towards Blake again. Without thinking, I threw myself forward, getting between them putting my palms against Connor’s chest. As my hands touched him, his muscles bunched and for a split second I thought he was going to turn on me, a chill shot through my chest and my breath caught – but then he went still.
Or as close to still as he could while he was still breathing heavily and glaring at Blake like he wanted to murder him.
“Connor, look at me.” I put my hand up, cupping his cheek. After a few seconds, he looked down at me. “I know – I know that your mom kicked you out and I know you’re upset –”
“Upset? Fucking upset?” He looked at me with disgust. “You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.” He was shaking under my hands, whether with rage or something else – something that would by now be pulsing through his bloodstream – I didn’t know. What I did know was that it felt like I had a ticking time bomb in my hands.