by Shane Morgan
After I finish eating, I quickly wash the dishes, tread up to my room, shower, blow-dry my hair, and put on a jeans shorts and sleeveless top. Then I call Nate to pick me up.
Our special place is out by the rocks on Ocean Drive, not too far from where he lives. Only, it doesn’t look so special when we hop out of his car, walk down the beach and I see that his friends are here too.
Slowing down, I say, “Oh, I thought it was just gonna be us.”
Nate nudges my arm. “Come on, babe. Don’t be so antisocial.” He walks off and I follow behind, silently seething. Lucas, Ryan, and Kimberly appear buzzed already. Kimberly flashes me a frown when she sees me over Nate’s shoulder.
“Hey peeps,” Nate calls out as we reach them.
“Hey. So what’s on the agenda for today?” Lucas asks, handing him a Budweiser.
“I thought we could go out on my dad’s boat after hanging out here,” Nate replies. My stomach tenses. He knows I don’t do boats. Even though he doesn’t know why, he should at least consider my feelings.
“Cool,” Ryan enthuses, lowering to get another beer from the cooler as he finishes the one in his hand.
Kimberly stares down her nose at me as the boys chat. She’s wearing an itty-bitty red bikini with a bandeau top that barely covers her huge boobs. Flipping her long blonde hair off her shoulders, she jogs over to the water, splashing it on herself before diving under. Her thong doesn’t leave much for the imagination. She probably thinks I’m lame, coming to the beach without a bathing suit.
Whatever. I never planned on going swimming.
I look back at the boys and catch Nate watching Kimberly. Seriously? He glances over at me with his face burning red and half-smiles as if I didn’t just see him lusting at her ass.
Seeming guilty, he breaks away from the guys and comes over to hand me a beer. “Here you go babe.”
I shake my head and he frowns. “What’s up?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I reply.
He shrugs me off then walks back over to Lucas and Ryan, placing the bottle back inside the cooler as they resume their conversation—so much for wanting to hang out with me alone.
Nate spends a full hour talking with his friends and paying me no attention, while I sit by Kimberly as she sunbathes on the sand. I try to have a conversation with her, only she’s so unfriendly and uninterested.
“How was your first semester at Brown?” I ask her. “Must be nice to live and study in the city of Providence.”
Kimberly keeps her eyes covered with her huge sunglasses and lets out an exasperated sigh before answering flatly, “It’s all right.”
The most I know about her is that her father is the hospitality manager at Newport Harbor Hotel, and that he went to Brown University, too. There’s also a rumor, well, Claudia told me, that Kimberly hooked up with Ryan a couple of times. That’s probably why she’s always hanging around the guys even though she’s a year older than us. It must really suck for her, not being able to go to the same college with him.
Kimberly’s obviously annoyed with my presence but I have nothing left to do but wait until Nate gets bored and wants to leave, which takes him another hour to decide. Only, they’re talking about heading over to Nate’s house to take his dad’s boat out.
That’s a big no-no.
“Let’s go babe,” he says, draping his arms around my shoulder as he tows me up the beach.
The others follow behind.
“Nate, can we just skip the boat thing for some other time?” I ask in a whisper so his friends don’t hear.
He scrunches up his face. “Why?”
“You know why,” I say. “I don’t like boats.”
Twitching his mouth, he huffs annoyingly, not saying anything until we reach his car.
“All right, we’ll go another time.”
I pause at the passenger side door. “Really? It’s okay?” I confirm.
Nate smiles, edges closer and kisses me softly on the lips. Easing away, he adds, “Of course it’s fine. I don’t want to force you to go out on the boat and make it a miserable time for everyone else.”
He slips away and walks over to his friends to tell them there’s a change of plans. Kimberly cuts her eyes to me, giving me a death glare. I could care less about that. It’s what Nate just said that bothers me, and the irritation in his words. He’s more concerned about me ruining the day for his friends. His remark is…new.
I open the door and climb inside as he tramps back toward the car. Hopping in around the steering, Nate backs off the grass and pulls out on the main road.
“Let’s go back to your house and hang out,” he suggests.
I don’t voice my apprehension, only do as he says.
NINE
Micah
“GREEK SALAD and French onion soup,” John mutters at my back when an old couple enters the restaurant.
I look behind at him before sliding off the bar stool. “I take it they’re regulars who always get the same thing.”
A smug look masks his face as he continues to wipe off glasses. “Yep, and even though they’re waiting at the door, they’ll pick the table by the window when you ask.”
I walk over to the couple. Then I tell them to choose a table. Sure enough, they saunter over to the one by the window.
“Can I get you folks anything to drink while you take a minute to decide—?”
“Oh we can order now,” the husband informs me.
“Are you new? I haven’t seen you before,” says the wife. When I direct my attention to her, my chest tightens as I gaze into her piercing emerald eyes. In a flash I see Grams looking back at me. My hands start to shake. My heart throbs. I can’t get a hold of myself. I need a moment, a moment to chill out.
I feel a hand at my back. When I look to my left Aislin is taking their orders. She finishes and pulls me along with her from the table.
“Take a break,” she whispers to me, before going over to the bar to put in their order.
Turning to step out back, I glance over at the old couple. They look at me with confusion before resuming their conversation.
I stand outside and fume to myself. I haven’t had a moment like that in a few days, and I hate that Reign isn’t at work to distract me with her smile—I’m serious, it helps. Aislin opens the door and comes over to where I’m leaning against the wall.
She rests one hand on the wall and drops the other on her hip before asking, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, not meeting her gaze.
“Well, you kinda froze back there. Are you sick or something?”
Looking at her, I reply, “No. I’m fine. Just didn’t get a good night sleep.”
She twists her mouth to one side and studies me. “Take a few more minutes before you come back inside. It’s slow in there, anyway.” Then she twirls, heading for the door.
“Thanks,” I mutter before she slips inside.
“Don’t mention it.”
Shortly after, I go back into the restaurant. There’s only one other table being served aside from the old couple’s. This place really is slow at times. I walk over to the bar and look at my phone, it’s barely after two. I notice around this time it slows down completely, and then picks up a bit in the evening. I’ve been observing the restaurant down the street and they’re busy around the clock from opening till they close. I wonder what’s so different about them.
“Hey, John. How long has Captain’s Choice been here?”
He looks back at me and answers, “Twelve years.” Then he resumes watching some show on the TV.
“How about the restaurant down the street?” I ask.
Giving me his undivided attention now, he creases his forehead and narrows his eyes. “Why? You plan on switching to them?”
I laugh. “No way, I was just wondering.”
John pauses for a moment and taps on the bar, deliberating. “They’re fairly new. About three years now. I’ve been with Captain’s Choice for five, in case you wanna ask th
at too,” he snorts.
“Humph. I guess people got caught up in the arrival of another restaurant on this street and decided to jump ship then?”
“You can say that. But you know what,” He leans over the bar and folds his hands. “I’d pick this restaurant over any other cause Mrs. Aldridge’s a great person. She could have fired me long ago when I started having my shit and coming to work late. But she’s good on giving second chances; sometimes a lot more.”
As if on cue, Mrs. Aldridge comes around the corner and stops in her tracks, peering about the restaurant and looking out on the deck. She sighs in a disheartened way then runs her hand through her hair. She glances over at the bar and I turn away, not wanting her to know I’d been watching her.
She mutters as she walks over to us, “I’ll be taking off for a while. I have a meeting with someone.”
John exhales. “It’s not about—” he stops himself from finishing and looks over at me, then says instead, “That?”
Mrs. Aldridge cuts her eyes to the restaurant. “I’ll be back,” she says without explaining. Then she walks away from the bar to head out the door.
John releases a gush of air. “Damn.”
“What?” I ask.
He shakes his head and murmurs, “Nothing for you to worry about.”
As he turns his back to me and resumes watching what had piqued his interest earlier on TV, I glide away from the bar as a group of girls enter the restaurant.
They are hot, and their sweet perfumes engulf me as I lead them to a table out on the deck. But amidst their flirty giggles and naughty eye contacts, my mind keeps drifting to Reign. I wonder why she’s not working and what she’s doing. I really wish she was here today.
TEN
Reign
IN NO TIME Nate pulls up to my house. Getting out of the car, he hurries around and picks me up into his arms, carrying me the rest of the way. I’m laughing shyly the entire time, and my sulkiness from earlier disappears.
“So, are you hungry?” I ask when he settles me back on my feet and we step inside my house.
He growls and wraps his arms around me. Brushing his lips lightly against my left ear, he whispers sweetly, “Hmm…I’m hungry all right, hungry for you.”
Laughing nervously, I pry myself out of his embrace and lead him into the living room. “How about we watch a movie instead?”
He nods and saunters over with me, sinking down on the couch as if he’s disappointed. We sit together, and within a few minutes of the romantic comedy I put on, Nate nuzzles up to me and starts kissing me on my neck.
He places his hand on my stomach and inches even closer, so much that he manages to slide me down on my back, gently running his fingers down to the hem of my blouse. He sticks his hand underneath and traces the area around my bellybutton. I grow nervous, shifting beneath him until finally I press my palm against his chest and ease him up a tad.
He ignores it and drives in again, reaching his hands under my back to try and unclasp my bra. Utterly surprised by his bold attempt, I push him off fast and spring from the couch, fixing back my blouse.
Getting up, Nate crooks an eyebrow and tightens his jaw in frustration. His brown eyes darken with anger I’ve never seen before, penetrating me hard. He’s making me feel like I’m the worst girlfriend in the world right now.
“What’s wrong, Reign? Why don’t you want to be with me?” he asks in a sharp, skin-prickling tone.
I back up a few steps as I answer, “I told you, I’m not ready.”
“What the hell!” he snaps. I shudder, because this is the first time he’s yelled at me, too. “We’ve been dating for almost three months, so I’m sure you’ve realized by now that I obviously care about you, a lot.” He aggressively runs his hand through his tousled blond hair. “Like, what the hell! Just tell me what the problem is ‘cause I don’t get it.”
I take a second to catch my breath. Then I find the strength to snap back at him, “Why does it have to be a problem because I’m not ready for sex? If you really care about me then I’m sure you can wait for me—”
“That’s just it,” he cuts me off. “It feels like it’ll never happen.” He waves his hands about as he adds, “There’s always an excuse with you.”
Tears well my eyes but I don’t cry. I maintain my composure as I ask in a breathy tone, “Why are you getting so mad at me?”
I look down at my bare feet on the dark hardwood floor and stay quiet. Nate closes the distance between us, inhaling as he touches my arm. “Babe,” he says calmly. “I just want us to be closer. I think it’s great that you saved yourself all this time. But, I feel like you don’t think I deserve it.”
Peering up to meet his gaze, I shake my head and drape my arms around his neck. “That’s not true. It’s just me…I’m really nervous about it, that’s all.”
He gently eases me away, looking me in the eye intensely as he says, “There’s nothing to be worried about. We feel the same way about each other, so of course it’ll be great.”
Nate makes it seem as if he’s a virgin too. He’s not. He lost his back in the eighth grade to some random girl in one of his classes. But that doesn’t matter. He’s with me now, and like Claudia says, guys have needs.
I breathe in and out then smile as I mutter, “Okay.”
A broad grin spreads across his face. He strokes my cheek and takes my hand, leading me to the stairs. I haul him back, laughing nervously. “Not now though. Sunday, after I leave work.”
Nate smiles halfway and pulls me into his arms, whispering at my neck, “All right, I’ll make it special for you, babe. I promise.”
I relax in his grasp with my head resting on his shoulder. Pressing my eyes shut, I tell myself over and over, that I’m making the right decision.
That evening Dad and I have dinner together while Mom’s still at the restaurant. He spoke to her on the phone earlier when I was cooking and he made sure to keep his voice low and almost inaudible, as if he doesn’t want me to hear.
We eat in silence. Dad isn’t making any eye contact and I have all these thoughts running through my head. I don’t ask what’s going on because I don’t want to be rude. Mary was never rude, only fun and lively. She knew to mind her business though.
I start up the usual dinner table conversation. “How was your day, Daddy?”
“Hmm? Oh, it was good. How was yours?” he asks, helping himself to more lasagna.
I swallow what’s in my mouth. “It was good.”
Silence engulfs us again until dinner ends. Afterwards, I do the dishes then walk into the living room where Dad’s sitting on the couch, watching a movie. He gestures me over.
“It’s one of our favorites,” he says, “The Gold Rush.”
He’s wrong. That’s Mary’s favorite. Dad mixed up our likes again. I’m also bothered by the fact that he’s in the same spot on the couch where Nate felt me up this afternoon. It places an awkward feeling in my stomach and I can’t move out of the doorway.
I tell him instead, “I’m gonna go for a walk.”
“Now?” Dad glances at his watch then looks back at me, confused. “It’s almost ten.”
“I’ll just go down the street and come back. I barely got any exercise in today.”
“Oh…well,” He looks at me for a moment. Then he says, “All right, but don’t stay out too late.”
I’m out the door immediately, leaving my car behind as I walk past Claudia’s house, pacing down the street and out of the neighborhood even though I said I’d be right back.
It’s happening again. The lonely feeling is creeping up on me and all I’m thinking about is Mary. I want to see her calm face but not hear her screams, so I jog past the park, running for ten minutes before I reach the beach.
Stopping to catch my breath, I take off my flip-flops and slowly walk into the sand, collapsing into it. I bring my knees up to my chest, lock my arms around them, and sit for a while, staring at the dark ocean. Voices echo all around me as couples stro
ll up and down the beach, hand in hand, smiling, laughing together and seeming utterly happy. No one notices me, or they choose not to. No one sees the lonely girl on the sand, fighting back tears, overcome by guilt. I let my sister drown. I let her die.
After a while, I suck back in the pain and stabilize it there in my heart once more. It’s locked away enough to get me through the rest of the night. Then I stand, brush sand off my clothes, and start back up the beach.
Briskly, I walk home. By the time I get back, Mom’s car is in the driveway. My parents are sitting in the dark, snuggled up together on the couch when I enter the front door. The black and white lights of the movie shine on their faces. They look over at me as I start up the stairs.
“You okay, honey?” Mom calls out.
My throat feels dry and it burns from all the internal fighting I did back on the beach, trying to suppress my cries. I have to clear my throat before answering, “I’m fine.”
Then I continue up the stairs to avoid her coming out of the living room to check on me, to see if I’m really fine. I slip into my room and shut the door, not even bothering to turn on the light as I get out of my clothes and hop in the shower, washing off whatever grains of sand is left on me.
I dry off and crawl into bed naked, pulling the covers over me. Moments later, I remember I have a cellphone and haven’t spoken to my best friend all day. That’s odd for us.
When I reach down to my jeans shorts on the floor that I just took off, I pull my phone out of the pocket. I have two missed calls and three text messages, all from Nate, telling me to come to Ryan’s party tomorrow night after work, and that I have to wear a bikini even if I don’t want to go in the pool. His messages are demanding, but I let it slide. I want to be a good girlfriend. I want us to have a fun summer. I want us to work.
ELEVEN
Micah
“WANNA COME with us to a party?” Claudia asks me the moment I walk out of the restaurant to head home.