by Leah Spiegel
“We had a deal,” Lizzie shouted. “I’m supposed to be your muse.”
Hawkins looked over in my direction, clearly bewildered to be cornered by Lizzie. His astonishment turned to rage.
“What were you thinking?!” His eyes grew as he pushed off the wall.
“It sounded good in theory?” I grimaced.
“Very funny,” he said flatly. “And you,” he turned to Riley, “you were supposed to be watching her!”
Riley looked truly ashamed beside me. “Someone had to do something,” he muttered.
“That’s not your call to make,” Hawkins snapped.
“Hey, hey, if you’re going to blame someone, blame me. It was my idea.” Well, half of it, I thought to myself.
“What were you thinking?” he asked tenderly while he gently shook me.
“Ow,” I winced and touched my head. “Slight concussion here.”
“Sorry.” His eyes quickly softened. “Are you okay?” He lifted his hand to cup the side of my face as he rubbed his thumb gently back and forth across my cheek.
“I’m okay,” I whispered looking up into his loving eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” he repeated and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, checking to make sure he hadn’t touched any sore parts. “I was so scared.” He kissed my head. “You have no idea,” he murmured into my hair.
“We’re not done talking,” Lizzie demanded. “I want an answer.”
Hawkins released his embrace, but continued to ignore Lizzie as he tilted his head down to assess my bandage. Touching it gently, he asked, “Does it hurt a lot?”
“No, I should be fine.”
He sighed while resting his hands on either side of my shoulders. “Please don’t do anything that stupid again,” he pleaded.
“Hello?” Lizzie persisted.
“Lizzie, it is over,” I said gently. “A man is dead because of all this press and this psycho killer isn’t messing around. He almost killed me tonight. Besides, I don’t plan on blogging about Hawkins any longer.” I looked up into his eyes.
“Yeah, well, what about you?” Lizzie turned and asked Hawkins.
“I’m not going to comment about Joie anymore, either,” he confessed.
“This isn’t about you getting a scratch on your forehead,” Lizzie said hotly. “Don’t pretend that you just saw the light when this is really about being ashamed to tell your mom where you’re really at.”
“There is only one person I’m embarrassed of.” I cut my eyes at her.
“And it’s amazing what other people would do for the attention,” Hawkins retaliated.
“Are you going to just let him talk to me like that?” she asked Warren hotly.
“You want me to get upset that Hawkins likes Joie and not you?” Warren asked skeptically. I sensed trouble. Maybe the honeymoon was finally over.
“Wow.” Lizzie looked totally astonished by his reaction. Turning back to Hawkins, she quipped. “Good luck with your career because everyone knows that you guys are washed up.”
“Lizzie!” I let out a low hiss.
“What, they are! Everyone knows it.”
“Why don’t you go follow someone else around then?” Hawkins said as he led me away from Lizzie and down the hallway. We pushed through the doors to the outside. The lack of people scared me into remembering the close call with Cyrus as I scanned the outside cautiously. Hawkins seemed to sense my immediate reaction and started rubbing the side of my arm. “You have nothing to worry about now,” he consoled me when Harrison stepped out quietly behind us.
“She’s right about one thing though,” Hawkins mumbled. “I am washed up.” He narrowed his eyes.
“No, she’s not,” I insisted.
“No, it’s okay,” he said quietly. “But what she doesn’t know, among a vast number of things,” he emphasized. “Is that I found my voice again.”
“Do you mean what you were doing on the bus the other day?” I remembered the many sheets of lyrics.
“Yeah, it was like the floodgates opened again.” He smiled down at me. “And it’s funny how a little thing, about five foot five high,” he held his hand over my head, “and about a hundred and two pounds,” he widened his arms just at my shoulders, “could inspire it all.”
Smiling, I stayed quiet because I wasn’t about to dispute my real weight when Hawkins pulled back the bus doors. “Ladies first,” he offered while waving towards the steps of the bus.
Hesitating for like a nanosecond, I couldn’t help myself.
“It’s okay,” he said soothingly. “Just breathe.”
“Am I that obvious?”
“Every time,” he smiled, “but you’re also ridiculously adorable.”
“Yeah, right.” I rolled my eyes.
He smoothed out my hair while he murmured, “Big ole scary tour bus.” His eyes lit up as they rested on mine.
Laughing, I let him take my hand and lead me up the stairs. “You have nothing to be afraid of,” he assured me. “Now, that you’re with me.”
“And don’t worry,” he smiled back at me, “I know that I’m not getting laid tonight.”
“Hey!” I gently slapped his arm.
“What I meant was,” he said while pretending to recoil from the light blow. “There are two bunk beds made up for you and Riley.” He led me down the aisle past the kitchen area to the bunk beds that were covered in white sheets and plush white comforters. Hawkins turned to look over my shoulder for Riley, who should have been there by now.
“You think he’ll come up eventually?” Hawkins face pinched as he looked hesitantly over his shoulder, probably remembering how he bit Riley’s head off.
“Eventually.” I smirked.
“Is he afraid that he’ll be walking in on something?” Hawkins smiled down at me.
“Probably.” I nodded.
“Right, because I mean, I’m a catch.” He looked down at me intently in the small space of the aisle.
“You are.” Looking up at him, I noticed the faint light from outside made his eyes look a shade darker and even more intense.
“You’re talented.”
“I am.” Hawkins leaned in closer to me with his hand bracing the top bunk on either side of my shoulders. Warmth washed over me from the closeness of his body.
“You’re successful,” I added breathlessly.
“That too.” Hawkins tilted his head as his lips grazed the side of my neck.
“You’re hot and I don’t mean just a little bit,” I gulped.
“If you insist,” he whispered sliding the tip of his nose up my neck making me feel disoriented.
“I’m trying to be good.”
“What’s the problem?” He tilted his head so that his lips were inches from mine.
“You like girls who say no,” I blurted out.
“What?” He pulled back to look down at me questioningly.
I thought back to my conversation with him about why he liked me and how half the attraction was the chase.
“Never mind,” I said while blushing.
He started to laugh like he couldn’t help himself. I wanted to crawl under the lower bunk bed and hide.
“Umm,” he tried wiping the grin off his face. “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you.”
“Ah, huh,” the corner of my lip turned up into a grin.
“That just shocked me. I was prepared for ‘you’ve been hurt.’” His eyes shined with laughter.
“That too,” I agreed.
“Which,” he pointed at me, “I’m working on it.”
“What?” Before I could continue, the bright lights flickered on up above. Blinking, I tried to adjust to the blinding light. The bus driver, an older gentleman with cropped gray hair and a mustache, climbed up the steps with Riley firmly in his grasp.
“Hawkins, I found this kid outside your bus. Do you want me to alert security?”
Riley looked as pale as a ghost.
“Riley!” Hawkins roared like they were lon
g lost friends and motioned for him. “Get up here.”
“Jim, this is Riley,” Hawkins said as he walked down the aisle. “He’ll be accompanying us for the remainder of the tour.”
“Ah, sorry.” Jim looked slightly embarrassed and released his grasp on Riley. Hawkins waved for Riley to walk up the steps and he came forward. Hawkins patted his back and they headed back to me in the aisle. Riley seemed just as surprised by Hawkins’ reaction as the bus driver.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” Hawkins apologized. “I should know by now that when Joie sets her mind to do something, she doesn’t let anyone get in her way.”
“Hello, standing right here.” I squinted my face, but then hurried to smooth it out due to the sharp pain.
Both guys chuckled.
Hawkins gave Riley a small tour of the bus; he showed him the bunk where he would be sleeping, all the food in the refrigerator, and his collection of video games. Riley perked up when he heard he would have full access to Hawkins’ Play Station 3 and Xbox games. It must be a guy thing. In no time, Hawkins had Riley playing football for Georgia State.
Shortly after, Hawkins was back with his laptop, but I didn’t know what he was planning to do with it. He laid it on the table across from me while waiting for it to boot up as he got a beer from the fridge.
“Riley?”
Riley nodded and Hawkins tossed him a drink. Riley looked like Christmas had come in June this year. Hawkins twisted off the cap to his bottle before he sat down again.
“What if I wanted one?” I asked mockingly.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said seriously then grinned. “I should have asked you if you wanted a glass of milk.”
“You wanted to show me something?” I rolled my eyes and he laughed.
Tapping away at the keyboard, he waited then turned the computer around to face me. Instantly, I recognized the site and my stomach dropped. This site had captured a careless mistake of a naive girl in love with the wrong guy; a mistake that had broken my heart. Looking up at Hawkins, I’m sure my face was a mixture of grief and confusion. Why would he want to show me something on YouTube?
“I don’t understand?”
“Type in your name.” He gestured by twirling his finger.
“But?”
“Just type in your name,” he repeated encouragingly.
“Fine.”
Typing in my name, a sickening feeling began to build in my stomach. I couldn’t believe he wanted to watch this, and if so, why did I have to be here? Clicking the search icon, I leaned back in my seat with my arms crossed, waiting for it to upload. Staring at the keys, I couldn’t bring myself to look at Hawkins. After a minute I forced myself to look back at the site, but I didn’t see a link to the video. Refocusing my attention, I looked down at all of the Josephine video links, but there wasn’t any listing for Josephine Hall. The god awful video was gone. Looking back up at Hawkins, my confusion turned into appreciation and then into tears.
He stared at me and then quickly put down his drink. “They told me it would be gone by now.” He flipped the computer around and searched the screen, but he didn’t seem to understand. Placing my head in my hands, I allowed myself a much needed cry.
“I’m sorry,” I told him in between gasps. “This is an awful way to say thank you.”
He slid around the half circular table and wrapped an arm around me so I could bury my head into his chest. “But that’s why I love you,” he whispered. “You don’t do anything like how you’re supposed to.”
His comment made me laugh. “Wait a minute…what did you just say?”
“That I like you a lot.” He twirled his drink around on the table while he looked suddenly uncomfortable. “Yeah, I did.”
“Ditto,” I said.
“Ditto?!” He enunciated.
“Yeah, same here.” I smiled.
“Is that in the rules, too? No L word?” He looked down at me knowingly.
“Oh yeah.” I nodded. “Are you really surprised?”
“No…no, I’m not.” He smiled before he took another sip of his drink. “Finally, a rule I understand.”
He slapped down his bottle and slid out of the booth. In seconds he bent down and swept me off my feet. “Riley, I hope you don’t mind, but I have to keep my eye on her,” he called over his shoulder.
“That’s probably a good idea,” Riley chimed in.
“Thanks for the faith, guys.” I sulked as he carried me past the bunk beds. “I’m not going to do anything crazy.”
“That’s what you said last time.” He smiled down at me. “Who knows, you might get up in the middle of the night and try to hunt this psycho down again,” he added as we crossed the threshold of his bedroom.
“Ha, ha.” I rolled my eyes as he laid me down on his soft, blue comforter.
“Forget about my excellent security staff of ex-FBI and CIA agents.” Hawkins shut the door and then came to lay down beside me on the bed. “No…my girlfriend is going to take The Grimm Reaper on all by herself.”
“Why don’t we just leave that to Harrison, isn’t that what you call him?” He stopped to check with me.
“Yes.” My face twitched uncomfortably, it was embarrassing when someone else caught on to my naming system.
“You’re going to have to explain that to me one day, by the way.” He smirked then continued, “Why don’t we let Harrison do his job? Okay? And you worry about things like taking care of me.” He tapped my nose.
“That’s what I was doing,” I insisted in a hushed voice while looking up at him. He ran a gentle finger along the small Hello Kitty Band-Aid.
“Sorry,” he whispered, “but I just don’t think being a bodyguard is the right career path for you.”
“Damn,” I sighed. “Now, what am I going to do with my life?”
“You could become my personal body warmer,” he offered.
“What does that entail?”
He rolled me over on top of him as he lay back in the bed. Our bodies melted into each other. With my head laying on his chest, I listened to his heart beat as he brushed back my hair soothingly.
“I like this job,” I murmured.
“I thought you might,” he whispered.
“It’s a lot less stressful. How much does it pay?” I traced my fingers along his forearm up to his biceps.
“It’s based on performance,” he said throatily.
“Am I performing well?” Innocently, I asked with my head still pressed up against him and my fingers traced lightly along the contours of his chest.
“Very.”
My fingers intertwined with the thin leather necklaces that lay across his chest. He started to hum a melody no louder than a whisper.
“I feel the trembling shake in your hand
when you’re touching me
Isn’t it funny how it’s the only thing gonna set you free?
You stand there with the upturn of your chin
When you’re fighting a battle you aren’t ever gonna win
But don’t it feel good, Josephine?
Don’t it feel good?
When you don’t win,
you don’t win
But don’t it feel good Josephine? But don’t it?
Those rules you got
Aren’t gonna to get you nowhere
don’t you understand?
But you stand there with the upturn of your chin
When you’re fighting a battle you aren’t ever gonna win
But don’t it feel good? But don’t it feel good Josephine?
When you don’t win,
never going to win
But don’t it feel good Josephine?
But don’t it feel good?”
He continued to hum the rest of the melody of the song until all I could hear was his heart beat again.
“That was amazing.” I lifted my head to meet his eyes.
“It’s a work in progress,” he sighed happily underneath me.
“S
ing it again.”
“Again, huh?” He arched an eyebrow while twirling a strand of my hair in between his fingers.
“At least twenty more times or until I fall asleep.” I laid my head back down along his warm chest and listened to the laughter rise within him.
“Weren’t you supposed to be working here?” He raised his head to smirk down at me.
“I’d have thought that you’d be used to being wrong by now,” I said. Smiling, I could feel the laughter shake him again. With my head nuzzled against his soft shirt, I reached out to wrap two of my fingers into his and closed my eyes.
12. HAVE TO CHOOSE
The next morning, I woke up alone in Hawkins’ bed. Wrapped in his soft blankets, I yawned and outstretched my arms. After rubbing my blurry eyes, I looked over at the photos displayed on his closet door. One of them captured Hawkins’ sexy sneer. I didn’t like knowing that someone else had evoked the same look I loved as my own. Rolling over in bed, I leaned over to pull the curtain back so I could peek out the window, wondering where we were at? There was laughter drifting through the opened door. Now that I focused on it, I could barely hear the murmuring of a conversation that was taking place at the front of the bus. Staying in bed, I tried to convince myself that I should get up when I felt a tickle in the back of my throat. A coughing fit suddenly overtook me. Damn, allergies.
“Joie, are you up?” Hawkins called out to me from the front of the bus.
“Yeah,” I called back.
“Come up here,” Hawkins said, “I have someone I want you to meet.”
Great, I thought as I tried to smooth out my hair and then cupped my hand over my mouth to check my breath. God, these were not the best conditions for meeting someone.
Looking down at my sweats and hoodie, I shrugged, after all this is what I’ve been wearing all summer. Walking down the aisle towards the front, I noticed Riley was still passed out on one of the bunk beds. The kitchen was littered with an array of empty coke bottles and crinkled up wrappers from McDonald’s. A tray of fresh lattes from Starbucks was on the counter. Hawkins beamed up at me from one of the leather couches as I came to the front of the bus. He patted the open spot next to him. Across from Hawkins was a guy who looked just as bewildered as I felt.