Meeting her a few months ago, when she had started working at the pub, was an answer to his prayers; not that he was religious. But if he was, he was certain this girl was it.
James was the sort of person that accepts what life dishes out to him. He didn’t try to change things he wasn’t happy with, or prevent things he didn’t want from happening; preferring to just observe from a distance and accept.
If he was completely honest with himself, he wasn’t happy. He was forlorn in Kirkdale. He was miserable and lost and isolated from his family and friends. It had been his choice, but that didn’t make it any easier. He was too proud or too scared to go back. He wasn’t sure which one and his accepting disposition just made it all the more worse.
They had spoken a bit over those months, the pretty girl with the cardinal, ruby, red hair that emitted passion. It was the colour James thought of when he thought of love. It’s vibrancy, brutal with aspiration and expectation. It had just been general chitchat but lately James began wondering if it could lead to something else. Her name was Jane Fitzgerald and she was originally from Romford in Essex.
James supposed this was why he was initially attracted to her. She was a little bit of home for him, although James no longer thought of Essex as home. But as soon as he had heard her accent, he had to talk to her. He did not know why, just knew that he had to and since that day he had been popping into the pub every night, for a few drinks and to see her.
She smiled as she saw him. Finishing up clearing the table and picking up the empty glasses, she walked towards him, still smiling and still holding his gaze.
“James, you made it!” The exclamation was as if she had been waiting for him to come in. She seemed pleased to see him, he thought, almost excited in fact. This thought made his stomach do somersaults.
“Yeah, eventually. It felt like the bus was never gonna get here though!”
“Well, you are here now and I am glad, because that means I can have a drink with you. I am just about to finish and I have a large glass of wine with my name on it!”
“That’s great… I mean…” James was very aware he suddenly sounded eager. He knew he was grinning like a Cheshire cat but couldn’t stop himself. “I mean…” He faltered.
Jane laughed. “How about you grab that table I just cleared and I’ll bring the drinks over?”
James just nodded and cursed himself silently. Now she was going to think he was some sort of love struck puppy, he thought.
This was, in fact, the exact impression Jane had of him, but in Jane’s eyes it was not a detrimental insult. A love sick puppy was just what she was looking for; someone kind and caring.
She saw that in James. She didn’t know why. She hardly knew him but she would like to get to know him better. He seemed lost somehow, trying to survive in the big bad city.
It is how she felt. It is how she had felt since she had arrived here five years ago; lost, alone and scared.
Blocking out the thoughts in her head was an instant reaction she had learnt, to not let herself think about her life before. That girl no longer existed, Jane told herself. She was dead and buried, keep her that way. It was how she managed to keep living and surviving. It had given her protection over the last few years.
She wasn’t that girl anymore, that girl who did an awful, awful thing. She was somebody else now. She reinvented herself and had almost come to like the new girl. It was the new girl that the nice guy sitting opposite her was interested in and Jane was determined to only ever let him see that one. She knew he would not want to be anywhere near the other girl. She was tainted and damaged and carried an appalling secret around with her. Jane was certain that James would not be smiling at her, like he was right now, laughing and enjoying her company, if he knew who she really was.
“Is everything okay?” He sensed that the atmosphere had changed and the distant look in her eyes had not gone unnoticed either.
Jane smiled at him and looked into his face for a few seconds. “It will be.”
“Is there anything I can do?” The offer was sincere, she knew that and she appreciated it. He really was a lovely man, she thought. She picked up her glass of wine and took a small sip of the cold liquid.
“You’re doing it.” She smiled shyly and her eyes dropped from his gaze.
He thought she was exquisite. Her long red hair fell across her shoulders and partially obscured small but spherical breasts that were squeezed into a low cut, figure hugging blouse, which sported the pub logo; the loose curls that hung over her eyes framed her face perfectly.
“Can I take you out for dinner or something?” James was more shocked and scandalized than anyone when he heard the words come out of his mouth. Where the hell did he find the confidence to ask her out? He was so taken aback that Jane burst out laughing.
“Yes. That would be real y nice.” She managed to compose herself. She finished the glass of wine in front of her in one swift gulp and stood up. Holding her hand out to James. she beckoned him with her green speckled eyes. “Shall we?”
He took her hand and let her lead him out of the pub.
Once they were standing on the pavement outside, she turned to face him. Before he knew what was happening, she leant in and kissed him delicately. It was so slow and attentive; it made his head swim with a sensation of giddiness.
“Promise you won’t hurt me.” She whispered onto his lips. It was so simple yet beseeching and insistent and James plummeted under her feminine wiles there and then. She had captivated and enthralled him with the mystery that surrounded her. Jane Fitzgerald was just what he needed.
Chapter 13
March 2006
As the next few months passed and the cold late winter turned into a warm spring, giving the impression that summer was almost near, Sean and Rachel were in the midst of a romantic haze. She had ended her relationship with Greg almost straight away. She had not wanted to drag it out, or cheat on him for that matter.
She loved him, in her own way and was so thankful to him for loving her over the past fi ve years. It had literately broken her heart, sitting him down and telling him she was leaving him for someone else. He had been so gracious; trying to make it easier for her. She didn’t deserve to know such a considerate person.
He told her that he knew this day would come. Th at she would leave, to be with him. He couldn’t believe he had got to have as much time with her and Adam as he had. Th at was when he notifi ed her, that he knew Sean was Adam’s real dad. Rachel was flabbergasted. They had never spoken about who the father was.
Rachel never imagined that Greg had thought it was Sean. It was understandable, she supposed. He had never known James. She was with Sean when he had gone away to university and had a kid by the time he had come back.
It was perfect logic to assume Adam was Sean’s.
The relief that was evident in Greg’s eyes when she explained the truth unnerved her. He didn’t seem to be too bothered who the father was, once he learnt it wasn’t Sean.
Although he was willing to let her walk into the arms of a crazed psychopath, he was less willing to let her take the child too. He had bought Adam up as if he was his own.
He had spent five years being the boy’s dad and was not about to let Sean Fergus take over that role, whether it was his biological right or not. Greg loved the boy with all of his being. He had taught him how to read, to swim, to ride a bike. He had taken him to his first football match and stood on the sidelines cheering him on. He had patched up his knee, when Adam fell out of the tree house and he made a secret pact with him not to let Rachel know, as she would have no longer let him play up there.
Adam was Greg’s son. That was the way he saw it and there was nothing and nobody that was going to change that. He made sure he had kept an active role in Adams life, since the split with Rachel. He had him for most of the weekend and saw him a couple of times during the week too. This drove Sean crazy. As much as he enjoyed the time he had alone with Rachel, he was not best plea
sed about the fact that Greg was still around.
He had expected him off the scene as soon as Rachel had given him the boot, but he was still there, in the background, hovering. Sean knew he was being watched; that Greg was waiting in the wings, positive that he would fuck up, to be on standby to swoop back in. Sean was certain that was why he had been so amicable about the split.
The thought that Greg didn’t take their love seriously infuriated Sean. It enraged him to think that Greg didn’t see it for what it was; or that he didn’t see him for what he was and what he could do. He was exasperated at him arriving that half hour earlier to pick Adam up, which always resulted in Rachel offering him a cup of tea.
It wound him up immensely that Greg would stay just that little bit longer when he dropped off Adam; chatting to her about their day, making her laugh with stories of what their seven year old got up to. It was this that inflamed Sean’s paranoia of losing her to him again.
The boy was Rachel’s first and main priority and he was Greg’s too. This put Greg ahead with an advantage. Sean had to show Rachel that he could be a good role model for Adam. He hardly had anything to do with the kid since he and Rachel got together and he knew this was more Greg’s influence than it was her saying she wanted to take things slowly; that she didn’t want to confuse the boy too much.
Greg was standing in his way and Sean didn’t particularly take to people obstructing him very well. Sean saw Adam as the key to keeping Rachel forever, the closer he could get to him, then the more successful he would be in possessing her. The very fact that Greg saw this too however, unsettled Sean. It wasn’t often he came across people that made him feel anxious and a little frightened. These were emotions that he inflicted onto others; they were not to be directed towards him. Greg always looked at him straight in the eye; his gaze always held an air of assurance and poise.
It was as if he didn’t fear him. This was a completely new concept to Sean; that he might not be feared. He didn’t like it. It was unfamiliar and filled him with self-doubt, which was another ugly quality that had manifested itself due to Greg’s whole demeanour with him; gorging away at him.
Greg was threatening his future and Sean knew it. He knew he would not be able to get near the kid, while the ex boyfriend stuck around. He had thought about paying him off, but he wasn’t sure Greg would take it; no matter how much he offered him. Greg was a man of principle.
The thought made Sean feel sick. He hated moralistic do gooders. It was quite ironic really; Sean had never seen him as a threat before now. When they were kids, Greg had never once given him the impression that it would be him who tried to take him down.
That was how he saw it. For the last few weeks it had been building up inside him. That is what paranoia does to you; it creeps up slowly and before you realise it, it has completely consumed you.
Paranoia doesn’t run alone either. It is accompanied by jealousy and suspicion. All these traits already encompassed Sean, but you add love and obsession into the mix and you have all the right ingredients for a very deadly cocktail of psychotic tendencies. This is rarely a good thing, at any time, but was especially bad when it came to Sean Fergus.
There was no way was he going to let Greg win, or even stand a chance of gaining Rachel back. As soon as he found out what the score was with James Porter, he was turning his full attention towards what he saw as the demon that threatened his future.
* * *
Kenny was taking his time. Sean had been waiting inhis car outside a lorry park on the A1060 between Chalk End and Margaret Roding. It was a very rural part of Essex; it sometimes amazed him how the vehicles managed to get down the country lanes. It was mainly small holders and transits, which would be hired out to the public.
The place was deserted now; in the middle of the night.
The security guard was in the small hut at the rear of the park. Sean had watched him walk in after his routine patrol.
He wouldn’t emerge again for another forty-five minutes.
Sean had done his homework and watched him before. If he got the news he was hoping on from Kenny tonight, then it would serve him well.
Checking his watch again he sighed deeply. He was agitated; he didn’t like to be kept waiting and Kenny knew this. What was taking him so long? He pulled out a CD case from his car door and removed the small paper parcel from his coat pocket. With a small sharp pocket knife, he began the process of slowly grating shreds off the pale pink rock; cutting himself two chunky lines.
He sniffed them up his nose within milliseconds and waited for the sensation of exultation to take hold. Cocaine did not give him an awareness of euphoria, like a drug such as Ecstasy or Heroin did. It gave him a sense of control; of power and invincibility. He lit a joint and saw the headlights of Kenny’s car pull up behind him. It was about time, Sean thought.
For a man fast approaching seventy, he found Kenny’s natural agility astounding. It was a shame his time management was not quite so agile. He had no sooner turned off the engine than had jumped into the car next to Sean; dressed in an Italian fine cut tailored suit.
Kenny liked to wear expensive clothes. It made him feel important. He had never quite shaken off the feeling of poverty, from when he was a small child. He knew he looked good and definitely didn’t give the impression he was collecting his pension. He gave Sean a huge grin, displaying a set of perfect white teeth; another expensive purchase that Kenny had indulged on.
“You take the piss.” Sean was riled and didn’t attempt to hide it.
Kenny merely shrugged and took the joint out of Sean’s hand. “Yeah yeah…”
He puffed on it and inhaled a deep lug into his lungs, then released small perfectly formed circles out of his mouth; a big one and then a smaller one that skilfully drifted through the larger one. He looked at Sean and gave him a wink.
“Me Pa taught me that, when I was eight. I never forgot how to do it.”
Passing the spliff back, he pulled out a large white envelop from his jacket pocket and handed it over.
Sean smiled. “What did you find then?”
“Not much, to be honest with you Sean. The guy is squeaky clean, not even a speeding fine. He is up in Liverpool, been there for the past eight years. Works as a Risk Assessment Manager for an Insurance firm, whatever the fuck that is. Earns a decent wedge, has a pension plan, home and contents, life insurance all that. No financial problems, unmarried. No girlfriend from what I could tell.”“Yeah yeah… all fucking interesting Ken, but I don’t want to fucking choose him as a life partner do I? Fuck me.
What about the kid?”
Kenny wasn’t too impressed by the cut off Sean had just directed his way. He huffed noisily to show his discontentment.
“What about the kid?” He shrugged again, implying he found all this rather boring. “He knows nothing about the kid. As far as I could find out, he had left to go do some apprenticeship. Either she never told him she was pregnant, or he done a runner. Whatever way, it looks like he is out the picture.”
Sean digested what Kenny told him. It was nothing really but it was good news. If James was not aware of Adam then he was not a threat. He began to nod his head slowly, almost rhythmically, the coke beginning to take its full affect.
Leaning forward, he picked up a pair of black leather gloves that were on the dashboard. He began to put them on, making sure each finger was secured inside tightly. He lifted the hood of his jacket, up over his head and turned to look at Kenny. His eyes were flickering all over the place, their gaze fixed but not on him.
He was looking straight past, into something else.
Kenny didn’t know what. A feeling of fear encircled around him; for a second or two he wondered if it was him that was about to be on the receiving end of Sean’s mania.
Picking up the knife that lay between his legs on the car seat, he jumped out the car and started to run towards the lorry park entrance. Kenny sat in the car, not sure what had just happened. He hadn’t told Sean a
nything to send him off on a crazed bender, not even with all the crap he shoved up his nose. He knew he had to follow him.
He got out of the car and walked in the direction to where Sean had run off. He saw the small lit hut at the back of the park, the door was wide open. Kenny walked in, just in time to see Sean slit open Greg’s throat with his knife.
As the injured man instinctively put his hands up to hold his neck together, Sean plunged the knife deep inside his stomach.
He turned around, to face a completely horrified Kenny.
He gave him a hearty chuckle and patted his back as he walked past him. Kenny stood, staring at the man on the floor, who was desperately trying to hold his sliced up body together.
He watched him struggle for a full five minutes, before he finally gave up and lay still.
Kenny watched him die and then walked back out of the hut. He gulped at the night air but it didn’t stop him spewing his guts up all over the floor.
“Jeeze Ken… Evidence!”Sean’s voice rumbled behind him. “Last thing I need is your pissing DNA everywhere”
Kenny looked up from where he had just emptied the entire contents of his stomach to see Sean walking over to him with three other men. He recognised them immediately as being three cousins that Sean used now and again, when he needed help with a slightly bigger job than normal. The larger one out of the three laughed as they reached him.
“What’s up old man, something you ate?”
He thought he was hilarious and threw his head back with laughter, until he became aware nobody else was laughing. Rick, not famous for his brains, more his physical strength, looked at his other two cousins for support. They weren’t meeting his eye and were staring at the ground, like it was the most fascinating thing in the entire universe.
Kenny, if he wasn’t feeling so rough would have had the boy on his knees normally, for the disrespect, but right now, after what he had just witnessed, he wasn’t sure if he had it in him. Instead, he made do with giving the younger man a long glare that told Rick that it would not be forgotten and would be addressed at a later date.
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