by Katy Paige
“I’ll send you a postcard!”
“Even better!”
She sat back down on the swing and gave herself a little push, loving the feeling of a small breeze on her face. Erik would be here any minute.
Erik Lindstrom. If she thought he had dominated her thoughts the week before, that was nothing compared to the week after they’d kissed. She’d find herself labeling files or stapling handouts, and suddenly be miles away, back in Slighter Park, kissing Erik. Aside from being incredibly distracting, her feelings were proving to be increasingly confusing.
She liked Erik. She felt safe around him, protected. But, it wasn’t just that—she genuinely liked him. The way he had driven her up to Skidoo as a favor to Jenny and Ing. His love of books and his passion when discussing them. His words during their Wickham-Willoughby debate; deep inside, Erik had rules and standards about love…incredibly romantic ones, Katrin decided, whether he wanted to acknowledge them or not. She loved the way his texts were funny and playful, but still a little edgy and hungry. The way he made her feel whenever he looked at her. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. She liked him a lot.
If she could leave her growing feelings for him at the proverbial door—if she didn’t expect or demand a commitment from him—she was certain that he would willingly be her lover. Not unlike the characters in Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Erik seemed comforted by connecting physically, which was why she had kissed him after his panic attack. As long as a relationship had no emotional potential, he wanted it, maybe even longed for it. She wondered, during their long hours apart, what had happened in his life to scare him so much.
Troubling to Katrin was that she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t considering an affair with him, which confused her and made her feel disappointed in herself. She wasn’t easy. Even sleeping with Wade had weighed heavily on her heart, and had continued to trouble her until he had proposed to her. Only within the confines of a real commitment did she truly begin to enjoy the full extent of their physical relationship.
She wrinkled her nose at the word enjoy. She wasn’t totally sure she had ever completely enjoyed their physical relationship. Wade got in, got off, got out. She wondered, as she pictured Erik Lindstrom’s hard body in her head, if a different partner might yield a different experience. Part of her wouldn’t mind finding out.
No! You’re not that kind of girl. She took a deep breath, the intoxicating fantasies ebbing away with a bracing dose of reality. She wasn’t the sort of girl to give away her virtue lightly. She didn’t know how to be that girl or how to live like that. Katrin was a nice girl, the marrying kind.
Which meant that there were only two options: the first was that she and Erik stay friends, and she wouldn’t repeat her forward behavior from last Sunday or indulge the sweet fantasies that tortured her. The second option wasn’t even worth considering because it was so unlikely; Erik would change into the sort of man who could offer her his heart.
Hmm, she concluded, surprised by the intensity of her regret at the inevitable answer: Friends it is. And make sure he knows it.
***
Erik waited with annoyance for the stoplight to change, irritated that even a few minutes of his day with Katrin should be stolen. After poring over various maps and using the well-honed skills he had developed working as a tour guide for his father, he was confident he had created a perfect day. A boat ride, a hike, and some downtime with a picnic lunch.
He’d definitely planned the day with the hope of getting a little more intimate with Katrin. Though he fully acknowledged that it wasn’t a good idea to get involved with her, now that they’d kissed, he couldn’t get her out of his head. In all quiet moments, of which there were many while training, his mind turned to her.
During their week apart he had thought about that mini panic attack more than once, and it bothered him that Katrin’s dreams had affected him so personally. He had never felt that intense rush of emotions for any other woman, but Erik didn’t want her to stay singular and separate in his mind; he didn’t want her to be special.
Erik had only come up with one solution to evict her: he needed to have sex with her to get her out of his system. That way he could group her more efficiently with the other women he had meaninglessly romanced throughout his life. His present longing for her was messing with his head, but he refused to admit it was anything more than a manifestation of his physical hunger, and that it would disappear the instant he satisfied it.
If she hadn’t leaned over and kissed him on Sunday night, he may never have allowed his thoughts to rampage in this direction, despite his ever-increasing attraction to her. She had completely surprised him by initiating that kiss. Countless times throughout the day he’d recalled the touch of her lips on his, the warm, smooth skin of her back under his fingertips, the way her hands held his face—the memories assaulted him constantly.
Yes. One thing was clear. He had to bed her, with no strings attached. But, how?
Erik had no interest in hurting her; as far as women went, he liked her. Quite a lot. Just not enough to offer her more than a casual relationship. Plus, Erik had no interest in jeopardizing the relationships they had in common if she started wanting more from him and things went south between them. Ingrid’s warning to stay away from Kat rang in his head, a warning of how messy things would get if he hurt her.
He had almost despaired of a solution for convincing Kat to sleep with him with no-strings-attached until something very elementary dawned on him: Most women needed a casual transition lover to help them segue from one failed meaningful relationship to a new one. Of course! What Kat needed was a rebound fling!
He warmed up to the idea quickly, imagining her relief to move on to the rebound phase so that she could find her “forever guy” that much quicker. Surely she would see the logic in it, because she was attracted to him too. If they were both adults about it, they could each get something they needed from each other without any messy entanglements.
Now, in the back of his mind, in an annoying place raining on his parade and unwilling to jump on the “fling” bandwagon, he had to acknowledge the unlikely possibility that she would stick to an outdated, and incredibly inconvenient, moral high ground. That she’d only let him have her body if he offered his heart in exchange. But Erik hoped that if he clearly outlined his plan, she would acknowledge the merits of involving only the organs found conveniently south of the heart.
He turned onto her street and felt his heart flip-flop like a fish on a dock gasping for air. He swallowed, narrowing his eyes in desperation, willing his heart to stay impenetrable. Falling for her emotionally was not an option, and he tried wildly to close his heart against any possible breach; any blonde, dimpled Trojan horse in the form of Katrin Svenson.
They could be friends, or they could be lovers. Those were the only two options, and with his well-designed plan of attack, Erik hoped she would agree with him to pursue the latter.
***
Convinced she could only expect friendship from Erik, Katrin felt very betrayed when her heart leapt at the sight of his car pulling into the driveway. She jumped off the swing, scooped up her bag, and sprinted to his car with a cheerful wave. Erik jumped out of the car with surprising grace for such a large man and caught her around the waist with one corded arm.
“Ӓlskling.” He smiled, pulling her up against his body.
Happiness erupted inside of her, and a beaming smile burst across her face, concealing nothing. “Minste.”
He raised his eyebrows suggestively at her, looking down at her breasts, which were crushed against his chest, offering a tantalizing view of her cleavage from where he stood a foot over her head. “Nice.”
Katrin drew back from him, a teasing grin making her cheeks cave in. “Behave.”
“We’ll see…” Erik winked, releasing her.
He took her bag and threw it in the back seat as she settled into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt and wishing she wasn’t so damn transpar
ent. Friends, Katrin. Remember? There are no other options for now.
She smiled brightly. “So, where are we off to?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I know it’s not my bedroom.”
“Pity, that. You took my first choice out of the running by insisting on fresh air so you’ll just have to wait and let the day unfold. How about that?”
Katrin settled back in her seat, willing her mouth not to turn up in approval. She wasn’t a huge fan of surprises, but she was strangely comfortable with Erik in charge.
“Okay.”
She glanced over at him and goose bumps popped up on her arms. He was too gorgeous. He’d been out in the sun, because he had a pretty decent tan now that was set off by a crisp white golf shirt. A gold watch on his wrist was held on with a light brown leather strap and she wished she could reach over and touch it. She knew it would be warm, and for one insane moment, she was jealous of that watch strap which spent all day, every day pressed against his skin.
She flicked her glance up to his face and smiled. His hair was cut short in that crew-cut style, but he’d smoothed it out with some gel or mousse or something, and it looked damp even though it couldn’t be after driving all the way from Kalispell. He was wearing aviator glasses with metal frames. Old school. Like Top Gun. Like a fighter pilot, or a—
“So, do I pass inspection?”
Her mouth dropped open, and she jerked her head to face forward, feeling her face flush with heat. How embarrassing to be caught checking him out! “Mm-hm.”
Peripherally, she could see him grinning as he looked over at her twice in quick succession. “Oh, come on. You can check me out all you want. Don’t be embarrassed.”
“I’m not.” She was.
“Really?”
“Really,” she insisted, squirming. “You’re getting a tan.”
“Yep. Little one.”
“Been outdoors a lot?”
“A little,” he replied, smiling askance. “I did a couple of ride-alongs this week, which was sort of cool. Put a little bit of my training into action.”
“You know? I don’t actually know what you do.”
He grinned at her. “I’m just in training right now, but eventually I’ll be training other law enforcement officers in Drug Recognition. Teaching them how to give field sobriety tests, that sort of thing. Once I get some expertise, I’ll be able to testify on various substances and behaviors.”
No wonder he’d been genuinely interested to learn more about Wade. It wasn’t just that he’d felt sorry for her, and made her feel relieved. “So you’ll be a teacher, after all.”
“Of a sort, I guess. Also an officer.”
“Do you carry a firearm?”
“I’m licensed to carry. And I did this week when I joined some uniformed officers on a drug bust. But, not in the lab or the classroom, of course.”
It fascinated her that he’d taken a more academic approach to his law enforcement career. Impressed her too, though she suddenly wondered if he was in any danger. It made her heart clench to think of Erik in danger. She didn’t want to think about it.
“Are you liking it? I mean, you changed your whole life for this job, right?”
“Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, after high school, I joined my father leading tours. Nils and Lars were already doing tours too, so it made sense. And then I bartended in the evenings and picked up extra hours when my father didn’t need help. It just wasn’t enough, you know?”
“It sounds like a lot actually. Two jobs.”
“No, I mean, it was enough work, yes. But, it wasn’t what I wanted. I like Gardiner, you know? I was born there, and my folks lived there their whole lives and all. It was just…the park, and my family. I wanted more than that for me. I felt stuck.”
“How do you mean stuck?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t consider having a life outside of Gardiner. I allowed myself to believe that the world was there in that little town.” His voice was regretful. “It was my sister who—I don’t know, she decided to leave. And she struggled to figure out what to do. She fell in love with Sam over a long weekend when they stood proxy for Ing and your brother—well, you know the story better than me, probably.”
Katrin nodded. “Possibly the most romantic story ever told. Jenny and Sam meet standing proxy for Ing and Kris, and end up falling in love at Christmastime? Hallmark should make it into a movie.”
He chuckled lightly. “Yeah, but you should have seen her after Sam left. It was bad—really bad. She was a mess. I think she was scared to leave Gardiner. You know, to leave me, and my father and the boys. I told you how bad it was when our Mamma passed on, and it scared her and she got stuck, and maybe she couldn’t leave.”
“And you think the same happened to you?” Katrin shifted her body, crossing her legs toward him. She noticed that he had slipped into colloquial Swedish in calling his mother Mamma, and it warmed Katrin’s heart to hear the sweet childish nickname.
“I guess so.” He was clearly more comfortable talking about Jenny. “But Sam walked into her life and she eventually left with him. It was like the glass box holding her shattered into pieces, and she could leave.”
“And so could you.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You changed the course of your whole life. That’s courageous, Erik.”
“That’s me. Courageous Erik.”
“Sounds like a Viking King. Erik the Brave.”
“You’re thinking of Erik the Red. I’d be Erik the Blond. Doesn’t sound quite as fierce, does it?”
She smiled up at him, loving how good-natured and unguarded he seemed. “So leading tours in little Gardiner wasn’t enough. You watched your sister get married and move away. And the Viking King decided to do the same?”
“Well, sort of. But, with me, it was just the move away part.” He gave her a look.
“Of course. That’s what I meant.”
“Enough about me. How about you?”
“How about me?
“Well…I know that you’re a nurse. I know you say it’s for practical reasons. But, how’d it come about?”
“Well, I mean, I went to high school and my grades were pretty good, but I got…um, sidetracked by Wade that last year or so. I could’ve probably gone to school in Chicago near my aunt and uncle if I hadn’t lost my focus, but…my grades fell senior year and I mean, Great Falls U isn’t a bad school. It was close to home, and most importantly, it was close to Wade who was going there too. But, they don’t have, like, a million choices of major, as you know. And of course I had visited Ing and Kristian there all the time when I was younger and they were there for a couple of years. And Ing was in the nursing school. She sort of encouraged me to go for it. She called a couple of her old teachers and they kept an eye on me.
“I wouldn’t have actually thought I had the stomach for it, but I did. I like the caring aspect. I love being there at a birth, especially, or helping a child feel better. Hold the hand of an old person who’s frightened. It’s sad sometimes, but it’s more good than bad, actually. I just…I like helping people. I think that’s why I stick with it.”
“You know, you were great last Sunday.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, his face inscrutable under his sunglasses. “Really amazing.”
“Thanks.”
“The nursing part was good too.”
She realized what he was saying and swatted him lightly on the arm.
It’s a good opening, Katrin. It’s time to nip this in the bud and you may not get another chance.
“You know, I’m glad you brought that up, Erik.” She swallowed nervously. “Because I—um, don’t get me wrong, I totally enjoyed um, what happened between us. But, I don’t think—I mean, I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
Erik didn’t respond. He stared at the road, stone-faced.
“I guess what I want to say is this; I think it’s better for us to be friends.
I really do. I…I don’t think it should’ve happened,” she finished quietly. She folded her hands on her lap, her heart beating fast and heat flushing her cheeks.
“I’m glad it did,” he said in a soft, controlled voice.
Katrin winced at this admission, suddenly hating herself for spoiling their sunny day by slapping him back into the friend-zone when he’d been so playful with her. She bit her lip, wishing she felt more resolute in her decision.
Erik pulled into a parking lot marked with a large green sign that read “Flathead Lake & Wild Horse Island Ferry Parking,” and parked the car. He took off his sunglasses, facing her.
“I think it should happen again.”
Her mouth opened at the boldness of his words before her brows creased in confusion. “But, Erik, you don’t want—”
“Kat,” he interrupted purposefully. “I’m going to make it really clear what I want, okay?”
His eyes were cool and serious, but the air between them sizzled. She nodded slowly, mesmerized by him.
“I want you. Your mouth. Your body. Your fingernails down my back. Your eyes rolled back in your head. Your voice calling out my name. In my bed. In your bed. In the shower. On your kitchen counter. Under the trees. Wherever you want.” He paused, nostrils flaring, his breathing audible yet controlled. The intensity of his voice, velvet and low, made her throat go dry. “That’s what I want.”
She couldn’t speak. She could barely think. Her eyes had widened, and her mouth was slightly open in “Oh” and she was fairly sure she hadn’t actually taken or released a breath since he started speaking. Her chest couldn’t possibly contain the relentless pounding of her heart much longer. If she could have looked away, she would have, but it wasn’t possible.
“Think it over. Maybe it’s even what we both need.”
Her head was still spinning, and every nerve ending in her body was screaming for her to grab him, slam her lips into his, run her hands through his hair, rip off her shirt and tear off his so that she could finally feel the heat of his skin against hers.
Katrin blinked at him but couldn’t seem to make her mouth work. She took a shaky breath and nodded at him once, finally able to break his gaze. Staring at her folded hands, she finally exhaled, then took a deep breath, still unable to form a coherent thought. Your mouth. Your body. Your fingernails…