by jm blake
“So I played that card with her. None of us has any clue about our birth parents except for Cassidy’s middle name. Her last name was her first adoptive family’s name.” She holds her hand up as my face scrunches. First?
“I told her that everybody deserves to know where they come from, that she would feel better if she at least tried to tell you about Kian. So in her fifth month, she flew out to London to tell you. She came back after about two days and told us that she didn’t think you would be interested. Complete with a broken wrist.”
What??
“Brin, I swear to you that I never saw her. And heads will roll in my office if I find out that she was looking for me, and I wasn’t told.” My nostrils flare while I grip the mug so tight it may crack. I will personally murder the errant messenger. “And how did she break her wrist?” I think back hard and realize that she was wearing a cast in one of her lecture videos. I didn’t even catalog that until now.
“She says that she fell. Cassidy is not a liar by any means, and I believe her, but I knew there was more to the story. I straight out asked her if you had done that to her, and she rolled her eyes and pinched me. And she never mentioned the baby’s father again- only telling her OB that the baby’s father was “ridiculously healthy.” Gem tried to pry, but Cass shut her down. And now, here you are.”
I sit back and process what she has told me. I want to know when she was in London. I think about what she said earlier and realize that Cassidy mentioned me having a wife. I grimace internally as I hear Bash and Nick warning me that I needed to handle the Saskia situation. Maybe she came to London and somehow listened to the gossip? Fuck, that infuriates me. I caused all of this mess.
“Your sister started as a one night stand, yes. But it went further than that.” I give her a brief rundown about our first night, all the way up to our time at DevCo. She says nothing, wagging those thick brows in places and tapping the table a few times. I finish up with how I left her at the airport (conveniently leaving out how my stupid heart almost broke and how the past year has been a hellscape of loneliness. That’s between me and me.)
“I can somewhat understand, erm, her confusion on some things, but why is she so angry with me? I know that the whole Marquess thing might be a bit much, but it seems like it’s more than that? Most women would be thrilled— not that Cassidy is most women,” I finish quickly as I see some smoke attempting to leak out of her ears. “Her anger just seems…extreme.”
Brin stares over my shoulder for a moment with a breath that seems as if it’s coming from her soul. “Ayden, I’m going to tell you something that the three of us never discuss with anyone. And I’m only going to tell you once, ok?” I nod slowly and scoot my chair closer. “You have to promise that it stays between us. And that you will never tell Cass that I told you. I think she would prefer to either never tell you or be the one to tell you; I can’t tell which. I’m in unchartered territory with her.”
I tilt my head, confused. “Have you never seen her this angry before?” I push the mug away, long since giving up the guise of drinking it.
“Oh, I’ve seen her fired up before. My sister has a healthy temper and is perfectly capable of expressing it. What you see isn’t anger, Ayden. It’s fear. Deep, bone-cracking fear.”
Brin
I stare at the stupidly handsome man in front of me in wonder.
If someone told me my sister would fall for a man of this…magnitude, I would have laughed myself silly. I always pictured Cassidy with a man more; I dont know—collegiate? Someone with glasses and chalk dust on his shoes. Someone who would worship the ground she walked on and could have nerdy conversations over dinner. A guy who didn’t mind that sometimes she forgot to brush her hair and has an annoying habit of stealing food off your plate.
But a man this intense, this large…no, I wouldn’t have pictured it. When she came home from London, I was positive she was lovesick and desperately trying to hide it. Cass is almost comically allergic to men—it really is a joke from the universe. She is so lovely and has no interest in it. I’ve seen the smoothest attempts (and the clumsiest) at getting her attention fall flat on their asses. Either she stares at them in mute annoyance, or she baffles them with some obscure scientific theorem. So although she had all the symptoms of someone suffering from acute man-itis: staring off into space, tearing up at sappy commercials, an allergy to any love song— I relied on years of experience and wrote it off—silly me.
And I do not doubt that she is ass over heels for him because I saw her face when he pulled her to him on the porch. It was a combination of fear, embarrassment, and longing. And it also took me less than ten seconds to realize that he is equally gone for Cassidy, even if this gorgeous fool doesn’t know it. He may have flown across the world for his son—but I am willing to bet my next year’s salary that his baby mama is the real reason he’s here. He can barely peel his eyes off of her, and even when she gave the Arctic version of the cold shoulder, he still looked like a hopeful puppy.
So now I am about to violate about one hundred kinds of sister code and tell this man I met just a few hours ago all of our family secrets. Because more than anything, I trust my gut, and it’s telling me that Ayden is the key to Cass’s happiness. I take a deep breath and stare at him hard.
I’ll give him credit: he only squirms a little bit.
“Ayden, what I am about to tell you stays in this room. I cannot even begin to tell you how much it will ruin my relationship with my sister if she knows what I am about to tell you. It’s also deeply personal to me, and I need your word that you won’t tell anyone. Not even that Neanderthal brother of yours. Got it?”
His mouth quirks a bit, but his dark eyes are solemn. “I swear to you, Sabrina. I don’t want to hurt you or Cass. Your secrets are safe with me.” His large, elegant hands reach across the table to mine, briefly squeezing both of my wrists. I nod and exhale, steeling my spine.
“So you know that Cass, Gem, and I are foster sisters?” At his nod, I continue. “We met in a group home when we were pretty small. I’m the oldest, then Cass and then Gem. I was in the group home because my birth mother was a serious drug addict, and the state took me away from her. She wasn’t abusive, just serially neglectful. Gem was there because her grandmother had health problems and couldn’t take care of her anymore. None of her other relatives stepped up, so she became a ward of the state. The first person I met when I arrived was Cassidy. She had these giant glasses on her face and a wild mess of hair. She’d been in the house for a while and was pretty much a hero to all the kids. She took one look at me and said, “Hi, I’m your new sister.” That was it. She loved me right away, and I loved her right back.
“Gem came shortly after, and she was a crier. She cried at breakfast, during bath time, before bed. She was terrified, and at first, the other kids made fun of her for it. One day, one of the older girls yanked on her hair and called her an ugly name. Cassidy came out of nowhere and knocked that girl right on her butt. The girl had about five inches on her and quite a few pounds, but Cass scared the pants off of her. She said something in a really low voice to her— to this day, I dont know what it was— and the girl never messed with Gem again. Cass took her by the hand, and then we were three. We did almost everything together, and the lady who ran the house let us share a room. Though we were a ‘family,’ Cass still took care of everyone else, even the mean girl who bullied Gem. It’s just her way- that heart of hers umbrellas everyone.” I smile thinking about it.
“About two months after I got there, the home held an open house for prospective adoptive or foster parents. They did this periodically, and it always sent the house into a frenzy. Many of these girls had aged out of the desired age range or had behavioral problems that turned people away. Cassidy was the den mother to everyone, even when she was that young. She was already exhibiting a frightful level of genius and spent the week before the house party’ coaching everyone on their behavior. She strategized with the staff and helped the
kids pick out outfits. She was incredibly attentive to Gem and me. It didn’t dawn on me until the day of, that she had no intention of going to the party. I cornered her in the hallway, and she told me that she had no desire to be adopted again. She just wanted everyone else to be happy and planned to spend the day in the kitchen playing with some science toys sent by a donor. I tried everything I could to get her to change my mind, and let me tell you something: even at eight years old, she was stubborn as a mule. She just shoved those glasses up her nose and stared at me until one of the social workers came to find me. It didn’t go past me that no one came looking for Cassidy.”
“The party was a disaster for me. Quite a few of the families tried to talk to me, but all I could think about was getting adopted and leaving Cassidy behind. Even Gem was a terror- she cried and kicked at one of the dads. Eventually, Mrs. Sacreman, our house mother, sent us back to our room. Cassidy came up a little while later and chewed us out for ruining our chances at a family. “You need to be happy, Brin,” she kept saying to me. I finally lost it and asked her why she didn’t need to be happy, why she didn’t go to the parties and get trotted out to those families? And then she told me why.”
I stop and take a sip of the ice-cold tea in front of me. Ayden’s face is grave and a little pale. I take a shaky breath and send up a prayer of forgiveness.
“Cass’s birth parents died in an accident. We don’t have any information on them- all of her records are lost. We know that her mom’s name was Claire Michael, and that’s where Cassidy gets her middle name. A picture was recovered that had their names written on the back- at least that’s what she was told. She was only six months old when they died, and just before she was a year, she was adopted by the Masters family. They had been trying for years to have a baby and finally gave up and opted for adoption. Mrs. Masters had dark hair and blue eyes like Cass—they were thrilled and even decided to keep her birth name. Of course, Cass was talking in full sentences and reading by two years old, and her parents called her ‘Little Einstein.” It was all perfect. I asked her once if she had any memories of them, and she just rubbed her ear and said, “the house smelled like ferns.” I smile sadly.
“Anyway, when Cassidy was four, Mrs. Masters found out she was pregnant. It was considered high risk because of her age— she was almost fifty at this point. A few months into the pregnancy, they discovered they were having twins. It was all of their dreams come true. Except that Mrs. Masters started worrying about taking care of those babies and Cass at the same time. Cassidy wasn’t an easy kid- she was overly curious and got into everything. She often tried to take apart all of the electronics in the house and got caught climbing every ladder and tree she could find. She hated wearing dresses and would scream if they tried to comb her hair. I think she was so far gone in her intellect that they just couldn’t keep up with her. She wanted to learn and learn and discover, and they just wanted their sweet baby back. It started taking a toll on Mrs. Masters, and at one point, she had to be put on bed rest. That same day Cassidy fell out of a tree and had to get stitches. I think that was the last straw. So one day, Mr. Masters told Cassidy that he was taking her out for ice cream and instead dropped her off at the group home where I met her. He never came back, and she never saw them again.”
“Wait. What do you mean?” Ayden’s hands are clutching his hair, legs jumping up and down under the table.
“It’s called ‘re-homing,” It’s not common, but it’s still done. And at the time was highly legal here. All above board—they signed some papers and gave her back to the state.”
“They…they just gave her away? My God, that poor darling. My poor, poor darling girl.” His hands scrub roughly down his face, and I wait to give him a minute before I continue.
“About a year later, she was adopted again.” His head snaps up, and his mouth drops open. “The LeChampes were a wealthy couple who like the cache of adopting a child. Many of their friends were doing it, but they decided on an older child to skip the potty training, etc. They liked that she was smart and put her in a fancy school, hiring her the best tutors. Did you know that Cass speaks four languages? No? Well, we can thank the LeChampes. They would trot her out at dinner parties and have her recite things in French and all kinds of other cute tricks. She hated it, and other than those times, they pretty much ignored her. She spent most of her time with the housekeeper. One day she heard them get into a nasty fight about sending her to boarding school the next year. That fight went on for weeks, and Mr. LeChampes started staying away from the house every night. Then he stopped coming home altogether. Just before her sixth birthday, a social worker came and picked her up. Again. The LeChampes were divorcing, and neither wanted custody of her. Mr. LeChampe already had a new girlfriend, and Mrs. LeChampe moved to Mexico. She was only there for less than a year. Not even time to change her name. So there she was back at the group home, and that was where she wanted to stay. “Brin, I just want to stay here. I’m just not a good daughter.” That just about broke my heart. Shit, it still does.”
I swipe at the tears that gather at the corner of my eyes and peek at Ayden. He’s staring off to the side, and his leg is still jumping. I can tell it’s taking everything in him not to go scoop Cassidy up and squeeze her.
“Even after she told me everything, I was determined to get us into a family. The next few prospect parties, I told everyone family that approached me that I came with baggage- namely two little sisters. You wanted me; you had to get them too. Pretty much everyone turned me away, and Gem took to biting anyone that tried to get to know her. Then the Pattersons came along.”
I stop here and swallow a few times. I recite my mantra and shake off the demons. I start a little when I see that Ayden has slid his chair close to mine. The rich scent of his warm skin coats me, and he gently takes my hand. For a brief moment, I envy my sister this fantastic man. “It’s ok, Brin.”
“It’s not ok. But I need to finish. Have to. So the Pattersons seemed like the most likable people alive- churchgoing, funny, and loving. They had two older boys at home and wanted a daughter. I told them right off the bat that I wasn’t interested in them as parents if I couldn’t take my sisters with me. They laughed and asked to meet Gem and Cassidy. It took some coaxing, but Cass came downstairs and gave them the once over. That day she had on a hand-me-down shirt from one of her favorite tv shows, and Mr. Patterson- Lyle- won her over by telling her it was his favorite too. Karen, his wife, fell in love with Gem, and they said to us that they wanted us to be one big family, but only if Cassidy agreed.
“You see, Lyle had figured out pretty quickly that she was the lynchpin, and he spent a lot of time laying out his case. They agreed to foster us first, and if we liked it, they would go ahead with the adoption. Cass reluctantly agreed, but I could see that she wanted it to work. So all three of us packed up and went to their big beautiful house. And it was perfect. Gem and Cassidy shared a room, and I got my own since I was the oldest. The boys, Ray and Royce, were a little stand-offish at first, but eventually, they warmed up. We spent about a year on a trial basis, and then the second Christmas we were there, Lyle told us they wanted to go ahead with the adoption, but only if we wanted. We talked about it as a family, and everyone agreed. We would all be Pattersons. One. Big. Fucking. Happy. Family.”
The bitterness chokes in my throat like a spiny fishbone that won’t go down. Ayden is still holding my hand but now rubbing it as it’s gone ice cold. The hole in my heart threatens to swallow me up from within.
“It started innocently. Lyle always liked tucking the girls in, asking me about my day, or reading Gem stories. Cassidy would amuse him by reciting mathematical tables in other languages. He would kiss us o the forehead and say, “sweet dreams, sweet peas.” Perfect father stuff. Sometimes he would kiss me on the cheek instead. Or on the hand. One night he kissed me on the lips. I didn’t think anything of it at first. But then the kisses started getting longer. And his hands would wander…” I stop when Ayden’s
horrified expression came into focus.
“Brin? No. Oh no. No, no, no no.” I nod at him jerkily, and he immediately grabs me into a tight hug. We stay like that for a while as tears burn my lids like acid.
“I would cry and beg him to stop, but he threatened to send Gem and Cassidy back to the group home. So I stayed quiet and just took it. I put on a big fake smile and tricked everyone into thinking that I was the best and happiest daughter. Everyone except Cassidy.”