The Taste of Her Words

by Candace Knoebel

  Matt was capricious and hotheaded. How could I know what he was capable of in a blind rage? He didn’t hesitate to push me around if I did something that set him off. He threw things. Smashed windows. Screamed at the top of his lungs…

  I inhaled deeply as the tears that sought release were shoved back down. In the end, I could only be positive about what would happen if he ever did lay a hand on Charlie. It would be the end of Matt’s games.

  But at what point did the way he talked and acted toward Charlie leave a mark?

  I couldn’t kid myself. Matt mentally hurt him. I’d seen it countless times already.

  In my heart, I knew that smudge was already visible on Charlie’s soul.

  “Andy?”

  My heart stopped, breath stuttering as I whispered, “Not all wounds are visible, Cami.”

  She didn’t say anything. The mental games Matt played were obvious. She sighed into the phone. “You know I’m here for you whenever you need me, right? And you know how I feel. Karma will come back around and pay a visit to Matt sooner or later. I have a feeling it’s going to come in the form of your father laying a smack down on him in the courtroom.”

  “I know,” I said, wiping my eyes and forcing every one of my emotions back into their boxes. “I’m sorry to be dumping this on you. I just… I needed to get it all out so I could move forward.”

  “Are you crazy? I’d kill you if you didn’t dump everything on me.”

  That made me smile.

  “Hey, did you hear about that pregnant giraffe on Facebook?” she asked, switching it up like I needed her to.

  “No,” I replied, laughing as I pulled a pillow against my chest.

  “Well, there is one. It’s torture, sort of like waiting to hear from you. We sit and watch this giraffe parade around her pen, day after day, waiting for the damn baby to pop out. The bitch wants all the attention. I bet her ass isn’t even pregnant.”

  I snorted with laughter as I shook my head. “Why do you watch if it upsets you?” I asked, feeling some of the weight lift off my chest with every giggle.

  “Because I want to see the damn baby! I feel like I’m a part of this now. Hell, it’s not like there’s anything interesting happening in my life right now. Unlike you.” She paused, and then added, “So… what about the other night?” Her voice lifted, inquiring, moving the topic to something even lighter.

  A rapid fluttering of butterflies lifted the knot in my stomach as Dean’s face popped into my head. “I slept with him.”

  My hand shot up to my mouth. I couldn’t believe how easily it came out.

  “Hang on. You’re kidding, right?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, this is too good. Eric,” I heard her shout.

  Shades of red painted my face. “Cami,” I hissed.

  “Oh, shut it. You’re going to tell him anyway,” she said, laughing. “Hang on… putting you on speaker.”

  “Yes, Evil Queen?” I heard Eric say in the background.

  “I have a treat for you, dear hireling. Come. Sit.”

  I heard him huff. “Girl, unlike your princess ass, I have work to do. I don’t want to be up in here all day.”

  “I have Andy on the phone. She has news,” she taunted.

  “In that case.” He must have leaned in, because his voice got louder. “Hey, boo. How are you?”

  “Hey, Eric,” I said, unable to keep from smiling.

  “What’s up?”

  “Andy got laid,” Cami said before I could get the words out. “By a younger man.”

  “Shut the front door,” Eric said. “Oh my, honey. Who was the lucky man?”

  “Yeah, Andy. Who was he?”

  I debated telling them the truth. Would they judge me if they knew?

  “Don’t keep us waiting,” Eric teased.

  “The guy from the other night. Dean… my brother’s friend,” I rushed out before I could stop myself.

  “Jesus, thank you, God,” Eric said as he clapped his hands. “If there was anyone on this earth who needed a good pounding, it was you.”

  “How was it? Shape? Size? Stamina. I want all the deets,” Cami rushed out over top of him.

  They were too much to handle. My stomach fluttered in a way that worried me. It had been so long since I felt this excited about someone. Maybe for the first time ever.

  “You guys!”

  “Don’t ‘you guys’ me! Tell us, damn it. We deserve to know,” Cami begged.

  I told them everything. The dance at the bar. The conversation in the car. The pool. The… cabana. They gasped and laughed at all the right parts until I told them about the tree house where the intensity switched into gears.

  “Holy shit, he sounds hot,” Cami said as I told her how he made me read my poetry while he did things to me. “Does he have a brother?”

  “Two,” I said, giggling.

  “Can you hook a sister up?” she pleaded.

  “Me too, honey. Even if he’s straight… just give us some time alone. I have my ways,” Eric added.

  Cami blew him off. “Boy, please.”

  “I just… this isn’t a good idea, right? I mean, besides the age difference, he has nothing holding him back from being whoever he wants to be and doing whatever he wants to do,” I pointed out.

  “Oh, girl… he did what he wanted to do. Believe that,” Eric said, snickering.

  I palmed my forehead.

  “And?” Cami asked. Of course she’d need more of an explanation.

  “And Matt…” I answered, having to speak up a little to be heard over Eric’s outburst.

  “You still haven’t said anything valid enough to make me agree that riding a nice, healthy young dick is a bad idea.” She paused when she heard me huff, and then switched tactics. “Listen, I’m your best friend. All joking aside, you need to stop splitting yourself into a million pieces just to keep everyone else together. You deserve to focus on just you for once. Everyone else can go suck a big one. And this guy… he’s good for you. I can hear it in your voice. Go fucking enjoy yourself. Life is short, Andy. Sooner rather than later, you’re going to find cobwebs between your legs if you don’t take care of yourself.”

  “Nice visual.”

  “Girl, why you have to be so nasty?” Eric said in agreement. “Listen, boo. Do you,” he directed at me, voice closer to the phone. “You’re a vibrant, healthy young woman. Enjoy it. You have my blessing. Now, if you two ratchets will excuse me, I have me some inventory to count.”

  “I’m serious,” Cami said a moment later. “Live, Andy. Love. Laugh. Whatever the hell that corny ass, overused quote says. And make sure you share all the details. If a girl can’t get it on her own, the least she can do is live vicariously through her best friend.”

  I laughed the kind of laugh that filled the holes inside a soul. That made that bleak horizon of the future not look so insurmountable. I was lucky to have the friends I did. The kind who always had my back. Who lifted me up when I was falling the hardest. Who taught me that shouldering hardships alone was not only unhealthy, but also not required in order to remain strong.

  We were only as strong as the people we allowed to sit at the table of our lives. An empty table was lonely. A table full of toxic people was depressing. But a table surrounded by the very best, who heard the words without them needing to be spoken—that was when we soared.

  I’d find a way through this. I had to. I had Cami and Eric. My dad.

  Dean.

  He was the thrill of not knowing what words rested on the next page. The anxious longing for every climax. The hidden meanings between every written line.

  In heartbeats we take cover,

  A game of hide and seek.

  Come find me, dear sweet lover,

  Our regrets we will defeat.

  Whatever was happening, I wasn’t going to throw it away this time, because they were right—we only had one life to live.

  I was going to live mine to the fullest.

  15
/>   D E S I R E

  Your fevered kisses,

  A high I cannot ignore,

  Let me see your soul.

  HER SWEET SCENT OVERWHELMED THE cab of my truck.

  Andy shifted in the seat, moving a little closer, the heat of her body brushing against mine. It was moments like these I was glad I stuck with an older model. No barrier between us as she sat in the middle of the bench seat. Bare thigh pressed against my shorts. Hand resting semi-open on her knee, waiting for me to make a move as the rain formed a shield from the outside world.

  I grinned when I thought about Charlie’s earlier forecast prediction.

  I was trying to keep my cool, but damn if she didn’t get me worked up. When she wasn’t looking, I stole glances. The nape of her neck. The way her nose came to an adorable point. Her hair pinned to the top of her head, teasing me to unravel it so I could get a good, firm grip.

  “Do you remember where the bookstore is?” she asked, looking over at me. There was a soft wildness to her gaze that hadn’t been there before. A flush to her cheeks I wanted to take my time kissing.

  I cleared my throat and forced my eyes back on the road. “How could I forget?” Could she feel how much I wanted her? She had to… it was thick in the air between us.

  “Silly question.” She tucked her hair behind her ears and messed with the dials of the radio. “I wanted to stop in and say hi to Ms. Violet. She’d be disappointed if we didn’t.”

  “If that’s the case, then we should stop at Old Man Walter’s coffee shop and pick her up a coffee and a blackberry muffin.” I eyed her open hand when she rested it on her thigh.

  Just grab it. You know she wants you to.

  I didn’t know why I couldn’t just take her hand in mine. It was like the light of the sun had taken all my confidence. I didn’t want to scare her off.

  But I don’t want to go another minute not touching her either.

  “Why?” she asked, opening herself to me.

  I looked over and caught my breath. Damn, she was so beautiful. Her eyes… they radiated with charm.

  I swallowed. “Why what?”

  My confused look made her smirk. “Why the muffin and coffee?”

  “Oh. They’re her favorite. I used to bring them to her whenever I could. When my obsession with literature began, she always had a way of pointing me in the right direction to reads I’d love. It became a thing. I’d finish a book, go back to find another, and she’d always have one waiting. After a while, I decided to find out more about her and did what I could to say thank you. It made her feel special. She was always helping everyone else, but I don’t think people truly understood her.”

  “I did,” Andy said, something softening in her eyes. “She was widowed and left with only a love of words since her son left home. She was the one who encouraged me to pursue writing.”

  “Looks like Ms. Violet and I have more in common than I thought,” I pointed out.

  Andy looked to her lap, a small smile brewing on her lips.

  I took her hand then as my heart beat against my chest. Our fingertips grazed as we continued down the road, which was lined with huge oak trees donned with ribbons of moss. We were miles away from the highway. Miles away from anyone while the low din of the radio played in the background.

  The shadows cut in and out, leafy patterns against skin as I traced a finger to the center of her palm. Smiled as pleasured chills rose on the paleness of her thighs. I heard her sharp intake of breath when I dragged my finger lower, just over where her pulse pounded in her small wrists. It was like her blood was humming my name, pounding a beat I couldn’t ignore.

  “What are we doing, Dean?” she asked as she scratched the fingers of her other hand across her forehead in frustration, the tremble in her words quickening my heart.

  I found her eyes. Opened my soul to her. “Enjoying each other.”

  It was like something switched on in her head. Like a light turned green. She took my hand, hesitant at first, like she was just as confused about this as I was. Scared that her body was fighting what her mind was telling her not to do.

  Slowly, she moved my hand to her thigh, her siren eyes casting a spell over me. I felt like a fucking kid experiencing his first taste again as she guided my hand under her dress and said, “Pull over.”

  Fuck.

  With the added pressure of her hand, our fingers moved over the lace of her wet panties. I growled as she whimpered. She wanted me to take her. Right then and there. She pushed my fingers harder and said again, “Pull over. I need you.”

  I worked my fingers over her clit, slowly, teasingly, trying to keep my eyes focused on finding a place to park.

  Her head rolled back, a moan escaping her sweet lips. “Dean.”

  The way she said my name made me even harder.

  Her fingers moved from mine, sweeping her panties to the side, allowing me to slip a finger inside her. She pulsed around me as my thumb grazed over her clit, swirling. Her chest rose and fell at a clipped pace as she rubbed against my hand, begging for more, but there was no more to give in our cramped positions.

  I took my hand away, leaving her panting. Her cheeks were the perfect color of pink, a hue made only by me. I swerved the car, taking a small back road to a secluded fishing spot Josh and I used to go to when we were younger. When the engine was in park, I turned to her just as she rose to her knees and straddled my leg, pulling the front of her dress down.

  I inhaled sharply when her breasts bounced out.

  She grabbed my hand and guided it back to her warmth, moving her hips with urgent thrusts. I flicked my tongue over one nipple, and then moved to the other, swirling and sucking its peak into my mouth as she cried out again, her hands coming up to cup her breasts as if holding them for me to feast on.

  I was in fucking heaven.

  Her body vibrated as she fell off the edge I’d driven her to. As her walls clamped around my fingers and her thighs buckled. She leaned back, and I watched her come, fingers still buried deep inside of her.

  How beautiful and painfully sexy she was as her body involuntarily jerked and bucked.

  That was only the beginning.

  Her eyes fluttered open as her breath heaved. A slow, sated smile drove her lips upward. I took that smile from her, kissing it into my soul as I throbbed against the material of my shorts.

  “I’ve never… I’ve never done anything like that,” she confessed in between kisses. “I can’t help myself around you.”

  I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to be inside her again. Wanted to watch her body fold like that underneath mine.

  “I need you, Andy,” I said, cupping her breasts and licking down her neck.

  She pushed me back, wild hunger filling her eyes. Lifted her dress up, panties still shoved to the side. I barely caught my breath before she straddled me and unbuttoned my pants, moving tortuously slow.

  Her hand was around me the moment my dick popped out. I dug through my pockets. Ripped the condom open with my teeth. She took it from me, slid it on, and then guided me to her center.

  The control I thought I had was gone, but I didn’t mind surrendering to her.

  She slid over me, thick and hot, letting me fill her all the way up before she moved. “Jesus, Andy,” I said as my heart banged against my chest. She took her time, working up and down, hands lifting to her hair. Chocolate-colored curls spilled over her shoulders as my hands found her breasts, fingers moving over her nipples.

  I was trying to hang on, to think about anything but how fucking gorgeous she was and how fucking good she felt, but she was everywhere. Her scent, her body, her hands…

  “Andy,” I said, grabbing her hips, trying to slow her pace.

  She rode me harder. Threw her head back. I let her go, but only briefly, because I had to see it one more time. Had to watch her let go for me. The pressure of my hold increased as I tilted my hips up, feeling the connection where I applied the right pressure. The friction would not only drive
me deeper, but it would also send her reeling into an orgasm that would set off my own.

  “Dean,” she cried out, her body already beginning to give.

  Tiny earth-quaking shudders pulsed over me as I spilled into the condom, holding her close. I thrust into her once more, and I swore I could feel her heart beating as hard as mine. As rhythmic as the tide, pulling me into her. Pulling me under.

  We stayed like that as the music continued to trill through the cab. As our chests rose and fell in uneven patterns, a sheen of sweat glazing our skin. She cupped my face in her hand and kissed me so softly I didn’t ever want to let her go.

  I couldn’t explain what was happening to me as our eyes connected, bodies still tangled, but I found the center of the universe inside her kiss. Like the world had shifted and settled perfectly around us. We were exactly where we were meant to be. Two souls intertwined as our hearts pounded in an intimate rhythm.

  After she slid away from me, I pinched the condom off and dropped it in a plastic bag left from a trip inside a gas station. She fixed her dress as I tugged up my pants. I tried to catch my breath while she pulled her hair back up, but I couldn’t think past what my heart was telling me.

  “Andy, I—”

  “Don’t.”

  My heart slammed to a stop.

  She turned to me. “Let’s just… let’s not label this yet. Let’s see where it goes. Okay?” She searched my eyes. Begged me to agree.

  Even though I wanted to lay claim to her, I nodded, taking anything she was willing to offer. But the day would come when she heard me out. When the cards would be laid out on the table.

  I just hoped she played the right hand.

  16

  A L O V E R’ S S O N G

  In pages enslaved,