The Slime Goblin: A Coinophia Tale

by Jacqui Cooper

  Queeze just didn’t have the sense to see that every time he attacked Hero or his friends, it just made things worse. As we know, slime goblins are not that intelligent. Some say they don’t really have the sense to come in from the rain.

  Queeze Makes A New Coin?

  Cara Libre was closed to Queeze for a while and you might think he’d slink off somewhere and no more would be heard from him. You’d be wrong.

  He tried to find a new place but failed, so, he went back to Tolpa. He began to tell everyone that he was making new coins. He promised that his new Koders were better than Hero.

  Then of course he began his old tricks, promising people that his NEW coin was much better than the last one. So good it was, that he was going to let a few special people, people who’d stayed under his spell, have some of these coins. All they had to do was send him more silver.

  At the same time, he used the troll messaging system to tell the world that he was trying to get ‘his’ golden coins back from Hero. He told as many people as he could how bad Hero was. He told everyone how Hero had been helped by a band of marauding bandits, and how they were all going into the dungeons, just as soon as they were caught.

  Naturally, some people believed him, after all, they didn’t know him, didn’t know our hero and more importantly didn’t know the whole story.

  He said, “Oh woe is me, all my names have been stolen.” These were the names of all the people he’d had be-spelled. He moaned, “All my coins have been stolen, even though they’re worthless, poor me, all my hard work is wasted.” Even though he sent messages out to everyone that they must petition the Gods of Gold to stop Hero’s gold coins from being used.

  People began to ask, “If he no longer has his list of names, why are people still getting messages from him?”. As you can imagine, the slime goblin didn’t like this, didn’t like it at all, because it stretched his magic so much, it became weaker. This meant that he had to work harder at not producing coins, so he could try and hurt Hero and his friends.

  He still sent out messages and even went so far as to send an emissary to Hero to try and get ‘his’ coins and names back. The emissary was another troll though, and so that didn’t work.

  What were they to do? The slime goblin had called them bandits, he’d said they weren’t to be trusted, that they would join Hero in the dungeons. His plan to ruin their reputation began to backfire.

  The Fellowship of the Coin began to really look at what Queeze was saying and doing. They had continued to oppose him where they could and help those that he’d harmed. They continued to monitor him, from a distance of course, some focusing on finding the people he’d harmed and only a few watching out for his nasty tactics. All, however, were kept informed.

  They began to notice that the slime goblin made no sense at all. He said their golden coins were worthless, yet he wanted them back. He said his precious list of names had been stolen, yet he still messaged them. He said Hero and all the people who’d supported him were going to be imprisoned by the guards, yet no guards were interested in his story.

  Finally, he sent out a message that, well, was so bizarre that everyone who’d been under his spell woke up. What was the message? Remember his promise? Give me silver and I’ll give you gold. In his final message, that went out to all on his ‘precious’ list, he said, “You all knew I was going to keep the silver, there was no gold. I was keeping the silver to pay me for all the years I’d worked on creating gold and FAILED.”

  Once again, his stupidity, greed and lies caused more problems for him. The Fellowship of the Coin didn’t rest. They’d learned from bitter experience that they couldn’t rest, being part of the Fellowship of the Coin was a lifelong way of living. Slime goblins, and especially Queeze, needed to be kept at bay, before they took silver from innocent people.

  Hero Stands Trial

  Once again, Queeze had been quiet for a while, but then, like pestilence, he reappeared. This time, he tried to get Hero arrested! He applied to the Court to have Hero prosecuted and a date was set for all parties to stand before the judge.

  Hero duly arrived and stood before the judge, but where was Queeze? Nowhere to be seen. The judge was, understandably, a little annoyed at having his time wasted. The result was that Hero left the court with not a stain on his character.

  Queeze was very quiet about this and did his usual thing of ignoring anything that didn’t gel with his preferred view of the world. The Fellowship of the Coin began to think that maybe, just maybe, Queeze would be silent from now on and they could get on with the job of ensuring that all the people who’d paid silver for the golden coins got what was rightfully theirs.

  Unfortunately, slime goblins are not easy to get rid of, all that sticky slime I suppose. It was some weeks after Hero was cleared in the highest Court in the land when Queeze once again raised his ugly head. This time, he told everyone that the Bureau of Investigative Furies, the B.I.F., were going to arrest anyone and everyone who’d had anything to do with Hero and his friends. In particular he said that anyone who had golden coins had stolen them from him personally, even though they’d given him silver in exchange, and agents of the B.I.F. would be knocking on their doors in the next day or so.

  This was, of course, complete nonsense as everyone knew that the B.I.F. didn’t operate all across Coinophia, only in the very strange land of Drumpfery which was ruled sadly by a King Slime Goblin. But once again, Queeze’s magic still be-spelled some people who spread the word.

  The Great Northern Frost Giant laughed, he laughed so long and hard that snow began to fall down mountains and pile up in mounds that looked a lot like Queeze.

  The Rune Warrior laughed so much that kode spontaneously began to dance across the magic machines creating wondrous images and sounds all without effort.

  The Amazon Princess ignored him as beneath contempt.

  Hero, as usual, just ignored Queeze and got on with his work. Hero’s brother the Burgomaster went out into the world and began to talk about the golden coins and what was going to happen next.

  Battica laughed so much she got hiccups and had to lie down for a month to avoid casting unintentional spells every time she hiccupped.

  Queeze showed his true colours by continuing to do what had failed in the past, his new coin was launched but wasn’t doing well. He kept popping up like a puss filled boil, someone would squeeze him until he disappeared again for a while. Then he’d think of all his failures, blame Hero and the Fellowship of the Coin and start telling lies and moaning all over again.

  In fact, he moaned so much and so often that he began to fade, but if you listen hard, you’ll still hear faint cries of “Woe is me, poor me, everyone hates me.”

  But people don’t, hate him that is. He’s just not worth it...

  I hope you’ve enjoyed this story and possibly learned that not all is sweetness and light in Coinophia. There are many good and wonderful souls there, who work hard and are honest and ethical, so just be careful.