She caught her breath and held it. Gradually, she exhaled. “I won’t let you take him away from me. I won’t let you make him into a Nazarien.”
“Is that what this is about? You think my showing him how to fire a bow is a bid to make him Nazarien.”
She didn’t answer him, but the fury in her eyes was answer enough.
“I don’t want Kerrin to become Nazarien, Tyla, but the truth is that it isn’t my decision.”
“Damn right it isn’t!”
“And it isn’t yours either. Kerrin will be whatever he chooses to be. I won’t force him one way or another, and I won’t allow anyone else to do it.”
“Get out, Jarrett. Leave us alone. We were perfectly happy before you came here.”
“You need my help and I’m not leaving until this is over.”
“I don’t need your help. I don’t need you or anything to do with you. I will solve this problem as I have everything else for the last ten years.”
“Damn it, Tyla, why does everything have to be so difficult with you? You were the same way when we tried to bring you out of Sarkisian before Rarick came. Do you remember what happened then? I was the one who paid for your stubbornness, but I’m not going to pay this time.”
Tears filled her eyes. Jarrett blinked in confusion. Tyla was not a woman given to histrionics. He reached out a hand to her, but she took a step back. “Don’t please.”
“Tell me what’s going on. This can’t just be about the weapon.”
She brushed the tears away. “One of the healers who attended Jax Paden has begun coughing blood. We have her quarantined and we’re taking precautions to keep exposure to a minimum, but it means the disease is progressing.”
“Which means we need to leave?”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand. I don’t want your help. I want you to go back to the Nazarien. You are a complication I don’t need right now.”
“Tyla, I won’t pretend I understand this whole idea of yours. It seems like a gamble to me. Still, if you’re right and this thing is spreading, it seems like more than a Temerian problem. If it helps, think of me acting only in the capacity of the Nazar. For three generations, the Nazarien have been the protectors of the Eldralins. Consider this my sworn duty.”
She studied his face. “Do you understand why I have to go?”
“Not really, but everyone keeps trying to explain it. Seems to me you’re needed here, but you’ve never listened to me before.”
“I need to find whatever it is that infected Jax, plant or dirt or whatever. I know I can make an antidote if I can study it.”
“What makes you think there aren’t thousands of plants on that island?”
She reached into the pocket of her trousers and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She held it out to him. “Before he died, he made me this sketch.”
Jarrett took the paper, but he didn’t open it. He tilted his head and frowned. “He made you this sketch?”
“Yes.”
Jarrett’s fingers tightened on the paper. “Were you one of his healers?”
She drew a breath, then exhaled. “Only at the end, but it was already too late.”
Once he and Tyla had shared their very thoughts. He knew when she was being evasive. “Do you have symptoms?”
“No,” she said, but she said it a bit too quickly.
Jarrett felt the blood drain from his face and he realized he was crushing the paper in his hand. “Tyla?”
Her green eyes flashed. “If you’re worried about my exposure, that’s all the more reason to leave, Jarrett. The Nazar is no longer a sworn protector of this Eldralin. Maybe my brother would like your service?”
“No doubt he would,” he said and forced himself to release the paper. He smoothed it open against his thigh and studied the crude drawing. Jax had drawn a strange mountainside with plants he’d never seen before. Perhaps Tyla had something. And if anyone could find an antidote, she was the one. He gave her a narrow look. “I’m sure your brother would be easier to work with.”
“For?” she corrected.
“What?”
“If you insist on this, let’s get one thing clear. You work for me, not the other way around. If you want to make your claim as Nazar, then you answer to me. That makes me Lord of the Nazarien, doesn’t it?”
Jarrett couldn’t help the smile that teased the corners of his mouth. He handed her back the paper. “As you wish, Your Lordship,” he answered.
She gave him a smug smile in return. Pivoting on her heel, she flipped the long rope of her hair over her shoulder and took a few strides up the road. Jarrett watched the sway of her hips, until she stopped and turned around again.
“Oh, and if you put another weapon in my son’s hands, I’ll gut you like a fish. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
With that she continued back toward Temeron.
A laugh rumbled in his chest, but he suppressed it as all Nazarien should.
* * *
“You’ll need to resupply at the Nazarien outpost. I’ll send ahead to alert them,” said Kendrick, pointing to the position on the map.
Tyla nodded, but she didn’t answer. She knew she ought to be studying the map, but her attention wasn’t on it.
“Allistar has selected some of his finest warriors to accompany you.”
“Good.”
“He’s also named a second to take over in his absence. I approved his choice this morning.”
Tyla blinked and focused on Kendrick again. “What? Allistar isn’t coming with me.”
“Apparently he is. He gave me the list this morning.”
“He has four children. He can’t come. Tell him I forbid it.”
Kendrick gave her a wry look. “Will you forbid anyone who has a child, Tyla? He’s commander-in-chief of the guard. He can choose whomever he wishes, including himself.”
She sighed. “I don’t know how long we’ll be gone. It isn’t fair to Zia or his kids.”
“Just as it isn’t fair to Kerrin…”
She met his look. “Point taken. But this is my responsibility. I willingly accepted the Temerian leadership. I have to find the solution to this epidemic.”
“Allistar will say the same thing.”
Tyla exhaled. “Point taken again.” She forced a smile for him. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You would be at a disadvantage, to be sure.” He gave her a wink and she laughed.
“Which is why I forgive you whenever you overstep your boundaries, you know?”
Kendrick looked down at his map. “Meaning Jarrett?”
She rose to her feet and paced away. “I don’t want him here, Kendrick. I asked him to leave again today. He gave me some garbage about it being the duty of the Nazarien to protect the Eldralins.”
“It isn’t garbage, Tyla. That is the purpose of the order.”
“I don’t need him here. He’s a complication at a time when I don’t need complications. I’m anxious enough about this journey, leaving Kerrin and my grandfather, then suddenly, here’s Jarrett bringing up all of these emotions I thought I’d long suppressed. I look at him and feel the same betrayal and rage all over again.”
Kendrick fidgeted with the map, smoothing out the wrinkles. Tyla expected him to agree with her, soothe her anger, but he wouldn’t even look at her.
“Kendrick?”
He patted the seat of her chair. “Come sit down, please.”
“What?”
“Please. There’s something you need to know.”
Tyla could feel the pulse of his anxiety. It left a strange vibration in the room. She moved to the chair and sank into it. Something in his posture told her not to argue with him.
Kendrick swiveled in the chair and met her gaze. “Jarrett didn’t leave you voluntarily. He was blackmailed by Tomlin Trauner.”
Tyla didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure she understood what he said.
“The Nazarien had the antidote to the poison you were g
iven, but Tomlin told Jarrett he would only give it to him if he agreed to leave you and return to Chernow. He had to promise to train as Nazar.”
Tyla closed her eyes and shook her head. “Hold on. Are you saying Jarrett believed him? Believed he would allow Talar Eldralin’s daughter to die?”
Kendrick’s expression was grim. “Yes.”
She braced her forehead with her hand. “That’s ridiculous. Jarrett’s too intelligent to believe something like that. Please, Kendrick, don’t insult me.”
“I’m not insulting you.”
“But you are. Really, Kendrick, how could Jarrett believe such a thing? By his own admission, the Nazarien are the sworn protectors of the Eldralins.”
“Not all and not then.”
“What?”
Kendrick sighed. “You’re a woman, Tyla.”
Tyla started to respond, but the words caught in her throat and her eyes widened.
“Jarrett did the only thing he could. He couldn’t let you die.”
Tyla’s mind tried to wrap itself around what Kendrick was telling her and failed. How could this be? How could she not have known? If Kendrick knew, how could he have hidden it from her all these years?
“Are you all right?”
She blinked rapidly. “No, how can I be all right? How could you keep this from me?”
“How or why?”
“Both. How did I not know? How did I not sense it from you and read your thoughts? Did my grandfather know?”
“No. I think you didn’t sense it because you demanded we never speak of Jarrett again. You shut him out of your life so effectively, you didn’t allow us to even talk about him.”
When she didn’t answer, he continued. “The why of it is more complicated. Tomlin made Jarrett pledge that he would not contact you again. To ensure that, he told him that if he ever broke the pledge, your life would be in danger from the Nazarien.”
She buried her face in her hands. What could she say? After all these years of believing one thing, to learn something different and accept it was impossible. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it.
Kendrick covered her hands with his own and pulled them down. “Are you all right?”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“You have to know. You have to let go of the past. Jarrett is still one of the finest warriors on Samar. You need him on this journey and it’s time to put this all behind us now. Ten years have passed and Tomlin is dead. You and Jarrett need to make peace.”
Tyla met his look. Peace? The last ten years had been based on a lie. What might have been if she had never returned to Sarkisian? Would she and Jarrett have spent the last ten years together?
What good did it do her to know this now? There could never be peace between them. Not after what she’d done.
* * *
Kerrin leaned over the rail of the back porch and looked up at the stars. “How late do you think it is?”
Jarrett stood beside his son, his back to the rail, one heel hooked on the lowest rung. “Late,” he said.
Kerrin braced his weight on his arms and swung his legs out behind him. “Mama says I hardly ever sleep.”
“I’m sure she’s right,” answered Jarrett, hiding his smile.
“Kendrick said you weren’t born in Chernow like he was. He said you came from Terra Antiguo.”
“Kendrick’s right also.”
“Will I ever go to Terra Antiguo with you?”
Jarrett turned toward the boy. “Maybe someday, but let’s not bring that up to your mother tonight, okay?”
Kerrin nodded, picking at a splinter along the rail. “Mama would get mad if I asked, wouldn’t she?”
Jarrett drew a deep breath. “I think your mother needs some time to adjust to all these changes I’ve brought in your lives. What do you think?”
“I guess, but I like having you for a father.”
Jarrett reached out and touched the boy’s face. “I like having you as my son, Kerrin.”
“Do you love Mama? Like Allistar and Zia?”
Jarrett was startled by the question, but there was no reason to lie. “Yes, I do. I’ve always loved your mother.”
“Is Tyne your son?”
“No, Tyne’s my brother. Why do you ask?”
Kerrin shrugged. “Just wondering.” He cuffed the lower rail with his toe. “If you love Mama like Allistar loves Zia, then why don’t you live with us the way Allistar lives with his children? Is it because you’re the Nazar?”
“Yes, it’s because I’m Nazar.”
Kerrin tilted his head and his intelligent eyes scrutinized his father’s face. “If you weren’t Nazar, would you like to live with us?”
Jarrett met his gaze. “Yes, Kerrin, I would like nothing better.”
Kerrin smiled in satisfaction.
The door to the study opened and Tyla stepped out, her arms wrapped around her body to ward off the late night breeze. She crossed to her son and lifted him off the rail, pulling him against her. He tilted his head back and she kissed his forehead. Jarrett noted that the boy’s head almost reached his mother’s shoulder already. He was going to be a tall man.
“Don’t you think it’s getting a little late?” she said, wrapping her arms around the boy’s shoulders and placing her cheek against his.
“No, I don’t need sleep, Mama, remember?” he said, encircling her arms with his own.
She smiled, her eyes lifting to Jarrett. “If you ever want to fire a bow again, you’ll go to bed now.”
“Do you mean it?” he said, turning to face her.
She touched his cheek. “Yes, so what’s your decision?”
“Good night, Jarrett,” said the boy over his shoulder. He kissed his mother on the cheek. “Good night, Mama.”
“Good night, Kerrin,” she said.
“Good night,” added Jarrett when the boy paused in the study door and glanced back. Then Kerrin was gone.
Tyla moved to the rail and leaned against it as her son had done. Jarrett’s eyes ran along her flowing mane of hair down to where it touched her waist.
“Kendrick told me about your pledge with Tomlin Trauner today,” she said.
Jarrett frowned. He wasn’t sure he heard her right. “He told you what?”
“About the pledge, about how you got the antidote for me. He told me everything.”
Jarrett looked away. “He shouldn’t have done that.”
She turned to face him. “Why not?”
“Because it’s in the past, and sometimes it’s best not to relive it. What purpose did it serve to tell you?”
She studied him in the light of the lanterns. “It made me realize that I’ve been wrong.”
“Wrong how?”
“To keep your son from you. I had no right to do that.”
Jarrett leaned on the railing, looking out into the yard. “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about that myself. What could I have done even if I knew about him? I couldn’t come to Temeron. Especially not while Tomlin lived. I would never have risked it. And after he died…” Jarrett’s voice trailed away. He closed his eyes and exhaled. “So many years had passed, it didn’t seem right to dredge up the past.”
She leaned on the rail beside him, not touching him, but close. “What a pair we are, Jarrett, what a mess.”
He didn’t respond. He didn’t think she expected a response.
“If you are determined to go on this journey, I’ll accept your sword.”
He nodded.
“We leave in two days. I can’t afford to wait any longer. If this epidemic spreads, all of Loden may be in danger.”
“I’ll be ready.”
She turned to face him. “It does no good to wish for a different past, I understand that, but I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me for keeping Kerrin away from you. I know it’s hard to believe, but it wasn’t entirely selfish. I did fear you’d want him to become Nazarien.”
He met her look. “How could you ever beli
eve that?”
She studied him once more. “When you left…” She caught what she’d been going to say. “I thought I hadn’t really known you at all. And then Kerrin…”
“Kerrin what?”
She struggled with herself. Jarrett sensed she still feared to tell him everything. He wondered if he would ever be able to restore her trust.
“Tyla, what about Kerrin?”
She drew herself in, wrapping her arms around her body. “As a baby, Kerrin moved things…” She made a motion with her hands. “Toys, blankets.”
“Psychically?”
She nodded.
Jarrett understood. “You feared if the Nazarien knew he had Talar Eldralin’s power, they wouldn’t be able to resist taking him.”
Her lack of response was affirmation enough.
He started to touch her, then thought better of it. His fingers curled into his palm. “Tyla, Kerrin belongs here in Temeron. I would have it no other way. If Kerrin does possess your power, he needs to be trained here, not Chernow.”
She gave him a smile. He drank it in, marveling at her beauty. After all these years, she still stole his breath. Gods, he loved her.
“Thank you, Jarrett. I really needed to hear those words.”
He inclined his head. Why did he feel so awkward with her? Once they had shared their most intimate thoughts, now he felt like a bumbling fool whenever she looked at him. Why couldn’t they just slip back into the simplicity they’d once known?
“Well, I’d better get some sleep,” she said, moving toward the door. “Good night, Jarrett.”
“Good night,” he answered, fighting against the hollowness that echoed within him. As she entered the hallway, he fancied the distance between them was a gulf, unable to be crossed.
* * *
The campfires burned against the setting pink of the desert sun, dotting the landscape at regular intervals. Shadowed forms moved before the fires, settling into bedrolls or moving around the periphery on patrol.
Kalas stood and surveyed the camp, Attis on one side, Dolan on the other. He wore only his buckskin trousers, his hair damp, his chest bare, a towel slung over one shoulder. They’d made good ground the last three days, traveling mainly at night to avoid the desert heat. However, the men and horses were tired and needed one night to recover. Even though they didn’t move far when the sun was directly overhead, it sapped their energy and slowed their progress. And then, they had to carry so much water with them to cross the desert that the wagons moved even slower than normal.
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