Suddenly he’s moving closer to me, his hand coming to the back of my neck. His eyes close, and I feel the brush of his lips on mine.
Soft and smooth.
For a fraction of a second, I lose myself to the sensation.
No. No. No.
‘Jaxon, I can’t.’ I step back.
‘Why?’ His face falls.
‘I have a boyfriend and—’
‘A boyfriend?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Seriously? Are you messing with me?’ His face scrunches into confusion.
‘His name’s Oliver. And I could never do anything to—’
‘You never said anything about a boyfriend,’ he interrupts.
‘I know, I’m sorry.’ I bite my lip, feeling terrible.
Redness is creeping up from his neck to his cheeks. ‘Why did you keep it from me? You literally haven’t spoken about him once, or even called him when I’ve been around, and I’ve been living with you and …’ He stops. ‘Right, I remember, there was that one call I asked you about and you said it was no one.’
‘I didn’t mean to keep it a secret. There’s been a lot going on …’
‘Nope. I’m not buying it, Sky. You had plenty of chances to mention it. I mean, I’ve heard about your aunt and her pregnancy, and your friend Lucy and how she likes some guy who likes rocks, your dog who spoons and snores, and even your pet chicken and her health issues—’
‘I’m really sorry.’
He gives an exasperated sigh and studies the floor.
‘I do like you too. But …’
‘But what?’ He looks at me.
‘Just not like that.’ My voice has gone horribly whiny. Like I’m pleading with him.
‘Dude,’ Trent shouts, peering out from behind the curtain, ‘you coming? There’s a guy from the Alaskan Gazette here wanting to talk to us.’
‘Coming,’ Jaxon yells back. He returns to studying the piece of gum, concentrating so hard he might end up with a PhD. Finally he looks at me, his face saying all the words he can’t—sad, embarrassed, disappointed— then he runs up the stage steps and disappears behind the curtain.
I can’t move. I watch the curtain for any movement, not sure if I should go back there to try and explain. To try and make him feel better. But there’s a journalist backstage, so that would be weird for everyone. I feel terrible, knowing I should have said something. Why did I wait? He must feel so embarrassed.
When I get outside, luckily there’s a line of taxis and I zip up my jacket and jump in the first one.
Chapter 21
‘Melody?’ I open my bedroom door and prod her sleeping figure. She’s cocooned in the duvet.
She wasn’t at home last night when I returned from the show. Skipping dinner, and with barely a greeting to my grandparents, I fell asleep immediately.
‘You awake? It’s nearly lunch already.’
‘Hi, love.’ Melody yawns, stretching her arms above her head and opening one eye. ‘How are you? What’s been happening the last few days?’
‘Everything’s okay.’ I plonk down on the foot of the bed. ‘I suppose.’
‘Suppose?’ She arches into a backbend and then curls her shoulders forward.
‘I kinda nearly got shot,’ I say, realising how ridiculous it sounds.
‘What?’ She sits up abruptly, abandoning the yoga stretches. ‘What the hell are you talking about? Seriously, Sky, I leave you for one minute.’
‘It’s fine. I was just trying to save a moose.’
‘Saving a moose?’ She snorts a laugh.
I feel my lips spreading into a smile. It does sound quite funny when I say it now. ‘Yep, just a regular day in my life.’
‘First a chicken, then a moose.’
We are both giggling now.
‘And how are things with your dad?’ she asks, piling her wavy red hair on top of her head and pinning it with a clip.
‘Let’s not talk about it,’ I say.
‘You sure? Talking is helpful and—’
‘I know … Later, maybe.’
‘Where is Adam, anyway? I didn’t see anyone when I got back last night and you were curled up on the side of the bed, peaceful like a kitten.’
‘I guess I fell asleep early … and I haven’t seen my father for ages. I think he was helping Jaxon’s dad, once again.’ I sigh.
‘Oh, they found him?’ Melody asks.
‘Totally wasted,’ I say. ‘Adam got him out of the police station, but now he’s babysitting him. He didn’t even come to Jaxon’s concert last night, which was strange because he knew how much it meant to him.’
‘Do you think I should call him?’
‘I’ve tried a million times,’ I say.
She nods, then says, ‘So, Saturday …’
‘Can’t believe the time’s up. It feels like we’ve been here forever, and it’s only been …’ I start counting on my fingers.
‘Eighteen days?’ she says.
‘Something like that.’ This trip has been like dog years; every day has felt like seven.
I let my eyes linger on her for a moment and feel a warm rush of familiarity, love, trust. This trip has helped repair us. My anger is gone, and all my fears of her not having my back—and even the sneaking fear that she may be interested in my father and try to seduce him or something gross—have not come true. She’s back to Melody, my mum’s best friend and my forever go-to person slash big sister.
‘I’m going to download some movies on my laptop for the flight home. Any requests?’ She unplugs her phone from the bedside table.
‘Definitely a comedy … I need a laugh.’
‘Roger that. I have a bunch of stuff to do today. I’m meeting Autumn in town and—’
‘So,’ I say, my mind wandering to their hand-holding and affection. Melody and Autumn seem very close. ‘Are you and her, like, a thing?’
Melody laughs. ‘Wondered if you might pick up on that. Yes, I guess we’re “a thing”.’ She air quotes. ‘A thing that’s ending too soon. But we’ll work it out, I hope.’
I take a moment to think this through. She had slept with my father, then dated a bunch of guys when she lived with Mum and me, and now she’s fallen for Autumn. Does this mean she is straight, gay, bi, pansexual or something else?
‘If you like—’ I start tentatively.
‘Is that the time?’ She jumps off the bed. ‘I gotta go. What are you doing today? Will you be okay?’
‘Sky?’ my grandmother’s voice sings from downstairs.
‘I’m hanging with Miriam,’ I tell Melody and pad downstairs in my slippers, leaving Melody to change.
It’s lunchtime, and once Melody is gone Miriam and I have the house to ourselves. I have no idea where Jaxon is; the couch showed no signs of him sleeping here last night. Probably for the best. He’s so angry with me and I don’t know what to say.
After messaging Lucy with a million apologies for not replying to her last texts and asking if Malcolm replied to her movie message, I help my grandmother prepare a tray of snacks—cut vegetables, nuts, crackers and dips from the supermarket. I light the fire, updating her on Lucy’s predicament, and she makes tea and coffee and then spreads a blanket on our laps. We crunch on carrots dipped in hummus, and it’s an idyllic scene, grandmother and granddaughter together. A real family. I only wish it could feel as true as it looks, and that under the surface I didn’t feel so confused about my father.
‘Sky dear.’ My grandmother puts down her coffee cup and takes my hand. ‘You know I’ve been waiting to meet you for sixteen years. I can’t possibly put into words how the last few days have made me feel.’
‘Good, I hope?’ I ask, although I can see from her face, soft and loving, that despite all the dramas I haven’t disappointed her. Or at least, not too much.
‘Not good, Sky.’ She holds my hand up and gives it a soft little peck like a gentleman in a black-and-white film. ‘Wonderful.’
I feel my lip quiver a little as the w
ords sink in. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear them, and I know I feel the same.
‘To have you in my life now, to know that I have a granddaughter who I can treasure, I honestly never thought it would happen. But here you are. Beautiful inside and out.’
Now my eyes are filling up.
‘I’m glad too,’ I say. I have grandparents. What an unexpected gift … But it’s not so simple. Because my relationship with my father is on the edge, and doesn’t she come as a package deal with him? Can I have one without the other?
‘Now, first things first. When can we see each other again? If I send you tickets in the summer, will you come visit Mike and me? He hasn’t stopped mentioning it. “Tell Sky we have a spare room.”’ She attempts to imitate his voice. ‘“Tell Sky it’s waiting for her. I’ll show her my office.” Yada yada yada. He doesn’t show it much, but he’s as smitten with you as I am.’
‘Really?’ That makes me feel even better. Knowing they both love me and want me in their lives.
She keeps my hand in one of hers and reaches for a soft velvet pouch that’s sitting on the coffee table. ‘And secondly, this has been in my family for generations. My great-great-grandmother, believe it or not, was given it for her golden anniversary. It’s been passed down, mother to child, since then.’
She releases my hand to open the pouch, and I feel my heart racing a little as she hands it to me.
An emerald stone is surrounded by small white diamonds, with a clasp at the back. A brooch. ‘It’s so beautiful,’ I say.
‘I wanted to take time to get to know you before I made my decision. But now I know, there’s no one else in the world who should have this. Only you.’
I turn the brooch over in my hand, admiring the subtle colours and vintage design. ‘It’s gorgeous,’ I say. ‘But …’ I sigh. This is all too much. ‘I don’t know if I can accept it.’ I pass it back to her.
‘Why on earth not?’ Her eyes open wide.
‘It’s my father. I don’t know how I feel … I’m just having a hard time accepting—’
‘His work,’ she finishes.
‘Yes.’ I feel a flood of emotions wash over me.
‘Your father or not, you are my granddaughter and always will be. Our relationship is separate to him. You are nearly a woman, and we, you and I, will always, always be family.’ She takes my hand, opens it, puts the brooch back on my palm and closes my hand again.
‘Are you sure? Even if … what if I don’t keep in touch with him or something? Even then?’
‘Even then.’
She leans over to kiss me on the cheek. ‘Now tell me what’s happening with Adam,’ she says. ‘I’m happy to try and help.’
‘It’s hard. It’s not that he isn’t nice, or a good guy, because he is. And he’s been really trying. He’s amazing with Jaxon too. But …’
She lifts her eyebrows.
‘I can’t handle it,’ I say. ‘I just can’t. I love animals, always have, always will. I get that it’s a different perspective, just his way of seeing things. But I don’t think it’s a perspective I can … accept.’
‘You know he loves you very much.’
‘I know. But it doesn’t change anything.’
‘It changes everything, Sky.’ My grandmother shakes her head. ‘He will be devastated, absolutely devastated.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Sky dear, don’t you—’ But she’s interrupted by a loud ringing. We both look around. It’s not the doorbell. The home phone?
‘Probably just a telemarketer,’ she says. ‘We’ll ignore it.’
But the phone keeps ringing. And when it stops, it starts again, and doesn’t end.
She finally gets up to answer the phone in the kitchen. ‘We’re not interested.’
I expect her to hang up, but instead there’s silence. I go to the kitchen to see what’s happening. Her face is drained of colour and has turned a grey-beige.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, but she waves me away.
‘Thank you for calling, we’re coming immediately.’ She hangs up. ‘That was the hospital. Adam’s been in an accident.’
Chapter 22
‘Accident?’ I say, my mind slowly processing her words. ‘Is he okay?’
‘Hit by a car.’ My grandmother stares at the phone. ‘They wouldn’t tell me any more.’
‘But is he all right?’ I ask, my voice an octave higher than usual.
‘I don’t know. We have to go, now.’
‘Should I come too?’
But she hasn’t heard me, and has rushed upstairs to get Mike. He follows her downstairs also ashen-faced. She then runs around the house, seemingly gathering random things until Mike screams at her that they have to leave already.
Since nobody has a car, we have to call a taxi. I try to call Melody but hear her phone ringing from the bathroom, forgotten by the sink.
I grab my coat and we stand outside waiting for the cab, zombie-like.
I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him.
It’s looping in my head.
‘He’ll be okay, won’t he?’ I ask my grandfather, but he doesn’t answer.
By the time we get to the hospital, I’ve crumbled and started to cry. My grandparents rush to the admissions area, focused only on finding Adam. I stand in the background, my hands freezing because I forgot my gloves, and my cheeks hot with tears.
We take the lift up to the third floor and power walk down one corridor only to find a dead end, and then down another. Finally, we stop at a door. My grandfather knocks quietly. No answer. He opens the door and … No one there.
‘Where the hell is he?’ Mike says.
A nurse appears from around the corner. ‘Can I help you?’ he says.
‘We’re looking for my son, Adam Black,’ my grandfather barks. ‘There’s been an accident.’
‘He must be in the other examination room. Wait here and I’ll check,’ the nurse says.
‘Does that mean he’s okay?’ my grandmother asks him, her voice small. ‘Nobody’s told us anything.’
‘Hold on a moment.’ The nurse walks down the corridor. We see him speaking to someone at one of the stations, pointing to us before waving us over.
My heart is racing as I try to read his expression.
A billion things, emotions, thoughts are ping-ponging around my head. Is my dad dead? No. He can’t be. Examination room sounds okay. If someone’s died or is at death’s door, they wouldn’t bother with an examination, would they? There would be emergency surgery and doctors huddling, nurses calling for oxygen or shouting ‘clear’, holding defibrillators that make your heart start again once it’s stopped. It’d be chaos, stress, mayhem, like on TV.
All I know is he has to be okay. Has to be. Please, don’t let me lose him now. Please. But do I deserve it? I’ve done nothing but give him a hard time, expecting him to magically think and behave like me. Expecting him to be my version of perfect. I make a silent vow to do better, be better.
He has to be okay. He has to.
We reach the nurse’s station and the nurse says, ‘Come with me, I’ll take you to him.’
He gives nothing away as we follow him down the corridor. We almost have to jog as he has a long, fast stride. We make a right turn, left, then right again.
We finally stop at a door. The nurse peers in. ‘Adam Black?’
Is it him? He’s really alive?
‘There’s some family to see you.’
I follow my grandparents through the door, holding my breath.
And there he is.
Lying on a hospital bed, a drip in his arm, face bandaged on one side, and a big bandage wrapped around his bare chest.
My knees go wobbly but I find myself by his side, like I’ve teleported. My brain has frozen. ‘You’re alive,’ is all I can say.
He squeezes my hand. ‘Hope I didn’t give you a fright.’
‘Adam!’ My grandmother leans in to kiss him on his forehead. ‘What ha
ppened, dear? Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine, these are just for show.’ He touches his chest.
‘Anything broken?’ my grandfather asks.
‘No.’
‘Serious injuries? What does the doctor say?’
I bite the inside of my cheek and stare at the spot on his face where the bandage is. They’ve shaved off half his beard—so the bandage can stick properly, I guess.
‘I’m strong as a buffalo,’ he says.
I let out a sigh, and the tension in the room seems to ease a little.
My grandfather falls into a chair. ‘For God’s sake, Son,’ he barks again, ‘what the hell happened to you?’
‘It’s no big deal.’ My father smiles.
My heart rate is slowing down and I feel my shoulders relax.
‘What. The. Hell. Happened?’ Mike repeats.
‘Okay, Dad, settle down.’ Adam’s expression turns serious. ‘I was at Doug’s place, trying to help him out, get him back on track. But he started drinking again this morning. I tried to talk some sense into him, clearly a bad idea, because the more I talked the more he got worked up. Suddenly, he jumped up and said he needed to see someone about a loan, some shark, and grabbed his car keys. Of course, I tried to get them off him, but he pushed me back and I nearly fell down the stairs. He was so drunk by that point, I was scared he might crash, never mind get a DUI. He managed to get into his car, locking the doors from inside before I got there … the idiot. I tried to stop him reversing out of the driveway, but he sped up, skidded around, and then nicked me with the back of the truck. Hard enough that I flew into the trash cans. End of story.’
‘He hit you with his car and nothing’s broken?’ Mike asks.
‘A few bruised ribs.’
‘And your face?’
‘Will heal in a few days.’
‘Teeth okay?’ Mike continues.
‘Pearly white.’
‘You’re one lucky guy. Where’s Doug now?’
‘Police station. Again. This time I’m leaving him there.’
‘Of course you are, dear,’ Miriam chimes in. ‘He can only save himself.’
‘I know.’
‘Does Jaxon know?’ she asks.
‘Could you tell him for me? He’s at Trent’s place. Don’t scare him, though.’
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