He nods and I sigh with relief. Playing the boss has been an interesting experience, but I’m not ready and he’s not quite ready to let go. If there was ever a time to tell him, it’d be now.
“I don’t know that…I’ll ever want to do that again,” I say. He doesn’t look surprised.
“No, I didn’t think you would.” He leans over and rubs the music note stud on my lobe. “I guess I hoped that once you got a taste of it, like I did, you’d love it. But you’ve always wanted to be surrounded by music.”
Since I’m sharing so much of myself, I want to show him what I’m capable of.
“I…wrote a song. I want to show it to you.”
“You have it now?”
I pull my iPod from my purse and hand him the plugged in headphones. Before I can lose my nerve, I press play.
Dustin Kingsley has one of the best poker faces I’ve seen. Maybe I got mine from him but I’ve heard the term ‘resting bitch face’ used to describe me more than once. His poker face is on full display as he listens and by the time the song ends, I’m bubbling over with anticipation. He hands back the headphones.
“Who, ah…who’s singing?”
I run my fingers over my lobe this time.
“Maddox…” I start and he smiles. “And me.”
His eyebrows shoot up.
“Wait. Give me that again. No! That was you?!”
I look around the restaurant, wary of disturbing the other customers, but he keeps insisting so I hand him the iPod again. The food comes and he ignores the waitress and the food. I’m almost done eating when he finally takes the earbuds out and looks at me with a look of astonishment.
“You never told me…I’ve been promoting talent for decades and all the while I’ve had a star right under my nose!”
“No,” I start. “I’m not meant to be in front of people. I like it the way things were. Helping people with their own sound. Maybe I’ll let someone else sing that, but I’m not trying to be the next Asa, dad.”
He starts eating and I can see his mind still working. It worries me. He sets down his fork and strokes his beard.
“You said that was Maddox singing?” I swallow and my heart is pounding so hard at the sound of his name. Is he curious as to why he’s on the track? Is he suspecting anything?
“Yeah.”
“He’s another one. I’ve got talent hidden at Kingsley and look at me. Clueless.”
We spend the remainder of our lunch discussing his birthday party, which is three days after Christmas, and as we part ways I make a decision.
“I have to tell him about us before his birthday party,” I whisper. “I’ll tell him tomorrow. I promise.” I want us to be pictured together, and I want Maddox to escort me the way he always should’ve.
“Fine. But I want to be with you when you do,” Maddox says and I’m a little taken aback. It’s Monday morning and the first thing I’ve done is track him down in his office to share my decision with him.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I don’t want him to think I’m not man enough to claim his daughter.”
I snort.
“All of this chivalry is making it hard to breathe.”
“I could bend you over my desk instead. The way you wanted me to.” He stands and I walk toward him. His eyes widen and I’m sure he has no idea what’s about to happen. “We haven’t christened my office yet.”
“Or…” I point to his chair and he sits down. I know my shirt gives a decent amount of cleavage. I know that if I lean over, he’ll catch an eyeful of pink lace. So I lean over and place my hands on the arm rests of his chair. His eyes are right where I expected them to fall. “I could get some work done.”
I titter and dodge his hand but I realize, as he heads toward me, that I’m on the losing end of this game. One minute, I’m near the door, the next I’ve been swooped over his shoulder with a smack on my bottom. He places me on his desk and grabs one of my knees so it hooks behind him. I can feel him notched right where I ache most and I lean back, exposing my neck. He takes full advantage.
“Will it ever stop feeling like this?” I feel like he’s listening so I keep going. “Like I’m holding my breath until I see you. And when I finally do, I’m inhaling so much, my lungs will burst.”
He pulls back and his brown eyes are darker. They’re so intense but looking away isn’t an option.
“You are the greatest gift I never knew I was looking for.”
I feel my eyes fill and he presses his forehead against mine.
Loving Maddox was exactly like breathing. It came too naturally.
“You know, I’m probably not as pissed off as I ought to be.”
I look over Maddox’s shoulder at my father. Who is standing in Maddox’s doorway and looks more pissed than he’s letting on.
All of the times we’ve been careless with the door and it finally caught up to us.
Maddox helps me off the desk but doesn’t bother looking guilty. Nor does he let me walk far away from him. For every step I take toward my dad, he’s right behind me.
“I was planning on telling you.” My voice is firm.
My dad takes me by surprise and tells me to leave.
“What?” My voice isn’t as firm or certain anymore.
I look back at Maddox and he rubs my shoulder before nodding.
“Go on, Emerson.” My dad sounds impatient, and I can’t help but worry as I close Maddox’s office door behind me.
I head up to my office and grab Hollis on my way inside, nearly hyperventilating.
“Where’s the fire?” he asks when I let him go and start pacing.
“My father walked in on Maddox and me.”
“Were you fucking?”
I stop pacing and face him. “No! But we were kissing. I was on his desk.”
“Way to go, Maddox,” Hollis says with a grin and I laugh nervously. “On a scale of one to Podrick, how is he?”
“Really? You’re going to reference Game of Thrones right now?” Internally, I’m telling myself that he’s probably the one who taught Podrick Payne all he knows.
Hollis shrugs and I’m back to worrying.
“I just hope he isn’t getting fired.”
“I think you need to be more worried about your father planning a wedding with Maddox right now. Seriously, he loves the guy.”
Before I can respond, my phone rings and my father tells me that he and Maddox are headed up to my office. When I relay the message to Hollis, he continues to sit on one of my chairs.
“That means you need to leave,” I tell him and he twists his lips with annoyance.
“You’re no fun.” He gets up and as he returns to his desk, I hear him greet my dad and Maddox. Shit, I think. Here we go.
They walk in and both of them look serious as Maddox closes the door. I can only imagine Holly’s disappointment as it shuts.
“I’ve gotta say, things have changed since I left you in charge,” my dad starts, and I want to ask him what the hell he means by that so I do.
“What do you mean by that?”
He isn’t sitting, though he gestures for Maddox to. Maddox obliges and we’re both looking at him.
“I mean that before I left, you wouldn’t have felt the need to keep this from me. Or am I wrong in assuming that?”
I look at Maddox and he looks at me. I have to be completely and totally honest.
“I don’t know that I would’ve. Maybe I would’ve told you over time but certainly not as soon as it happened.”
“If he’s what you want, I’m not one to stand in your way but I thought surely I’d be one of the first to know.” He finally sits down and he glances at Maddox. “At least I like the guy. Never did know about the first, either, so I suppose it makes sense.”
Maddox is looking at me now but I’m not looking back, my eyes on my dad.
“I had a lot of…important things enter my life at once, and I didn’t want to mess up any of them. So I tried my hardest to balance it
out, and I didn’t want anyone to know because I don’t need opinions or any more whispers about me.”
My dad straightens. “That’s the most idiotic reason I’ve ever heard. You think I’d judge you for finding love? I assume that’s what this is after speaking with Mr. Bailey.”
“I just wasn’t ready to share,” I say, raising my voice. “I didn’t want to hope that this would go on and if I involved others, it would ruin me when it ended.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Maddox says, and my elbows hit my desk and I cover my eyes with my hands.
“If you want honesty, take what I’m telling you for what it is because I’m so goddamn tired of walking on eggshells. This is me telling you how I felt. Take it or leave it.”
When hands come down on my shoulders, kneading them, I don’t know who they belong to until his scent hits me. I look up at Maddox with a grateful smile. My father watches our interaction and smiles as well.
“I just want you to be happy, Emerson. I live for your smile,” he says, and Maddox kisses the top of my head.
“Dad, do you think I could even love another man if it weren’t for you loving me?” I make my way to him, hugging him tightly. “I’m so happy with him.”
“Then I’m happy,” he says in my ear. “I take it this means we’re all spending Christmas together?”
Maddox walks toward us and says, “If I’m invited, absolutely.”
Chapter 26
Christmas is spent blissfully with everyone I love in one room. Though Maddox and I put up a tree at his apartment, we help my father with his.
When Maddox opens his gifts from me, he’s shocked. I contacted retailers all over the world for instruments he didn’t already own. A wheelharp, an Eigenharp, and a kalimba ordered from Africa. He looks at me in wonder, and I laugh as I bet Holly and my dad how long it’ll take him to become proficient in playing the instruments.
When I open my gift from him, I see rows of earrings in all different quirky shapes. There are smiley faces, sad faces, bugs, planets, all sorts, and I leap up and kiss him with excitement. Once the day is done we head back to his place and curl up in his bed.
“Thank you,” he whispers as he starts to drop little kisses on my neck. Clothes are getting in the way and before I know it, we’re both naked and he’s kissing the insides of my thighs.
He drags me down the bed toward his waiting hips. My hands are above my head and my sigh hitches halfway out of my mouth when he enters me roughly.
His fingers dig into the flesh of my thighs as he increases the tempo. When he flips us over, I’m a little startled. I don’t move for a moment, but he grabs my hips and pulls me down on him. I arch my back, reacting to the sensation.
“That’s it. Don’t be shy.”
I take my time, rolling my hips slowly, noticing through my haze of pure pleasure the way his head is thrown back. Then I’m on my back again, and we’re more than what we were when we entered his apartment.
The days are passing in a blur, and I understand the notion of time flying when having fun. All of my days are fun whenever Maddox is involved. He’s watching me now as I get my hair and makeup done for my dad’s birthday party, a cup of tea in my hands. The party doesn’t require a gown, so I’m more than happy to dress myself. Once I’m done, Maddox is looking at the view of the city and doesn’t notice me at first. When he does, he still doesn’t turn and we look at the view together.
“You all right?” I ask, and I lean my head against his arm. He’s quiet, but I’m learning not to freak out about everything and just ask him.
“Yes.” He looks down at me. “And you’re beautiful. Ready?”
I nod and grab my coat from the closet. Hollis agrees to meet us there, so we take the car my father sent together. As we ride, he’s still being quiet but I’m trying my hardest not to think anything of it. We are happy. Everything is fine and the world is about to know that we’re together.
The car stops and Maddox is out before I can say a word, opening my door to the flashing lights. We move down the red carpet past the shouts asking about us and Maddox and I don’t answer.
We stop to take a photo and I don’t even notice that I’m looking at his hands. I’m waiting for him to throw up a dreaded piece sign or something equally moronic but he simply stands beside me, one hand on my waist, the other at his side.
I remember that he’s over thirty. Surely he wouldn’t do something so tacky. But then I look back as my father is being held up by paparazzi and there’s the freaking peace sign. I turn back as quickly as I can so as not to feel embarrassed.
When we get inside, Maddox immediately takes me to the dance floor and people are looking at us. All of the Kingsley employees have their eyes on us and I know what they’ll say. That my father took back the company because I did a terrible job and slept with my employee, but I don’t care as I pull Maddox down for a kiss.
His hands flex against me and when he speaks, I feel something. Like it isn’t just about what he’s saying.
“Maybe I didn’t love you at first sight the way you always dreamed. But…I saw you and I wanted to know you. I knew you and I wanted to love you. I love you…and now I want to never be without you. All you’ve ever wanted was to experience things. Experience this with me, Emerson. Feel what it’s like for me to love you and love me just as fiercely.”
“I do,” I whisper with determination because I want him to know that will never change. Once the song is over, my father pulls us away. I’m still expected to make my rounds and be polite. This time Maddox is by my side and I introduce him as my boyfriend. It doesn’t fit him because Maddox is so far from a boy, but I could hardly go around calling him my lover.
“I’m gonna get some air,” Maddox says in my ear before kissing my temple. I watch as he sets down his untouched champagne and loosens his tie a little on the way. I want to follow him out of here, but I’m pulled into another conversation.
Once it’s polite to step away and Maddox still hasn’t returned, I follow his earlier footsteps.
I’m on my way out when I hear his voice. He’s just outside the door, speaking to someone. I’m about to walk out and greet them when his companion starts to speak.
“Last I saw you, you were trying to get in on a job here. Now look.” She laughs. “From screwing someone in HR to this? You were always resourceful, Mr. Bailey.”
Maddox’s voice sounds distant, but I hear the clinking of glasses.
“I see you’re seated at Mr. Kingsley’s table. Next to his daughter. You two look cozy. Must have its perks, fucking the boss’ daughter,” I hear her say, and I realize that I’m waiting on his reply. I have to hear what he says. I want to know if, for the last several months, I’ve been living a lie.
“Indeed it does,” Maddox says back. Nothing else and I wait because I can’t move. I’m floored and I know what heartbreak sounds like.
It’s my heartbeat thudding in my ears as the world sounds happy around me. My fucking heart is still beating for him because it was never really mine to begin with. Now I’m stuck here with an orphan organ because the person who was supposed to want it, cast it aside.
Heartbreak sounds like dead silence. For a second. Then the world crashes and continues around you.
My feet move then, toward the bathroom. I shut myself inside and lean against the door and try to catch my breath. I feel like I’m dying, it hurts so badly, but I know I’m not and that I just need to calm down. My heart is still beating fast, and it’s telling me to go back and find Maddox and to make him explain himself.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, find him, find him.
But my brain is telling me to leave and not look back. I’m trying to save myself, spare myself the hurt and humiliation.
I can’t, I tell myself. I’ve been here before and I need to be different this time. I need to stop running and face him because if I run away now, I know I’ll be leaving more than Maddox behind. There has to be an explanation. So I head back in to hear the
answer I’m owed.
I’m fuming as I walk back into the party. I can’t help the way I’m nearly stomping the entire way. I see my father standing next to Maddox.
“You’re a good man, Mr. Bailey. Maybe one day you’ll join Emerson and me up at the top.”
The words swirl around my mind, like wine in a glass, and I’m tasting each of them as I digest their meaning.
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
My father smiles until he notices my expression. “You have to know that if I can trust him with you, I can trust him with helping you and me run my company.”
“You can’t trust him with either,” I spit out.
Maddox frowns and I can see his hand starting to reach for me.
“Do not touch me.” My father is confused and I don’t even know where to begin. So I direct my words toward Maddox. “I heard you. Out there with some woman. Fucking the boss’ daughter sure has its perks, right?”
I laugh but it’s humorless because exactly what I was afraid of is what’s happening. I’m watching my greatest fears unravel and history is repeating itself. His face is emotionless. I don’t even see surprise. I don’t see anything at all, and I know his poker face is better than mine could ever be. It pisses me off that even though I know he’s better at this than I am, I’m witnessing it for myself. He’s so good that I can feel myself shrink even as my heart tries to hold on. The face I love is morphing into one I can’t stand right before my eyes, like magic.
“What the hell is she talking about?” My father asks, his tone sharp. I feel someone standing to my right and look over to see Hollis. He doesn’t say a word as he sets his glass down on a nearby table.
Maddox doesn’t answer anyone and I can’t look at him anymore. I can’t convince myself that the same man I love is the man who is breaking me right now. So I turn into Holly’s arms.
“Let her go, Hollis,” Maddox says, finally breaking his silence.
“Don’t let me go. Don’t make me do this again,” I say into Hollis’ shirt and I feel us begin to move. The sound of the party starts to fade and then he’s opening a door. I look around, surprised that we’re in the women’s restroom.
The Sound of Serendipity Page 21