The Sound of Serendipity

by Cynthia A. Rodriguez

  “I thought this was fate. Destiny. Something that wasn’t entirely up to us and…it was all a lie!”

  “All I know is I was running late and there the cab was. So I got inside because…I don’t really even know why. And then I saw you and you were beautiful and young and so shy. I shrugged you off as I tried to get ahead. But then I kept seeing you and the universe kept kicking me in the face and the more I saw you, the more I understood that though our worlds are vastly different, at the root of it, we are walking down the same path. So why not walk with me?”

  “Because you didn’t want to walk with me, you wanted to use me!”

  “Of course I wanted you! I just wanted what came with you, too. But don’t you see? We spent nearly our entire relationship in secret. So what did I really benefit from being with you besides what would be expected in a relationship?”

  This is why he was bothered by our secrecy, I tell myself and I see him in a new light. Except it isn’t a light. It’s a shadow cast across the time we shared. At least when I was alone, those times were sacred. But now they aren’t. He’s taken my love and my body. Now he’s taken my memories too. Nothing was safe from Maddox, but I still wanted to know.

  “Why leave Kingsley?”

  “By the time that conversation ended, I was pretty certain I was fired. If I couldn’t have the job, I at least wanted you but when you begged me for honesty, I couldn’t give it to you. Not when you deserved the whole truth. So I decided to do it the right way. I wanted to take everything you thought I might’ve earned from being with you off the table before I gave you the truth. I can live with all of that. But I can’t live without you.”

  “You didn’t say anything to me.”

  I look down at my hands and when I see his hand come into view, I don’t shrink away. I let his hand touch me and though they’re covered in gloves and I’m covered in clothes, it feels amazing. It feels like I’m home.

  I allow myself to be comforted by him.

  “I was afraid.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of lying and losing you.”

  He’d lost me anyway.

  “I was afraid of loving you,” I tell him.

  “I was never afraid of loving you, Emerson. I was afraid of not being good enough for you to love.” He scoots closer.

  Maddox and Henry were not so different. But Maddox came back. That was what made him a better man.

  “I was in love with you before I ever even knew it. It was something that just was. Like music. Something I couldn’t help.” When he tells me this, my hurt and my anger and my confusion start to fade. ‘I’m stupid,’ they’ll say. I’m stupid for him.

  I found the salve for my wounds in the man who inflicted them. Sometimes love works that way.

  “You want me back?” He nods at my question. “Then earn me.”

  Chapter 31

  “It’s my first concert since I dropped that surprise album on you guys.” Carmen’s voice is a little winded as she tucks her hair away from her damp face. She pulls the stool toward the mic stand before sitting down, and I love the intimate feel of it. I glance over at Asa and she has tears in her eyes. It’s so intense, seeing everyone react to the music that was once our little secret. The audience spent the last forty-five minutes screaming and singing along and though we’re backstage, it feels like I’m just as much of a fan.

  I saw the amount of rehearsing that went into this, the discipline Carmen has with her voice, even the few freak outs and moments of sheer chaos. Through it all, Carmen remained professional and in charge. Sometimes I wonder how she was when she began, and I wonder what lessons she picked up on the way. A lot of bad happened in those days but so much good, it seemed, because she was effortlessly in control of every aspect of her career.

  “Thanks for making this possible,” Asa whispers as she clutches my hand. I smile at her, and Carmen starts to tell a story about the next song she’s going to perform.

  “I was lost for a while. But with help of a few good people, I’m here now. A lot of people turned me away but let me tell you…” she glances at Asa and me, “if you’ve got people who believe in you, you can take over the fucking world. And thanks to you all for wondering what the hell I was up to these past five years!”

  She starts her next song, the one that she put most of her hard times into, and I can hear Asa beside me whispering the words along with her. I peek toward the other side of the stage and my father is standing there with Carmen’s agent. He’s been trying to sign her, but she’s pretty stubborn about remaining with her relatively obscure indie label. I try not to get in the middle of it, but it’s entertaining to watch them go back and forth.

  When the song wraps, I glance down at my phone. I wonder what Maddox is up to. We’ve been in contact since our “accidental” cab ride last week, but I know it’s best if we take it slow this time around. I open my messages and stop at the last one he sent me.

  Maddox: I don’t expect you to just take me back. I’ll earn you back.

  I smile as I look at my response.

  Me: What do you mean?

  I look back up toward Carmen, and she’s starting to talk about another track. I shiver a little once I realize which one she’s about to perform.

  “I almost didn’t get this song, guys. Isn’t that crazy?” She shakes her head with a grin as she leans the mic stand to the right with her free hand. “A good friend of mine wrote it and…I could tell it was really special to her. But the problem was, she wrote it with the love of her life.”

  The crowd begins to aw and she starts to shake her hands, telling them to stop.

  “No, no. He was a dick and they broke up.”

  When they start to boo, she laughs.

  “Anyway, I had to track this man down because my beautiful, strong, sophisticated friend couldn’t. And I wasn’t going to not have this song, guys. Fuck that.” The crowd laughs and they’re as involved in her story as I am. I’m happy to be hidden from their eyes.

  “I found him wallowing at some empty bar. Don’t ask what went into finding him because if I told you, I’d have to kill you. After I compliment him on one of the most beautiful songs I’d ever heard, I proceed to give him hell, which he graciously accepts. I, of course, leave with written permission—on a receipt of some sort—but not before he requests to perform this song with his sweetheart someday in exchange.” She looks over at me just as I see Maddox standing next to my father, placing the guitar strap over his head. “And I always pay my debts, so let’s do this.”

  Asa giggles and shoves me forward as I shake my head. I adjust the off-the-shoulder top I’m wearing nervously. I’ve taken to relaxing my wardrobe a bit more, thinking it will help me relax more in life. Being shoved into the spotlight proved me wrong.

  “Come on, Em,” Carmen says, her hand outstretched.

  It was one thing to sing this song in front of maybe fifty people in a bar, but now? In front of a thousand or so? The venue said intimate but as I walk out, I feel like I’m on the world’s radar.

  “Give my friend Emerson a hand. She produced my entire album! What a gem!” Carmen stands and hugs me and when Maddox walks out, Carmen introduces him as well. “And here’s Maddox, the shithead boyfriend.” The crowd boos and she throws her head back and laughs.

  “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Originally this song was a duet so…show us how it’s done.” She hands me her mic and backs away. He’s smiling so big and I can’t help but mirror it.

  “Ready, sweet Emerson?” he asks. I shrug and he begins to play those first few chords that take my breath away.

  Chapter 32

  After the experience of a lifetime singing at Carmen’s show, Maddox has been diligent about earning me. He sends me flowers, takes me on dates, and though we’ve gotten close, he doesn’t pressure me for anything more. He still sends me songs, only these ones are sweet and lovely as opposed to the melancholy songs he used to send. We’ve just finished lunch when I decide to take us on a de
tour toward Maddox’s place. When we reach the destination, I smile at Maddox, fingering the hem of my dress. We walk inside and when I unlock the studio’s door, I let him walk in before I close the door behind us.

  It’s Maddox’s first time in my small studio. He’s turning slowly, and the low whistle that comes through his lips fills me with pride.

  “What do you think?” I reach over to turn on the larger light so he can see everything. He walks around the space, touching things before coming right back to me, as if he can’t help but be near me.

  “I think it makes me itch to create.” He leans over me and turns off the light I’d just turned on. “In your absence, I became obsessed. I missed more than the sex, more than the feeling of being yours. I can’t explain it but…that song your body sings....”

  I’m standing in front of him, waiting for him to finish.

  “I want to bring it to life.”

  “Wha….” He steps closer to me and I’m hit with how much I’ve missed this. The trust and the intimacy. Giving my body over to a man who absolutely knows what to do with it.

  “I have a confession to make,” he tells me, breaking me from my sexual haze.

  “More to confess?” I’m nervous. His last confession nearly ruined me.

  He doesn’t say anything as he reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a thumb drive, so like the one that held “You” and I’m unsure what’s happening. He sits in front of the recording equipment and before I know it, he’s playing something. It starts with footsteps. High heels on a hard surface. I envision long legs, a strong stride, and Louboutins until another sound filters through. Soft breathing? It’s gentle enough to not sound creepy and he’s mastered the sounds, morphing them into a beat that sounds like the beginning of something I can’t wait to hear. A chiming sound joins in with some sort of soft tapping. It isn’t until, “I love you,” plays that my questioning gaze flickers toward Maddox. That’s my voice. He turns the music off.

  “I’d like to think I’m not a man who makes the same mistake twice, so I’m going to be honest and tell you that I’ve been recording you, mostly without your knowledge. Audio only, of course, and only in appropriate moments. Anyway, when things ended, I spent weeks perfecting this. When I wasn’t mastering, I was listening to the clips and the track. So whether you knew it or not, I was surrounded by the reasons I love you every day we weren’t together.” He swiveled midway through his speech to face me, and I have to cover my face with my hands.

  “When did you even have time…” I say through the palms pressed to my lips.

  He takes my hands from my face and then there’s nothing protecting me from him. I can see the love in his eyes, in his smile. It feels like it’s transferring through osmosis, warming me from the inside out, and I’d bet my salary that my cheeks reflect the warmth. As if he’s reading my mind, he runs his thumb over one cheek.

  “When you were sleeping, when you were trying to ignore me as you walked past me. When you told me you loved me just because you wanted me to know. You gave me a song and you didn’t even know it. It’s time for me to show you what I love about you in musical form, made by you.”

  “Well…what do you need from me?” I keep my lips parted long after the words have slid from them.

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  As he reaches in his back pocket, he talks.

  “I realized early on that I didn’t have nearly enough material for the complexity of what I’m trying to achieve. Sure, I can recycle but…there are so many more sounds trapped inside of you.” He has a sleep mask in his hands and when he slides it over my eyes, I sigh. “I plan on pulling all of the material I need, every sound you make, and showing you how beautiful you truly are.”

  I can see the light around the edges of the black satin but that’s it. I’m being led, my hand in his, and though we move slowly, I feel disoriented already.

  “Don’t hurt me,” I whisper. I feel compelled to say it though I know he means my body no harm. But a deeper part of me knows this isn’t about my body.

  “Never again,” he vows before I hear some shuffling. The sound is far enough away that I know he isn’t in front of me anymore. Then I feel a finger on the inside of my arm. It’s unexpected so I jump a little, my inhale sharp. “Already giving me what I’m looking for.”

  His words are soft and I lick my lower lip before running my teeth over it. He runs his fingers through my hair and I smile.

  “You like when I touch you.”

  Though he isn’t asking, I tell him because I know this is about what he can get out of me.

  “I love when you touch me.”

  “Good.”

  I don’t know where exactly I’m standing until he turns me so my back is to him and pushes me forward to lean against the couch. When I bought the microfiber sofa, I had no idea I’d be bending over it with Maddox’s hands sliding toward my panties.

  He doesn’t bother to take them off, merely pulling the fabric to the side and stroking my sensitive skin slowly. I gasp and he nudges a finger just inside before slipping it out again.

  He’s so quiet and the blindfold only makes it all the more apparent. It makes sense that he put it on me because all I can focus on are the sounds I make as he finally pushes a finger inside of me. When I bite my lip to stifle a throaty sigh, he brings that same hand up and on my mouth. I can smell my arousal on his fingers.

  “Don’t.” One word is all I need. As if feeling like he needs more, he drags my panties down until they catch on my knees. He pushes my foot farther apart with his, and the scrap of silk falls and catches again on my calves. I feel his breath on the inside of my thighs before his lips press kisses on the backs of them. Then his mouth is on me and I make a strangled sound. I can hear it echo through my mind as I fall backwards into ecstasy. His hands grip me roughly, pressing into my flesh, his tongue working for the sounds he knows I can’t help but make.

  I am Maddox’s instrument. He’s playing my body for the sound I can give. Though I’ve unknowingly been giving him what he needs, as if my breathing and existing was enough to create a beat, he’s now stroking me with his tongue with the same fervent knowledge he uses when stroking piano keys. When I push my face into the couch, he brings one hand up, reaching just beneath my skull and dragging his fingers into my skin, down my back. I cry out, my face tilted upwards. The burn of his short nails against my skin and the slippery pleasure that’s happening as he flattens his tongue against me is in direct contradiction but it feels so in sync.

  My knees buckle as I come, and he pushes me farther onto the couch so I don’t fall. My thighs are squeezing his head like I can’t bear the idea of his mouth being anywhere other than where it is. I’m still catching my breath when I feel him move away. I can only hold onto the one thing keeping me from hitting the floor.

  I’m catching my breath, my hands still gripping the couch for dear life, when he speaks.

  “Come here,” I hear him say and it sounds so loud, cutting through the quiet roar in my head. I try to stand and before I can attempt to, I’m being turned and I feel him yank my panties from my ankles. He lifts me so my legs wrap around his waist and he sits down. I sigh when his hand dips under my dress.

  “It’s too much,” I whisper as I press my forehead into his shoulder.

  “Never.” He lifts me a little and I bite my lip when I feel him right where his mouth was. I’m still swollen and slick there, and it’ll only take the smallest flex of my hips for him to slide inside.

  Without his words to guide me, I follow his hands on my waist, sinking down and letting out a soft sob when I’m resting on his hips. It’s only then that I realize he’s still wearing his jeans, the denim rubbing against my skin. When I feel his hand push between my body and his, I start rocking my hips because the way he’s pressing his thumb against me makes it impossible not to.

  “Do you feel the world slowing down?” he asks against my collarbone, his arms banding around my back as I rise and
fall to a frantic rhythm. It’s impossible to speak with the way he raises his hips to meet mine every time.

  Because I can’t see him, I pay attention to the vulnerability in his words. The higher we climb, the more the world slows until I’m blinded more by my ecstasy than the blindfold, and it feels like we’re in our own world that revolves around us rather than the sun.

  I want to stay this way forever.

  Maddox places his hand over my heart and after a moment, his index finger taps along with it. I feel the sweat roll down my back as I catch my breath, and he still taps against my collarbone.

  “This. This is the one sound I love most.”

  Just like that, my monster heart heels to its master.

  EPILOGUE

  The park is busy and when I head toward our bench, Maddox suggests we keep walking. Something is off about him. The sun shines down on us and summer is here. My heels click with each step I take.

  “No watching today,” he announces, and I link my arm through his.

  “Okay,” I tell him as we continue to walk. I’m not focused on the people we pass. I can only give my attention to Maddox, but he’s fidgety and I can’t place the look he gives me. “Everything all right?”

  He stops and runs his hand through his hair.

  “I suck at this,” he says, and I laugh before touching the mole on his chin.

  “You could never suck at anything. Except ice skating.”

  “You flatter me, Emmy,” he says with a chuckle before he looks around. “I guess I want to be around enough people.”

  I look around too and shrug. There are plenty of people, but I don’t understand why he’s worried until I look back at him. And he’s on one knee.

  “Emerson Lexa Kingsley, I came here because while this question is the most important and private one I could ask, you deserve to be the one people look at, even if just for this moment. I want to give you the world, starting with what you’ve always dreamed of. I know I could’ve asked you in bed or at dinner…or anywhere else. I could’ve offered you my life elaborately, but I know you and I listen to you. And I love you so much that I want anyone who’ll see to know it.”