by Rhonda Bowen
After the first incident at the hospital, they had made sure to find out who, if any, of them could be a blood donor match for Sheree in the event of an emergency. The doctors had told them that in some cases of complicated pregnancies, women lost a lot of blood during the delivery process and needed transfusions. That was when they had found out that JJ and Sheree shared the same blood type.
“Your sister actually did that earlier,” Simon said, nodding across the room.
JJ followed his gaze to where Lissandra sat on the other side, and JJ noticed for the first time the bandage on her sister’s arm.
Lissandra shrugged. “We have the same blood type, remember? It was no big deal.”
JJ nodded. “Yes, of course.”
She looked around at the people in the room. It felt like her family had taken care of everything. She was glad Dean was there, fulfilling the supportive role he should have been in from the beginning, as the baby’s father. It was clear from everything that had happened over the past few hours that her family had indeed put the past behind them and were treating Sheree like she was one of their own. At least JJ knew that whatever happened, there would be someone there for Sheree if she couldn’t be. In fact, from the looks of things, she wasn’t needed as much as she used to be.
“Okay, everyone, your ten minutes is up,” Simon said. “Sheree needs her rest if she’s going to recover, and hospital policy says I have to kick you all out of the room.”
JJ looked around, surprised, as everyone stood up to leave.
“But I just got here,” she squeaked. She looked up at Simon hopefully, but he was writing on the chart.
“Sorry,” he mumbled without looking at her. “She’s critical, and I’ve already bent the rules, allowing everyone in here at once.”
Lissandra and Zelia slipped through the door with their mother while Dean squeezed Sheree’s hand and Sydney planted a kiss on the unresponsive woman’s cheek. JJ stood at the foot of the bed, not wanting to go but not knowing what she would do if she stayed either. She reached out and squeezed Sheree’s toe, one of the few parts of her body not connected to wires. Her toes were painted in Beach Bum Blu, the same nail polish JJ had brought to her weeks before. It seemed so long ago since she had laughed and smiled with her friend, talked about baby names, prayed with her for the safety of her child. And now here they both were, unable to communicate with each other.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” JJ whispered. “I wish—”
“Judith.”
Simon’s firm voice from the door interrupted whatever else she had planned to say. She stepped back from the bed and gave Sheree one last look before leaving the room.
In the hallway she turned to look for Simon but only caught the back of his white coat as he headed down the corridor. She sighed. Guess that bridge was completely burnt and the ashes washed away.
She refocused her attention on her family, who were preparing to leave.
“Good show tonight.” Lissandra threw the comment behind her as she headed down the hall toward the elevators, her phone attached to her ear. “Next time hopefully we can catch the whole thing.”
“We had to leave early, obviously, because of everything,” Sydney explained. “But we caught the first part of your solo. You were great, hon. Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” JJ said as she accepted her sister’s embrace.
“Yes,” Jackie echoed with a soft smile as she slipped on a light summer jacket. “You were good. I’m glad I finally got to see it.”
JJ smiled as her mother kissed her cheek.
“Thanks for coming, Mom. I really appreciate it,” JJ said. “Thanks, all of you.”
“Alright, we’re going to head out,” Sydney said, looking around. “Dean, you still staying?”
JJ glanced over at her brother, who had settled into a chair in the waiting area near where they were all standing.
“Yup,” he said with a nod. “I’ll let you know if anything changes.”
“Okay,” Sydney said with a nod. “Mom, I’ll walk you down. Zelia went to bring the car around. JJ, we’ll see you.”
JJ watched as her mother and sister headed in the same direction Lissandra had gone. An odd sensation began to fill her. She sat down in the chair next to Dean.
“Looks like you all have everything under control.”
Dean looked up from his cell phone. From the look on his face, she knew he was only using it to distract himself.
Dean let out a sigh. “Yeah. It’s too bad something like this had to happen before we all stepped up the way we should have.”
JJ shrugged. “Everyone’s been doing the best they can under the circumstances.”
“But we should have been doing more,” Dean said. “I should have been doing more. I should never have let Sheree go through all this on her own. And you, JJ, you should never have had to take all this on. You have your own life to live. You didn’t need to be burdened with all this . . .”
JJ shook her head vigorously. “No, Dean. Don’t think that. It’s not a burden. It never was. Sheree has been like another sister to me.”
“But I am her husband, and I should have been here.” Dean frowned. “I’m going to be here. From now on. You don’t have to carry this anymore, JJ. I’ve got this.”
JJ sat back, confused and not sure what to say. She felt like she had just lost something, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was. In fact, it felt like somehow, in the past couple hours, she had been . . . replaced? She had missed a moment to be there for Sheree. She was glad her family had been there to fill the gap. But now it felt like she wasn’t really needed anymore.
Dean slung an arm around JJ’s shoulders. “You had a great night tonight. You should be out celebrating.”
He kissed her cheek before easing her to her feet. “Don’t worry about Sheree. She will be fine. You get out of here. Go have yourself a good time.”
JJ found herself walking down the hallway toward the exit, alone. She was leaving. But she had nowhere to go. Dean had told her to celebrate, have a good time. But how could she? When the woman who had become closer to her than she had ever imagined was lying in the hospital in critical condition? When the man who had snuck his way into her heart wouldn’t even look at her? When her family seemed to have no need for her? How could she celebrate when all she felt was depressed and alone?
Chapter 46
The Molson Canadian Amphitheatre was almost empty. It had taken over an hour for the crowds to clear, for the media and VIPs to leave the backstage area, and for all the autographs to be signed. JJ had been a part of all of it. Who knew people would want her autograph?
She looked out into the dimly lit space, remembering the thousands of people who had filled the amphitheater a short time earlier. Before this week, the last time she had been here was a year ago. She had been in the audience and someone else had been performing. She never thought she would be the one onstage. And yet she was. She had sung for thousands. People had called her name. Her face had been on the screen. It was everything she had dreamed about. But it had lasted for only a few moments, and then it was over.
She swung her legs back and forth as she sat on the edge of the stage, enjoying the quiet moment. This could be her life. This could be her future. She had to admit, it wasn’t half bad.
“Can’t believe it, can you? That just moments ago this place was filled, and all those eyes were on you.”
JJ felt Deacon sit down beside her and she looked over at him.
“Do you ever get used to it?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Not really. Maybe I haven’t been doing it long enough. I will get into the performance and forget about the audience for a while. But then I will have a moment during the show when I look out there and see all those people and realize that they are there for me. They came for me. It’s unbelievable.”
JJ nodded. “It is.”
“Think you could do this for the rest of your life?” he asked.
/> JJ snorted. “Only a handful of people do this for the rest of their life.”
Deacon tilted his head to the side. “True. But a lot of people do it for a long, long time. And it can be a good life.”
“But you’re planning to give it all up,” JJ said, looking at him again.
He smiled. “It’s a good life, but it’s not everything. There’s more to life than this.”
His words startled JJ. There was more to life than this. She knew that. That was the doubt sitting in the pit of her stomach, the knowledge that this wasn’t it. That all the stages in the world couldn’t fill her with the wholeness that came from having those things that were most important: her family, her loved ones, her faith.
“It’s easy to forget, you know?” JJ said after a moment. “I lost myself for a while because I forgot that. Lost my faith, my relationship with God that used to keep me grounded.”
Deacon nodded. “This business gives you a lot of opportunities, but you also lose out on a lot. You get the fame, the money, the freedom to do what you love. But in a way, you lose your freedom too. You lose the chance to love without limits. You lose the chance to find love that’s real. You lose the chance to know who you really are. And that can take a toll on a person.”
JJ bit her lip. “You think you can have it all? Freedom and fame?”
Deacon squinted into the darkness thoughtfully. “I used to think I could.”
As they sat in silence, JJ realized that even though Deacon was a millionaire pop star, underneath all the expensive clothes and cars, under the Gucci sunglasses and the celebrity lifestyle, he was just an ordinary guy trying to find happiness and live a life that was worthwhile. The surprising thing was that it was probably harder for him than most.
“Did you love Cymmone?” JJ asked after a long moment.
Deacon smiled but kept looking out into the darkness. “I think I did. But I loved my career more. Things turned out better this way.”
“For you?”
Deacon stood up. “For her.”
JJ watched him as he walked back across the stage. “See you in Boston, JJ.”
“Bus is leaving in fifteen minutes!”
JJ recognized Diana’s voice from backstage and sighed. Since they had come back from the break, the schedule had them leaving the city at night, after the performance, instead of the following morning. JJ suspected that Andrew had something to do with that. Probably didn’t want to pay for an extra night at the hotel. Kya thought it was because he was miserable and wanted everyone to be miserable too, by eliminating the one night they would have off to celebrate.
Either way, it didn’t matter. Within the hour they would be on a bus on the way to Boston. The ten-hour bus ride would put them in Boston just in time for hotel check-in. After a quick nap, they would be in rehearsal and prepping for the next concert in a day and a half.
With one last look out into the empty amphitheater, she got up and turned to go. She only got two steps.
“You should really stop sneaking up on people like that,” JJ said.
“It’s not intentional,” Rayshawn said, hands in his pocket. “I thought you would hear me. Looked like you were off somewhere.”
JJ shrugged. “Just thinking.”
“About the great show you had tonight?” he asked, taking a step closer. “You were awesome, by the way.”
JJ smiled. “Thanks. Guess you saw it?”
He nodded. “That I did. Have to keep an eye on my best client.”
A silence fell between them as they considered each other. JJ took in Rayshawn for the first time in a long while: his dark pants, white V-neck shirt, gray sweater with the sleeves pushed up to expose his muscular forearms. He was something to look at, that’s for sure. And for a long time JJ had enjoyed looking at him. Got a tingle up her spine when his eyes were on her. But in that moment, as she looked at him, the man she had given too much of herself to, she felt nothing.
He misunderstood her gaze. JJ knew it when he closed the distance between them and took her hands in his. When he spoke, his voice was deep and thick with something that wasn’t love but that she had mistaken for love at some point along the way.
“JJ . . .”
“Where’s the contract?” she asked.
His face twisted in confusion. “What?”
She pulled her hands out of his. “Where’s the contract, Rayshawn? Isn’t that what you came here for?”
Something she couldn’t read flitted through his eyes.
“Come on, JJ,” he said. “I came to see you perform.”
JJ stepped closer and slipped her arms under his sweater, encircling him. But before he could return the embrace, she stepped back and held up the rolled-up, letter-size brown envelope she had pulled out of his back pocket.
“This is it, right?”
The look that came next she could definitely read. Guilt.
“Okay, JJ,” he said flatly. “I came hoping you would sign the contract too. Only because I know the next couple days are going to be crazy and you won’t have time to think about it.”
He earnestly clasped his hands together in front of him. “JJ, this is an amazing opportunity. I have negotiated hundreds of contracts, and trust me, this is one of the best. They’re giving you three years. Full label resources. Two albums and tours guaranteed. And you get to retain the rights to the songs that you write. Do you realize how amazing that is? They’re giving you the world on a silver platter.”
What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world . . .
“You can’t lose with this.”
. . . and lose his own soul.
“I figured you would need a little time after the tour,” Rayshawn continued. “You know, to see your family, spend some time at home. So we worked in a three-week break between the end of this tour and the start of the work on the contract. But after that, it will be full throttle. We got a place for you in LA where you can stay until you find something permanent. It’s a great little apartment that our artists in transition use, fully furnished, of course. But once you get your advance from the contract, plus the money you made on the tour, plus the signing rights for Deacon Hill to use your song . . .”
Rayshawn was talking a mile a minute now. JJ watched his lips move, but his voice was fading away somewhere into the background. She looked down at the contract. She was holding the beginning of the rest of her life in her hands. All she had to do was sign. She thought of Sheree, about how Dean was back in her life for good, about how Sydney, Lissandra, and the rest of the family had accepted her as their own. She wouldn’t have to worry about Sheree anymore. She had made peace with Jackie over her involvement in the music business. And as far as Simon was concerned . . . well, there were some things she would just have to allow time to solve. But the truth was, her life in Toronto was tied up neatly.
She took a deep breath. “Okay.”
Rayshawn stopped midsentence, his brown eyes widening in surprise. “Okay?”
“Okay,” JJ said with a nod.
Rayshawn grinned and punched the air. “Yes!”
He grabbed her and spun her around. JJ squealed in surprise. “Put me down!”
Rayshawn laughed and set her back down on the stage. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but, JJ, you just made the best decision of your life.”
He dug into his pocket. “Let me get you a pen . . .”
JJ watched him as he searched frantically for the writing instrument. Watched the man she was essentially committing the next three years of her life to.
“JJ, everyone’s on the bus waiting on you.” Diana’s impatient voice cut into JJ’s thoughts. “We have to go.”
“Okay, okay,” JJ said. It was going to be like this from now on. People demanding her attention. Pushing her from one place to the other. Always on the move, never a moment to spare. This was what it took to be a star.
She grabbed the pen from Rayshawn, hurriedly signed in the three spots marked with an x, then shoved the do
cument back into the envelope and into Rayshawn’s hands.
“I’ll scan you a copy,” Rayshawn called after her as she stepped away.
JJ hurried through the backstage area, barely catching up with Diana as they made their way to the bus waiting outside the arena. When they got there, the driver was loading the last bags into the luggage area. JJ paused and looked around at the dark night sky. She was at the heart of the city. Her city. She could see the CN Tower lit up against the city skyline. This was her Toronto. It would always be. But for now, it was time to spread her wings.
Climbing into the bus, she took her seat near the window and slid it open, sucking in the cool evening air. She put her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss into the night sky.
“Good-bye, Toronto.”
Chapter 47
“It’s time, isn’t it? This baby is coming now, isn’t it?”
Simon sat down on the stool next to Sheree’s bed. This was a new bed, in a new room. She had been moved again the day before, when her contractions started. They knew then that any change, from a spike in her heart rate to the movement of the child, might trigger delivery, and that the process would be quick and possibly complicated. But one thing was certain: Sheree would have to have a cesarean section.
“The baby is coming soon,” Simon said, careful to keep his voice relaxed. He wanted to keep Sheree as calm as possible, especially since he was about to give her news she didn’t want to hear.
“How soon?” Dean asked. He was sitting on the other side of Sheree’s bed. Simon was impressed with how present the man had been over the past few weeks. He didn’t know the whole story with Dean and Sheree, but from the bits and pieces he had been told by Judith and overheard during family conversations in Sheree’s hospital room, he knew that their relationship was probably as complicated as her pregnancy. Whatever was unsaid between them, however, was not keeping Dean from supporting the mother of his child. He had been there every day for the past few days, asking questions, getting Sheree anything she needed, showing her something that lingered in the space between loyalty and love.
“That’s actually what I’m here to talk to you both about,” Simon said, turning his gaze to Sheree. “Both your and the baby’s heart rates are good, your pressure is stable, and you are doing much better than you were earlier in the week. This is a good window for you to deliver.”