by Noelle Adams
He wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep.
Not with Laura in the bedroom, just one half-opened door away.
But it was better to go slow.
If they moved too fast, she was likely to get spooked. Then she’d run away and slam down her defenses.
He’d lose her for good.
It was a miracle he even had a chance with her.
He wasn’t going to blow it just because his body wasn’t cooperating.
He wasn’t a teenager anymore. He wasn’t in his twenties. He was forty-five. He shouldn’t be fighting against lust this way.
But it was a long time before he went to sleep.
HE DID DOZE OFF EVENTUALLY but not very deeply.
He started awake immediately at the sound of a voice.
The fire in the fireplace had died down a lot. It was cooler and darker in the room. He lifted his head to listen.
“Russ?”
He jumped out of bed immediately, slammed into urgency at the sound of Laura’s voice. He was mostly naked in the cold room as he strode across the floor, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. He pushed a hand through his messy hair as he stood in the doorway of the bedroom.
Her fire had died down a lot too.
“Laura? Are you okay?”
He could see her in bed in the dim light from the fire. She sat up as he watched. She was wearing the little white T-shirt she’d had on under her sweater, and her hair was loose and messy around her face.
“Russ,” she said when she saw him.
He walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge and reaching out to take her face in one hand. “What’s the matter, baby?”
“N-nothing. Really. I just woke up. I felt alone in the world.” One of her hands went up so she was gripping his wrist. “And I wanted you.”
Maybe he was still half-asleep. Or maybe his mental defenses had taken too much of a beating over the past twelve hours.
Either way, he could no longer control himself.
He made a choked sound in his throat and leaned toward her in a kiss.
He’d intended it to be gentle, comforting, but it didn’t turn out that way. The momentum of the kiss pushed her back down onto the bed, and he moved over her with one fast motion.
He was straddling her body and holding himself up on his forearms as he deepened the kiss with his tongue.
She responded with equal urgency, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his body down onto hers.
They rocked together in the kiss, and by the time he pulled his mouth away, Russ was fully aroused. His erection was hard and aching, pressed between their two bodies. She’d evidently found it because she was rubbing against it intentionally as she arched her neck and stared up at him through hungry, heavy-lidded eyes.
He groaned helplessly at the sight and feel of her.
“Russ, is this okay?” she asked, her hands running down his bare back in a way that made him want to howl.
“Is it okay? Okay?” He closed his eyes briefly and ground his hips down into hers. “It’s worlds better than okay. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened in the universe.”
She gave a little snort of a laugh as she pulled his head down toward hers again. “Don’t exaggerate.”
“I’m telling you the literal truth.” The throbbing in his head, his heart, his arousal, was about to drown out everything else. “This is the best thing. To ever happen. To anyone.” On each pause, he pushed his hips down into her, the pressure easing a little of the agonizing ache.
She made an odd whimper as she arched up, and he wasn’t sure whether it was from physical or emotional pleasure. Then she pulled off her T-shirt, which she was just wearing with a pair of white panties.
She didn’t have a bra on beneath it.
He stared down at her bare breasts. Her body was slim and toned, and her breasts were firm and perfectly curved with tight rose-brown nipples. She was freckled everywhere.
“Oh fuck, baby,” he said, hardly recognizing the sound of his voice. “You’re beautiful. The sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“There you go. Exaggerating again.”
“I’m not exaggerating.” He brushed his lips along the pulse in her throat, which he could feel was throbbing. “You have no idea how incredibly sexy you are. And these freckles are the cherry on top.”
He felt her body start to shake, so he looked up to her face to discover she was laughing. A silent, emotional laugh that wasn’t far from tears.
His face broke into a wry smile. “I was serious.”
“I know you were.” She pulled him down into a hug. “But I didn’t expect you to resort to clichés.”
He had to think back. “Shit. I said cherry on top, didn’t I?”
“Yep.”
“Give me a minute to pull myself together. I’ll do better.”
She pulled his head up and gave him the sweetest kiss on the side of the mouth. “I don’t want you to do better, Russ. I want you. Just like this.”
She meant it. He could see it.
She wanted him. Exactly as he was.
He hadn’t thought he could possibly get more turned on than he’d already been, but it happened. His erection throbbed dangerously for a moment as if it were tied to his heart, which was exploding with feeling.
He deepened the kiss and couldn’t pull away. Everything about her was warm and soft and strong and small. She wound her legs around his hips and they rocked together in the motion of lovemaking until he froze as a rush of pleasure slammed into his body.
To his immense relief, he didn’t come in his underwear. He wasn’t sure how he would have overcome that kind of humiliation. He was tense and shaking slightly when he pulled his mouth away from hers.
“Now, Russ,” she whispered.
“Laura.”
“Now. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
He didn’t want to wait either. He wasn’t sure he was physically capable of it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew they were supposed to go slow. He knew this was too rushed, too urgent. He knew they were forgetting things.
But Laura Holiday was gazing up at him with hot, needy eyes, and he’d never imagined he’d ever see her like this, feel her like this.
There was no way he could say no or hold back.
With a low groan in the back of his throat, he lifted up enough to drag off his underwear and pull hers off as well. Then she was gathering him into her arms, her legs. He was sliding his fingers inside her.
She was wet. So wet. Hot and wet and tight and his.
He was lining his erection up at her entrance, and she was lifting her hips to get him inside her more quickly.
Then he was finally—finally—inside her. The clasp of her body was so tight he moaned uninhibitedly.
He couldn’t believe the helpless sound had actually come out of him.
He was usually so completely controlled.
She was gasping and squirming her hips slightly, and he managed to open his eyes to check her expression, relieved to see pleasure on her face rather than discomfort.
“Shit, you feel good.” She reached up to comb her fingers through his hair.
“I feel good. You feel like...”
“Like what?” There was almost a teasing glint in her eyes that somehow made it even better.
“Like...” His hips made a couple of little thrusts he couldn’t control. “Like paradise.”
“Paradise? I told you that you were secretly a romantic.” She breathed out a laugh and moved her hands down to his shoulders, wrapping her legs around his hips and hooking her ankles, a move that sunk him even more deeply inside her.
Both of them groaned at the adjustment.
“I’m not a romantic,” he managed to say. His hips were moving now of their own accord. Pushing into her. Taking her.
She was meeting his thrusts with an eagerness that was intoxicating. “Don’t try to deny it. I know you, Russ Matheson.”
“Do you
?” He wasn’t going to be able to sustain the conversation for long. He was thrusting fast and hard now, and the friction was building up to a powerful momentum that was overtaking his body, his mind, his heart.
“Yes.” She was breathless now too. Her fingers were digging into his skin. Her body shook, tightened beneath his. “I know you.”
“I know you too. And you’re about to come.” He could see it, feel it. Her panting was turning into little sobs.
“I’m...”
“About to come.”
“Oh God, please. Russ!”
They were shaking the bed with their urgent motion, and she froze in an arch as her tension broke. She didn’t scream or shout or even make a loud noise. Her mouth fell open, and her breath caught in her throat. Her face twisted in obvious pleasure.
Then her whole body was shuddering, riding out the release as her fingernails clawed lines up the back of his shoulders.
The pain from her nails was what pushed him over the edge. Or maybe it was the feel of her coming all around him.
Or maybe it was everything.
Being with Laura after all this time.
Russ came with a roar, the wave of pleasure crashing into him. He jerked his hips and straightened his arms and tossed his head as he tried to contain the sensations. He could feel himself coming inside her, and he suddenly remembered what they’d forgotten.
What they really shouldn’t have neglected.
And he must be the world’s most selfish bastard because it still thrilled him. Coming inside Laura. Nothing between them.
They stayed tangled together for a few minutes, both of them rocking and jerking occasionally with the aftermath of their orgasms. Russ had dropped his head to the crook of Laura’s neck. He could smell her hair, her damp skin. One of her hands was lightly stroking his back, and the other had slid down to rest on his butt.
If the world stopped right now, if time came to a halt at this moment, he wouldn’t have a problem with it.
He would be perfectly happy.
“Oh God, Russ,” Laura said hoarsely. “That was really good.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it was.” He told himself to lift his head so he could look at her, but he was having trouble finding the energy.
He felt utterly wiped out.
“I can’t believe it was so good.”
He did lift his head at that. “Why are you surprised?”
She gave him a twisted smile. “It’s not about you. I’m surprised that any sex—particularly for the first time—can be that good.”
“Oh. Well, that’s okay then.”
She giggled and pulled him down into a hug.
His heart was overflowing. Utterly overflowing. There was no way he could hold it all in. And what was rising up was even stronger, more powerful, than the physical pleasure he’d just experienced.
He hugged her back. Heard himself start to say, “Oh fuck, Laura. You have no idea how much I—”
He stopped himself just in time.
He felt her freeze. “What?”
Panic was following quickly on the heels of emotion.
He wasn’t like this. He wasn’t this uncontrolled. He’d been a careful man all his life, and he never ran headlong into danger.
And this was dangerous. The most dangerous thing.
Laura had told him very clearly that they needed to go slow. And she’d made it clear that, if they didn’t, she would pull back like a spooked animal.
If he told her the truth, if he told her everything, it would scare her so much he’d lose her for good.
He’d already been stupid.
He’d already been anything but careful.
He’d just had sex with her without a condom, without protection. And he had no idea whether Laura was on birth control or not. They hadn’t even discussed it.
He wasn’t reckless that way.
He was careful, and he wasn’t young anymore.
He wasn’t that six-year-old boy who’d been dragged around by his father and told not to cry.
He was strong now. And he wasn’t going to make another mistake and maybe lose everything.
“What, what?” he asked, raising his eyebrows as if he didn’t know what she was asking.
“You were saying something and you stopped. I was wondering what you were going to say.” Her eyes were wide and urgent.
Scared.
She was scared.
He wasn’t going to lose her, so he wasn’t going to tell her the truth.
It took all the strength he possessed, but he gave her a casual smile. “Oh. I was just saying that you have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had such a good time.”
Something flickered on her face, and he didn’t know what it was.
Relief. He hoped.
But then she smiled at him and said, “Oh. Well, I guess you want to make up for lost time then.”
It didn’t feel quite right to Russ. It felt like something was missing—something he’d almost gotten his hands on.
But at least he hadn’t lost her.
At least he was safe.
Seven
LAURA WOKE UP EARLY the next morning needing to pee, so she got up and ran to the bathroom.
The power was still off in the cottage, so it was dark. She hadn’t brought a flashlight in with her, so she couldn’t see herself in the mirror. It was just as well. She was completely naked, and her hair was probably a tangled mess.
After washing her hands, she felt around until she found the sample-sized toothpaste they kept in the cottage for guests. She rubbed it on her teeth and rinsed out her mouth before she went back to the bedroom.
She stoked the fire to get it going again and then dug around under the sheet until she found her panties. She pulled them on before she got back under the covers.
By then Russ was starting to stir. “Wha—” He’d been sleeping on his side, but he rolled over on his back now, flinging one of his arms up above his head. His eyes were open just a slit.
“Shh.” She settled herself under the covers again. “It’s early yet. Go back to sleep.”
She was watching him in the light of the fire, so she saw as her words, her presence, processed in his mind. His head jerked to the side, and his eyes opened all the way. When he saw her lying beside him, his face softened in a smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“What time is it?”
“Just after four.”
“Early.”
“I know. That’s what I just said. You can go back to sleep.”
Russ looked adorably rumpled—with messy hair, dark bristles on his jaw, and heavy-lidded eyes. He was still smiling at her as he reached over to pull her against him.
She came willingly, stretching up to kiss him softly.
“You brushed your teeth,” he murmured against her lips.
“Just used the toothpaste. No toothbrush.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm what?”
With a groan, Russ let her go and then rolled over to the edge of the bed. He sat up, stretched with another groan, and then stood up.
He was as naked as he’d been earlier, and she couldn’t help but admire his lean body. He was in really good shape for a man his age. She loved his long legs, strong arms, lean abs, broad shoulders, tight butt.
He glanced back at her as he started for the bathroom. “What?”
“Nothing. Just admiring the view.”
He snorted and kept walking.
He was in there for a couple of minutes. She heard the toilet flush and then the water in the sink. When he came back out, he pulled his underwear on the way she had, and then he slid under the covers and pulled her back into his arms.
He rolled them over so he was on top of her, positioned between her legs. “Good morning,” he said with a smile.
“You used the toothpaste too.”
“Of course I did.”
She laughed and wrapped her arms around him.
“It was only practical
,” Russ went on. “I wasn’t going to be the only one with bad breath.”
“Very smart of you.”
“I’m always smart.”
“I know you are.” She felt oddly fond, soft. She ran her hands up and down his firm back. “My boy is very smart.”
He arched his eyebrows. “Your boy?”
“Yes. What’s wrong with that?”
“I’m a long ways from being a boy.”
“Sure. But if you can call me baby, then I can call you my boy.”
His eyebrows arched even higher, but it looked like he was hiding a smile. “Okay. Fine. Call me what you want. Old geezer. Your boy. Anything you want.” He grabbed one of her wrists and pressed a kiss onto her knuckles. “Did I really call you baby?”
“Yes. You did. More than once.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize that.”
“I didn’t mind.”
“Okay. Then you won’t mind if I do it again.”
“Not at all.”
He kissed her again. Slowly. Softly. It was lovely, but it felt different than it had the night before.
She wasn’t exactly sure how or why, and the difference was so subtle that she could never have explained it. But she recognized it anyway.
It was like Russ was holding something back, when he hadn’t been holding back last night.
He was completely in control right now as he pulled out of the kiss and made his way down her body, kissing and teasing and turning her on. He went slow, and he knew what he was doing. All of it was tantalizing, erotic.
But it felt like something was missing. Something really important to her.
But this was Russ. This was who Russ had always been. Handsome. Intelligent. Funny. Ironic. Completely self-contained.
Controlled.
Careful.
Never letting go.
Never getting angry.
This was the man she’d always known. Yesterday had been the aberration.
And if she didn’t want Russ like this, then she shouldn’t want him at all.
It worried her.
Even as she grew more and more aroused, it worried her.
Eventually her physical sensations overwhelmed her reflections. Russ’s mouth was on one of her breasts, and his hand was between her legs, and she was just on the edge of orgasm.
“Oh God, Russ!” she gasped, arching up and fisting both her hands in his hair. “I’m so close.”