by Lisa Campell
Jenkins was now by the dead fire, sorting out his clothes and laying them out on the couch. He looked up as Thomas stared at him, giving him a pleasant nod.
“Good morning, Mr. Andrews. I trust you slept well.”
“Jenkins?” Thomas frowned. “Did you forget something?”
“No, sir. I’m just getting your clothes out ready for the day.”
“What?” Gathering the sheets up so they didn’t bundle around his waist, Thomas sat up. “What do you mean, get them ready? Didn’t you do that earlier?”
Jenkins looked confused.
“This is the first time I’ve been in your room today, Mr. Andrews. It’s only just past eight.”
Just past eight? Thomas was sure he had heard someone coming into his room. Or had he…?
Turning his head, Thomas searched for Emilia. He was expecting to see her half-buried under the covers, still asleep. But she wasn’t there. Her side of the bed was empty. Thomas sat up. Where on earth was she? Surely, he hadn’t missed her getting up.
“Mr. Andrews?” Jenkins was looking at him strangely. “Is there something wrong?”
“I...no, nothing.” Everything was wrong. Thomas cleared his throat. “Is Mrs. Perry awake already? I wanted to discuss Anna’s schooling with her.”
“Mrs. Perry?” Jenkins arched an eyebrow. “She went out early this morning with Miss Anna. They were going riding.”
“Riding? I thought Miss Anna wasn’t well enough to go riding for a while.”
“She wanted to try. Mrs. Perry was insistent that Miss Anna got back into her routine as soon as possible.” Jenkins frowned. “I thought you knew. She said you were aware of it and said it was all right.”
“I…”
Emilia had lied. She had suggested that Anna didn’t get onto a horse until she was fully recovered from whatever had sapped the spirit from her. Why was she urging Anna to get on a horse now?
“Oh, right. Yes, I guess I did.” Thomas rubbed his eyes. “I’m not my best this morning.”
“I can tell, Sir.” Jenkins’ expression said he more than understood. “Would you like help getting ready this morning? You said you wanted a shave this morning.”
“Oh, right. All right.” Thomas cleared his throat. “Just pass me my undergarments, will you?”
It didn’t normally take long for Thomas to get dressed, even with help, but it felt like forever before he was leaving his room. Jenkins had carried out his duties with a knowing smirk he was barely hiding. Thomas knew the valet was aware of what had happened, but he wasn’t in the mood to scold the man and distract him away. He wanted to find Emilia and find out why she had slipped from his bed without him being aware. If it was due to not wanting the servants to find out about them, then Thomas would understand. But he had to hear it from her lips. Disappearing on him wasn’t going to make what happened between them go away.
If she was feeling guilty, Thomas had to know. He didn’t want her to be uncomfortable around him. He didn’t want her to be uncomfortable at all. Thomas wanted Emilia very comfortable, very warm, and very much in his arms.
Now he just had to wait for her.
It felt like an age again before he saw two horses approach the house from the dining room. Wolfing down the rest of his breakfast, Thomas hurried out into the stable yard. Anna had already been helped down from her horse, while Emilia was easing herself gently out of the saddle. One of the stable lads was helping her, and Thomas had to bite back a growl at the sight of another man’s hands on her. He didn’t want anyone else touching her.
Ease up. You’re not doing yourself any favours getting jealous over that.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Father!”
Anna was trotting over to him. She was looking a little brighter than she had been, and her cheeks were flushed from her riding. Thomas hugged her, kissing her head.
“Sweetheart. I thought you weren’t well enough to go riding.”
“I thought I wasn’t.” Anna beamed up at him. “But Emilia suggested that we went for a gentle ride to see how I did. And I’m glad we did. I’m feeling a lot better.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.” Thomas cupped her chin in his hand. “But you are still rather pale, Anna. Just go slowly today, all right? You may not have your strength back completely.”
“I’ll be fine, Father. I know how to slow down.”
Thomas chuckled. “That remains to be seen. Now off you go and get changed. Mrs. Adams had breakfast hot and ready for both of you if you’re feeling up to it.”
“I am.” Anna declared as she went towards the side door. “I’m starving!”
That was a good sign. At least his daughter was getting her appetite back. Thomas turned to Emilia, who was speaking to the head stable lad. She looked flushed as well, splendid in her riding attire. Thomas had never really noticed how nicely her dress fitted in perfectly around her curves. Curves that he had had the pleasure to experience the night before. At the time, he had thought Emilia had enjoyed it as well.
But then she turned towards Thomas, and Thomas saw the smile faded, the light diminished in her eyes as soon as she saw him. Thomas was shocked at the sudden transformation. Then Emilia drew herself up and headed towards him, her shoulders back and her head held high. Completely composed. Cool, even. Like the fire she had possessed during the night didn’t exist.
“Good morning, Mr. Andrews.”
She started to walk past him, and Thomas hurried after her, catching up to her in the hallway.
“Emilia…”
He reached for her arm, only to have Emilia jerk away from him.
“Please, don’t touch me.”
Thomas stared. “Don’t touch you?” he demanded. “You don’t think I deserve to know what happened? You left me in bed…”
“Quiet!” Emilia flinched, looking around with wild eyes. There was no one around. Thomas doubted that he had been heard.
Huffing, Emilia grabbed his hand and dragged him into the laundry room. Nobody was there, the laundry already folded and waiting to go up to the rooms. Emilia hauled on Thomas’ hand hard enough that he stumbled and shut the door behind her.
“I don’t want the servants to overhear,” she said, leaning against the door.
“I think they might have heard a lot last night,” Thomas retorted. “What did you not want them to overhear? That I wanted to know why you left my bed without telling me?”
At least Emilia looked chastened. She swallowed and looked away.
“I didn’t want you to know. It would…” She bit her lip. “It would have led to some difficult questions. Questions that I wouldn’t be able to answer.”
“Like what?”
She left because Thomas would have asked something of her. That didn’t make any sense. He wouldn’t have asked anything of her except to stay with him on a more permanent basis. He had made up his mind as he slipped into sleep, but Emilia had skippered his intentions by not being there when he woke up.
Emilia swallowed, closing her eyes for a brief moment. Then she opened them, and Thomas saw the sad resolution resting there.
“Look, Mr. Andrews...Thomas…” Emilia twisted her fingers together, so hard Thomas was surprised her fingers didn’t snap in half. “You’re you and I’m...me. I’m not worthy of anything from you, and you know that.”
She thought she wasn’t worthy? Thomas stared.
“You’re not just any governess, Emilia. You and I are of the same social standing. Our current positions don’t matter.”
“Other people might think differently.”
“You don’t care that much about other people’s opinions, do you?”
Emilia’s face reddened. “You clearly don’t.” She glanced away. “But I have to think about Anna.”
“Anna?”
“I mean…” Emilia looked like she was about to bolt. “What’s she going to think when she finds out her father had a night of passion with her governess? She’s not going to be happy about that
.”
Thomas hadn’t considered Anna in the equation. Mostly because this wasn’t about Anna. It was about him and Emilia. Anna’s approval would be needed, but Thomas didn’t think that would be a problem.
He crossed the room, trying to take Emilia’s hand. But she pulled away. That made Thomas feel colder than before.
“I believe once Anna finds out about us, she’ll be delighted. She adores you. As do I.”
Emilia’s eyes widened.
“You...you can’t mean that.”
“I think I can.” Thomas managed to grab her hand, bringing it up to his mouth. He kissed her knuckles. “I’ve fallen in love with you, Emilia Perry. It’s just taken me this long to admit it to myself. I don’t want you to go anywhere. And I prefer you to be in my bed every night.”
Now Emilia was looking panicked. Panicked? What did she have to be so distressed about? If it had been any other woman, they would have been delighted to have a man declare their love for her. They certainly would have been jumping into his arms right now. But Emilia was looking like she wanted to run the other way.
Thomas was now beginning to worry. Had he read it wrong? Had he believed in his head that Emilia felt the same way about him? If last night was anything to go by, Emilia’s feelings were just as strong as his, if not more. Now she was pretty much cold towards him, almost trying to get away from him. Even now, she was tugging her hand out of his.
“If that’s the case, Mr. Andrews, I think I’d better find a position elsewhere.”
“What?” Thomas stared. That was not the answer he had been hoping for. “But...but why?”
“I…” Emilia shook her head. Then he saw the tears in her eyes. “Please, Thomas, I... I can’t return it. As much as you want me to, and I... I can’t.”
“But why not?”
Thomas reached for her. He couldn’t stand to see her cry. But Emilia pulled away.
“Don’t ask me to explain. It’s complicated.”
Complicated? Thomas didn’t think it was complicated. As far as he was concerned, it was very simple. He loved her, and he was sure even with her protests that she loved him. Why was she fighting it so much?
He reached for her again, grabbing her before Emilia could get away. Emilia tried to pull back, freezing when Thomas kissed her. It took a moment, but then she was sinking into his arms and kissing him back. She didn’t reach for him, but she didn’t have to. Her kiss told him everything.
She loved him. But something was holding her back. Thomas just wished he could get through to her.
He broke the kiss, staring at Emilia as her eyes slowly opened, her mouth swollen from his kiss. She looked so beautiful like that and it took everything Thomas had not to kiss her again.
“You say you can’t return my love. I think you already have.” Thomas’ eyes drifted to her mouth. “Unless you’re one of those who likes toying with men.”
“I don’t do that.” Emilia blinked rapidly. The tears were still there. “Please, Thomas, let me go.”
Thomas released her and stepped back.
“Fine. I won’t touch you for now. But I won’t let you seek a position elsewhere. This conversation will carry on another time.”
Emilia was already fumbling for the door handle, turning away from him.
“No, it won’t.”
Then she was gone, the door bouncing off the door frame as she left.
“Emilia?”
Emilia looked around. Charlotte was looking at her oddly. It was then Emilia realized she had been standing at the edge of the lake and staring into the water. She had completely forgotten that she wasn’t alone.
“Hmm?” Emilia squared her shoulders and fixed a smile on her face as she turned to her friend. “Forgive me, Charlotte. I was miles away.”
“I noticed.” Charlotte frowned. “You invited me to go walking on your afternoon off, and you’ve been in your own world.”
“I…”
Emilia winced. She was being ungracious. She had wanted to see her friend, and she needed to get out of the house. Emilia had done her best to keep her distance from Thomas for the last three days, but her resolve was weakening the more he stepped into the room. It was like he was dogging her every step when he wasn’t at Drake’s. Emilia’s nerves were shot to pieces.
She shouldn’t have given in to her weaknesses and gone to bed with him. Now everything was wrong. She needed to keep herself separate from it all, not get so close she was practically climbing all over him. Which she had certainly done at some point during that night. Thomas had been very surprised with some of the positions Emilia thought up. It was a night that still gave Emilia goose bumps.
She wanted more. But she couldn’t have more. It was dangerous. After everything going on, she had to keep herself distanced from Thomas. Get out of there as soon as she could. Only this time it really would be Thomas’ fault that a governess left.
“Emilia, you’ve not been yourself since we arrived here.” Charlotte tilted her head to the side. “Are you all right?”
Emilia thought about lying, but then decided against it. Charlotte would know something was wrong immediately if she lied. And her head was hurting from keeping her emotions in check. She slumped.
“I don’t know, Charlotte. I really don’t know.”
Charlotte frowned. Then her expression softened, and she linked her arm through Emilia’s.
“Talk to me, love. You know I’ll always listen. Even if some of your ideas lately have been a little ridiculous.”
“They weren’t ridiculous before.” Emilia leaned into her friend as they started to walk along the edge of the lake. “But the thoughts I’ve got now...well, they are ridiculous. And troubling.”
“What do you mean?”
Emilia had debated about saying it to anyone. She certainly couldn’t confess her feelings to anyone in the house, although from the knowing looks the younger servants were giving her, they already knew what was going on. Rumours would be flying around the house, for sure. And Emilia had no one else to talk to. Charlotte was the only person she could talk to. Maybe get some advice.
Emilia knew she certainly needed it.
“I’ve done what I promised myself not to do.” She looked at the ground. “I fell in love.”
“You fell in love.” Charlotte groaned. “With Thomas Andrews, I take it.”
“I’m afraid so. And he loves me.”
“He does? How do you know?”
“He told me.” Emilia sighed heavily. She didn’t know whether to cry or scream. “It’s a complete mess, Charlotte. I should have been focused on finding the truth, and I ended up falling for him instead.”
“Does that mean you believe he’s innocent now?”
Emilia winced. She was beginning to wish she hadn’t started all this. Now she was completely stuck and couldn’t see a way out of it.
“Most of me believes that he didn’t have anything to do with Father’s death. But there’s still a part that doubts it all. I won’t be able to settle properly until I know for sure. Otherwise it’s going to be a massive turmoil for me.”
“Oh, love.” Charlotte squeezed her arm. “You are a silly fool. Why don’t you just tell him? There’s nothing wrong with telling a man that you’re in love with them. Especially as you know he loves you as well.”
“But I can’t! If I tell him that I feel the same way, I’m going to have to tell him the truth.” Emilia swallowed. “He’ll never forgive me for that.”
No matter what there was between the two of them, it would be gone as soon as Thomas found out that Emilia had got into his house under false intentions to find evidence that he was guilty. Emilia couldn’t do it. She should leave as soon as she could, but Thomas had made it clear he would go after her and bring her back. The fact he hadn’t done it to anyone else was telling. He wasn’t going to let her go, not so easily.
Unless he knew the truth. Then she would be out of the house so fast her head would be spinning. And Emilia knew she
didn’t want that.
“This really is a mess.” Charlotte shook her head. “Well, you’re going to need to give your notice now. You can’t stay.”
“Not until I know the truth, Charlotte. If I don’t find out, I’m going to be doubting him forever.”
“Then maybe you should just leave.”
“Like all the others?” Emilia shook her head. “I can’t do that. Not after what we’ve done. Thomas will just come after me, I know it.”