by Tara Lain
Mick frowned. “I thought it wasn’t a choice.”
“It’s not, but there are plenty of guys walking around pretending they’re not gay. A lot of them end up freaking out their wives and kids when they get caught in some bathroom fucking a twink.”
Mick stared at the floor. “People hate you because you’re gay.”
“Yep.”
Mick took in a big breath. Suddenly that moment in the fire washed over him. “But God doesn’t hate you.”
Jerry shrugged. “I guess that depends on who you ask.”
Mick shook his head. “No. My father’s always talking about signs. Well, I got a sign in that burning house. God doesn’t care if you’re gay. He loves you anyway.”
Jerry smiled real soft. “That’s nice to know.” He sighed. “But people don’t love you anyway, Mick. Most people aren’t as bad as your father and Straight, but they still don’t want me marrying their brother.”
Mick rested his head on Jerry’s knee. “Nobody’s ever loved me.” He looked up. A shiver ran up his spine. “Wow. I never said that out loud before.”
Jerry shook his head. “That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is. Nobody loves me.” It felt like a light shone in his brain. “Nobody loves me because nobody knows me.” He looked up at Jerry. “Damn, that’s true. I don’t even love me.”
The silence stretched out for seconds.
He almost didn’t hear Jerry’s voice. “But I do.”
Chapter Twelve
DID HIS heart stop?
Mick raised his head. Jerry gazed at him, his blue eyes real soft and misty. “Funny, man. I’ve never said that to anybody. Not even Bill.”
“Then how can you say it to me?”
Jerry grinned. “Because I do know you. I know a guy who shouldn’t be able to break free of all the crap the world has thrown at him, but he’s like a superhero—breaking the chains one at a time. I know a guy who didn’t have to save me. Who could so easily have left me to die, but he didn’t. You’re that guy.”
Mick frowned. “Saving you? That’s no reason to love a person.”
“Hell it’s not.”
His throat closed and he could barely force out the words. “You actually love me?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I don’t know what that means for us. There’s a lot of ground to cover between here and happily ever after, but you’re worthy of love, Mick Cassidy.”
Worthy of love. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
Mick sat back on his haunches and looked at Jerry. So what now? He’d said he was leaving. Starting over. How did that look? Would he go somewhere and find a nice girl and get married and have two point five kids? Since he hadn’t shown any interest in those kinds of choices up until now, it seemed pretty unlikely. So would he go somewhere and proclaim he was gay and find a male partner to fuck? “Jerry?”
“You’re thinking awful hard.”
“When were you first attracted to a guy?”
“I was probably five or six when I first felt affection for another boy. I was twelve when I first got turned on by looking at one.”
“What do you think it means that I never have? Uh, until now, that is.”
Jerry shrugged. “I guess it could mean you’re not gay or you’re what the romance writers call ‘gay for me.’ You only want me. But since you’re not attracted to women, I’d guess your upbringing just hammered any attraction you had to boys out of you.”
Mick nodded. That made sense. “Yeah. I remember liking some of the guys I tutored quite a bit, but I just thought I admired them. Liked how they played football or swam or something. And I masturbated a lot. The other guys would give me girlie magazines.” He smiled. Yeah, he remembered. “And I’d hunt through them for the men’s cologne ads and jerk off to those. Man, I loved those cowboys.”
Jerry smiled. “Save a horse, ride a cowboy.”
Mick slipped down and sat cross-legged. “Then I found porn. I never thought too much about why I liked the men’s cocks more than the women. I never watched any woman getting fucked in the regular way. I only liked anal and mostly when I couldn’t see the women’s faces. I’d find short segments where no boobs showed or anything, and I’d just watch the dick going into the ass. Man, I was dumb.”
“Your cock doesn’t think it’s dumb.” Jerry chuckled.
Mick looked down at the bulge in his jeans. Wow, it was throbbing. Jerry just did that to him. “How much does your leg hurt?” His ears started to burn.
“The cast’s pretty awkward, but I bet we can figure out a way to get somebody’s cock in somebody’s ass.”
Mick looked up. “Do you want to?”
“I won’t turn down fucking you when I’m a hundred.”
That sounded very nice.
“And just so you know, you can fuck me for any reason you want. You don’t have to be gay.”
Mick nodded.
Jerry stretched out his arms. “Then carry me away, baby.”
Mick stood, reached down and picked Jerry up, and carried him over to the double bed. He set him down gently. “Nobody’s ever been in this bed but me.”
“Maybe we should break a bottle of champagne over my cock.”
“I was thinking more like breaking in my asshole on it.” He laughed and stared down at his hands.
“Oh, you want to bottom?”
The heat spread down to his cheeks, but he nodded.
“You been dreaming about getting fucked?”
Mick kicked off his sneaks and crawled onto the bed. “Every night. No matter how hard I try to imagine something else. No matter how many equations I solve, I still dream about your—you know.”
“Cock. Say cock.”
Mick nodded. “Your cock in my ass.”
Jerry raised his hips, and Mick reached to support him. He slipped the elastic waist of his sports pants down. God. Nothing underneath but cock. Erect cock. “See what the idea of fucking you does to me?”
Mick loved that. He grabbed the ripped pants and gently pulled them over Jerry’s cast and off his other leg. Jerry stroked his erection like some pretty cat stroking its own fur. “We may have to switch places, though, because I have a condom in my wallet but no lube.”
Mick stared at Jerry’s cock. “I have some.”
“Oh, you do, you naughty boy?”
Mick chuckled. “I use it to, you know, jerk off.”
“Well, get it, baby. I’m dyin’ here.”
Mick scrambled over to his side table where he kept the computer, his cock pushing out the front of his jeans. Whoa. Excited and scared. What would it be like, this thing he’d dreamed of for so long?
Jerry called from the bed. “Have you been stretching?”
Burning ears. “Yes. With my fingers.”
“Good. You’ve got some big fingers, so hopefully this won’t be too hard.”
Mick glanced over. “Looks pretty hard to me.”
Jerry laughed, and Mick joined him. Weird. People always made sex out to be so serious, but having sex with Jerry was fun.
He carried the lube to the bed. Jerry was holding a condom. “Fortunately, I changed my wallet condom not too long ago.”
He sat on the edge of the bed. “Guess I’ll have to start carrying them now that I’m not a virgin anymore.”
Jerry grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside him on the mattress. “Since I’m the only one you’ll be fucking, you can let me carry the condoms.”
Mick smiled. That had a good ring to it.
“Get undressed while I put his jacket on.” Jerry pointed at his still hard-as-nails cock.
Mick pulled his T-shirt over his head and then stood beside the bed and peeled off his jeans and briefs. The whole time he couldn’t drag his eyes away from Jerry’s dick. And why is that, do you think, Michael Cassidy? He took a deep breath. Because I’m gay. He might be ignorant and inexperienced, but he wasn’t dumb. Nobody dreamed about fucking another guy night and day unless—he sighed. Was there any satisfact
ion in being his father’s worst nightmare?
“You’re thinking again. Want to change your mind?”
Did he? “Hell no.” Mick crawled on the bed and stopped beside Jerry on his hands and knees.
“How about you bring that big thing over here and let me feast on it for a while.”
“What?”
“Let me suck you.”
“Really?”
Jerry laughed. “Nobody ever sucked your cock?”
“Who would?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I thought maybe the girl who taught you to kiss.”
“No. She offered a couple of times.”
“And you didn’t take her up on it? Hell, man, you are so gay!” Jerry laughed.
Mick didn’t.
Jerry stopped giggling and propped himself on his elbow. “Okay, I’m gay. Calling you gay is not an insult from me. It’s a compliment.”
Well, hell. “That makes sense.”
“Get over here.”
Mick crawled toward Jerry’s head, being careful of the cast.
“Turn around and present cock.”
He flipped and brought his hips closer to Jerry. Jerry turned on his side and grabbed Mick’s cock. “Generally speaking, most guys think this is catching the ultimate wave, man. See how you like it.”
Mick held his breath. Something soft and wet covered his cockhead. Holy God. He looked down. Jerry licked around his balls and then ran his long tongue down one side of his shaft and up the other. Oh man, which was sexier? The sight or the feeling? Toss-up. So sexy he could hardly believe it.
Then Jerry’s mouth opened and—feeling. Feeling definitely won. His cock disappeared into Jerry’s mouth, and his eyes closed all by themselves. Never on earth could he have imagined this—hot, wet, sucking on his cock. “Jerry.”
“Ummm.”
“That feels so good.” His hips kept bucking like they wanted to fuck Jerry’s mouth. He tried to hold back, but he just couldn’t. Jerry grabbed his hips and controlled his thrusts a little but oh God, he just wanted to fuck down Jerry’s throat—
Jerry opened wide and—oh no, it couldn’t be. His cock sank into that hot mouth until it almost disappeared, and all he could feel were muscles gripping and massaging up his shaft as Jerry swallowed it whole. Mick’s balls pulled up like they were going to vanish inside him, and fire flashed into his head. Couldn’t see. Didn’t care. Nothing had ever been so amazing—“Jerry, oh God, Jerry—”
Jerry sucked him so hard it felt like his eyes would pop out, but instead his balls burst into flames and—“Jer. I’m coming. No, oh, Jerry.”
He tried to pull out, but Jerry grabbed him and sucked until he felt a fountain of cum, and all of it poured down Jerry’s throat. “Oh man. Oh God.” He couldn’t move his head from the mattress.
Jerry popped his lips off Mick’s cock and chuckled. “Okay, I think that was good.”
“Ummm. You swallowed.”
“I liked it.”
“Ummm. Me too.”
“But I think it’s a good time for you to try getting fucked, because the orgasm softens your muscles. Normally I’d do you doggie style, but with the cast I’d better stay on my back. So how’d you like to balance on this pole right here?”
All his muscles felt like jelly, but this was the one idea that could get him to move. He sat up.
Jerry made circles with his finger. “Spin around so I can juice you up.”
Mick turned. Wow. Jerry pressed a cold, wet finger into his butthole. Oh yeah. Man, did it feel good. He rested his head on his arms and kept his butt up in the air. Another finger went in. He sighed. No problem.
Jerry laughed. “Yep, you’re as soft as a doughnut hole. I hate to make you move, Sleeping Beauty, but you’ve got work to do.”
Mick rose up on hands and knees and glanced over his shoulder. There was Jerry’s sheathed cock standing up, and he was going to sit on it. Holy God!
He turned and stared. Jerry held the cock stiff and straight. “Just squat over me and point the rod at the target.”
Wow. This is it. What he’d dreamed of for so long. He threw a leg across Jerry’s narrow hips and balanced on his feet in a squat. His cock that he’d thought would never move again was into this. It twitched in pleasure.
He looked up. Jerry’s blue eyes glistened. “I can’t wait to see this. Do it, Mick. Come on.”
Mick grabbed Jerry’s cock and moved it until he felt it at his own hole. He swallowed hard.
“Scared?”
He nodded, took a deep breath, and sank down. The round head that felt so soft against his skin turned into a battering ram. Ouch. He lowered, and it strained against his opening. He backed off and tried again. Lower. He looked up at Jerry. “Am I hurting you?”
“Hell no. It feels good. Keep going if you can.”
He nodded and pressed down harder. Double ouch. Harder. Oh God. Pop. Suddenly Jerry’s mushroom head pushed past some tight ring in Mick’s hole and—he breathed out and out. Jerry was inside him. Jerry was fucking him. The idea was so perfect he never wanted it to end.
Slowly he sank down and down. Fuller and fuller. Pressure but no pain.
He opened his eyes and gazed at Jerry. His face looked—perfect. Blissful. Happy. Complete. A face Mick wanted to see forever.
Jerry whispered, “Ride me, Mick.”
Just like his cowboy ads. With legs tucked under on either side of Jerry’s hips, he rose up and sank down. Up and down. Mind-blowing. Some bolt of lightning from his insides shot into his balls and tingled through his cock, which got harder and harder with every bounce.
He was doing it. He’d watched it, fantasized about it, and pretended. Now he was doing it, and it was everything he’d dreamed and more. Who knew all those amazing nerves were in there? Who knew he’d feel so full and complete? Oh God, who knew anything could feel so good?
Jerry’s head thrashed on the bed. “Oh baby, you’re so good. Do you like it?”
“I love it.”
“What do you love, Mick?”
“This. I love this.”
“What is this?”
“Fucking.”
“What kind?”
“Ass fucking!”
“Yes, say it.”
“I love ass fucking.”
“Harder. Do it harder.”
Crazy. Madness. Wonder. He planted his knees and pumped up and down on Jerry’s cock like they were two parts of the same machine, well-oiled and designed to work together. Every time his hips pushed down, Jerry’s cock lit him up until all he could see was light. His own cock was back to steely hardness, and every bounce sent little shocks into his belly.
Jerry’s hips were slamming against Mick’s now. “Grab your cock, Mick. Let me watch how you jerk it.”
He wrapped a hand around his dick. One squeeze and all that fire in his balls leaped straight to his cock, then flashed through his head. Firestorm. No holding back. “Jerry, oh God.” He stroked again and his balls tightened into marbles.
“Oh man. You’re wringing my insides out. Ride me. Oh Mick, oh Mick!” Jerry’s head flew back on the pillow. All the cords in his long, strong neck stood out. “Ohhh.”
Coming. Jerry was coming. Oh God, he’d made Jerry come. A hot spurt of white jetted from his cock and landed on Jerry’s chest. Jerry’s whole body trembled. Or was that his own body? Who cared? This might have been his dream, but he’d never dreamed it could be so wonderful.
He collapsed forward and caught himself on his arms on either side of Jerry’s shoulders. Jerry reached up and grabbed him around the neck and pulled him down until their chests stuck together—right above their hearts.
Chapter Thirteen
HE LOVES me. He loves me not. Mick sorted the breathing systems and checked them for faults, but maybe he should be counting the petals on daisies. It had been two days of constant work since those three words from Jerry had changed everything—or not. He’d said, But I do. When Mick had asked, You really love me? Jerry had
said yeah. Mick was worthy of love. He could hear it in his head exactly. But Jerry had never actually said “I love you.”
Hell, why would he? Jerry was grateful to Mick for saving him. That brought up a lot of feelings, but it wasn’t the same as “I’m in love with you.”
“Hey, Mick, how’s it going?”
Mick looked up at Rodriguez. Funny. That guy never spoke to him. “Good, thanks. How about you?”
“Good. Hey, I never got to say great going on the rescue. Cool, man.”
“Oh, thanks.”
Rodriguez walked away. Everybody liked Jerry, and they were glad Mick had saved him. He was glad he’d saved Jerry too.
He reached for another breathing system. These things had saved Jerry’s life and kept Mick alive. He wanted them to work right.
The sound of applause came from the direction of the break room. Voices and a couple of whistles. What was so exciting? He set down the equipment and walked toward the noise.
In the break room, guys were gathered in a big huddle in the middle of the room. Mick peered over heads and saw the golden hair and blue eyes. His heart started to hammer.
One of the guys looked back and saw Mick. “Hey, let Mick in here so he can check out his handiwork.” The man pulled Mick forward, and the guys parted and let him in closer to Jerry, who stood balanced on his crutches with a big grin.
Jerry stuck out his hand, and Mick took it. Somebody yelled, “Hold that pose.” A phone camera flash went off and then another one.
Jerry pulled on Mick’s hand and brought him forward. He tossed one crutch to a guy beside him and wrapped his free arm around Mick’s neck. What the hell?
What should he do? He felt like a damned board. A quick pat on Jerry’s back was all he could manage. Jerry pulled back and looked at him with a little crease between his eyebrows. Then he smiled. “Thanks, man. I’d be a crispy critter if it wasn’t for you.”
“No biggie.”
A couple more guys hammered his back like he was some kind of hero. What a joke. He’d saved Jerry because—why? Because he wanted to get fucked? No. Because who wouldn’t want to save Jerry? And because he really, really liked the guy, and—oh hell. This was way too complicated.