by S. Nahar
“Yeah I am,” I responded.
“What?”
“Yes, I am,” I said, louder.
She nervously laughed. “Repeat, that for me.”
I shook my head and sighed. I turned around and pointed to the teapot, hoping that she would get the memo. Seeming confused for a moment, she finally understood the gesture. I smiled at her, letting her know that I wasn’t annoyed. She nodded at me before turning away, going to comfort her husband.
My phone beeped, alerting me of a new text.
Damon: Y didn’t u let me give u a ride home?
Me: It’s not proper for a Muslim girl to get in a car with a boy who is a non-Mahram.
As I waited for his reply, I stirred the tea. Almost a few minutes later, he responded.
Damon: What’s a Mahram?
Me: Didn’t I already explain this?
Damon: Explain it again.
Me: A Mahram is a blood relative to a Muslim girl, but not all blood relatives qualify. A Muslim girl can only show her hair to a relative, her husband, father in law, all girls and her grandpa from both her mom and dad’s bloodlines. A Mahram is a person the girl can’t marry. A non-Mahram is a person the girl could potentially marry, make sense?
Damon: Yeah, so I’m a non-Mahram?
I bit my lip, realizing that he was right. Guilt gnawed at my conscience.
Me: yupp, pretty much.
Damon: I trust you.
Well, that was random.
Me: Um what?
Damon: Earlier in our conversation. U asked me if I trusted u, so I thought it over and I do.
Me: Really?
I fixed the tea and walked towards the living room. I gave Nanu the tea, but he barely looked up. My phone beeped, but I ignored it and pulled out the Qur’an. Sitting beside him, I unlocked my phone to tell Damon I was busy.
Damon: Yeah. Ur the only person that I have no doubts about trusting. Ur perfect.
The words sunk in, his admiration lightened the heavy ache on my chest, knowing that Damon was really changing. Although I wanted to continue, I knew my grandfather needed my attention more than Damon. A boy wouldn’t come in between my family and I.
Me: I gotta go. My grandpa needs me. Talk to u later.
I began reciting, watching my grandfather’s eyes close at the sound. I let the words fly through my tongue in a slow rhythm, resting on each syllable. Nanu relaxed and smiled a little. Although it was a weak smile, it still made my heart flutter because I knew I was making him happy. He drank some tea as I recited.
Homework can wait. Family is more important than work.
Family was irreplaceable. I could always make up another assignment. I could always get another good grade. I could always succeed again, but I couldn’t get my wasted time back. My family needed me, and they needed my attention more than anyone else.
“One of the baby’s moms will take us to the hospital. I’ll go with them. Take care of your Nani please,” she told me.
Her caramel eyes stared at me with fear. I realized that she feared for her father’s life, feared for heartache, feared for the destruction of her family. She needed her father as much as I needed her.
“I will,” I responded.
She kissed me on the head. “Thank you. Be careful, okay?”
I nodded. How could I not? The last thing I wanted to see is another member of my family hurt.
Chapter 18
Party Disasters
Amira Sarker
After I prayed Maghrib (sunset prayer), I sat and read another thriller book. Although thriller books terrified me to my core, I couldn’t stop my curiosity from reading more. I had an insatiable taste in scaring myself and I needed books to breathe.
As I read, I couldn’t help but think how Nanu was doing. Was he okay? What about Mum and Baba? They were still not at home and the thought alone scared me. Tanwir came home an hour ago. He seemed dreadfully angry, and went straight to his room. I wondered what got him so mad.
Nani lay in bed ever since Nanu left for the hospital. She only got up to pray, and she spent a long time in worship. I couldn’t help but admire how hard she was focused on only Allah. She would spend so long in worship that it made me ask myself what was stopping me from doing that.
My phone beeped and I checked to see if it was a message from Damon, and indeed it was. I felt a smile climb onto my lips.
Damon: Hey u going to the Tye’s party tonight?
Tye was having a party today as a cheer for the start of winter break. He invited our whole class since his parents were out, but they let him have his party because who wouldn’t throw parties in their huge house when their parents aren’t around? I obviously didn’t go to those high school parties because it was just a red zone to fitnah (temptation). As tempting as it may have been, I loved Allah more.
Me: Nah. High school parties aren’t my thing.
Damon: Well that sucks. I’m gonna miss ur presence there ;)
Even when he wasn’t next to me, he could still make me feel like I was on cloud nine. My stomach turned in ways that I never felt before. The fact that he could make me feel burning sensations all over my body, scared me to no end. Damon was the forbidden apple that I desired, the one Shaytan (Satan) kept urging me towards with promises that were weary.
I couldn’t be attached to him. Whenever a girl became attached to a guy, the romance collapsed. I wasn’t naive to reality. The world was harsh, pushing me past my limits more than once, and through it all I was strong in my faith towards Allah. I was firm in my belief.
Me: I hope you have fun.
Damon: it won’t be much fun without u.
I desperately wanted to go to the party. Damon was going, but I knew that would be a terrible idea. I promised to take care of Nani while Mum and Baba were at the hospital with Nanu.
I sighed, leaning back against the sofa with my eyes closed. Every other girl had a boy attached to her hip, free to kiss whoever she wanted, and not conflicted between right and wrong, where the wrong looked most appetizing.
Allah tested those who were strong in their belief to make sure that their faith was true. I believed in Islam with all my heart. I understood the warnings but I was young and vulnerable to mistakes. Allah was privy to my scandalous thoughts, but I knew Islam was a religion that taught self-control.
Allah is saving someone very special for you. Just for you. Those romances are full of crap. You know pure hearts are for the pure. Be patient, and you’ll get the best romance of them all, I reminded myself.
Me: How sweet of u.
Damon: Don’t u know it XD
Me: Get going u big goof.
Damon: Only if u come with me.
Was he asking me to go with him? An unfamiliar pounding clammed itself against the mental walls that I spent so long to build. I could feel my mentality cracking slightly.
Me: What?
Damon: I better get going. see ya later?
Me: Yeah, bye.
Maybe he was kidding about me going with him. Yeah, he probably was. I put my phone down and checked the time. I bet Nani was hungry right now, so I got up and made tasty tuna paste to put in a sandwich.
***
I climbed the steps towards the guest room, and knocked twice. She obviously didn’t hear, so I slowly peeked in.
Nani sat on her bed while reciting the Qur’an, her frail voice shaking over pronunciation and her lips murmuring softly. I quietly shut the door behind me, and brought the food to her. She noticed me and frowned.
“What’s this?” she asked, eyeing the sandwich.
“Food. It’s bread and fish. I made it myself and thought you were hungry,” I said loudly hoping she heard.
“What?”
I sighed and tried again. “It’s bread and fish.”
She tilted her head sideways and I knew she had not heard. I was getting really frustrated, so I took a few deep breaths. Calm down she can’t hear correctly. I tried one last time, and repeated what I said, even louder
.
She finally heard me, and thanked me for the food. I smiled.
“Amira! Be quiet!” Tanwir shouted.
I glared at the wall. “She couldn’t hear me, smart one,” I shouted back.
Stupid jerk. Who would have thought that trying to help a person would be so difficult? This was not only a test to his faith, but my faith as well, as I had to be patient with his tantrums and use proper Islamic manners.
My phone buzzed, much to my annoyance.
Meredith: Hey could u call me when u get my text?
Sighing, I quickly dialed Meredith’s number, and she answered after the third ring.
“Hello?”
“It’s Amira.”
“Oh, hey. Um... I kinda need a favor,” she trailed off with uncertainty weaving through her words like yarn.
“What kind of favor?” I asked, suspiciously.
“Well... uh... you see... my guy friend took me and Aria, to Tye’s party so we could help her get over Mark, and let’s just say it didn’t end well,” she mumbled, timidly.
“What happened?” I breathed out, anxious to know.
“We caught Mark making out with Leah, and Aria kinda lost it. I don’t want to stay here, and let Aria sit in misery. Plus, my guy friend is drunk, and Aria is lightheaded, so my only ride is gone and I just really need you to come pick us up,” she rushed over the roar of the music.
How do teens even get access to alcohol? Society is screwed up.
“But I only have my learner’s permit. What if the cops catch me?” I asked nervously while glancing at Tanwir’s door. He’d surely kill me if I took his car.
“Please, Amira. We really need you. I promise the cops won’t come. Tye isn’t that stupid of a party thrower. He keeps things organized,” she tried to reason.
“You don’t know what will happen,” I sighed.
“Amira, please. You’re my only chance. Think of Aria. I can’t let her suffer like that. We’re her friends. She needs us the most right now. I’m not good at making people feel better, but it comes naturally to you. Please, come,” she begged.
I thought my choices over in my head. I’m a Muslim. I’m supposed to help others, right? Meredith was right. Aria needed her friends.
“I’m on my way. Just go get Aria.”
“Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.”
“I know,” I smiled, hanging up.
Now, my only problem was to get a car. Tanwir was home, so maybe I could get his car, and leave Nani in his care. I went to his room and knocked twice. I heard him grumble and thought that was my signal to come in.
“Can I borrow your car?” I asked.
“No.”
“I really need it. Please, Tanwir. It’s really important that I get it.”
Oh Allah, please let him agree.
“Who’s gonna take care of Nani?” he asked, as he raised his eyebrows.
“It won’t be long, Mum and Baba will be here soon.”
“No, Amira. Now, can you please leave.”
“Tanwir, I am begging you to let me use your car. Nani is in her room, and won’t bother you I promise. And if you really don’t want her here, I’ll take her with me. Just know that she’s your family member and she’s sick. She took care of you when you were little. Think what the Prophet would do,” I said softly.
“Shut up and take the car. I’ll watch over Nani. You better be back soon,” he stared at me pointedly.
“Thanks, bro. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I smiled appreciatively.
I hoped Meredith and Aria didn’t do anything they would regret before I got there.
***
Meredith texted me the address of Tye’s house and I reached it in no time. Music vibrated from the huge house. A strong scent of alcohol hit my nostrils, making me scrunch my nose in disgust.
I regret coming here.
A pit of uneasiness formed in my stomach, as I walked towards the front door, each step was heavier than the last, restricting my ability to get in and get out.
I swallowed my fear and knocked on the door. This is for Aria. I’m doing this for the sake of helping my friends, I reminded myself. No one answered, so I tried again. Finally, Maya opened the door.
“Who invited you?” she scowled.
“I’m here to pick a friend up. Last I heard it’s a free country,” I retorted.
“Don’t outsmart me. Get out of here. You’re not welcomed,” she glared, as she turned to shut the door.
Alright, Amira time to swallow your pride. I put my foot in before she could close the door. “Please Maya. I really need to get in,” I said, gently. She looked at me once before letting me in. “Thank you,” I smiled as I walked by.
The music was so loud that I wanted to just turn it off. I hated these types of parties. Girls wore skimpy, skin-tight dresses, grinding against a half somber guy, who looked as if he was personally enlightened. I shivered at the crudeness of the party. I started searching for Meredith or Aria. They weren’t picking up their phones, so now I had to look around this place. Just my luck, I thought.
I saw a couple kissing their life out of the each other, the boy licking around the girl’s lips and groping her in different off-limit zones. The girl didn’t mind, smirking against the guy’s lips as she tugged his hair. I resisted the urge to gag.
My Lord, this is disgusting. Have these people never heard of a room? The smell of sweat crawled up my nose. Gross. Oh Allah, please protect me from all of this. As I almost gave up, I saw something that made my stomach turn.
Damon was leaning against the wall with his hand on a girl’s hip. His hair looked like fingers ran through them, and he was wearing a plaid shirt with jeans. The girl next to him placed one of Damon’s hands on her behind, whispering into his ear as she giggled from intoxication.
Anger welled within me, my frustration rising to the surface as I glanced at them. I knew he wasn’t different. He was just like all the other boys in the world, full of empty promises and broken words.
Guys like Damon lured a girl into their trap, ushering them with gifts and kindness, telling the girl that she was special just to rip open her chest, and stomp on her heart.
Damon always was and forever will be just a crush. I meant nothing to him. I was just a girl who was a victim to his playful ways, to his breathtaking smile, to his alluring charisma, and that was my fault for not seeing through it. I wiped the angry tears from my eyes.
He was just another boy who meant nothing to me.
Chapter 19
Self Control
Damon Winters
This party was outright horrible as I imagined, but I think I would have liked it better if a certain beauty were here.
I sighed. Amira would probably hate this party; the grinding bodies did no justice to that statement. A couple of months ago I wouldn’t have cared about people showing public “affection,” but now I saw how disturbing it was to watch.
It felt like I was intruding.
“Damon, man, what’s got you in the blue? This is the type of party you live for,” Tye said, while giving me a glass of water.
“Just thinking of someone.”
“Would this someone happen to be this girl you keep texting?” he asked, with raised eyebrows. “Perhaps maybe Amira?”
I gave him a blank stare. “No.”
“Lying is a bad look for you,” he smirked. “Let’s skip the middle school crush game and just be honest this time around.”
“I don’t like her,” I scowled.
Even I knew I was lying. There was no point denying it anymore. I liked Amira. I liked her a lot, but there’s no way in hell I’d be telling her that. She hated me. I didn’t blame her because I was not the most welcoming.
Amira was a girl who deserved a man who stayed faithful till his last dying breath. She needed a man who could argue back and forth with her, but never lost interest. Amira’s love was not something to be won, but a prize to be earned through all the obstacles she thre
w. From her sweet smile to her jovial laughter, there was no other girl like her in the world.
“Didn’t you ask her to the party? Did you tell her about how you feel? ?” Tye pushed before finding the error in his words. “Ah, not too many Muslims like to put themselves in a situation like this. Man, that means I can’t play Cupid for you.”
I forgot he was here for a second.
“Maybe you should pretend to be Cupid on Halloween, Tye,” I chuckled, grabbing his arm, and pulling him into the dance floor. “Right now, let’s enjoy the party.”
Some girls came up to Tye and me, asking if they could dance with us. I shrugged, figuring why not. A party was called a party for a reason, but I couldn’t ignore the pang of guilt I felt.
When that girl, Kaylie, touched her hip against my groin, I felt the strong urge to push her away. When her arms wrapped around my neck, I felt like screaming in frustration.
She wasn’t Amira. She wouldn’t satisfy my undying thirst for a girl who could never be mine.
“Want to hang out away from these people?” she asked, seductively.
I nodded, realizing I needed distraction, anything to get my mind off Amira. It was remarkable how one girl managed to consume my every thought. I had practically memorized her facial features and the soft curve of her lips that made my jeans become tighter.
The idea of Amira suffocated me, killing me from materialistic gain, and setting my eyes on the rarest gem of all, a diamond that shone in the moonlight. My Amira.
“Didn’t know I had such an influence on you,” she purred.
She’s still here? Whoa, get a grip, man!
I could smell alcohol on her, so I knew she was a little drunk. Damn it. Why couldn’t Amira be here? My God, what could have I done with her.
We could have danced like there was no tomorrow. Her hands wrapped around my neck, as she kissed me hard on the mouth. She pulled my hair so gently like her teasing did. If only she could hear my thoughts now, her cheeks would have surely turned red from the explicit details that my mind refused to forget.