by S. Nahar
He threw his head in a small laugh, dry but soft. His hand reached out to stroke his graying beard, a memory overtaking him. “She would always stress herself with the concerns of others, never wanting to take time for herself. Even now, she still sacrifices all her youth and time to help me.”
“Well, you’re her father,” I said gently. “She loves you.”
His eyes met mine, a mist of flurries and masking his despair at having his daughter sacrifice everything for him. “Being selfless isn’t always going to be rewarding. Putting other people’s needs before yourself is harmful to not only your body but your mind as well.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m telling you to not be entirely like your mother, Amira. Her life has drained away through stress and worries. You’re still young. You need to think about yours, too.”
A cold chill rushed through me, knowing that my grandfather’s words hit too close to my nerve. “But what about everyone else-”
He put a shaking finger to his lips. “No,” he said, “everyone else is not always important. Yes, you should be selfless, but not if it hurts you. Take a moment to breathe, Amira. Allah will always know your intentions.”
Of course, he was right. I wanted to do the right thing, Allah knew that, but I was also conflicted. I didn’t want to hurt anyone or forget about how much my family needed me.
Although it had only been a couple of months, being a senior felt like years had flown by without my realization. I was getting older, reaching the age of young adulthood. Life wouldn’t get easier, and if I kept worrying about others, I too would have my life drained before my eyes.
I’m going to be okay as well, I thought, Allah will take care of me and my family.
Chapter 26
A Storm of Woes
Damon Winters
I followed Mom and Dad into the house. I wouldn’t lie and say I wasn’t terrified about what they want to tell me because I was. After Dad’s gambling incident, Mom hadn’t gotten along with Dad really well, not that I blamed her.
I took a seat on the couch with Percy and Daniel. Percy was fidgeting, while Daniel didn’t seem to care. I rolled my eyes. Rebellious teens these days, I thought. Percy was only ten, so it made sense that he was nervous. I didn’t blame him either. The last few weeks have been rough on not just our parents, but us kids as well.
Mom took a deep breath and then looked at me. “Your father and I are getting a divorce.”
Silence.
The shock shook me. My first reaction was denial. It couldn’t be true, not after their almost two decades of marriage. It had to be a lie. I looked at Dad, and he was expressionless. I felt my skin starting to boil in heat. The shock that I felt disappeared and was replaced with anger.
“What the hell? Why now? Like I get that Dad gambled a lot, but we’re family. Can’t we just help each other out?” I seethed.
“Damon, please just listen to—”
“No! You listen to me, dad. Did you ever think of the impact that you two arguing did to your kids? Percy and Daniel are reaching that critical age. Stuff like this affects them in negative ways!”
“Damon, listen to me! What about how I feel about this marriage? Did you ever think of that?” Mom glared.
I crossed my arms over my chest as I stood up. Anger was traveling throughout my bloodstream as I saw a raw emotion flash through my mother’s eyes.
“What’s going on? There’s more to this divorce than what you’re telling me.”
“We just fell out of love,” Dad argued.
I laughed bitterly. “Oh really now? You just ‘fell out of love’. That’s crazy right there. After all those years of being happily married, you decide the one problem that can be easily fixed is going to end your relationship? Did I mention how happy you two were just a month ago?” I gave Dad a blank stare. “I can tell a lie when I see one, Dad.”
“Damon, calm down,” Daniel whispered behind me.
I turned toward him. “Calm down? Daniel, they’re not telling us the truth. We’re their sons, not their puppets. We have the right to know.”
“Damon, that is the truth. Now, calm down,” Dad said sternly.
“You can’t expect me to calm down when my parents are getting a divorce! Damn it! Just tell me why you two are actually separating,” I exclaimed.
Silence surrounded me as Mom and Dad exchanged glances nervously. I was breathing heavily after my outburst. My body was tense, muscles straining against each other as my veins pulsed. The air was blocking my lungs. I already knew that what my parents would say next would be a displeasure.
Finally, my mother broke the silence. “Your father had an affair with another woman years ago,” she said in a shaky voice.
I felt my anger halted along with the rest of the room. My eyes widened, and my throat felt dry as I took the revelation in.
“Wait, did he get her, you know, pregnant?” Daniel asked, nervously.
Mom mutely nodded. I heard gasps from my brothers. Mom’s head was down, her shoulders shaking as a sob ripped through her. I couldn’t comprehend it. I couldn’t believe Dad. He cheated on Mom. He broke her. He broke our family.
My head snapped toward Dad. I looked at him directly into his dark green eyes. “You’re no father of mine,” I seethed, running towards the door.
I heard my name and shouting, but I just ignored them, and kept running. I needed to get away from here.
***
Running away, my legs brought me to the lake where I first saw Amira crying. I sat against the trunk of a tree, ignoring the pricks of the barks behind me. My eyes burned, but I refused to cry over my scumbag of a father. I have a half sibling. That thought just seemed to echo in my mind. All I could think about was Dad’s mistake.
I buried my head into my knees. I can’t deal with this. I’m not strong enough. Why did life hate me? This void in my heart just pained me. I felt so helpless. The deed was done and I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt a knot in my throat.
As I tried to relax my breathing, I heard gentle footsteps come toward me. I didn’t lift my head up to see who it was. The wind whispered against my shirt, blowing the creases. The calm breeze eased my tensed body a little.
A couple of stray brown hairs fell across my forehead, bristling from the gentle winds that pulled me away from my dark abyss of sorrow. The footsteps stopped in front of me. After a few moments of silence, a familiar velvet voice cut through the thick air.
“Damon?” she asked, softly.
I slowly lifted my head to gaze at Amira. She had an olive colored scarf on with a loose black sleeved shirt and plaid pj bottoms. Her eyes were sketched with deep concern.
“Damon, are you alright? You look like a mess,” she said.
I snorted. “Gee, thanks,” I muttered sarcastically.
Amira put her hands up in a type of surrender. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant you look kind of depressed,” she amended.
I sighed. “That’s because I am.”
Amira sat across from me on the bed of grass. “Wanna talk about it?” she asked.
I leaned back against the tree. “What can you do about it? It’s not going to help me,” I spat out bitterly as I ran a hand through my messed up hair.
Amira looked down at the ground. “Sometimes bad things happen in life that makes us feel different emotions. Battling up with those emotions for too long can leave one’s soul to be restless,” she looked up at me with those warm melted eyes, “It’s not easy to carry those burdens alone. Sometimes you need an extra shoulder to cry on. I should know.”
There it was again. That thump in my heart that squeezed painfully as I thought of Amira’s struggles.
“Yeah I guess I just figured that out,” I said.
“Please tell me. Whatever you’re going through right now, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here for you,” she reassured me.
I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to tell Amira what happened. “My paren
ts are getting a divorce,” I said. She gasped, but I continued on. “Ever since my dad gambled so much money away, Mom hasn’t gotten along with him. They constantly argue every night, but this is different. All I heard when I tried to sleep were the screams and yells from my parents. I felt so... alone. If their arguing hurts me this much, I can only imagine how bad it is for my brothers. They’re still young, Amira. They’re just reaching that critical age in their lives and stuff like this can emotionally scar them, especially after what my dad had done,” I whispered the last part as I gazed at the lake. I couldn’t look at Amira as I felt my eyes sting.
“What did he do?”
“He... he had an affair with another woman and... impregnated her,” I forced out.
“Oh my God. That’s terrible, Damon!” she exclaimed.
I laughed humorlessly. “You know what sucks the most about this? That I am so useless. I feel so damn weak. I can’t do anything to stop this all from happening. My parents are getting divorced and there’s nothing I can do to stop it,” I growled lowly as I felt a tear slip my eyes. “Who knew the past could hurt this much?”
“Oh, Damon. Look at me,” urged Amira. I looked up at her. “This is out of your control. I understand how helpless you feel. It’s not easy finding all this family history out in one day. Damon, you’re an amazing individual. You will get through this trial in life. I promise you. I’m going to be here for you as you go through this. We’re in it together,” she smiled.
That was when I moved closer to her warmth, wrapping my arms around her. She was the constant thing in my life, the one person who didn’t change or turn into a monstrous human soul. A few tears spilled onto her scarf and my shoulders shook uncontrollably. Amira tried to pull away but I tucked her back in my arms.
“I know that I shouldn’t hug you, but please just this once. I need this right now. I need you,” I begged.
She paused. I breathed in her delicious scent and felt her hands on my chest. I pulled away and gave her some space. She breathed in deeply.
“Amira, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I locked gazes with her. “Will you ever leave me?”
She smiled up at me. “Never. I will never leave you.”
“Good because I won’t let you leave.”
“Damon, relax. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere,” she said softly.
I smiled. We sat there and talked for a while. She told me about her grandfather’s surgery. I could see the pain in her eyes as she recalled his physical appearance, his words of wisdom, and his fragile state of mind. It was evident that she deeply cared for him, more than her own life struggles it seemed.
I couldn’t bear to see my girl like that. I couldn’t bear to see how distraught she was and how her own tears lined her waterline as she blinked back her own tears. We both had problems. We both were stumbling through life with certain blindness. I had no direction while Amira had too many to follow through.
“He’s going to be okay, Amira. I’m sure.”
“Only Allah knows,” she sighed.
I stayed silent. Allah. Amira sure did put a lot of trust in Allah. But why? What made her believe in Allah?
Amira didn’t say much about her grandfather. She just seemed so deep in thought. The silence was peaceful as we gazed at the lake. I glanced at Amira. Her eyes were trained on the shimmering water. Her cheeks had a light pink to them. It was at that moment that I felt the emotion I thought I would never feel. Love.
Chapter 27
A Touch of Hope
Damon Winters
When I arrived home, I went straight to my room. I couldn’t bear to see Dad’s face. I was hoping Mom would divorce him for all he did to our family and all the pain he made us go through. I never would have thought that my life would have taken such a bad turn.
Everything was so fine. It wasn’t a perfect life, but I was contented with it. Now, I realize how much I took my life for granted. Those sweet memories of my life meant so much more to me now.
I stripped my shirt off when I heard a knock on my door. I stayed still; not daring to move. More knocks followed after. I still didn’t move until I heard a frustrated grunt from the door. It sounded like it came from a little kid.
I quickly threw my shirt back on, and opened the door. Percy stood at the door, fidgeting and shifting from foot to foot. His dark curls were messy, and his eyes were puffy. My heart softened at his state. This divorce must be difficult for him.
“Um... could we talk, please?” he asked.
I nodded and ushered him into my room. Percy sat on my bed and I sat beside him. He was fiddling with his fingers unsure of what to say. I sighed.
“Percy, what’s wrong?”
“Mom and Dad.”
“Percy—”
“No, Damon. They’re separating. I may be ten, but I’m not stupid. He got someone pregnant! I-I can’t believe it!” he exclaimed. “Why couldn’t he just keep it in his pants? Better yet, why didn’t he stay faithful to Mom? Or even-”
I covered his mouth with my hand. Now that my anger subsided, thanks to the help of Amira, I could handle the situation in a more mature manner.
“We don’t know why he did it. We can’t just accuse Dad so blindly right now. I mean, yeah, we’re pretty piss— I mean mad. Still, we should at least ask him,” I advised even though my words stabbed at my conscience.
Percy let out a deep breath. “I know, but I just can’t believe it. No... I don’t want to believe it. This isn’t true. Right, Damon?” he asked, while looking up at me with those identical dark green eyes of Dad.
Everything about Percy reminded me of Dad. His dark brown curls, his crooked nose, and his eyes. He was the mini version of Dad. As he looked up at me, I couldn’t help the pain that swelled my chest. He’s scared, just as I am.
I wrapped my arms around my little brother. I rested my chin on the top of his head as I whispered, “I wish it wasn’t true, Percy. I really wish it wasn’t.”
Percy’s arms tightened around me. He was silent for a few moments. “Sometimes I wish I was never born,” he mumbled into my chest.
I pulled back to stare at him with wide eyes. “Don’t you ever say that! Just because Mom and Dad are arguing doesn’t mean you should lose your will to live. Whatever Mom and Dad are going through now is just a new chapter of their life. Pretty soon, the next chapter will be written.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want new chapters. I want the old ones back. I want my family back!” he yelled, tears crawling down his rosy cheeks.
Although Percy felt really bad about our family’s situation, I felt it even worse and the burden of my brothers was on me now. I was responsible for them and I couldn’t even take the pain away from them.
As much as I would hate to admit it, I wasn’t stable enough to take care of myself. Teenagers these days were reckless. They didn’t care about the world and were only out for worldly pleasures in the comfort of warm arms, but life had thrown my old life into a bin. I was no longer responsible for myself alone, but for my brothers as well.
“I want them back too, Percy. I want them back so bad, but that’s not how life works. Mom and Dad may argue more than ever, but I’m not going to leave you. I’ll always be here for you, little bro,” I smiled.
I will never leave you.
Amira’s words echoed into my head. The words were so simple and effortless, yet valuable. Her words lifted the weight off my shoulders, the pressure sank, and the world seemed right again because at least, I still had one person who was willing to stay.
“Damon, why did you run away?”
I sighed. “I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing my family.”
Percy went silent and I immediately panicked. I didn’t want him to think depressing thoughts after our entire conversation. I should have been giving him hope, I should have been his light, but how could I if I was scared, too?
I knel
t in front of Percy as he put his head down. I was pretty foreign of giving affectionate gestures to my brothers, but this just came as an impulse. It was like my body had a mind of its own. I cupped his cheeks so he would look at me. His deep green eyes bore into mine like a hurricane in the depths of wilderness.
“I’m scared too, but we’re going to be okay. Alright?”
He nodded his head before reaching up to wrap his small arms around my neck, pulling me towards him. The gesture shocked me, but I quickly recovered and returned his hug, feeling as if we had the strength to overcome this obstacle in our life.
***
Percy and I sat in my room for a while, playing video games. Daniel joined us afterwards as we tried to ignore the fear we all felt. I let the boys just crush each other in the games as I thought of one certain girl.
Her inviting lips seemed to taunt me every time I was around her. Her smile always made my heart do weird flips. Her voice lightened even the darkest day, expelling all the clouds away from her radiance. Her touch melted the ice that surrounded me, allowing me to drown in of her essence.
She was more than a friend to me.
I was attracted to her since the first day I met her, but it wasn’t as strong as it was now. I found myself missing her presence whenever she wasn’t around. I loved the way she laughed and how she always had a smile on her face. I even loved the harsh glares she gave me.
Her light touches made electricity surge through my veins. The sound of her voice was a welcoming melody to my senses, a symphony that I never wanted to end. Damn, I’m so whipped.
I loved her.
I have never been so sure of anything in my life. I knew I loved her for a while now, but I didn’t really take notice into the emotion. The urge to tell her has been bugging me, but I didn’t know how. How would she react? I knew Amira liked me. I just didn’t know how strongly she liked me. She concealed her emotions all the time. I could barely figure her out.
“You should really tell her how you feel,” a voice interrupted my peaceful thoughts, dragging me back to the hell I had been so kindly blessed with.