by Davina Stone
“Okay. Go ahead.”
Pippa cleared her throat and squared her shoulders, her strong quads shaping her work slacks, and read from her scribbled handwritten lines. “Mum and Dad, I—we—Shaz and I, have an announcement to make.” Foot shuffle. “Oh, forgot to include Kirsty and Luke. Okay, so take that as given.” She cleared her throat. “Shaz and I are in love. We want you to know we are very happy—” she stopped, “—ecstatically happy maybe?”
Judith nodded. “That’s good,” she agreed, but all she could see was Mum’s face freezing up. “Though do you think perhaps, I don’t know, maybe just make it a bit less emotive. Mention Shaz is your partner first before you say the love word.”
“No way. That makes us sound like a business arrangement. It’s got to be super clear or Mum will pretend she hasn’t heard me.”
Pippa dipped her chin and read out more lines.
“That’s lovely,” Judith said when she’d finished. “But, um, do you think a restaurant is the best place to tell them?”
Pip threw her head back. “Urfff. can you stop seeing all the problems? Besides, Harry’s isn’t just any restaurant, it’s special.”
“Have you warned Shaz? About how Mum reacts sometimes?”
“Kind of.” Pip’s face turned mischievous. “Perhaps I should forget the speech, and we’ll strip each other’s kit off and make out on the lazy Susan.” She grinned. “Can you imagine Mum’s face?”
She sucked her cheeks in and went cross-eyed.
“I just meant—”
Pippa raised her arms. “I’ve just got to do this, Jude— I mean, Shaz’s parents totally embraced our relationship from the get-go. Then there’s Mum and Dad like two old neutered cats—”
“Pip!”
“Oh c’mon, they are, and I’m just—pissed off, at how useless they are. Mum particularly, and Dad just goes along with it. Growing up with that, I’ve realised how much it’s stunted me, sexually, emotionally, everything…
Me too, Judith thought quietly. But still, it was complicated. “Go easy on Mum.” She gave Pippa a pleading look. “She can’t help her upbringing.”
Pippa flapped the piece of paper on the desk. “Give me a break. I can’t make excuses for her the way you do. I’m nearly twenty-three and I’ve only just had the courage to admit I’m gay, even to you and you’re the closest person to me in the world. Shaz told her parents when she was thirteen she was a lesbian. That’s the level of trust they share.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since I was fourteen and Trent Tucker kissed me, and I wanted to throw up.”
“Oh, dear.” Judith grinned. Trent had been the most sought-after boy in her sister’s year. She knew because of all the fourteen-year-old girls texting him selfies of themselves with their school blouse tucked into their bra. Pippa’s school had finally clamped down on it.
Pippa paused. “Remember Tilly?”
Judith cast her mind back. “The blonde girl in your gang?”
“Yeah, we hung out a bit, kissed and what-not.”
Judith frowned. “But she dated Trent for ages didn’t she?”
Pippa nodded. “Bi.”
Judith rubbed her forehead and out came the words she’d vowed she wouldn’t say. “I’m so sorry, Pip.”
“For what?” Pippa, loading hand weights into a box, turned and looked at her in surprise.
“That you went through all this alone. I wish you’d felt comfortable telling me.”
“I could never have told you earlier,” Pip said, almost vehemently “No offence babe, but you and Mark were so hetero and so itemised.” The term made Judith feel like a product on the shelf of Woolworths. Couple past their use-by date. “Besides,” Pippa continued, “I couldn’t come to terms with it myself for years. I just knew girls did it for me, and boys didn’t.” She stuck her finger into her open mouth and mock gagged. “Penises! Ball sacks. Urk.”
Judith bit down on her smile. She didn’t share the repugnance. The chance to see a bit more of Carts in that department would be most welcome. “You can hear through the walls you know,” she pointed out.
Pip’s eyes widened for a moment then she shrugged. “Don’t care.” She turned towards reception and with a mock bow said, “Meet Pippa Mellors, lesbian and proud.” She swivelled back to Judith. “Honestly Jude, I’m so happy, I honestly don’t care who knows.”
Tears pricked Judith’s eyes suddenly. “You’re amazing, Pip.”
“Just comfortable in my own skin at last.” Pip gave Judith her lopsided screw-ball grin, the one she always passed off a compliment with. “I approve, by the way.”
“Of what?”
“Of that Carts guy. Apart from his dreadful yoga pants, I definitely approve.”
Judith demurred. “We’re not like you and Shaz, committed or anything.” More’s the pity.
“He digs you big time.”
“You think?” She almost blushed at how very much he’d seemed to dig her last night.
“Yeah!” Pippa rolled her eyes as she bounced an exercise ball into a corner of the room. “Slavish adoration written all over his face.”
“That could just be his yogic enlightened look.”
Pippa guffawed. “It was coming from a place a lot lower than his spiritual centre, let me tell you. Okay—” She flexed her muscles, picked up her bag and flung an arm round Judith’s shoulders. “Let’s do this, sis.”
They met Shaz in the carpark outside the restaurant and the two women clasped hands tightly and gazed resolutely into each other’s eyes.
“Ready for this?” Pippa said, kissing Shaz on the lips.
“Sure am.” Shaz turned and embraced Judith. “And thanks for supporting us.”
Judith hugged her back so tightly words were not needed.
“C’mon.” Pippa had her pre-match face on, her mouth tight at the corners and her eyes scrunched as, hand in hand, the two women marched towards the neon sign marked “Harry Tan’s”.
Watching them, Judith choked up and could only smile out of teary eyes. Whatever happened tonight, she felt honoured to be here supporting Pippa and Shaz in their journey together.
Harry spotted them immediately as they walked in, and hurried forward. Of course Pippa had chosen Harry’s restaurant. It was something of an icon in the gay and multicultural community of Perth. With his partner, Kun, Harry had perfected the best barbecued duck in the Southern Hemisphere. You couldn’t visit Perth without being directed to the glossy red barbecued ducks hanging from the rotisserie in the window. The long lines outside the restaurant testified to its popularity—people happily queued for the privilege of eating here. Unless of course you’d built Harry and Kun’s stunning home on the river. For that reason, John Mellors’ family always had the private room at their disposal.
Mum and Dad and Luke and Kirsty were seated around a table piled with plates of money bags and crunchy spring rolls, and Dad had already tucked in.
Mum was smiling at Kirsty, who could be heard even before you entered the room. Kirsty was the face for Mellors Homes. She’d been a morning radio presenter before she married Luke, and always sounded like she was cheer-squadding a bleary-eyed 5 am audience. Nowadays Kirsty’s smile flashed from billboards around the city, in front of a Mellors home, with the words “Let OUR family build YOUR family’s dream home” floating on puffy white clouds above her head.
“Hi there.” Kirsty jumped up as if they had indeed come to view a display home.
Pip gave her a hug, high-fived Luke then went over to Mum, who didn’t stand up but proffered her cheek. Pippa barely pecked it. Dad scraped his chair back and stood up, rubbing at his mouth with a napkin and gave Pip a quick squeeze. Judith followed suit and did the rounds.
Shaz had turned deathly pale as the introductions rolled on, as if the reality of the situation had finally hit her.
After everyone was seated and platefuls of glistening sliced duck and pancakes and bright green bok choy had been brought out, Dad said,
“So Pip. What’s the big announcement? We’ve all been betting on Andrew giving you a promotion?”
“Better actually.” Pippa threw a look at Shaz. Scraping back her chair, she stood and steadied herself with hands splayed on the table and her biceps rigid.
“Mum, Dad. Luke and Kirsty—and Jude, well, you already know, don’t you babe.” She gave a big toothy nervous grin that made her look fourteen again. “I have an announcement to make.” She grabbed Shaz’s hand. “Shaz and I, that is, Shaz and me,” an uncharacteristic little giggle followed, “are in love.” Silence. Pippa’s voice got louder. “She’s the most important woman in the world to me and we’re very happy. We wanted to be clear about our relationship from the start so that you can welcome her into the family, as my girlfriend.”
No-one said a word. Somewhere out front, Kun could be heard calling, “Takeaway half duck for Colin.” Judith sneaked a look from behind her hair. Kirsty had her mega-watt smile locked in place, Luke looked bemused, Dad rubbed vigorously at his mouth with his napkin and Mum stared at the tablecloth.
Oh Mum, please, please—just this once, Judith begged silently. Override the fear and guilt that strangles the life out of you. Escape from the shadow of your past. Be bigger than that. Show Pippa that you love her, unconditionally.
She had to sit on her hands and pin her lips together to stop herself from jumping up and saying something to fill the silence.
The next moment it was as if Dad took hold of himself from the inside out. And to give him his due, once he’d wiped the look of surprise off his face with that napkin it was clear he wasn’t going to let his youngest daughter down.
“Well, that’s big news Pip, er—nice to meet you Shaz. Does that stand for Sharon? Or should we all call you Shaz?”
Shaz’s mouth broke into a relieved smile. “Shaz is fine.”
“Well, Shaz, welcome to the family.”
Another awkward silence, while Harry fussed around refilling their glasses. Kirsty suddenly gushed out “cool” and “wonderful” and Luke mumbled something that sounded affirmative.
Finally, Mum got to her feet and said to the tablecloth, “Will you excuse me while I go to the ladies’ room?”
The rest of the meal passed in the awkward way events do when a great big elephant has landed in the middle of the table next to the Peking duck and everyone is studiously ignoring it.
It wasn’t that Mum didn’t talk to Shaz. She did. She was pleasant and polite. But it was as if Pippa had never spoken those words.
As the meal progressed, Judith could sense Pippa’s energy building next to her like a brewing storm. Finally Pip jumped to her feet. “Mum,” she said loudly, “are you going to acknowledge what I said?” Luke gave a nervous cough into the void.
Pippa sucked in a big breath. “You’ve never accepted my reality, have you? Ever since I was little and you made me wear those frilly-topped socks and horrible patent shoes.”
Mum shook her head and stared blankly at a spot on the wall past Pippa’s head.
Pip dodged her head into Mum’s line of vision. Mum’s gaze shifted three millimetres. “Mum! I’m gay. G.A.Y. I’m a lesbian. Do you understand what that means? It means I dig women.”
Shaz put her hand on Pippa’s arm and made a gentle shushing sound. But Pip wasn’t going to be silenced. “I love Shaz, Shaz loves me. It’s not the work of the devil. It’s just another colour in the rainbow.” Mum made a strangled little sound and her hand fluttered to her neck. “You need to get your head around who I really am, see me, not some imaginary person you wish I was. I can’t live like that, Mum, because that would mean living a lie and I won’t do that to myself anymore. You have to accept me as I am…” She paused, her hands fisting at her sides, “because if you don’t, I really can’t—” her voice cracked. “I really can’t see you anymore.”
And with that she grabbed Shaz’s hand, who hurriedly thanked them for the meal, and the two of them were gone.
The silence was filled with the chatter and laughter of happy diners on the other side of the glass partition.
A universe away from the Mellors family drama.
Judith got up, gagged out, “Excuse me a minute,” and raced after the two women.
In the street she caught up with them. Grabbing Pip’s arm, she swung her around. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Pip said, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “It’s Mum that’s got the problem.”
Judith stared into Pippa’s eyes; they were hard and determined as steel. And then Pip shook her head. “I’m really sorry, I know I always leave you to deal with her, but I just can’t cope with Mum’s miserable, repressed view of the world anymore.” They stood staring at each other, both silently acknowledging the inevitable.
Finally, Judith said softly, “You two go. I’ll handle Mum.”
As she headed back into Harry’s she realised this was how it had always been.
Stuck in the middle between Mum and Pippa.
Desperately gluing the broken pieces back together and plastering over the cracks in between.
Chapter 15
Saturday
* * *
“Harder? Softer?”
Carts lay back, eyes closed, and let the bliss wash over him. “It’s perfect, thanks.”
Tara’s fingertips continued to massage his scalp with the pressure only a true pro could exert. His whole body felt like a giant floating marshmallow as the massage chair sent ripples into the small of his back and his shoulders. Why had he been so worried about coming here? To think he’d put up with years of Bernie scrubbing his scalp raw, followed by a towel-dry that was more suited to a doggy wash than a hair salon.
Right now, he’d happily pay Tara for another half hour of this.
After she’d rinsed out the peppermint-scented conditioner and wrapped a towel round his hair and dried it with the gentleness a mother might administer to her favourite child, he found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, and all the anxiety about having his hair cut evaporated.
He’d woken with a mild hangover from his Friday evening out with Dan, and a determination to do the deed. This was no longer acceptable, he decided as he combed a long lock of hair one way and then the other, only for it to flop right back over his eyes.
So he’d made a list. Get a haircut. Purchase a new bottle of Eau d’homme. Buy a packet of…? His pen hovered over the letters, unable to complete the word “condoms”. He hadn’t needed them for a year and now he felt like he was being presumptuous, but… well, after Thursday… they were on the brink of something and he had to hope that Fern’s teachings would work magic—
Tara, who’d disappeared to answer the phone, now returned with a little trolley full of exotic-looking implements. She took out some scissors with strangely scalloped edges to them and a comb.
“So what are we doing today?”
At which Carts launched into a lengthy description of how his hair behaved if it was cut wrongly. “So,” he finished when he realised her nodding had increased to the point where it was clear she wanted him shut up, “that’s my hair woes in a nutshell.”
“Just a bit of shape around the front and ears then. A touch off the back so it doesn’t flick up on your shirt collar.”
He looked at Tara’s refection in awe. “You reckon you could do that? Keep some length but get the shape back into it?”
“Hey,” Tara pointed the scissors at her chest, where today the words, Great hair doesn’t happen by chance were emblazoned in gold letters on a black background. “Trust me, sweetheart, okay?”
Judith had barely slept. Images of the disastrous evening at Harry Tan’s had churned through her head, invading her dreams and tying her into knots in her bed clothes.
When she’d arrived back at the restaurant, Dad had been paying the bill. He carried Mum’s coat and ushered her through the door, mouthing to the others over her head, “Your mum just needs time to process.” And then they were gone, leaving Judith and
Luke and Kirsty standing on the pavement.
Kirsty said, “I guess we should have suspected,” in the slightly incredulous tone of someone who inhabited a world of heterosexual couples with 2.2 kids. Luke cleared his throat. “That would account for why Pip never brought a boyfriend home.” His troubled gaze fixed on her. “You’ll talk to Mum won’t you Jude?” he said. “Get those two back on track.”
Judith stared at her parents’ departing figures. Dad, bulky shouldered and protective; Mum bent as if pushing against the wind, even though the air was perfectly still.
“I don’t know if I can anymore,” she’d said and swallowed the lump forming in her throat.
Sitting up in bed now, she decided affirmative action was needed. Not the kind of action that meant fixing other people’s lives. She’d done too much of that over the years, today she had her own to fix. With sudden determination, she got up, showered, dressed and, after a piece of toast and marmalade and a coffee, made her way into the city.
When she arrived at the Book Genie she browsed the shelves of mystery books outside, all packaged in brown paper with clues handwritten on labels. She wondered if Alice had written them, because she only managed to guess one, the hints were so clever and obscure. Eventually, she plucked up her courage and sidled through the doors and along the aisles of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, until she reached the Ancient History section. The yellowing sign hung off its nail, the letters fading and the cardboard curled at the edges.
She scanned the top shelf and her heart dropped. No little red volume as far as she could see. She squinted—this part of the shop was dimly lit—and then she spied it, squeezed in, right at the end of the shelf, like an afterthought. A bright red spine in all the dull scholarly titles. For once, she was thankful to be over six foot. Standing on tiptoes, her fingers scrabbled to reach it. She managed to tug it from the shelf, catching it just before it hit her in the eye.