by Davina Stone
He grabbed a tissue from the centre console and swiped at his eyes as she made her way around the front of the car.
And then she opened the passenger door and slid in beside him.
He shifted in the seat, not sure where to look, just knowing that the space felt too small, too cramped suddenly. And she smelt fresh and citrussy, which took him back to the night they’d…
Ah, shit.
He scrubbed at his forehead.
“You ran away,” she pointed out.
He baulked at that description. “I didn’t run, exactly. I walked at speed.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to explain.”
Carts couldn’t argue with that.
He glanced up, for once wishing he hadn’t cut his hair, in case she saw the glint of tears still in his eyes. “Are you two back together?”
“No. We’re totally through.”
He stared down at his hands and tried not to sniff. But at least a little flame of hope had re-ignited in his heart.
Her hand closed over his, steadying the tremor.
“He really is your ex?” he mumbled, studying her fingers. “Like, as in Finalised? Extinguished?”
She laughed. “Vaporised actually. I screamed at him to get out. I have literally never seen anyone move so fast.” She gave a shaky laugh.
Bolder now. “Can I ask why he was there?”
She sighed. “He came round to try and borrow money off me. He’s already taken all my savings.”
“You are kidding!”
“No. He reckons he’s developing some gaming app and wants to take it to Vegas or something. Pippa reckons he’s getting into debt paying for gaming advantages. Who knows?”
“Bloody hell, what a dick.”
“I agree.” She stroked his hand. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“It would appear I stupidly walked away without giving you a chance to explain.”
“No,” she said gently, “I mean what happened before—to make you react like that.”
Christ, her intuition was razor sharp.
He sighed. “Lucy—”
“Your last girlfriend?”
“Yeah, that one.” Now she was tracing a little whorl with her fingertips on the back of his hand. It felt divine, but it also made a lump rise in his throat again. “I thought I loved her. In all honesty, it wasn’t close… we never really clicked. But anyway, we had some time apart, I’d been working long hours and she said she needed space to think. I decided, in my wisdom, that it was my fault—that I needed to be a more attentive partner. We’d talked about getting engaged at one stage and I thought that would fix it.” He sucked in a deep breath. “So I went round to her place after work, with a ring I’d chosen… she opened the door and I went down on one knee and—” He heard her suck in air. “Yeah, I know, dumb right?”
“No, I was thinking that’s a really romantic thing to do.”
“Anyway, just as I did that, this freakin’ pair of legs walks out of the bathroom at the end of the hall. And weirdly, her house is configured just like yours, toilet facing the front door and… the legs were naked ‘cos the guy was only wearing a really small towel and…” He grimaced. “It was the personal trainer I’d paid for to help her overcome her insomnia problem.”
“Oh, that is awful. No wonder when you saw Mark—”
“And then when he put his hand on your shoulder…”
“He did that on purpose to make mischief. I am so, so sorry it caused you pain.”
“Yeah, well. I shouldn’t have reacted so fast, or said what I did, but… that image just shot in front of my eyes and it’s like I had no control of my body or my mind. I just reacted on auto-pilot.”
“It must have seemed like history repeating itself.” Judith’s voice was full of compassion.
“Kind of. I’m sorry. I fucked up, didn’t I? Will you forgive me?”
Gently she turned his face with her palm, gazed deeply into his eyes. “There’s nothing to forgive. But please can we talk about things—like if something bothers either of us— in future.”
Future. His heart leaped. They had a future?
“We’ve both got hurts and fears to overcome,” Judith continued. “But we need to talk them through with each other. Promise me—that we’ll always do that.”
He looked at her, the glimmer of hope now fanning into a flame. “Do you—I mean, are you saying… that you’d like to be my girlfriend?” He pulled a face. “That sounds so freakin’ adolescent, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, but who cares,” she murmured, pressing her forehead against his. He closed his eyes and drank in the scent of her, the nearness of her; so crazy amazing when moments ago he’d thought he’d lost her forever. “Yes, Carts, I want to be your girlfriend,” she whispered.
He opened his eyes on a sigh. It felt like his whole body was releasing the tension, not only of the last hour, but of so many years. Shedding it like an old unwanted skin. When she pressed her lips against his cheek, then kissed his ear, shivers cascaded through him. And yeah, there was no denying it, the shiver had already morphed into a warm insistent hum in his groin.
He didn’t know what would happen if he kissed her. If his body would let him down, and he’d have to contend with a libido like a rodeo horse, but right now he didn’t care. He had to kiss her… and well, if things got tricky, he’d stop, relax and somehow, they’d work out a way to deal with it.
Together.
He lifted his hand, tipped her chin up and their gazes fused.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured and kissed her mouth as Joe Cocker, plus a full backing orchestra, launched into the opening lines of “Up Where We Belong”.
Judith stared at the stunning glass pendants above the desk of the Ritz Carlton Hotel.
She kept wanting to pinch herself. Because it was 11.30 at night and here they were, checking in to a river view suite, with her dressed in an outfit of Ugg boots and an old frayed cardi over her half-finished blouse, to hide the fact one arm was hanging on by a thread, and carrying a very small overnight bag.
She edged closer to Carts, who was confidently giving the receptionist his credit card, and stroked his arm. He swivelled and gave her the sexiest smile and her knees nearly buckled from under her.
They’d talked in his car. He’d told her about the awful turn of events with Avery. How he’d handled it and she’d told him how impressive that was. They’d also kissed quite a bit, until her lips felt bruised, and her belly throbbed, and she’d got a little more adventurous with her exploration.
A year of yoga had given him very toned abs, no doubting that. But when she’d let her fingers slide lower, he’d pulled back.
Her eyes sought his as his hand covered hers, stilling her movements.
“I feel like I keep doing something wrong,” she said.
“No—I—” His chest rose and fell sharply. “You do everything right… that’s the problem.” His head was bowed but she could see his features working. “Oh fuck, you need to know, I haven’t had sex with a woman for well over a year and… hell, how do I explain, I’m so turned on by you… that when you touch me… things start to move way too fast.”
The words of Dr Daphne Rubekind came into Judith’s mind.
Talk openly about your greatest fears.
“Is that why you only gave me pleasure the other night? Why you wouldn’t let me touch you?” He didn’t answer, but she persevered gently. “Why you left before I could return the favour?”
He nodded. “I’ve been trying some strategies to keep things in check.” A grimace. “Not sure that they’re working though.”
She looked at his face, tight and a little miserable in the half light from the street lamp outside. “Does it matter?”
“Sorry?”
“If—” It was kind of hard, talking candidly about their sex life before it had even really started, but if they were going to get past this impasse then they had to. “If you came quickly, like, what
’s the big deal?” she said. “There will be plenty of other times.”
His jaw went slack as if he was trying to take this in. He frowned.
“I guess so. If you were okay with that?” She’d smiled from the bottom of her heart and he’d smiled back and she’d kissed him again and then he’d said, a note of alarm in his voice, “But not here!”
“I didn’t actually have the back seat of the car in mind. Besides, I don’t think we’d fit.”
They both laughed at that, before she asked, “Do you want to come back inside?”
He shook his head. “Maybe not after what just happened. Perhaps we could go somewhere else, at least for our first time.”
“Your place?”
He pulled another face. “It’s a pretty small house with thin walls—and if Solo’s there—”
“Of course.” She giggled. “With Polly…”
“Oh, yikes. They’re on then?”
“Yep, it would seem so.”
“Heck!”
They sat in silence, her mind trying to work out solutions. Did he mean for them to take a blanket down by the river? She’d go anywhere if he asked her, but if that was the case, she kind of hoped no late-night dog walkers would wander past.
“I’m thinking maybe a hotel,” Carts said and her eyes widened as the idea took shape in her head.
“That could be kind of… fun!” she said.
His eyes took on a wicked gleam. “Great. Let’s do this.”
Giggling like a couple of teenagers wagging school, they’d made a plan and she’d run inside, leaving Carts to book over the phone. A breathless mess of excitement, she’d gathered a few things, clothes for tomorrow and toiletries, but crazily didn’t feel she had time to change, so instead threw a coat over her half-made blouse.
“You look beautiful,” Carts said when she plonked back in the front seat of his car, reaching over and kissing her before heading off towards the city.
After a minute she plucked up the courage to ask, “Have you… um, protection?”
He nodded and she sensed he was a little embarrassed, so she just reached over and squeezed his arm. Some things didn’t need to be talked through in detail.
So here they were. At the Ritz Carlton, on Elizabeth Quay. Because, Carts had explained, he’d thought it looked amazing ever since it opened last year. “Besides,” he’d added, “it’s where we had our first real date.”
A week ago. Really? Only a week ago. So much had happened. With Pippa, and Avery, the best orgasm of her life, a dozen red roses and him. He was hers, and it felt almost too good to be true.
Which was why when they stood in their suite with the great big king-size bed and the sweeping panoramic views of the river, she had to say to him, “Could you pinch me please? To check this is real.”
It was more a caress than a pinch, but it would do.
They looked at the bed and then at each other and grinned.
“We should check if we fit,” Carts said, with an eyebrow waggle.
Her lips quirked. “Let’s,” she agreed. Grabbing her hand, he ordered, “One… two… three… go!” and together they launched onto the mattress, laughing as their faces hit the feathery pillows. “Okay, turn round and lie absolutely straight.”
They turned and lay flat on their backs, fingers linked together, staring at the ceiling and wiggling their toes. “I’m off the end,” Carts said.
“I fit. Just,” Judith countered. “But then you are taller than me.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, turning on his side and scooping her into his arms. “It means we’ll have to snuggle up more.” They curled into each other, faces close enough for their noses to touch and their breath to mingle. Suddenly serious now, she gulped and gently traced a finger round the angle of his cheekbones, the line of his jaw, and across his mouth. How sensitive those lips were, how expressive. He blinked at her, long eyelashes sweeping down and when he opened them again, his eyes were as clear as the night sky outside.
In turn, he stroked the hair away from her face and kissed her. First her forehead, then each eyelid, her cheeks next and finally, her lips.
It was a languorous kiss at first, explorative and gentle, as if they had all the time in the world. His tongue swept her upper lip, then her lower one and Judith gave a little shiver. She let her lips mould to his and coaxed with her tongue, until he opened to her and she felt his hands tangle in her hair and the kiss deepened and became hot and urgent.
Judith pulled at his shirt, tugged it out of his pants. He laughed, a little nervous, deep and husky. His eyes darkened. She let her hand roam across the skin of his belly then snuck it over his pants to shape the hard length of him.
He flinched.
“Is this okay?” she asked. “Or too much?”
“A little too much right now.” The words came out slightly strangled. She shifted, letting him have space to breathe and stroking her fingertips softly over his shoulders and pecs, a place she hoped was safe enough.
“Why don’t we undress at least?” she suggested after a while. “And see what happens.”
He looked at her, uncertainty mixed with desire. “I’m not sure I’m going to cope with seeing you naked. I’m teetering right on the edge here.”
“Just for your info, I’m nervous too. I have one breast that’s bigger than the other.” She giggled into his neck. “You only got to one the other night, the smaller one, before—"
“I will love each of them equally,” he said with a reverence that made her skin goosebump with joy.
“Oh, thank you. So, you see, we don’t have to be perfect. Either of us. But this, you know, this… is perfect—just us, being here, together.”
“More than perfect. And you are perfect.”
“Lopsided but perfect.”
“Perfect. End of story.”
They lay still for five minutes, maybe longer, exploring each other with a light touch and long sighs.
Finally, Judith decided to nudge things along. “How about we turn the lights off, take our clothes off and get under the covers—no major expectations or anything,” she added as she sensed his spine stiffen.
She saw the relief sweep his face. “You always have such good ideas.”
She stroked his hair. “Being with you brings out my best ideas,” she said softly. “Let’s do this, sexy man.”
He laughed and this time, she was sure that deep huskiness held more confidence.
“Lights out,” he said.
Judith obligingly flicked the switch.
Chapter 18
Clothes shed, Carts lay very still under the sheet. He dared cast a look at her silhouetted against the window, the outline of one tip-tilted breast, the line of her shoulder and curve of her hip. Her long slender legs.
He felt her body indent the mattress, the waft of air as she pulled back the sheet and climbed in next to him.
Then her head was on his shoulder and with a sigh her hands were exploring over his naked chest, her warm breath on his neck, her thighs brushing the hairs on his.
He turned into her and his cock bobbed hard against the swell of her belly. It was nigh on impossible to focus on anything but how much he wanted to be inside her.
She feathered kisses across his cheek towards his mouth.
“Don’t kiss me.” He arched his neck, gritted his teeth. “I mean, do kiss me, just not for a moment.”
“We’ll go at your pace,” she whispered.
They lay still, holding each other tight while desire throbbed through every cell of his body.
After a while Judith murmured, “Do you want to…”
He almost yelped, “Now?”
He sensed the smile in her words. “Well, I’m already one up on you in the orgasm stakes.” She gave a husky little laugh. “And we’ve got all night for second helpings.”
All night. Jesus, the sheer amazingness of it made his mouth dry up.
And really, that was all the encouragement he needed. He foun
d the packet of condoms he’d left on the bedside table, tore it open and sheathed himself.
When he turned back to her, Judith reached for him, and he nestled between her legs and drew in a ragged breath as her breasts and hips moulded into him.
He wasn’t used to this. He was used to having to wait, to defer, to ensure he gave pleasure first, not just selfishly took his own.
He sighed deeply, burying his face in her neck, drinking in her scent.
And then he accepted the truth of it. It didn’t matter what happened next. It didn’t need to fit some blueprint of the first time. Because after the first time, he knew now that there would be a next time, the chance to explore each other’s bodies at leisure, to get to know each other’s wants and needs.
Carts gave himself up to the moment.
She guided him gently, her touch sensitive to how easily triggered he was down there right now, and gingerly he moved so that he nudged her entrance.
He bit his lip, closed his eyes, braced on his elbows, so as not to crush her breasts with his weight. She let out a deep sigh, and the sweet hot wetness of her welcomed him.
He stilled, breathing heavily.
“Would you mind—just—staying still a moment?”
She stroked his hair, whispered words of encouragement in his ear. An ache of tenderness joined the lust in his groin.
Then her mouth found his and she kissed him, gently, with parted lips, keeping her tongue out of the equation so as not to turn the temperature up any higher, while he remained clasped tight within her and… yes, breathe… yes… he was going okay… he was… he could hold out… he could…
Until with a little moan, Judith changed the rules, deepening the kiss, throwing her legs around his hips, sweeping him along with her rhythm, taking him deep inside her and oh god, he couldn’t stop the movement of his hips in unison, could not… He was being carried by a wave so powerful that… nope, nope, heaven COULD NOT WAIT.
He came with absolute abandon, his whole body tossed around by the rip tide of his orgasm. He knew that he shouted out words of delight and amazement, knew that her name played a central role, but not if any of it was coherent. When he collapsed against her, spent and blissed out, Judith crooned sweet nothings in his ear until his ragged breathing steadied and he was certain he’d been reborn and laid on a bed of goose-down sewn together with golden thread.