My own sigh was tight and filled with self-loathing. “That’s on me. It’s been a hard three months and I haven’t dealt with it well.”
“Considering the circumstances, you’re doing just fine. I do think you need to take some time to grieve, though. You haven’t had a second to breathe since the accident.”
“Neither have you, and you aren’t snapping people’s heads off.”
“My job isn’t twenty-four seven for this company the way yours is now. You went from designing buildings to running this company overnight. I’m just in charge of keeping reporters off the premises.”
I chuckled and leaned back on the couch, stretching my long legs out after the walk back across the lake. “I know for a fact running the security for Rutherford Designs isn’t as simple as that.”
“Maybe not, but all the same, we’re cutting you slack because we know what was set on your shoulders to pick up and carry. That’s not taking into account the fact that you also lost your father. Did you really send everyone home for the holidays? Ange said she was flying back to Minneapolis today.”
“I sent as many people as I could, yeah,” I agreed. “It’s time, don’t you think? Work is always there, but you can’t get that time back with your family once it’s gone.”
“Truth,” he agreed, clearing his throat. “Ange was moved that you bought her a ticket and sent her home. She has a new niece and hasn’t been able to meet her yet.”
I sat up straight on the couch. “When did her sister have a baby?” My voice was chock full of surprise … and guilt. “She never mentioned it.”
“Last month. She knew you’d feel guilty if she told you, so she didn’t say anything.”
“But she told you.” I groaned, knowing that I was the real asshole.
“Anyway, I wanted you to know that people appreciate it. My security guys are going to work shifts so they can all spend part of the day with their families. With no one working in the building, I can keep a skeleton crew, but I still need people manning the security monitors.”
“Which is why I told Ange to keep the necessary crew there and let everyone else go. I’ll make sure they get a bonus this year for working on the holiday, and we’ll send over food for Christmas Day.”
“Wow,” he said on a breath, “you’re serious about change, aren’t you?”
“Caleb, you know I’ve wanted to change things for a long time. Dad ran the company successfully for years, but he never brought it into this century. There are endless avenues we could explore if we hire the right people, go after the right contracts, and think outside the box.”
“You know I agree with you, but that’s easy to say when I don’t have to do any of the legwork.”
“Once I get back and the holidays are over, I’ll sit down and talk to you, Sarah, and Mom about it.”
“Why?” There was surprise in his voice, but the curiosity I heard overpowered it.
I rested my head on the back of the couch and closed my eyes. Instantly, the chocolate brown eyes of that woman in cabin zero filled my mind. They were dark, haunted, and would never recover from the atrocities she’d been exposed to since she was born. The only solace I took was for that hour in the woods this morning, the haunted look was gone. It was replaced by passion, desire, and honesty. I swallowed when I thought about the other look in her eyes. A deep longing for love and acceptance. It was a longing I could never fill, even though I wanted to. I wasn’t equipped to support a woman emotionally. I certainly wasn’t capable of giving Mercy the kind of emotional support she needed. At least I didn’t think I was.
“I want things to change, Caleb. That means making sure I take the company in a direction everyone is comfortable with. I want ideas from the family about what they’d like to see us do, and how to channel some of our resources into charitable activities. I’m thinking about asking Mom to take over the charitable aspect of the business.”
“You’re kidding me?” I could picture him sitting up and leaning over his desk, the phone pressed hard to his ear.
“Bad idea?” I brushed the dirt off my pants and waited for his answer. I hated how much it mattered to me that he approved.
“No, not bad idea. Good idea. Great idea! She’d be absolutely brilliant at it, Hayes.”
A smile spread across my face and I did a small fist pump, at the same time glad he couldn’t see my reaction. “Exactly what I was thinking. She knows the laws better than anyone we have inhouse right now. She has a heart of gold, but can also see through bullshit at the drop of a hat. Right now, we’re writing checks and walking away. I want to do more than that, but I need someone I can trust to take the helm.”
“And you know she needs something to occupy her time, so what better way than to give her a role in the company.”
“Only if she wants it. If she doesn’t, I’ll understand.”
“She’ll want it. She’s lost without Dad and needs something else to focus on,” he agreed. “I like the new and improved Hayes. He’s kind of a nice guy.”
“Fuck you,” I said, laughing.
He laughed with me and tisked his tongue. “Don’t let Mom hear you talk like that. She’ll wash your mouth out with Bath and Body Works peppermint soap. Perfect for all your holiday season punishments.”
I snorted, almost choking on my own spit. “I think she’s bought stock in that place.” I shook my head, but my chest was filled with laughter.
“I’ll see you tomorrow? You promise?” he asked, his voice low and trepidatious.
“You’ll see me tomorrow. I was ordered home by an extremely bossy woman who said I couldn’t miss Christmas with my family just because I’m a coward.”
He whistled long and low, with a chuckle at the end of it. “I like her already. She sounds bossier than you, which is a gigantic feat.”
“You’re a comedian today. I’m going to enjoy the rest of the day here since I don’t have a building design to worry about, and I’ll drive home tomorrow afternoon. I’ll be there for church at six.”
“I’m going to hold you to it. I have to head back to the desk, but take a little brotherly advice?” he asked and I groaned.
“I’m afraid, but shoot.”
“Find that bossy woman and get laid.” His laughter was all I heard before dead air filled the line.
I tossed the phone on the couch next to me and shook my head. Been there, done that, and it didn’t end well. I was starting to see it was possible that the men in her past damaged her forever, and the few measly days I was here wouldn’t be enough to convince her every man wasn’t like them. I wasn’t going to be here long enough to convince her that the right man could change her life. I didn’t have the right to do that. We lived in two different worlds.
I lived in the world of smartphones on my hip and fancy cars in the driveway. She lived in the world of fishing tackle and rabbit stew. Neither was wrong, but the crossover for either of us would likely be unbearable.
I rubbed Hayes Rutherford four point five through my pants. He had been flying at half-mast since we made love. Hell, who was I kidding? He had been flying at half-mast since I stepped foot in her store the first time. My groin had contracted at the sight of her and even after releasing inside her, wrapped up in her heat and sweetness, that feeling hadn’t eased even a little bit. Maybe once I drove away tomorrow, I would be able to use real life to distract me. Work and family would push from my mind the desire, passion, and need to fix her that filled me every time I gazed into her eyes.
I pushed myself up off the couch and strode to the bedroom. There was a voice deep inside me that said it wasn’t likely to happen, but I would have to try. In the meantime, I had something I needed to do, and it was already getting late. I stripped off my damp jeans and pulled on a dry pair, pulling a pair of ski pants over those and sliding my feet back into my boots.
I had a plan. Unfortunately, the plan hinged on chance, and that’s what made this next adventure a true test of faith.
CHAPTER SEVENT
EEN
MERCY
The hot tub lid landed with a thud and I stood back, gathering my supplies. After neglecting it for too long, I had taken a little time to get it up and running properly again. Once a certain somebody took off tomorrow, I was going to climb in it. It was the one thing I found that helped the phantom pain in my arm when the weather was bad. A nice long soak followed by a warm pair of pajamas, and I’d pass out under my electric blanket and sleep like a baby.
“Who are you kidding, Mercy?” I asked the open air. “You’ll lie awake in bed and think about Hayes and how if your life was different, you’d be in his bed.” The sun dropped lower in the sky and I walked to the shed to stow away my supplies again. “Things aren’t different though, Mercy. You’d be damn well smart to remember that, too.”
Once my supplies were shelved, I took a moment to check the oil on the ATV. We had a record-breaking month of snowfall in December and I put hours of time on the engine. Most people would say I’m obsessive about my equipment, but only I understood how much I depended on it to live out here independently.
After we got back from our walk in the woods, which was actually the most amazing two hours of my life, he had disappeared into his cabin. I watched him walk away and ninety-nine percent of me wanted him to keep walking. I wanted him to walk to his car, get in, drive away, and never look back. The other one percent of me wanted him to stay here and be a bad idea. Who was I kidding? He was already a bad idea. He was a bad idea I let get in my pants and blow my mind. God, he was an incredible lover with skills beyond any man I’d ever been with before. “What the fuck were you thinking, Mercy?” I asked the empty shed. “What were you thinking? You can’t undo this now.”
It was the question I asked myself on repeat while I finished my chores. When I came around the circular drive on the plow earlier, I’d catch a glimpse of him walking on the lake with Beast, but by the third time around the circle, he had disappeared. I had no idea what he’d been up to the last four hours. Whatever it was, at least he wasn’t here in my space. At least he wasn’t testing my resolve to never touch him again. I was going to keep him at arm’s length until he left. I had to. Depending on which arm of mine I used to measure that, objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
I snickered at the joke and glanced down at Justice. It was currently sporting a fuzzy striped knee-high to keep it warm. They make limb warmers for amputees, but why bother when a regular sock does the trick? You learn to get by with what you have when you live out here. One glance at Justice was all I needed to strengthen my resolve to never let him touch me again.
Mercy, you know you’d let him have his way with you again in a heartbeat. All he’d have to do is nuzzle you with that beard, and those lips, and you’d be putty in his extremely capable hands.
I hated that voice. It was never wrong, but it liked to mock me instead of help me.
“It’s your subconscious, dummy,” I huffed as I left the shed. “It’s not there to help you.”
I climbed the stairs to the store and stood by the windows overlooking the lake. The beauty always took my breath away, no matter the time of day or time of year. Mother Nature was powerful, beautiful, and she always provided. There was movement below and Beast caught my eye. He ran up the lake and a man moved along behind him, weighed down by something in his hand. I should have walked away and let him have his time, but I didn’t. I stood there like a voyeur watching him. He was different now than he was earlier. He was lighter now. He no longer walked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. His head was tipped up, watching the sky and the shoreline rather than at his feet. If I could see the change in him after only knowing him a week, his family would definitely see it, too. There was a part of me that took pride in the idea that someone could come out here for a week and find solace in a way they couldn’t in their everyday life. Knowing my camp could change someone fundamentally in just a week was ultimately the reason I stayed out here. I stayed out here for the Hayes Rutherford the Fourths in this world.
A grin tipped my lips as he strode toward the boat landing. He was ridiculously handsome in those ski pants with a trapper hat balanced on his head. He must have bought it when he went to town since I hadn’t seen him wear it before. It was red and black plaid and gave him the Paul Bunyan look I expected when I first met him. Yet, somehow, he managed to retain that look of a dangerous and sexy lumberjack, rather than a salt of the earth one. I swiveled toward the opposite bank of windows to follow his approach to the store. He was coming here, I had no doubt, but why I didn’t know. I also didn’t know what he was carrying, but I was curious.
He jogged up the hill and called my name with a spring in his step. “Mercy!”
I opened the door and stuck my head out. “Here in the store,” I answered, stopping short when I noticed fishing poles sticking out of a bucket. “You’ve been fishing? I didn’t see that coming.”
“I’m full of surprises, little girl.” He winked at me and bounced up the stairs two at a time. “Wait until you see what I caught!”
I held my finger up. “You do know you need a fishing license, right? I can’t let you take fish illegally, even if you are sex on a stick in that hat.”
He threw his head back and laughed, his hat flaps hitting him in the cheeks with the motion. “Sex on a stick? Sweetheart, I feel the same about you in that shirt. It turns out you do have something to wear besides a sweatshirt that’s two sizes too big.” His eyes traveled the length of me and paused on Justice. He lifted it and ran his thumb over the fuzzy sock. “This is cute. It finishes the look.”
I pulled it back and tucked it behind me in my usual hiding place. “Don’t be a smartass.”
He shook his head, setting the bucket down on the deck and resting his arm on the railing. “I’m not being a smartass. It’s nice to see you relaxed and comfortable. You have an incredible figure and for once I get to see it.” He stood in front of me, his cologne settling over me like a warm, musky blanket.
“Good God, you smell incredible. How do you smell so good after an afternoon of fishing?”
He gazed down at me, a smile on his lips. “Natural talent, baby,” he answered, snaking his hand out and pulling my arm out from behind me. “Stop trying to hide Justice. If I was bothered by it, I wouldn’t be standing here, would I?”
I shrugged, letting the sleeve of my shirt fall down over the arm and stay there. “Maybe, seeing as you did pay the cabin rental for a week.”
He shook his finger at me and stepped up, plastering his body the length of mine. “True, but if it bothered me would I have laid you down in the woods and eaten you alive? Would I have buried myself so deep inside you I forgot who I was for two hours? Would I be standing here on your deck with dinner in hand?”
I swallowed, fighting to maintain some semblance of order in my head. Just thinking about the feeling of him buried inside me was enough to send me to my knees. “Uh, you forgot the dinner part. Your hands are empty.”
He grinned wickedly right before his lips stole a kiss from mine. I wanted more. I wanted all of him. The thought sent a jolt of electricity through me.
Bad idea, Mercy. He’s a bad idea.
Thank God the part of me that still had half a brain knew how badly that would end. While I ruminated about his talents in bed, he reached into the bucket and lifted out a fish that didn’t seem to end. “Only because this guy is a little slimy,” he said, winking.
“Holy smokes, Hayes. Mr. Boling is going to be so jealous!” I exclaimed, eyeing the mammoth walleye. I rubbed my forehead and brought my gaze up to meet his, something I avoided as much as possible. “Dammit, what a shame that you’re going to have to release it.”
He held the fish in one hand easily, his fingers hooked under the gills as if he did it all the time. With his other hand he reached into his ski pants and pulled out his wallet, flipping it open. “Middle slot,” he said, holding the wallet for me to pull out the card. My shoulders slumped with relief when
I read the license. “I wouldn’t do anything to get you into trouble, Mercy.”
I tucked the card back in his wallet and he stuck it in his pocket. “I should have known,” I agreed. “I’m sorry for doubting you. I just can’t risk losing this place. It’s literally all I have.”
He winked and stole another kiss. “I know, baby. You also have this fish, and I think it’s perfect for dinner.”
The giant fish he held so confidently would easily be enough for two dinners. “First, that guy has to go on the brag board. Wait here, let me get the camera,” I ordered, running into the store and grabbing the digital off the shelf. When I returned to the door, he was leaning against the deck railing, the fish hanging from his fingers as though it weighed nothing. The image was one I wanted to remember forever, so without a second thought, I snapped the picture before he could pose.
“I take it you like my dinner idea?” he asked, holding it in front of him. “I wonder how much this guy weighs.”
I motioned him into the store. “Let’s weigh it on my scale. My guess is eighteen pounds,” I said excitedly while I readied the scale in the corner.
“How can you guess when you haven’t even held it?” He carefully placed it on the scale and when it settled out on a number, he laughed and shook his head. “How did you do that?”
The scale said seventeen and a half pounds. I grinned happily while he put the fish back in the bucket. “I’ve worked at this camp for a lot of years and over those years, I’ve seen a lot of fish. I can usually get within a couple of pounds just by looking at them.”
“I’m impressed. I had it pegged for about twenty-five pounds after fighting to get it out of that hole.” He washed his hands and dried them, but paused with the towel trapped between his hands. “Something just hit me,” he groaned, his lips in a grim line.
The Secrets Between Us (Billionaire CEO Romance) Page 13