by Beth Ehemann
“Calm down about Christmas. They don’t know what the hell is going on anyway. And there’s probably enough food here for the week. We’ll be fine.” He yawned like he didn’t have a care in the world. “Anyway, you should be thanking me. I tried to double it. How much would you have loved me then? Damn blackjack table.”
My pulse raced, my heart pounded. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him so bad. How could I be with a person who literally gambles away their kids’ food?
I ran to the bedroom and packed two duffel bags. One for me and one for the girls. I had no idea where I was going or how long I would be gone, but it didn’t matter at that moment. I just needed to get away.
Zach didn’t try to stop me as I left. In fact, I think he went back to sleep.
My mother couldn’t know what Zach had done, she’d never let me hear the end of it. I only had one option: Alexa’s.
She opened the front door to her house and shook her head.
“Don’t say a word,” I begged as I walked past her into her house and set the girls in Derek’s lap. “Congratulations. It’s a girl. Actually, two of them.”
He laughed and picked Lucy up, tossing her in the air.
“Dude. He is such an ass,” Alexa snarled after I grabbed the bags from the car.
“I know.” I sighed. “That’s it, Alexa. I mean it. If he doesn’t even care about groceries for the girls, there’s no hope for the two of us.”
“I hope you really mean that this time,” she accused, raising an eyebrow at me. “Don’t fall for any of his bullshit excuses. You deserve better.”
Zach and I were back together before Thanksgiving. He showed up at Alexa’s house with apologies and empty promises galore. I was holding strong until he apologized for the twentieth time and asked if we could look at engagement rings before Christmas. I melted and went home with him.
“Earth to Pooks.” Alexa’s voice rattled in my brain. I was so engrossed in my memory, I hadn’t listened to anything she’d been saying this whole time. “You were thinking about it, weren’t you? That day?”
I nodded and picked at my nail polish again.
“You were stupid,” she said.
My head snapped up and I glared at her.
“It’s true.” She shrugged. “You were stupid to go back to him and you know that you were, but I believe everything happens for a reason. If you hadn’t gone back that time, who knows what your life would have been like?”
I sniffled and thought back to how hard I’d fought to be a good mom and keep my family together.
“Those girls are lucky to have you, Kacie. And all three of you are lucky to have Brody. Do not fuck this up. Just don’t.”
“Hey!” I stood at my counter, cutting up carrots as my mom walked through my front door.
“Hi, honey.” She came over and wrapped her arms around me. “How’s my boy?”
“Fine. How are you? How was your day?”
My mom’s normally bright, cheery face looked gray and tired with dark circles under her eyes. “It was long and exhausting.” She sighed. “But I’m glad it’s over with.” She lifted the lid on the huge silver pot on my stove. “What are you making? It smells delicious.”
“Beef stew. Your favorite.” I smiled at her. “We have time, though. Do you want to go lie down and take a nap before dinner?”
A slight frown crossed her face as she tilted her head to the side. “No way. I just got here. I’d feel bad.”
“It’s okay. I was worried you’d beat me home and not be able to get in, so I left as soon as practice ended and didn’t shower. I’ll do that, take D for a walk, and then we can have some dinner and talk. I went and got all your chick movies; we can pull an all-nighter.” I walked over and took her sweater from her, gently rubbing her shoulders as I pushed her toward my guest room. She felt small, weak… like if I squeezed too hard, her bones would shatter right in my hands.
“Sounds like fun.” She yawned. “I’ll try not to sleep long.”
“Mom, you had a long day. Rest. I’m not going anywhere.” I kissed her on the cheek before she walked down the hall, disappearing into the dark room.
I added the carrots to the pot and hustled off to my room to shower. When I was done, I hooked Diesel up to his leash, peeked in on my mom, who was sleeping soundly, grabbed my cell phone, and left.
Nothing beat Minnesota in early September, especially in the evenings. The air was cool and for a people watcher like me, it was like hitting the jackpot. Diesel did his business and we parked it on a bench outside my building while I texted Kacie.
HEY, BABY. YOU BUSY?
K: HEY! ROUGH DAY. :( NEEDED TO LAUGH. I’M AT THE MOVIE THEATER WITH THE GIRLS.
Shit.
NO PROBLEM. I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI. I MISS YOU.
K: I MISS YOU… SO MUCH. IS YOUR MOM THERE YET? HOW IS SHE FEELING?
YEAH, SHE GOT HERE AWHILE AGO. SHE’S NAPPING. THEN WE’RE GONNA HAVE DINNER AND HANG OUT.
K: SOUNDS FUN. I’LL CALL YOU LATER?
DON’T FORGET. I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
K: ASK ME NOW. :)
My palms were sweating. I felt like a nervous, pimple-faced teenager about to ask a girl to prom.
IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL, REALLY. MY FIRST HOME GAME IS NEXT WEEKEND. ANY CHANCE YOU’D WANT TO TAKE ME UP ON THAT OFFER AND BRING THE GIRLS HERE? MAYBE SPEND THE NIGHT? ALL OF YOU?
K: ABSOLUTELY!
Really?
REALLY?
K: OF COURSE! I’VE BEEN DYING TO WATCH YOU PLAY. THE GIRLS HAVE TOO. LET ME JUST CHECK MY SCHEDULE AND MAKE SURE I’M NOT WORKING. THEN WE SHOULD BE GOOD.
AWESOME. WE’LL TALK MORE LATER. TELL THE GIRLS I SAID HI. HAVE FUN.
K: I WILL. LOVE YOU.
LOVE YOU, MORE.
K: ;)
As I tucked my phone in my pocket, Diesel jumped up on the bench and licked my face. “Ready to go inside?”
His ears raised and he tilted his head.
“It’s gonna be a long night, D. Lots of chick movies. Don’t leave me, okay?”
“Feel better?” I sat up on the edge of my couch and muted the TV when Mom walked into the living room, stretching her arms above her head.
“Much. Thank you.” She curled up in the chair across from me.
“Hungry?”
“Starving.” She started to get up, but I stopped her. “Sit. I’ll get it.”
I walked into the kitchen, scooped up two huge bowls of beef stew, and brought them into the living room. “Here.” I handed one to her. “Eat, please.”
“Stop fussing over me. I’m fine.” She smiled and took the bowl from me as I sat down on the couch.
“You’re not fine. You’re skinny.”
“Oh, please.” She waved me off. “It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around. Anyway…” She sighed. “What’s going on with you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know. You seem… distracted.”
How do mothers know these things? Was there some sort of alarm system attached to the uterus that let them know when something was going on internally with one of their kids?
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Let’s not do that thing where you pretend to be a big strong man who doesn’t like to talk to his mom about his problems. You’re my son. I love you. What’s going on?”
I sighed. “My first game of the season is a week from tomorrow and I’m stressed about it.” I set my bowl on the coffee table and rubbed my temples.
“Brody Murphy, stressed? About a game?” Her eyebrows rose in surprise and her eyes grew wide. “That’s a first.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Oh please! From the time you were eight years old, your dad and I would tell you good luck before a big game and you would say—” She set her bowl down and stood up. Puffing her chest out and marching around the living room, she imitated me. “I don’t need luck. I’m Brody Murphy. I got skills.”
I laughed and s
hook my head. “Was I really that much of a punk?”
“Not a punk. Confident. There’s a difference.” She chuckled and sat back down. “You backed up what you said, Brody. That’s all that matters. Now, why are you so nervous about next week?”
“My contract is up at the end of this year and I’m not getting any younger. The pressure to perform is at an all-time high.”
“Oh.” Concern canceled out her previously playful tone. “I didn’t realize this was a contract year.”
“Yeah. Growing up in Minnesota, I never imagined playing anywhere else. I love it here, especially now because of Kacie and the girls. The thought of leaving them behind to play somewhere else…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence.
“Don’t think like that. Like you said, you’ve always been a live-in-the-moment kind of person and it suits you. Don’t worry too much about the future just yet.”
“I know, but now I have a reason to worry about my future.”
She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “Look at you,” she said, narrowing her eyes and smiling at me.
“What?”
“You are completely smitten, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “Beyond.”
“Think you’ll marry her?”
“I’d marry her tomorrow if I could, but she needs to go slow right now. She’s still fighting some demons from her past.”
“Stuff with her ex?” she asked cautiously.
“Yep.”
“What happened with that anyway?”
“He was an ass. Walked out on her and the girls.” I would be thankful every day for the rest of my life that that asshole left; otherwise, I might never have met Kacie. Still, thinking about the way he treated her made my fucking blood boil. “From what she’s said, he wasn’t all that great to her when they were together.”
“That’s too bad. Has she seen him at all?” she asked as she picked her bowl up off the coffee table and started eating again.
“Nothing. He literally walked out on them. Left her a damn note. I don’t think he’s even called once.”
“Wow.” Her brows pulled together and she tilted her head to the side. “She’s one tough cookie, isn’t she?”
“That’s an understatement.”
“Must be. I know women do it every single day, but I can’t imagine raising you and Shae on my own, especially as young as she was when he left. And twins?” She shook her head back and forth in disbelief. “Forget it. That’s insane.”
“Sophia’s helped her a lot, but she’s stubborn as hell and tries to do as much as she can on her own.”
A loud knock on my door echoed throughout my living room.
My mom looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face. “Are you expecting anyone?”
“Nope.” I jumped up and went to my door. It was barely halfway open when Viper came barreling through it.
“What’s up, ass clown!” He slapped me on the shoulder as he walked past me. “Dude, I just got the number of the hottest blonde ever with the most amazing tits down in your lobby. She has no idea that I’m going to be fucking the shit out of her in about”—he craned his neck to look at the clock on my oven—”five hours.”
“Hi, Lawrence,” my mom called out.
Viper’s eyes grew huge and his face turned red as he slowly turned toward my living room and peeked around the corner at my mom. His head snapped back at me as he whispered loudly, “Thanks for telling me your mom was here, douche.”
“You didn’t give me a chance.” I laughed, closing my front door and following him into the living room.
“Hi, Mrs. Murphy.” Viper walked over and gave her shoulders a quick hug. “Sorry about that.”
It was hilarious watching him backtrack like a little kid.
“Want some beef stew, idiot?” I asked, trying to save him from any more embarrassment.
“No, thanks. I’m not staying. I actually just stopped by to give you this.” He reached in his back pocket. “I found it on the floor in the locker room after you left.” He handed me my driver’s license.
“Seriously?” I walked over to the counter and grabbed my wallet to put my license in the empty spot where it normally went. “Can’t believe I almost lost that.”
“Yeah, who’s the idiot now?” he teased. “And for the record, I’m not at all shocked that you almost lost it. Your mind is always up north these days.”
“We were just talking about Kacie,” Mom said. “What do you think of her, Lawrence?”
Viper threw himself on the couch and relaxed with his hands behind his head. “I like her… a lot, actually. We just need Loverboy over here to do his job or they’re going to be testing out a long-distance relationship.” He looked up at me. “You ever been to San Jose? ‘Cause you’re about to be a Shark. Tony Ingram is having back surgery and he’s gonna be out the whole season.”
“No shit?”
“Yep, and Louie is looking pretty good at practices. Not to mention he broke up with his girlfriend solely to focus on hockey this year. Collins has been all over him.”
Mom’s brows drew together and she started wringing her hands, clearly not liking what Viper was saying.
“It’ll be fine, Viper. You know there’s no comparing me and Louie on the ice. I block twice the shots that cocky little prick does.”
“I know that and you know that, but you need to make sure Collins remembers that.” He stood up and wiped his palms on his jeans. “Anyway, I better go. I’ve interrupted your night long enough.”
“You sure?” Mom asked. “We are just about to pop in a movie.”
“Oh, yeah?” Viper tilted his head back and forth, thinking about her offer. He turned to me. “What did you get?”
“Everything that has Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, or Reese Witherspoon in it.” I rolled my eyes.
“Aw, shit. I’m out.” He laughed, waving at my mom as he walked to the door. “Bye, Mrs. M.”
“Hey, Lawrence!” Viper stopped when my mom called out his name. He turned to face her and she cocked an eyebrow at him. “Go easy on that girl tonight. Whatever it is you said you were gonna do to her, it sounded painful.”
I let out a loud laugh as Viper’s face turned redder than it had been when he first realized my mom was in the next room. “I… uh… okay,” he stuttered as he hurried to the door. I watched as he turned the knob and walked backward through it, flipping me off as he went. I blew him a kiss and he was gone.
“All right.” I clapped my hands. “Let’s get this mushy movie marathon over with.”
Nervously, I looked at the parking lot and then back to my watch for the fiftieth time. Lucy and Piper giggled as they flowed back and forth on the swings, blissfully unaware that their biological father was on his way.
Earlier in the week, he’d asked me if he could see them. I wasn’t ready to have a conversation and explain everything to them just yet, but I told him I would bring them to the park, and he could meet us there and watch from afar. The trust issues I had for Zach still occupied most of my headspace, but I had decided to give him a second chance to slowly prove to me that he’d grown.
The slam of a truck door jolted me from my thoughts. I glanced toward the parking lot nonchalantly, thankful my sunglasses shielded my eyes. Zach got out of his car and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets as he slowly walked toward the bench I was sitting on. His eyes were darting around the playground, looking through the sea of kids for Lucy and Piper. When he finally spotted them, he stopped walking and stared. Lucy and Piper held hands and giggled as they slid next to each other down the slide. Once they got to the bottom, they hopped up, ran back around, and flew up the ladder. Zach shook his head and sat down next to me.
“Hey.” He still stared at the playground.
“Hey.”
“Wow.”
“Wow?”
“Them.” He motioned to the playground. “They’re so… big.”
“Well, it’s been five years.” I
laughed awkwardly.
His head lowered in shame. “I know. I guess in my mind, I somehow talked myself into thinking that once I left, time just stood still. They wouldn’t age, you wouldn’t move on. You would all just be there, waiting for me to come back one day, and we could just pick back up where we left off.” Finally, his head swept up and looked at me. “That’s selfish, I know.”
I nodded slowly, staring out at the girls. “A little.”
“So… there’s something I’ve thought about often. Something I want to ask, but I don’t want to make you mad.”
My stomach flipped. I didn’t feel like reliving the past or having a deep discussion while sitting on a park bench, watching the girls play. “Okay?” I asked nervously.
He sighed and looked up at the park, narrowing his eyes. “What happened… after I left?”
I frowned at him. “Um—”
“I know it’s a weird request, but I need it. I need to know what happened. I mean, I know you left.” He sat back against the bench and crossed his ankle over his knee, still watching the girls play. “I drove by two weeks later. The house was closed up and a For Rent sign was in the living room window.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.
He continued, “I sat in the driveway that night and got plastered. If I remember correctly, I think I even slept in my car.”
“What if I had still been there?” I asked quietly, surprising myself.
His head snapped in my direction and I saw him swallow. “I have no idea, Kacie. I like to think I would’ve wised up, come in the house, and dropped to my knees, begging for forgiveness. You would have wrapped your arms around me and told me it would all be okay. We would’ve given the girls dinner, bathed them, and put them to bed together. After they fell asleep we would’ve talked for hours about how to make things better between us, and then we would’ve gone into our room and made love before falling asleep curled around each other.”