by Shauna Allen
I watched over him a moment, unsure what to do. I’d heard somewhere you shouldn’t wake someone up in the middle of a dream, especially a veteran who suffered PTSD. It was painfully clear to me that was what was happening, and I hated I hadn’t put that together before now. I understood nightmares better than most.
Poor man.
He flipped and writhed, unintelligible words coming from his lips.
Desperate to soothe him, I crawled under the covers and wrapped my arms around him. He was bare chested and only in boxers, his body stiff as a board and covered in a fine layer of sweat. I curled a leg over his, cuddling into him as much as I could.
“It’s okay, Micah,” I whispered, brushing a lock of midnight hair from his sweaty brow. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”
I murmured soft words to him until he quieted and stilled in my embrace. I felt the nightmare leave him in bits and pieces as he came around. Like a light switch, he was suddenly awake.
I caressed his face, kissed his shoulder. “What really happened?”
He didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge me at all.
“Please, Micah. Let me in. Tell me what happened to you over there. I want to understand.”
“No one can understand.” His words seemed to be pulled from a deep, hellish pit.
I ran a hand across his chest, rested it on his belly. “I want to try.”
Tentatively, his hand moved until it rested on mine. “I’m afraid you’ll think I’m a monster.”
“Never.” I shifted and pulled on his shoulders until we lay face-to-face. “I could never think you’re a monster. We’re in this together now, remember? Trust me.”
In that moment, I felt the fight leave him. I was so attuned to him, it was like a great gust of wind had blown away the fog, leaving us open to see each other in every way. Sensing he was vulnerable, I tucked my face into his neck, reassured by the steady pulse I felt there. And I waited.
Then the words began to spill from him, low and pained at first, then rapid fire like he just needed to get it all out before he collapsed.
“I killed my best friend in Afghanistan. I killed two Marines, actually.” I said nothing as he heaved a breath, obviously expecting me to run for it. I simply held on tighter. “I was a gunner in an Abrams tank, Dempsey was the tank commander. It’d been a long, hot, confusing day of bad intel and near misses with IEDs. We were tired and ready to head back to base, but we got a call about some insurgents targeting a supply convoy to the north. We were only a couple of miles away, so we headed that way for backup.” He stopped there, as if remembering the day.
I left him to his memories, content to hold him.
Finally, he continued his story. “The firefight was already blazing around us when we got there. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced.”
His grip on me tightened, but I didn’t pull away. I’d shared my nightmare with him, it was time to share his. “I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t seem to hear me as he kept talking, his voice distant. “A new radio call came through. It was a staticky mess, but it sounded like we were being targeted by an RPG. There was no time to think. We had to act. God, if we’d just waited . . . We loaded the payload, Sarg gave the order, I fired. The radio went deathly silent. We all realized what had happened at the same time and Sarg had to literally hold me down to keep me from climbing out of that tank.” He faced me now, his black eyes haunted. “I fired. I killed them.”
My heart was shattered for Micah. I understood now why he was so torn up, but how could he not see he was innocent? It was a horrible accident in the midst of war.
He finished his story and lapsed into a deep sleep and though it was probably overstepping my bounds, I stayed and held him tight.
I woke up with a large, warm hand on the bare skin of my ribs, dangerously close to my breast, and hot breath on my neck. Somehow, during the night, we’d shifted positions so he was now holding me instead of the other way around. I studied his sleeping face. How could I possibly comfort him? My love felt so meager next to all he’d been through.
Love?
I rolled away and faced the ceiling as I digested that thought. It didn’t feel wrong, necessarily. Just a sacred secret, drawn from the depths of my soul.
His hand inched higher and I sucked in a breath. I desperately wanted him to keep going, but I knew we weren’t ready for that. I shifted and carefully extracted myself from him and stood.
Dark black eyes fluttered open and fixed on me.
“Hey.” I was lost for words as the early morning light caressed the bronze skin of his chest.
“Did I hurt you?”
“What? No. Why would you ask that?” I sat next to him, sensing he still needed me close.
“I had another dream last night, didn’t I?”
“Yes.”
“But I didn’t lash out at you? Hurt you when I didn’t mean to? My dreams have been known to become . . . violent.”
“No. You didn’t hurt me.”
He seemed relieved. “But I did tell you the truth.” Not a question.
“Yes.”
“And you’re still here?”
“Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“You just said I told you the truth.”
“Micah, what happened, it was a God awful accident.”
“That killed my friends.”
“Yes.” I grabbed his hand, kissed his rough knuckles. “Let me ask you something. If you would’ve known it was an American tank you were shooting at, would you have done it?”
His eyes flashed. “Of course not.”
“Then why beat yourself up about it? It wasn’t intentional. It was war. Horrible, terrible, awful war.”
He studied my face, as if searching for something. I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Now we know each other’s deepest, ugliest secrets.”
His hand shot out and cupped my face. “There’s nothing ugly about you.”
“You either.”
I eventually got him up and showered and even finagled a protein shake from the directions on the container. I handed it to him when he appeared in the kitchen dressed for work, his hair still wet. “Here. Enjoy. I can’t promise I mixed it right.”
A smile flirted with his lips, but he sipped and lifted his brows in appreciation. I must’ve done well.
I bypassed a shake and grabbed one of his granola bars. “I’ll pick up some groceries tonight after work.”
He frowned. “I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drive alone for a while.”
“Oh. Right. Well, we can get groceries together then.”
“All right.” He chugged the rest of his shake then took his glass to the sink. “Thanks.”
“No worries.”
He faced me. “I’m sorry you had to see that last night.”
“I’m not.”
His eyes tried to read mine. “Well . . . thanks.”
I nodded and bit my bar, not trusting my voice.
He grabbed his keys from the bar. “About ready to go?”
We headed out, but he stopped at the door, grabbing my hand and planting a kiss on my forehead.
I smiled up at him. “What was that for?”
“Nothing.”
I’d take nothing if it got me more kisses.
He got me to work and walked me inside to my desk, making sure people were around. He seemed relieved to see several police officers milling about. Another quick kiss and he was gone.
Twenty minutes later, my phone rang from my purse. I checked the caller ID. Delilah.
“Hey, cuz.”
“What the hell, Jewel?”
I frowned at her frantic tone. “What?”
“Seriously? I have to hear about Nolan showing up at your place from my husband? A day later? And you just answer your phone like nothing happened?”
“Boy, word travels fast.”
“My husband knows better than to keep something like that from me. Micah told him. So, what do you have
to say for yourself?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think about much, to be honest.”
She harrumphed, but seemed to accept my answer. “Can you come over after work? We can have dinner and wine and you can tell us what happened. I’ll invite everyone else, too.”
I wasn’t sure what she knew about me and Micah, or what he’d want me to say. “Uh . . . I’m not sure. I don’t have my truck, for one thing.”
Pause. “Where’s your truck?”
“At Micah’s.”
Longer pause. “Why is your truck at Micah’s?”
“Because I’m staying with him for a little while until this Nolan stuff is sorted out. He thought I’d be safer if I wasn’t alone.”
Even longer pause. “You’re staying at Micah’s?”
“Yes.”
“Like friends?”
“Uh, sorta?”
“That’s a yes or no question, Jewel.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Oh, my God! You two finally did it! I can’t believe it.”
“We didn’t—”
“I don’t mean did it, did it . . . though that wouldn’t be bad. I meant it’s about time you two did the sorta friends, complicated thing. Rach and I have had a longstanding bet going on how long it would take you two to fall for each other.”
“Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack. God, Jewel, it’s so obvious you like each other. I’m glad it’s finally turning into something. He’s a good guy and I love you and want the best for you. For both of you. This is great.”
“Don’t jump the gun. It’s all very new. I’m not sure it’s anything yet.” That might’ve been a little lie, but I wasn’t ready to share.
“But it will be.” She sounded supremely confident.
“Maybe.”
She let it go after I promised to talk to Micah about going over. I honestly had no idea how he’d feel about being around our mutual friends and family as anything other than the casual acquaintances we’d always been.
He only hesitated a moment when I called him at lunch to ask him. “Sure,” he finally said. “If you want to go.”
“Do you?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
Now I hesitated. “I don’t know. I thought maybe . . . things are different now.”
“Between us, you mean?”
“Yes.”
Silence.
“Micah?”
“Are you okay with that? Things being different?”
“Well, yes. Are you?”
“I’m more than okay.”
“So you wanna go? You’re good with our friends knowing . . . ?”
“They’re our friends, but if they don’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You’ve become the most important thing in my life real damn fast. You okay with that?”
My insides melted into a puddle of swooniness. How had this man stayed single all this time? “Yes,” my voice was a breathy whisper and I knew I was blushing, even though he couldn’t see me.
“Okay, then. It’s settled. Call Delilah back and tell her we’ll be there.”
I was smiling when I did and it felt really damn good.
Micah
Jewel seemed to revert to her shy, insecure ways the closer we got to Blake and Delilah’s. I’d have given anything to have back the spunky girl I was coming to know.
I parked and clasped her hand in her lap. She was beautiful tonight in form-fitting jeans and a flowy shirt that matched her eyes. “You nervous?”
“No.” She said it a little too quickly and smiled to cover it. “I’m not sure what I’m feeling.”
“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Or I can leave and pick you up later, if that makes you more comfortable.”
“No. There’s nothing to be worried about. It’s only dinner.”
“With friends.”
“With friends,” she agreed.
“And your boyfriend.”
Her eyes flew back to mine. “Boyfriend?”
“Well, what else should we call it? We’re officially in this together, remember?” I echoed the same words she’d used with me after my nightmare.
Her smile grew to epic proportions. “We are, aren’t we?”
I leaned over until our lips were a whisper apart, our breath mingling. “We are.” I kissed her soundly then pressed my lips to the hollow where her cheek met her ear. “I’ve got you, Jewel. I will always take care of you.”
Her eyes slid shut. “You promise?”
“Swear on my life.”
“Okay.” Her voice trembled, but she’d squared her shoulders. “Let’s go inside and face the inquisition.”
“That’s really why they invited us tonight, isn’t it?”
“Of course it is. Apparently, the girls have had bets on us going for a while now.”
“For real?”
She popped open her door. “For real. What I really want to know is who won?”
We laughed and walked to the door, our hands linked. We glanced at each other as the door opened, our eyes communicating the secrets only we held.
Delilah’s eyes dipped down to our hands then back up with a cheesy grin. “Hey, guys. Come on in.” She swung the door wide and we stepped through to find ourselves surrounded by laughter and kids and instant scrutiny. Our friends were terrible at being subtle.
Blake caught me at the fridge when I left Jewel alone with the girls and ducked in for a drink. “So, you and Jewel, huh?”
I peered up and quirked my brow. I’d do anything for my friends, but I wouldn’t stand for any negative talk that would hurt Jewel.
He lifted a hand in surrender. “Hey. I’m happy for you. Just surprised.”
Jesse ambled in with Trace, deep in discussion about kids, effectively killing the conversation. “I can’t believe it’s been almost eight years since I’ve had any practice with this,” Trace said, sipping his beer. “I think I’ve forgotten everything.”
Jesse laughed and they sat at the table. “Like riding a bike, I’m sure.” He shot a grin our way as Blake and I pulled out chairs to join them. “So . . . you and Jewel, huh?”
“You, too?”
“What? It’s news.” I shot him a glare. “Good news. For what it’s worth, Rach is super happy about it.”
I sipped my water and nodded, not sure what to say. I wasn’t used to sharing anything of myself and this felt even more personal. “You guys in on the betting pool?”
Varying degrees of guilt filled their faces.
I had to laugh. “So, who won?”
“Tori, actually,” Trace supplied helpfully. “Must be her psychology degree. She hit it about on the nose.”
“I bet in another five or ten years,” Jesse joked. “With the rate you move at things, I figured you might make your move in the nursing home.”
“Well, I thought it would’ve happened a couple years ago.” Rachel sauntered in, baby Avery on her hip.
I ignored them all and reached for the baby. She willingly came to my arms and I nuzzled her close. “Hey, sweet girl,” I cooed softly. “How’re you doing, huh? Mommy and Daddy being nice to you?” I kissed her chubby cheek.
I lifted my head and found everyone, Jewel included, now in the kitchen, staring at me. “What?”
“Nothing,” several of them piped up quickly.
Jewel remained silent, her gaze appraising.
I turned to Blake for clarification.
“We’re just not used to seeing you like this, man.”
“Like what?”
“Happy.”
My gaze dropped to the baby in my arms and I instantly knew he was right. I’d been in a self-imposed shell since Afghanistan. Coming out into the light for the first time felt foreign, like walking on sand after too much time treading water in the ocean, but good. Right.
I caught Jewel’s eyes. She smiled. My heart expanded painfully in my chest.
The doorbell rang through the moment. �
�Who’s hungry?” Delilah called, sailing out to meet the pizza guy.
I handed Jesse his daughter then rose to stand near Jewel. “You good?” I whispered.
“Yeah.” She peered up at me. “They’re really happy about this.”
It was as if a thousand pounds of iron chains had been lifted from my soul. I couldn’t explain it, but I could breathe for the first time in seven years. A sudden jolt of my old playfulness bubbled up inside me. “Wanna give them something to talk about?”
Her eyes flared. “Like what?”
I cupped her hips. “Let’s call it payback for that betting business.”
She wrapped her arms around my waist with a grin. “Good thinking.”
Then I kissed the hell out of her. I didn’t care who was looking as I took her mouth with reckless possession, sliding my tongue along hers as she clung to me and gave as good as she got. On a ragged breath, I drew back and pressed my lips to her forehead.
It took a moment, but reality descended and I realized the room was silent. Jewel tensed in my arms, but I squeezed her and she relaxed instantly. There was soft clapping at first as one person began a slow rhythm. It quickly turned to a massive cheering section with catcalls from the guys. I laughed and kissed her again.
After all the pizza had been consumed, we settled onto the back deck to watch the sunset. The babies dozed in a playpen while Molly raced around the yard chasing the first of the fireflies. The air was warm but not stifling, and the scent of the ocean was particularly heavy. Jewel’s hand was soft and relaxed in mine as we lounged next to each other in deck chairs.
The back screen door slapped closed behind Delilah as she brought out fresh drinks and handed them out before taking a seat next to her husband.
“So, tell us what happened with Nolan,” Tori said, her hand resting on the swell of her stomach.
I shifted and faced Jewel. She seemed calm. I rubbed my thumb along her knuckles in a quiet show of support.
Her gaze dropped. “There’s not a lot to tell, really. I’d started having this weird feeling like I was being watched a few weeks ago, but nothing happened and I explained it away. Then the day after Blake’s party when Micah fixed my truck, I found a rose on the windshield.” Her eyes clouded and I knew there was more to that detail than she’d let on. “I thought maybe it was Micah being sweet, or this guy who’d asked me out . . .” Guilty eyes flashed my way. She’d never mentioned any guy. “Still, I felt safe. He’d have no way to find me. Or so I thought.” She swallowed and her gaze drifted to Molly in the yard. “I came home the other night and found another rose on my doorstep. He was in the parking lot staring me down, but not close enough to technically violate the restraining order.”