“Well, it seems pretty easy to get a subclass,” I said as I looked at my stat window again. “I wasn’t trying to do it. I just got the Night Stalker subclass when I hit level 20, and the extra skill slots.”
George stopped grooming himself and looked at me. “What’s a Night Stalker?”
“I guess it’s like a combination rogue and necromancer,” I said, switching the focus off my screen.
“Huh. I still like Necrogue better,” George said as he hopped toward Nova and jumped into her lap. “You don’t mind, right?” he said to her.
“Not at all,” she laughed as she started petting him.
“Well. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m thirsty,” Terra announced as she stood and stretched. “And you’re filthy,” she said, looking at me. “You’ve got dragon blood all over you. Maybe you should clean up a little.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Clean up where? I’m not exactly seeing any restrooms in the dungeon.”
“At the pump over by the water level. Didn’t you look around at anything when you came in here?” she said with a slanted smile as she pivoted and walked her hot leather-clad ass toward the water door. “Amateur,” she called over her shoulder.
I shook my head, and then pushed up and followed her.
When I reached the side of the chamber, Terra was working the handle on an old-fashioned water pump that stood in a recess in the wall, about six or seven feet to the left of the entrance to the level. The nook was lined with the exact same stones as the surrounding wall and it was impossible to see unless you were standing right in front of it, like that maze illusion from the Labyrinth movie. There was a drain in the floor at the base of the pump. The handle squealed a few times as water trickled from the spout, and then it started gushing.
Terra ducked her head under the pump and sighed in pleasure as the water splashed down. She tilted her head and drank from the spray, and then stopped moving the handle and stepped back, tossing her wet hair back as she straightened like a lady in a shampoo commercial.
She smiled at me and planted a hand on her hip. “Pump’s all yours.”
“Thanks.” I gave her a tentative return smile and grabbed the pump handle, priming it the same way she had.
When the cool, clear water gushed out, I ducked my head under, scrubbed my face with my free hand, and ran my fingers through my hair to get the dried dragon blood out. I drank some of the water, and it tasted amazing — probably the cleanest, sweetest water I’d ever had.
That done, I figured I might as well clean my sword while I was at it. The gauntlets I wore let me wipe it by hand without cutting myself, and it didn’t take long for the blood to come off.
“So, Kahn,” Terra said as I straightened from the pump and shook as much of the water off as I could. “Are you hitting on my sister, or what?”
“I, er,” I stammered, not expecting that kind of question. “Not on purpose?”
“Good, because I think you’re kinda cute,” she said, looking me up and down deliberately. “But who knows? Maybe we can share you.”
My jaw dropped halfway down my chest. As I stood there trying and failing to think of something clever to say, Terra smirked and walked back toward the bonfire.
“I, er,” I said again, not realizing for a minute that I was talking to myself. I blinked and shook loose from the shock, and then headed after Terra. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch up until she’d already sat down with the others, and I didn’t want to bring up what she’d said in mixed company. Especially since Nova was part of said mixed company.
“God, I’m starving,” Terra said casually as I took a seat by the fire, like she hadn’t just kinda, sorta hinted about having a threesome with me and her sister. “The shitty thing about dungeons is they don’t have any shops or stands. But I really need to eat, because my stamina is way down,” she continued. “Does anybody have any food packs in their inventory?”
“I didn’t even know food packs were a thing, to be honest,” I said, flashing a grin as I spoke. “But I’ve got something better. We brought a food stand with us — right, Crash?”
“Hell, yeah!” he said as his eyes lit up and he grabbed his staff. “I’m glad you mentioned it, because I’m starving too. I think. Even if I’m not, I could definitely go for some food.”
Terra glared at both of us. “Seriously? That’s not funny,” she said as she folded her arms. “I need to eat, or I’m going to be worthless in the fire level. I’m not kidding.”
“They’re not kidding, either,” Nova said, smiling as she got to her feet. Crash handed her the staff, and she tapped it on the ground three times. “Invoke Spirit!”
Just like the first time, golden smoke streamed from the elemental staff and billowed into a cloud on the floor, clearing away to reveal Janno’s Fine Comestibles with Janno behind the counter. “Greetings once again, my fine adventurers!” the old man said, leaning forward on his ruby-topped cane. “I see you’ve added another lovely young woman to your party. And you are, my dear?”
Terra staggered to her feet, her mouth hanging open. “I … you … what the hell?” she blurted.
“Well, that is a most interesting name,” Janno said with a chuckle. “Would you mind if I shortened it to Hell? It’s quite a mouthful.”
“Janno,” Terra blurted as she read the sign above the stand.
“Actually, my name is Janno,” the old man said as he tilted his head and looked at me with twinkling eyes. “Is she always this articulate?”
“Terra. My name is Terra,” she finally managed as she took a step closer. “Janno, as in King Murnath? The dwarven king from the legend?”
“A legend, am I?” Janno smiled as he settled back on the stool. “Well, as I’ve already explained to your friends, I am no longer king. After all, I’ve been dead for a hundred years.”
“Yeah, so I’ve heard,” Terra said weakly. “And … how did you end up in Crash’s staff?”
“It’s his staff, actually,” Crash said as Nova handed the weapon in question back to him. “The Elemental Staff of King Murnath. And yeah, we were just as surprised as you when we found out he was haunting it.”
Janno shook his head and smirked. “I chose to bind my soul to the staff, in the hopes of finding worthy adventurers to aid in the battle against the Storm of Eternal Desolation. The Maelstrom, as you kids are calling it now.”
Terra caught a breath. “You fought the Maelstrom?” she said. “How? Did you have all the soulstones? Where can we find them?”
“Easy, my eager young friend,” Janno said with a chuckle. “I am afraid this epic quest you’re all on is not that simple. You cannot merely ask questions and expect to receive the answers. However, I do not believe this is why you summoned me…is it?”
“No, it’s not. We’d like some of your fine chicken dinners,” I said as I prepared to lose another good chunk of Rhuvians.”
“And a salad,” George put in as he bounded closer to the stall. “A nice, big, juicy one.”
“Salads can’t be juicy, Fluff Brain,” Crash said, smirking. “That’s for burgers and steaks. You know, carnivore food.”
“Says you,” George said as he stuck his tongue out.
“All right, we’ll take four chicken dinners and a big, juicy salad,” I said to Janno. “How much?”
“Well, with your frequent customer discount and a special price for my fine, furry friend, that will be … let’s see, three hundred Rhuvians, total,” Janno told me.
“Done,” Terra said as she stepped forward. “If you seriously have food, I’m happy to buy for everyone.”
“As you wish, young lady,” Janno said, winking as he started to produce plates of food from beneath the counter.
“What are you, made out of money or something?” I joked as Terra started grabbing plates.
She shrugged and gave a slight smile. “Well, I do have a little over a million Rhuvians,” she said. “Why, how much do you have?”
“A million?” Cras
h gasped. “Holy shit, she’s rich!”
“Oh, yeah, I’m loaded,” Terra said as she handed a plate to Nova. “As long as I stay in this crazy, fucked up world forever,” she added under her breath.
I felt the bitterness in that statement, but it wasn’t something that should be discussed right now. Hopefully we’d get the chance to talk later. “Thank you, Janno,” I said, taking the bowl from the counter to set it on the ground for George. “There you go, buddy.”
“Sweet, sweet mana from heaven,” he crooned as he dug right in.
Terra handed me a plate and kept the last one for herself. “Well. Um, thanks, King Murnath. I mean, Janno,” she said. “So now you … what, poof back into your staff or something?”
“Actually, if you don’t mind, I’ll just wait right here for you to return your plates,” he said, settling back with his hands folded on his cane. “I do have all the time in the world.”
“Okay then,” Terra said slowly as she walked a few paces away and sat on the ground.
We made short work of the food, since we were focused on eating instead of talking. As everyone finished up, I gathered the plates and George’s bowl, and brought them back to Janno. “Don’t worry. I remember these things don’t grow on trees,” I said, grinning as I returned the dishes.
“Much appreciated, young sir,” Janno said as he stowed the empties beneath the counter. “Now, is there anything else I can do for you before I take my leave?”
“I’m not sure,” I said, looking beyond his stand to what was hopefully the last door we’d have to go through in this place. “Got anything that works against fire?”
The old man grinned. “As a matter of fact, I do,” he said as he lifted an age-spotted hand and closed it into a fist. When he opened it again, there were four glittering blue stones lying on his palm. “Water Gems,” he said. “They can instantly quench any small fire, even if it’s a fiery creature. And I will let you have them for just fifty Rhuvians each.”
I looked over at Miss Moneybags. “You still buying?”
“Why not?” Terra said as she headed over and accessed her HUD. “That’s one for each of us. Who knows, maybe they’ll help.”
George watched as she took the gems and passed them out. “Still nothing for rabbits, huh?” he said, giving Janno his most mournful, big-eyed adorable look.
“So you’d like an item for yourself, would you?” Janno said with a gleam in his eye. “Well, then. I have just the thing for you.” Once again he reached under the counter, and came back with something that looked like a tiny black leather vest. “This item is very special — and, I’m afraid, very expensive. But I will let you have it for just five hundred Rhuvians.”
“Five hundred?” I blurted, knowing I was going to buy it anyway.
“Really, it’s not that much,” Terra huffed. “I’ll buy it. There, it’s paid for.”
George grinned. “Yes! You’re awesome, scary girl!”
“Thanks, I think,” Terra said with a laugh.
As I took the teensy vest from Janno, Nova let out a squeal and rushed over. “Ooh, that is so adorable!” she cried. “Let me put it on him, please?”
“Go for it,” I said as I handed it to her and cast Identify. The item’s stats flashed onto my HUD:
* * *
Power Harness
Material: Leather
Durability: 150
Armor: 1
Bonus: When equipped, allows the wearer to cast Mana Drain on targeted enemies
Restrictions: Can only be equipped to pets
* * *
“Wow, George. You get to use Mana Drain now,” I said as Nova sat cross-legged on the floor to take the bunny into her lap. “But only on enemy targets, so you can’t steal my mana.”
“You’re shitting me. Really?” he said. “That is sweet! Even if I can’t drain you.”
I smiled and turned back to Janno. “You’re gonna make his head swell. You know that, right?”
“Perhaps. But George is quite the valiant rabbit,” Janno said — though I noticed he didn’t say it quite loud enough for George to hear. “And now, if you have everything you need?”
“We do. Thanks again,” I said, watching Janno and his stand vanish in a puff of golden smoke.
Just then, George bounded from Nova’s lap, dressed in his brand-new bunny-sized vest. “Crap, he left. I wanted to thank him,” he said, rising up on his hind legs. “I look bad-ass, right?”
Crash clapped a hand over his mouth and nodded. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.
“Actually, you kind of do,” I said with a straight face. “In a fluffy, totally non-threatening way.”
“Damn. You’re right, Nova,” Terra said as she circled around the bunny. “He actually is the most adorable thing ever.”
George had started to look offended, but he smiled at Terra’s compliment. “You know what? I’ll take adorable over bad-ass,” he said. “That just means the enemy won’t even know what hit it.”
“Exactly. Cuteness is your strongest weapon,” I said, letting out a small laugh.
“Hey, speaking of items,” Terra said as she headed back to the bonfire. “We never did check out the boss drop. I mean, besides the Rhuvians. And that reminds me,” she said as her gaze went soft.
I noticed my Rhuvian total go up by a thousand.
“It was only four thousand, but at least it’s an easy four-way split.” Terra knelt and loosened the bundle of material she’d grabbed from the end of the wind level. Wrapped in the smooth, jet-black cloth was a long silver sword with a large, milky white gemstone set into the hilt. “Whatever that weapon is, it’s mine,” Terra said as she set the sword aside. “Identify.”
“Oh, good. Somebody besides me has that spell,” I said as I focused on the identified weapon to check out the stats:
* * *
Blasting Sword
Damage (Small Monsters): 14
Damage (Large Monsters): 14
Range: 2
Material: Steel, Opal
Durability: 175
Bonus: Swing attacks blast targets 3 feet times Strength divided by 2; cost 20 mana
* * *
“Damn, that’s sweet,” I said, nodding at the sword. “I’m fine with you keeping it, since Crash and I both have good swords. You might have to fight your sister for it, though.”
“No, thanks,” Nova said, shaking her head with a smile. “I’m just getting to be okay with offensive attacks, but I’d rather not use a sword. I’m happy with my staff.”
“Well, that’s settled, then,” I said as I focused on the black material. “Let’s see what this thing is. Identify.”
The stats for the cloth appeared on my screen:
* * *
Leaping Cloak
Material: Black Mithril
Durability: 250
Armor: 2
Bonus: Extends leaping distance by a multiplier of 2 times Dexterity divided by 3
* * *
“Huh. So, it’s a not-really-flying cloak,” I said with a grin. “Anybody mind if I keep it? I’ve kinda gotten into the long-jump thing lately, and I should be able to jump like 20 feet with this.”
“Go for it. I’m not a fan of jumping,” Crash said as both Terra and Nova murmured agreement. “What about our freshly pimped out amulets?”
Terra arched an eyebrow. “What amulets?” Her eyes went distant and then she blinked slowly. “Oh, well, at least I didn’t miss out on loot. I didn’t notice that I got this Amulet of Oblivion thing because I was part of the party the whole time, even when I was … you know.” She brushed off what she meant … when she had been poisoned and half-dead.
Checking my own amulet, it now had three of the four indentations full, the wind crystal now visible and glowing. As for the stats, well, it followed the predictable but powerful pattern:
* * *
Amulet of Oblivion
Material: Gold and Crystal
Durability: 200
Bonus: +10 Earth, Water, and Air Resistance
Bonus: +10% damage for all Earth, Water, and Air element attacks
* * *
I grabbed the cloak and stored it in my inventory. “Okay, so I guess we’re as ready as we’re going to be,” I said as I looked toward the entrance to the fire level. “Let’s finish this dungeon.”
29
“Okay, who brought the One Ring? We need to cast it into the fires of Mount Doom,” I said as we stepped through the entrance of the fire level and basically into Mordor.
It was a huge, circular room that was pretty much filled with lava. The door we came through was set in a large stone column on a round platform, with about four feet of floor space all around. The edge dropped off to the roiling lava pit ten feet below. There was another platform with a column in the center of the room, and a second door set in the second column. That was our way out.
All we had to do was cross twenty feet of lava to get to it.
“Well, there’s a ledge,” Terra said as she pointed to a flat stone shelf about a foot wide that ran all the way around the room and connected with the platform we were standing on. “Maybe there’s another door on the other side, and we can’t see it because of the column.”
“I don’t know. Maybe,” I said as I moved to the edge of the platform, trying to see past the center column. It was too wide to look around. “It would make sense, given all the other puzzles in this place. But then again, between walking the ledge and getting to the center column, which one’s harder? I’d say crossing lava is the bigger challenge.”
“You mean impossible,” Crash muttered as he started running a hand along the column on the platform. “We can’t exactly fly. I mean, maybe you can, with your flying cloak.”
“It’s a leaping cloak. And yeah, I could probably make the jump by myself,” I said as I pulled the cloak from my inventory and put it on to equip it. “But I doubt I’d be able to carry everyone over there, even one at a time.”
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