Ray Walters raised his hand from the middle of the room, and Brian nodded. “Well, I frankly thought that this was sort of a crazy idea when you told us about it two weeks ago. You know, too touchy-feely. A waste of valuable time. But then I figured how much we’re paying you for this course, and you added two extra weeks, so I decided I’d try it. I made the list and then I had lunch with two customers and two suppliers. I told them that I didn’t want to talk about business, which they couldn’t believe, and tried to do anyway, but I wouldn’t let’em!” Everyone laughed.
“Once we got past that, we had a great time. We talked about our families, the kids’ schools, trips-and, interestingly, after we’d run out of all the standard chitchat, since I wouldn’t let them talk about business, we actually got onto some pretty interesting stuff. A previous addiction. Some very talented kids. A marriage in trouble-and I think I know someone who can help.
A new home search. A very sick parent. Why haven’t we been doing this before?”
“Indeed,” Brian agreed, touched by Walters’ candor.
Almost everyone in the room shared an experience or two from their To Be List that had impacted them in a powerful or unexpected way. Most stories were happy. A few were poignant. Everyone listened.
“I guess I should share as well,” Brian said, when the others had all spoken. “I...several years ago a guy I had known and worked with for a couple of years, Don- we-well, we had a falling out. The reason doesn’t even matter now. But we had sharp words on two occasions, once in front of others. The last words Don heard from me were in anger. It had sort of bugged me on and off, but never enough to do anything about it.
“Until the To Be List. I put him on it. I think I made him number five, hoping I wouldn’t have time to get to him.” There were smiles. “But it turned out that others didn’t answer their phones, so I had to call him. Don was surprised and defensive. He finally agreed to meet. I know that he likes to exercise, so I suggested that we meet at a park near his home one afternoon and walk a few miles.”
Brian swallowed hard. “I started by asking his forgiveness for the way I had behaved, and when he saw that I meant it, he forgave me.” Brian smiled. “It was like this weight was lifted from me. And I could see that it affected him, too. There’s just something about forgiveness that changes all other human equations. That’s part of the divine stuff I was talking about.
Anyway, I also told him that I now understand his side of the issue and I asked him to start over again with me. He said he would.”
Brian looked up and smiled. “We agreed to walk again the following week-I clearly need the exercise-and I told him that I thought I had some leads that could help him in business-Don’s very talented.”
He paused. “When I arrived at the park last week, he wasn’t there. I waited and called his home, but there was no answer. I finally went on, and then an hour later I called again. His wife answered.” Brian slowed down and swallowed, “She was frantic and told me that Don had been in a terrible accident that afternoon, and she’d just returned from the hospital, but was going back. The doctors didn’t know if he would make it through the night.”
Brian took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. “Marilyn and I went straight to the hospital. We prayed with his wife and family. Anyway, at about three in the morning the doctor came to get his wife, because they thought the end was near. But we prayed and prayed.”
Brian smiled and wiped his eyes again. “I’m happy to say that Don made it through that night, and the next day. But that was a week ago, and they’re still not sure if he’ll be okay.
“I can’t tell you how glad I am to have reconnected with this old friend, and how we’re praying for him and his family. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if we had not reconciled the week before.
“And if I’d only had a To Do List that week, I would have never called him. But I did call him, because I’d written his name on my To Be List.”
The room was silent for several heartbeats. Finally, Brian said, “I hope you agree with me that the To Do List is always important, but that you’ll never again start a To Do List without also having a To Be List already filled in next to it. And that we’ll be just as intentional about our relationships as we are about our actions.”
There were nods around the room
“So your homework for next week is to take all that you’ve learned over the last two weeks, and what we’ve talked about today, and start over on your Plan of Action. I suspect that some of the goals and action steps may be slightly different. If so, I salute you for taking this time to start answering the Why, before you get too far into the What.”
When Brian finished, everyone applauded. He smiled. They stood, but few left the room.
Ray Walters walked forward and shook Brian’s hand. “Thank you very much, Brian. You’ve made an incredible difference to us, as individuals and as a company.”
Brian nodded. “Thank you. But I can’t take credit for any of this. It all came from God. It’s like electricity. If we take the time to really connect with people, then He lets the power flow to change lives.”
Walters returned his smile. “You know, I’ve heard that expression before. Hey, I think I’ve just connected some dots. I grew up about forty miles from here. Did you have Mrs. Demere, too?”
Lie #10: There will always be more time to start or to mend important relationships. Hard work is more important than relationships.
Truth: None of us knows how much time we or those around us have to be together. Relationships are the key to a rich and fulfilled life. Personal interaction is how we influence others, and how we grow ourselves. If we major on the minors, we will look back on a life that may have accomplishments, but few relationships, family, or friends. Focus on those people who are most dear, and then move out to others before they are gone.
http://www.kenboa.org/relationships-friendship-part-1/
http://www.redeemer.com/redeemer-report/article/the_difficulty_of_community
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
Ephesians 5:15-21
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Notes:
General Resources:
Isaiah 59:14&15
Jeremiah 7:28
John 18:37-38
2 Timothy 2:3-4
Colossians 2:8
2 Timothy 2:24-26
2 Thessalonians 2:9-13
John 8:44-46
John 8:32
1 John 4:6
2 Corinthians 10
www.frc.org/get.cfm
AFTERWORD
We hope that this book has challenged you to question whether you really know the truth about these ten issues.
And we hope that we have encouraged you to pursue the truth until you are certain.
As many have said, truth is so important because if we cannot invoke truth to settle an argument or to chart a course, then those decisions are made by whomever has the most power. In a society that does not seek, honor and elevate absolute truth, then the strongest bullies are free to make their own rules, and that means that others will suffer. Adhering to the truth, far from putting people in straight jackets, actually gives them the greatest freedom and strength.
The truth will set you free.
If you have not already done so, we invite you to visit www.parkerhudson.com. We will update it regularly with the newest and best resources in all of these areas. Please visit it often. And we particularly ask you to sign up to receive our blog posts on topics like those in this book. Please do so at www.parkerhudson.com/blog.
At last count, over one hundred people participated in helping to write this book, and it is impossible to thank all of them by name. To all who read and said "Keep going, I want this book next week," we can only say thank you.
Several people made specific contributions at crucial points. Susan Yates, Stan Gilespie, Pamela Neu, Bryant Wright, Michael Youssef, Ron Ervin, John
Walley, Woody White, Jim Reimann, Sharon Ward, and Chuck and JoElyn Johnston were particularly helpful. Thank you.
We must give special thanks to the AXIS Class at Church of the Apostles in Atlanta. These thirty and forty-somethings bravely served as Beta testers as we refined each story to insure its relevancy in today's world. Thank you.
James Saxon, Stan Carder and Del Tackett were instrumental in providing many of the references. Bob and Shelley Morgan loaned the porch on their Highlands home for inspiration and writing. It was a joy working with our son, Marshall, who focused his gifts on the cover design and graphics details. And Suzan Robertson is an incredibly gifted editor. Of course, any mistakes or oversights are my responsibility alone.
Finally, we will very much appreciate a review at your favorite site.
Please keep us in mind and stay in touch as you continue to seek the truth in your own life.
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